Author: Carrie

Title: Should Have Taken Another Week Off

Feedback: Good or bad, I'd like to know what you think. Can be sent to c. T (age 13+)

Pairing: Tony/Kate

Spoilers: Everything up through, and especially, "Twilight," and specific references to "SWAK."

Summary: Tony's first day back at work turned out to be a pretty bad one. What happens in the aftermath?

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. DPB, CBS Television, Belisarius Productions, and other people are the lucky ones who do own NCIS. I might own my sanity, but some days that's debatable. I'm making no profit off of this, so please don't sue. If I have any sanity left, I'd like to hold on to it.

AN: Yet another post-"Twilight" fic. This is part two of three. Additonal notes/comments at the end.

A month later, it caught up to him, and Gibbs called him on it. Standing in one of the unused interrogation rooms, Tony let Gibbs rant, not having the will to argue with him. Plus, Gibbs was right. He had become more reckless, more careless with his own safety. He had been overworked and hadn't been taking care of himself. Many pounds lighter than he had been several weeks earlier, his body less toned, Tony knew that Gibbs had a point.

But frankly, he didn't give a damn.

Finishing his tirade, Gibbs tossed a small card out onto the steel table between them, sat down, crossed his arms, and watched Tony's every move. Tony knew he was free to leave, but knowing Gibbs, he would probably be out of a job if he walked out that door. Sighing, Tony took a seat across from Gibbs and picked up the card. On it was the name of a psychologist, a phone number, and an address.

"Get some help, Dinozzo."

"And if I don't?" Tony questioned.

"That's not an option." Gibbs was not going to let Tony fall, was not going to lose two agents to a single action by one man. "Take some time off, as much as you need. You're a good agent, there will space for you when you're ready to come back."

"Am I being fired?" For the first time, Tony was really concerned.

"No. Medical leave." Looking down, Gibbs sighed before he went on, "I don't think any of us knew how deep things went between you and Kate."

"I don't think I even knew," Tony whispered, pulling the card off the table, holding it in his hands in his lap, his gaze turned downward.

Giving Tony a moment of silence, Gibbs continued, "We all miss her, Dinozzo. Her loss has affected all of us, but you…" he trailed off. He was usually straight-forward when he spoke, unafraid to say anything, but given Tony's fragile emotional state, he hesitated to take his chances.

"Can't get passed it," Tony finished for him. "I know." Leaning back in his chair, Tony spoke some more, "I didn't know how much I cared for her until I had the plague, until she was willing to stay with me when I was sick and she wasn't. Once I realized that she wasn't sick, that she had her mask on so I wouldn't infect her, that's when I realized that I would do the same for her, that she did it because she cared about me." Pausing for a moment, he was forced to blink back a few tears. He hadn't talked about any of this since her death, had tried not to think about it, but it was there, a heavy weight that was settled on his chest, pressing down, making it difficult to breathe normally. "When she took that first bullet, the one that was meant for you, when I saw her lying there… I was so relieved when she got up, and then…"

"It isn't easy, Tony," Gibbs said, reverting to using Tony's first name, given the intensity of the conversation. "But you need to give yourself time. You need to let it hurt."

Nodding, Tony raised his eyes to Gibbs. "How long do I have?"

"As long as you need. You're a good agent, you're good at what you do," Gibbs admitted, one of his few compliments. "I want you to come back, but I don't want you risking your life, or the lives of others, by making stupid decisions, like you have been." Smiling slightly, he added, "And put some weight back on. I don't need to be worrying about whether or not my agent is going to pass out because he hasn't eaten when we're out in the field."

Tony tried to smile at the last comment, but he wasn't sure it ever reached his lips.

Rising from his chair, Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder as he walked past. "This team needs you, Dinozzo. Don't forget that." As he left the room, Tony heard the door shut behind Gibbs, the sound echoing in the small space. Putting his head down on the table, Tony couldn't help but wonder how his life had come to this.

He had watched them in the bullpen, circling, dancing to music only they could hear. Watching them glide over the floor, he couldn't help but wish he was the one holding her; he wanted to feel her soft skin, her gentle weight in his arms. He would hold her close, kiss her softly, never let her go. If he never let her go, she could never be hurt, Ari would never be able to point his gun at her and pull the trigger. They would stay like that, floating on air, safe with each other. If only…

Opening his eyes, he let the sunlight in, the warmth covering his entire body. This was one good thing about being off of work- no phone calls in the middle of the night and sleeping in as late as he pleased. Blinking in the light, he stretched, the linen of his sheets sliding across his body, which was getting ever thinner. Despite his best efforts, which were admittedly pathetic, he had no interest in food. Nothing smelled good, nothing tasted good, and much of what he tried to eat, he couldn't swallow. On a few occasions, what he had managed to get in his stomach hadn't stayed there.

