The Worst Season of Yu Gi Oh EVER!
One night I was sitting in my living room watching tv and Yu Gi Oh came on. I was all excited because I like Yu Gi Oh and I wanted to watch it, but then my blood began to boil. It was Yu Gi Oh: Waking the Dragons and it was the episode after Joey duels Mai in the Kaiba Corp building. I HATE that season. So while it was on I decided to make a spoof of it and here it is for all to enjoy. Oh yeah and I can't get the little accent thing over Tea's name so I'm going to call her Anzu. And I'm sorry if I misspelled Oricalcose because I have no clue how to spell it.
Disclaimer: I wish
Chapter 1: A Duel In Kaiba Corp
"Mai!" Joey cried, cupping his hands around his mouth, "Mai where'd you go?"
"Wow that was anti-climactic." Tristan said, "I mean really, she just vanished with those biker guys. What a rip off!"
"Yeah but it saved Joey the embarrassing ass kicking he was definitely going to get." Anzu pointed out.
"But I was about to win!" Joey protested.
"Yeah but knowing you, you probably would've done something stupid like attack yourself" Anzu replied. Joey said nothing. He knew it was true.
"It's true. With all the kick ass cards and combos Mai has it's a surprise you even lasted as long as you did." Tristan said
"Hey! That sweet Time Wizard/Dragon magic hammer thing was really awesome though! It was freakin brilliant!" Joey exclaimed, trying to defend himself.
"No Joey, I don't think you had any clue what you were doing. For all you knew that hammer could have exploded and killed us all, and it would've been all your fault. Wow. That must be a lot of pressure." Yugi said. Joey burst into tears and dropped to the ground, hitting his head with his fists.
"Oh Joey, you're so funny!" Yugi said, patting Joey on the back as everyone pointed and laughed at him. "Well, now that we're done killing Joey's self esteem, lets continue breaking into this Kaiba Corp building. It's a good thing that the Kaiba's security system is so cheap a teenager can hack into it. Hey, speak of the devil, what are you doing here Kaiba?"
"I kinda own this building." Kaiba replied.
"Oh yeah." Yugi said
There was silence.
"What are you doing here?" Kaiba asked, "Me, me, me. I'm so cool. I rock."
"Nothin. Just breakin in." Yugi answered.
"Wanna help?" Anzu asked.
"No but knowing how stubborn you bitches are I don't think you'll leave, so I'll help. Me, me, me. I'm awesome. I'm better than you." Kaiba said. And with that the group set off through the building to find whatever they are looking for.
"Okay Yugi, what's going on? Aren't I cool?" Kaiba asked.
"Well, a long time ago when Duel Monsters were real, they lived in Atlantis. You know, Atlantis. The place Milo and his crew found in Atlantis: The Lost Empire. Wow that movie was cool. The girl that blew stuff up was hella tight and the general guy looked majorly hot in his tank top."Yugi said with a dreamy look on his face.
"Yugi what the hell!" Tristan yelled.
"You were looking to!" Yugi cried defensively. Tristan's cheeks turned bright red and he retreated to the back of the group.
"Yugi please, finish the story" Anzu said.
"Fucking hoe..." Yugi muttered, "Anyway there was this epic battle between the monsters and the evil Oricalcose things who were led by Darts. What a funny name. Anyways all the monsters died and Atlantis sank. Pegasus sent me a tape that said that he needed my help and inside the envelope there was a Duel Monsters card with a key on it, so here we are."
"Huh?" Kaiba asked looking up from cleaning his teeth with a toothpick, "Sorry, I wasn't listening. You didn't mention me once in that story so I stopped listening because I just stopped caring. Oh well. Me, me, me. No one is cooler than me." Suddenly, Duke came running up to the group from God-knows-where.
"Okay, there was one door I couldn't open when I broke into the security system. Let's go to it."he said.
"Who the hell is this? Isn't he a lot less cool than me?" Kaiba asked.
"This is Duke. Remember him from Battle City? The guy who is freakishly obsessed with dice?"Tristan said.
"Yeah, and when the Rare Hunters attacked Tristan and Serenity he flicked dice at them. He was surrounded by hard objects that he could have used as weapons, but he flicked dice at them." Joey said, "Dumb ass."And when Joey calls you a dumb ass, you know you are one.
"Let's just go." Yugi said and they set out. A few minutes later they had reached the door.
"You know what's weird? Kaiba, you have owned this company and this building for a long time and you've never known about this door. I mean you are such an arrogant ass hole I'd think it would kill you to not know what's behind one of the doors in your own building." Duke said.
"Yeah but if I really wanted to know what was behind this door I could've just taken some dynamite and blown the crap out of this it, but it's better for the episode's progress if I just had no idea. Besides, I'm to cool to know about this door. I rock." Kaiba said.
"Good point" Anzu said. "Hey! Has anyone else noticed that Rex and Weevil have been following us for a while?"
