OPERATION B.A.C.K.T.R.A.C.K.E.R. (continued)
Aron City Arcade is a breeding ground of amusement for children excessively burdened with the harsh realities of life. Yet for two people, this reality was more harsh than both of them cared to say, for theirs was a purpose as equal to or greater than amusement…the purpose of vanquishing an evil kindergarten teacher. Deep in the far corner of the arcade where all the older games hung out, Mary filmed Chin trying desperately to do DDR.
"No, no, NO!" cried Mary as Chin tripped over and stumbled for the umpteenth time. "You have to find your center of gravity and do the break dance maneuver 0.11 seconds before the arrow blinks, not 0.21!"
"Argh," Chin murmured as he rubbed the back of his head. "I'm just no good at these precision moves! How do you do it right?"
"Exactly how I said it!" Mary replied haughtily as she brought out a random rubber whip and lashed it to create a swift snap that made Chin cringe. "Now do it, or there will be no more supper!"
"Umm…okay…you're sort of going off the deep end, aren't you?"
"Er…sorry. Anyway, it seems from watching you that your technique seems more suited to an upper body technique."
"And how do you figure that?"
Mary got out a video camera and opened the LCD screen, setting the camera to Playback mode. As she played the video, Chin saw that Mary had started out filming his upper body.
"Now listen carefully," she said seriously. "Your upper body technique is well-refined. You told me you grew up as a…what was it now?"
"Er…a garbage collector," Chin said, remembering Cardinal Rule Three: never reveal your criminal ID.
"Right then. Your long history of lifting garbage bags gives you a powerful upper body build as well as defined muscles and excellent coordination. However, that matters little in DDR, where most physical effort will be concentrated on the lower body, the legs in particular."
"So then…" Mary said as the video continued, showing Chin executing the poorest footwork in the history of DDR newbism, "…the part that matters? It just…well, let me just say that I have bad news, good news, and even better news. First the bad. Your lower body is absolutely horrible at DDR. Then the good: there's plenty of room for improvement, and I know exactly how to help you."
"So what's the even better part?" Chin asked seriously.
"The even better part is…" Mary started out dramatically.
"Yes? YES?"
"…that you're so terrible at DDR, there's no possible way you could get any worse than where you are now!"
Chin made a rousing cheer as May rolled her eyes disappointedly.
ARON CITY, JAPANTOWN AREA…
"Ooh, ooh!" a loud and shrill voice shouted from the direction of an anime video and toy store. "Get me that one! Oh please, get me that one!"
The pounding of two sets of feet could be heard inside the novelty store as a bearded old man in casual wear with a purple-haired teenage girl ran frantically throughout the floor, much to the dismay of the clerks and manager.
"I've almost completed my collection!" the same voice cried. "Please, oh PLEASE buy me that one! I need the little black bird and the kitty in overalls! And please get me a big plushie too!"
"You know…" the other person replied, "…we really should start saving money…Dr. Royal."
"But Lumine!" Dr. Royal squealed with a puppy-dog expression as he pointed at the few plushies he needed for his collection. "I wanna have the complete set!"
"Er, isn't this a bit childish for someone your age, Dad?"
"I've seen worse," muttered Blind as she shook her head, as Lumine wondered how this was possible for her to see anything. Blind was, after all…well, blind.
"Childish?" Royal said, suddenly becoming determined. "I'm thinking investment here! Who knows what this will be worth in a few years, when production no longer continues? You're talking to the one guy who bought up every Chibi Darth Vader at every local Burger King and never unwrapped them! How else do you think I fund the Royal Three?"
"Granted," Lumine murmured, closing her eyes. "But…I can't help but wonder how Chin is doing."
"Indeed," Royal wondered, becoming serious for once. "I've little doubt he has most of the mission covered, since he's training with an Intercontinental Champion to defeat someone who's really quite the opposite on the difficulty spectrum…but still, we really ought to go in case he can't handle her."