After the confrontation with Gibbs, Tony had called the psychologist. On his first visit, he had signed the consent form, giving the doctor permission to tell Gibbs that he had been there. While no details of their sessions would be released, Gibbs could check up on him, make sure he was attending the sessions, and find out if he was improving. Tony was not going to be allowed to return to work until the good doctor gave him permission.

Closing his eyes, Tony rolled over, pulling the covers up to his chin. He had been having a great dream. He and Kate had been dancing in the bullpen at work. The world had gone on around them, but they were left alone, untouched and unharmed.

The banging on his front door removed Tony from his remembrance of that dream. They were banging awfully hard if he could here it all the way upstairs. Shutting his eyes tighter, he willed them to go away.

When it became obvious they weren't leaving, he slid out of bed and went downstairs, intending to get rid of them, prepared to push them off his porch if necessary. He was not, however, prepared to open the door and see Abby standing there, who was prepared to push her way in.

Catching him off-guard, she entered his home, shut the front door behind them, and embraced Tony in a hug. "How are you doing, Tony?" she asked as she released him from her hold.

"All right," he shrugged.

Noticing Tony's state of undress, Abby said, "Love the outfit. You should wear it everyday." Biting her tongue, she chose not to comment on the weight loss.

"Wasn't expecting company," he shot back, hoping she'd take the hint. He was in no mood to talk to anybody, even her.

"That's too bad," Abby shrugged, moving down the hall to the kitchen. "Because I was going to take you out for a cup of coffee." Cocking her head to the side, she continued as if she could read his mind, "And I still am. Had you been expecting company, you could have already showered and been dressed and we could have been there a little sooner. Teach me to show up unannounced…" she grinned.

As Tony opened his mouth to protest, Abby cut him off, "No excuses, Tony, you are getting out of this house, even if I have to drag you out kicking and screaming."

"It's nice of you to stop by, Abbs, but I'm not going."

Sighing, Abby rolled her eyes. "Didn't I just tell you I would drag you out of this house kicking and screaming if I had to? I may be smaller than you, Tony, but I'm tough, and I mean it, I will drag you. So I suggest you go upstairs and get ready to go." Her voice had lost the joking tone, and Tony was beginning to suspect Gibbs had put her up to it.

"I'm not going," Tony said as he turned from her to go back upstairs.

Behind his back, Abby smiled and said, "That's the spirit! And while you're at it, put on a smile. It looks good on you."

Tony trudged up the stairs, his body feeling as if it weighed several tons.

After a few minutes, Abby heard no movement above her head and figured she had better go check on him. As she got to the top of the stairs, she could see Tony was back in bed, his back to her, the covers pulled up high again. Rounding the corner, Abby took a few running steps into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed, stretching herself out next to Tony.

"I'm not going," Tony grumbled.

Abby remained silent. She had known Tony for too long, and she knew what she was doing.

When she said nothing, Tony lowered the covers a bit and turned around to face Abby.

She had him right where she wanted him. "Please?" she begged, widening her eyes and giving Tony her best pleading puppy-dog, which she had to admit was rather good. "For me? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

Knowing he was a sucker, Tony sighed and got up off the bed, moving towards the bathroom. "Fine. I'll be out in a few minutes."

Abby waited for the door to shut before she smiled.

Later, settling across from each other into two overstuffed yellow chairs, a small black table between them, at the coffee bar down the block from Tony's townhouse, Abby got down to business. They had been quiet on the walk from the house, Abby secretly enjoying the sunshine. Despite her reputation as a lab-rat and her pale skin, she loved to be out in the sun. There was no better natural anti-depressant than sunshine. "You been going to your therapy sessions?" she asked. No sense in dancing around the giant elephant in the room.

"Hasn't Gibbs been checking up on me?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Abby took a sip of her drink. "I don't know. If he has been, he hasn't told any of the rest of us."

At least some parts of his life were staying private at work. "Most of them," Tony responded honestly. There had been a few times where he just hadn't been able to drag himself from the bed to go.

"And they're going okay?" Abby asked, concerned. Tony didn't look good, his skin was pale, he was too thin, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked listless, lost. This wasn't the Tony they all knew. It had been two months since Kate's death, and though it still hurt, the rest of them had managed to go on with their lives, find some way to move on without her.

Tony nodded as he said, "I guess so." Taking a tentative sip of his coffee, Tony waited a beat before he spoke. He hadn't talked to anyone at work since he left. Ducky had called and left a message once when Tony didn't answer the phone, asking him to call back. Tony hadn't. Gibbs hadn't even called to check up on him, though Tony wasn't surprised. He didn't do well with emotional stuff. Kate would have called, had she been able. When he was out sick, recovering from his bout of the plague, Kate had called several times to check on him. He missed her. "She says I'm depressed." Like he needed a doctor to tell him that.