"Hey! Has anyone else noticed that SHUT THE FUCK UP ANZU!" Yugi screamed. "Anyway, I'd better slide this Duel Monsters card with a key on it through this keycard slot. It must open this door." So he slid the card through the slot and the door opened. Inside they found a room full of life size duel monster replicas. Everyone was looking around the room and Weevil and Rex were peeking "sneakily" from behind the door when a hologram of Pegasus shot up from the floor.
"Good evening Yugi-boy." the hologram said, "God I miss you. Remember out weekend at the cabin...(everyone backed away from Yugi) but that's not the point. So what do you think of this room? I built it myself."
"Maybe if Pegasus could get a girlfriend he wouldn't have so much free time" Tristan whispered to Joey and they both started giggling.
"Now Yugi, I have been attacked and incapacitated and I feel bad for kinda starting this whole mess. Let me tell you the story" Pegasus said.
"Damn." Yugi muttered.
And the Flashback Sequence Rolls
Pegasus is standing in an old Egyptian tomb taking pictures of carvings on a stone tablet.
"As your guide with extensive knowledge of ancient Egyptians I advise you not to do that." Pegasus's guide said.
"Are you still here?" Pegasus asked. "I already told you I'm not paying you so get the fuck out of the tomb."
"Bitch."the guide said as he left.
"Wow. These seem to be incredibly powerful monsters. Hmm. What do these inscriptions say? Don't make us into cards bitches! I'm going to make these into cards!" Pegasus announced to, well, no one. Suddenly, Shadi appeared. I wonder what he wants. If it's anything like the other 3 times he was on the show he will be on for 15 seconds to give some kind of warning.
"Pegasus." Shadi said, "I have come to warn you," Wow. I'm good. "Don't make them into cards. They'll get mad and kill everyone."
"Oh you silly Egyptians." Pegasus laughed. "Always being all paranoid about ancient evils and pharaohs and the end of the world. You should have a TV show. You could be on right after the Simpsons! Now get out of my way. I have to go turn these into cards."
"Ok, but be warned." Shadi said and he disappeared. Pegasus then gathered up his pictures and left. When he got back to the city he assigned one person to paint each of the Egyptian God Cards, but they all died mysteriously so Pegasus decided that the only safe thing to do is make the cards himself. He labored all night and day working on them and it became kinda scary how obsessed he became with making these perfect. But then, guess what. Shadi came back and decided to show Pegasus the tortured place the world would become if those cards fell into the wrong hands. So then he decided to get rid of the cards so they could never be used again. So he buried them. In a box. All three of them together. Now no one will ever be able to find them. Unless they have a shovel. Or one of those high powered digging devices you can find at construction sites. Or hands. Great job Pegasus. No one will ever be able to find them when they're buried beneath one foot of dirt. Child-molesting dumb ass...
And the Flashback Sequence Ends
"So ya, that's what happened. There is also a very helpful card hidden somewhere in this room. I'll give you a hint. It's in the Pot of Greed. Damn! I mean it's in a place you would look to get more cards. Yugi, YOU ARE THE EARTH'S ONLY HOPE! Bye." Pegasus said in an overly dramatic tone, then it sank back into the floor.
"Hey lets check the Pot of Greed!" Tristan suggested.
"I don't know. It could be anywhere." Joey said. Tristan picked up the Pot of Greed just as Weevil dove for it. He missed and stood up with a large piece of metal sticking out of his forehead gushing blood. Comic reliefs are great! Tristan reached into the Pot of Greed and pulled out...a blank card.
"You cheep bastard!"Tristan shouted at the spot where the hologram once stood."I hope you're burning in hell with all your other crappy cards!"
"It doesn't matter how crappy the card he gave me is. As long as we stick together we'll be fine"Yugi said.
"Well bye." Kaiba said.
"WHAT! YOU"RE LEAVING!" Joey yelled.
"I have better things to do. Things all about me. Me, me, me. I'm so cool." Kaiba said
"What are you some kind of fucking parrot!" Joey yelled, "Can't you talk about anything besides yourself?"
"Me?" Kaiba asked with a confused expression on his face.
"That's it!" Joey cried as he dove at Kaiba.
"Joey no!" Tristan said and he grabbed Joey's arms."We all love watching you try to beat up Kaiba, only to have him totally kick your ass in one amazing move, but now is not the time."
"Whatever." Joey said resentfully, but he backed down.
The gang stands wondering how Joey could be such a dumb ass. Joey stands thinking about a monkey playing symbols. Kaiba stands thinking about, three guesses, himself, and Mokuba stands wondering if he'll be noticed in the next episode because I forgot to mention, Mokuba was there to, I just didn't notice him. And the episode fades to black.
And that is it. The epic first episode of The Worst Season of Yu Gi Oh Ever! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me honestly what you think. It's my first fan fic so I need to know what was good and what was bad. Thanks again and have a great day/afternoon/night.