A/N: This chapter is so stupid...I love it:D
Remus sat on his bed, reading quietly to himself when his door swung open. Without knocking, Nymphadora Tonks entered and then closed the door behind her but not fully, so that she could peek through the gap. Remus barely registered the woman, let alone the fact that she was wearing a ridiculously short skirt and a rather see-through shirt. She bent over to peep through the crack in the door and Remus looked up briefly.
"You're showing your panties," he muttered into the pages of his book. She spun to him.
"And you're showing your age," she countered; rolling her eyes at the book he was reading.
"Can I ask what you're doing, Nymphadora?"
"Shh," she replied. "Sirius is coming." Lupin blinked at her, puzzled.
"So?"
"So…he thinks we're going to have sex," she whispered to him, and then turned back to her spying. "Ooh, he's coming." She clicked the door to and then bolted it.
"Why would he think that?" Remus asked mildly. Nothing Tonks said shocked him anymore.
"Because I told him so," she said bluntly. Lupin shook his head and went back to his reading. Tonks crossed to the far wall, next to the bed, and pressed her ear against it. She heard her cousin enter the room and close the door. Then she heard the rustled of parchment. The man was murmuring to himself.
"Dementors!" she heard him exclaim. She turned to Lupin.
"Dementors?" she repeated in confusion. Lupin shrugged. Tonks shook her head and returned her ear to the wall. The sound of quill against parchment could be heard.
"He's writing a letter. Who is he writing to?" Tonks hissed.
"Harry probably," Remus said, sounding rather uninterested. Tonks turned to him.
"Look, Mister. Are you gonna play this game or not?" They locked stares. Remus raised his book once more.
"Not."
"Fine," she sighed. "Then I'll have to do it myself." Tonks moved herself away from the wall slightly before throwing herself at it and giving a loud groan. Lupin looked up, startled, to see Tonks wink at him and a grin spread across her face.
"What are you doing?" he asked incredulously.
"We're having sex, Remus," she replied brightly.
"No we're not," he said firmly, flicking through the book as he had lost his page. The young witch pouted at him, before giving another pleasurable moan. The quill scratching stopped. Tonks suppressed a giggle. Remus looked up.
"You won't break him. You're going down."
"Oh, Remus! You're such a dirty talker," she squealed loudly. Remus laughed, closing his book. He began to watch her throw her back against the wall. She gave another moan.
"Ooh, that's it baby yeah!"
Remus didn't know whether to be horrified or amused.
"You're pretty good at this," he commented.
"Oh, I'm very good at this," Tonks responded over-loudly again.
"Do you do this often?" Remus enquired and she stopped and stared at him.
"What? Have sex with myself?…Sure all the time!" Hearing Sirius writing again, Tonks moved to the bed. Remus moved up wearily.
"Relax Lupin, geez," Tonks giggled. She then raised her voice once more. "Remus, I can't deny that I've dreamed of this moment. You and me, in this bed."
"What the hell?" came an exclamation from the next room. Tonks threw her hands over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Remus was also grinning uncontrollably. He licked his lips nervously.
"Ok Nymphadora," he said loudly and clearly. "You and me, in this bed, right now. Let's do it."
Tonks clapped her hands together in glee.
"Thank you," she mouthed to him and he winked at her. Tonks turned to grab the bars of the wooden headboard, and began to bang it against the wall, rhythmically. She started to cry out once more.
"Remus, oh yes! Ooooh, you are so good at this. Yes!" She glanced over at the man, who appeared to have lost interest once more, and was looking around for his book. Tonks kicked him with her nearest foot and he winced.
"Ow!" he exclaimed loudly. She frowned at him.
"Ow?" she mouthed in disbelief.
"I mean…Ooooh," he corrected pleasurably. Tonks nodded.
"Much better," she whispered. Hearing Sirius pacing in the next room, they stopped for a moment. Remus shook his head.
"I don't think he's going to say anything," he told the young witch.
Tonks was also beginning to agree, though she was too proud to mention it. She gave a sigh of annoyance. Come on Tonks, you're so close! She pushed Remus aside on the bed and he banged his head against the wall. ("Hey!") Then, using all the strength she could muster, she rocked the bed with her own body, making the headboard bang against the wall once more and the mattress creak under her weight. Piece of plaster began to fall from a hole in the ceiling. Tonks giggled as it landed on Lupin's book.
"Come on, Remus. Give us a hand." The man reluctantly moved to sit next to her, helping her to move the bed as he continued to read, though refusing to make the incoherent groans that she insisted on making.
"Ooooh, yes. Come on, yes that's it. Yeah! Yeeeees!" She finished with a scream and the bed came to a halt. Lupin was looking at her in bewilderment.
"What the hell was that?" he asked. Tonks shrugged and giggled.
"Oh, I think I turned myself on a little there," she whispered to him seductively.
"Congratulations," he mumbled to his book, clearly impassive. A sudden banging from the other side of the wall caused them both to jump.
"Remus!" came a heated shout from the next room. Tonks turned to Lupin, beaming. "REMUS!"
"Uh oh," Tonks sang. She held out an open palm. "Cough it up, Mr Moony," she laughed. Remus blinked at her, before delving into his pocket to retrieve some coins. He flicked them at her and she caught them merrily. "Pleasure doing business with you," she said with a wink.
"Pleasure was all mine, Nymphadora. This really is unfair," he grumbled unhappily. She pinched his cheek over-affectionately.
"All's fair in lovemaking and war," she sang. The pair froze as they heard Sirius' door bang open. He strode down the hallway heavy-footedly and pounded on the door.
"Remus! Open up!" Sirius growled. Tonks and Lupin looked at each other.
"Quickly," Tonks hissed, grabbing the book from him and sliding it under the bed. She then threw the quilt onto the floor and ruffled the pillows accordingly. Having seen to the bed, she turned to Remus. Tonks grabbed his head and dishevelled his sandy brown hair.
"Hey, do you mind?"
Banging came at the door once more. Next she pulled off his jumper and discarded it into the corner. Then she grabbed her wand and popped off all of Remus buttons. He sat there, astounded. Flicking her wand, she managed to undo his fly with surprising ease. Tonks let out a naughty giggle as Lupin went red.
"REMUS!" Sirius bellowed angrily.
"Be with you in a minute!" Tonks called in her best girly voice. Morphing her nails a centimetre or two longer, she scratched them down Remus' bare chest before he had chance to protest. He gave a shudder.
"Merlin," he whispered. Tonks looked at him sharply.
"Steady on Lupin, let's not get carried away," she chided playfully. However, contrary to her words, she grabbed his head and pressed her lips firmly against his bare neck. Remus gasped, clearly shocked. When it sounded as if Sirius had almost knocked the door off its hinges, Tonks pulled away to admire her handy work.
"Are you quite finished?" Remus breathed heavily.
"Almost," she sang. The witch undid her own buttons with her wand and managed to remove her bra underneath her shirt, showing a hint of cleavage.
"REMUS! OPEN THE GODAMN DOOR!" Sirius roared.
"You'd better let him in," Remus advised and Tonks moved to the door. She played a dark ringlet around one finger as she opened the door to her fuming cousin.
"Can we help you?" she asked innocently. Sirius glared at her.
"You. Out. Now!" he demanded and she obeyed.
"See you later, Rem," She winked at him then laughed as Sirius slammed the door in her face.
"You, sit! And for Merlin's sake do your trousers up!" Sirius' voice could be heard through the door. Tonks beamed as she tapped the coins in her pocket, making them jingle. It had been hard work but it was totally worth it!
A/N: The next chapter is the last. Please review and query my sanity, lol.