Abby really felt for him. Picking at her muffin, she watched Tony. He was watching everything around him, but unable to meet Abby's eyes. "You'll make it through this, Tony."

"I'm not sure I want to," Tony admitted softly, staring at the muffin Abby had insisted on buying for him. He knew he wasn't going to be able to stomach it and was sorry Abby had wasted her money. "The doctor wants to wait a little while longer before trying drugs, see if I can get past this on my own." Turning his head, he met Abby's gaze for the first time since they had taken a seat.

The lack of life in his eyes was heartbreaking. Abby wanted to go to the doctor and smack her upside the head. If there was ever anyone who needed an extra push to get back on the right track, it was Tony. While she didn't think chemical altering drugs were always the answer, there were times when they could be useful, and to Abby, this seemed like one of those times. For the first time, she found herself really concerned for Tony, and what he was capable of doing to himself.

"Back when I was in high school," Abby began, "I dated a really great guy. He was good looking, smart, talented, kind of like you," she tilted her head to the side and grinned at Tony. "He was going to go somewhere in life, and we all knew it. I was so in love with John, convinced he and I were going to get married after graduation. Anyway, we went out one night, and even though he had downed quite a few drinks, he refused to let me drive his car. That car was his baby, and nobody drove it except him." Looking down, picking at crumbs on her plate, Abby took a deep breath before continuing. Despite the distance of the years, the memory still pained her, and it wasn't something she brought up very often. "John was going way too fast, and I knew it, but there was nothing I could do to stop him."

Looking back up at Tony, she went on, "He was thrown from the car when he hit the tree. They later determined that his seatbelt hadn't been buckled, something I hadn't noticed. I had a few bumps and bruises, a few scratches, but I was fine. John was on the pavement, still alive, though badly broken." Taking a deep steadying breath, Abby sipped her coffee before continuing. "I climbed out of the car and sat with him. John was bleeding everywhere. He had gone head first through the windshield, and broken his back upon landing. His skull was crushed, his lungs punctured…" Shaking her head, Abby averted her eyes. "He didn't have a chance. He was dead long before the paramedics arrived."

Taking a small bite of her muffin, Abby took another deep breath. This wasn't easy for her to admit, and it wasn't something she liked to relive. This had been the worst period in her life. "I couldn't get passed it. I went to his funeral, but couldn't bear to leave after it was over. Leaving meant leaving him. I couldn't get out of bed to go to school, I couldn't eat, nothing would stay down." Grinning slightly, trying to make light of the situation, she added, "It was the most effective diet I've ever been on, though I wouldn't recommend it." Taking another swallow of her coffee, she went on. "Finally, my mom took me to a doctor. He said I was depressed, but didn't want to put me on medication, figuring I would get past it on my own." Shrugging her shoulders, Abby leaned back in her chair.

"And what happened?" Tony asked, curious. He had never known about this part of Abby's past.

"I lost 30 pounds, weight I couldn't afford to lose, failed to pass my classes that year because I quit going and had to repeat my junior year, missed out on a lot of stuff in the lives of my friends, contemplated suicide, ruined what had been a good relationship with my mom, but I made it. The doctor was right. I eventually pulled through. It wasn't easy, though. And I haven't forgotten John. He's always with me."

Nodding, Tony found himself comforted, a little.

"Don't give up, Tony. I know it isn't easy, and I know it seems like things will never get better, but they will. You just have to hold on."

Shaking his head, he whispered, "I'm not sure I want to, Abbs." There had been days when killing himself had seemed like a better option than continuing his life as it was. Some part of him had been glad that he had been forced to turn in his service weapon when he left to go on medical leave. Though he could easily obtain another weapon, it would take more effort than he was willing to give, and having a gun around would make that option seem much more appealing.

"Do you think Kate would want you to give up?"

Tony already knew the answer to that. He had asked himself the same thing many times. Shaking his head, he answered, "No."

"Then do it for her. Someday, you'll have to do it for you, but if it gets you through this now, then do it for her. You know she would want you to go on living. She knew what her job was, she knew that every time she went to work, there was a chance that she wouldn't come home. We all take that risk every day."

Tony knew, and he wouldn't have had it any other way. Though some macho part of him may have wanted to protect Kate, keep her from her job, he knew that doing so would have destroyed a part of her, a part of her that he loved. Her willingness to risk her life to protect and help others was just one of the many things Tony loved about her, and taking that away would have been criminal. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes.

"Gibbs has been putting in a lot of time on his boat." Lacking one team member and having another team member out on medical leave had shaken things up at work. Instead of working as a team, they were all farmed out and used where needed. Though Abby missed working on the cases like they used to, she wasn't sorry to have more time off. She knew that sooner or later, another agent would come in to take Kate's place, Tony would come back, and they'd all work together again. Until then… "He told me the other day he named it after her."

Lifting his head, he looked at Abby. "Kate?"

"Yep," Abby nodded. "He named it Kate." Taking a swallow of coffee, Abby added, "We all process grief in our own way."
"And how have you handled this?" Tony asked.

"I have an appointment tomorrow to get a new tattoo."

"You're hurting yourself to process this grief?"

Shaking her head, Abby rose slightly, lifting her rear end off the seat in order to pull out her wallet. Pulling out a slip of paper, she handed it to Tony. "I'm getting it to remember her."

On the paper was a drawing, two letters bound together by two roses. The letter K had a rose wrapped around it, the bloom hanging downward off the bottom leg of the K. Lower and slightly to the right was a T, with a rose winding upwards, the bloom extending off the upper left portion of the letter, meeting to bind with the other bloom. Underneath was the date, May 25, 2005. The blooms were pink, the stems green, and the letters and the date were a deep purple. Staring at it, Tony felt tears well up in his eyes. It was beautiful. "Where are you getting it?" he asked.

Abby already had one remembrance tattoo, on her hip, for John. "On my left breast, close to my heart, below the butterfly I already have."

Handing the paper back to Abby, Tony asked a question that surprised her, "Can I come with you tomorrow?"

Her face brightening, Abby nodded as she answered, "Of course you can. I'd love to have you with me."

Taking a sip of his own coffee, Tony pondered Abby's newest tattoo. It didn't sound like such a crazy way to remember Kate, although he wasn't sure he wanted something that permanent on his body. And Gibbs had named his boat after her. Perhaps they were on to something, all of them except him. He was just… struggling, drowning in his sadness and loneliness.

"We need you back at work, Tony. We aren't even a team anymore, and we won't be until we get somebody else, whether it's because you come back or somebody comes in…" Abby trailed off, hating to say it.

"To replace Kate," Tony finished for her. He knew how these things worked.

"Take over for Kate," Abby corrected. "Word is that we'll be getting somebody fresh. Even McGee had some experience, but this one will be fresh out of basic training."

"Great, another probie."

"Technically, McGee isn't a probie anymore. He was removed from probationary status a week after you left," Abby said quietly.

"Oh." Tony had known it was coming, sooner or later. And it wasn't that he disliked McGee, it was just that McGee was fun to tease, fun to play with. If it really bothered McGee, Tony would have quit a long time ago. He wasn't that mean. It was like Kate. He always teased her because it was fun, and Kate was always up for a comeback, always had something smart to say. Although, she wouldn't have a comeback for him ever again.

"Gibbs isn't too happy about it. He wants to wait a while, see how we can manage without another agent, but you know how it is, and we need another member." There was a rule at NCIS that teams had to have a certain number of members. Teams were allowed to still function if they were a member short, but only temporarily. At some point, someone new would be brought in. "Even Gibbs can't convince Morrow to leave us alone, though."

"So what are you guys doing now?" Tony asked. Without him, they were two members short.

"What ever needs to be done helping out other teams. And endless mountains of paperwork. You wouldn't believe how much paperwork needs to be done!" Abby sighed. Their jobs weren't all fun and games; sometimes the paperwork had to be filled out.

"So I'm not missing much?"

Shaking her head, Abby responded, "Not really. But we are missing you."

Absently, Tony picked at his muffin, placing a chunk in his mouth, chewing it, and swallowing.

Watching this, Abby was determined to keep Tony talking. He seemed to be doing better now than when she had shown up. Talking, Abby told him about the types of work she and McGee had been doing, and how upset Gibbs was to not be able to handle their own cases. After a while, Tony's muffin was gone, as was Abby's, and their coffee supply depleted. "You want to go for a walk?" Abby asked, hoping for more time in the sunlight and additional vitamin D.

Nodding, Tony rose to his feet, offering to take Abby's plate. Returning them to the girl behind the counter, he couldn't help but notice her. She was short, only about 5'2" or so, her hair was cut short and dyed red, but dark brown roots were showing through, she had multiple holes in each ear, and a bar in her eyebrow. At any other point in time, Tony would have found her attractive, in a bad-girl sort of way, but his heart was still holding on to Kate. Meeting Abby at the door, they stepped out into the sunshine.

As the heat of the day and the sun hit him, Tony felt, for the first time in two months, that he might make it.

I meant to post this earlier in the week, but I hurt my back on Monday, again (I'm too young to be having back problems like this...), and when I had to choose between lying rather comfortably on the couch or sitting rather uncomfortably in front of my computer, the couch won for several nights. The only reason it didn't tonight is because I haven't been home very long and if I were to lie down now, I'd probably go to sleep.

I just wanted to say thanks for all the feedback! It really is appreciated, and I hope this second part lives up to expectations!