"For once, Dad, you're on to something," Lumine nodded.
"It would be wise to have a plan B," a looming golden cybernetic Net Navi known as Prometheus echoed in a booming voice from Royal's PET.
"Th-that's the first time I've ever heard him talk," Blind stammered, understandably surprised.
"Of course he does, all the time," Royal shrugged. "He's a little shy around other people though, so he'll only talk if I say something smart enough, and then he won't be embarrassed to have a master as inept as me!"
"Pitiful is the one who is inept and knows it," Prometheus boomed while raising one of his cybernetic arms, "…but even more so is the one who is unaware of said ineptitude."
"I have no idea what you just said…" Royal muttered, "…but it's best if we accompany Chin as backup. That good idea warrants a plushie to complete my collection."
Lumine grunted as she busted out her almost maxed-out credit card…and the sad thing was, most of her charges were for gifts made for Royal. The sooner the Royal Three got more funds, the better.
THE NEXT DAY, RECESS HOUR AT SMILEY TIME KINDERGARTEN…
It was zero hour at the adorable little school facility…and unfortunately, Chin and Mary had gone AWOL. The children lowered their heads in defeat as the thought of losing in DDR yet again loomed high over their heads. Their one true savior had gone missing, and there was no one else…or was there?
"So where is he?" shrieked Madoi as the adorable kindergarteners cowered in fear as Lumine and Royal nervously glanced at her, then at their watches. Hovering menacingly over her students like a fog of war on a battlefield, Madoi continued, "Where is Chin, this great hero of yours?"
"I…I guess he's not coming after all…" Royal murmured. "Maybe he really was a hopeless case…it looks as though we're doomed for now."
"Give him five more minutes," Lumine whispered. "I'm sure he'll come…"
"It's already been ten minutes…recess ends in ten more! We won't have time!" Royal hissed.
"Then I suppose we'll have to take matters into our own hands!" Lumine shouted as she stepped forward to challenge Madoi. "Are you up for it, Blind?"
"She looks like an easy victory to me," Blind shrugged as Royal thought to himself while his eye twitched, "…Can you even SEE what she looks like?"
"Uh-oh…" Color Man moaned. "This one looks like a challenge…"
"As the challenger," Madoi shouted while pointing at Lumine, "YOU get to pick the song. Smiley Time rules."
"I pick…Candy!" Lumine cried as she picked what had to be the fastest-paced, most hectic song in all of DDR. "Normal difficulty!"
"Y-you're kidding, right?" Royal murmured. "That's the hardest one…I think it's a Secret Level or something."
"Yup, I've been practicing," Lumine whispered back. "Now, Madoi, what say we get this thing on so we can stop your bullying and go home already?"
"Fine by me."
And so the tournament began as both strapped on their Navi Synchronization boots. Madoi struggled to move her feet to the hectic flurry of arrows making their way to the top of the screen, wondering if Lumine was doing any better…
…then she looked over at her.
Lumine had dominated this match from the start, executing break dance moves maneuver by skilled maneuver as though she were a professional veteran gamer. The kindergarteners couldn't help but gaze at her in wonderment, as though she were single-handedly climbing Mount Everest. Royal was completely out of the loop as to how she became so talented, as evidenced by his next question: "How did you become so TALENTED?"
"I've been practicing," Lumine smiled as she effortlessly nailed a mini-somersault.
"For what?"
"BOYS!" Lumine grinned in response as Royal gave up all hope of ever understanding teenage women.
"I can't believe it…I'm losing!" Madoi cried. "Then again…she IS a teenager!"
"I suppose this means she doesn't stand a chance against any opponent more intelligent than a kindergartener," Royal thought to himself, then asked the next obvious question: "…But what does this say about Chin…not that I need it spelled out for me now, of course?"
The song almost over, the machine suddenly turned off as all the lights dimmed. A thunderous boom echoed throughout the room as Chin and Mary burst open the door and shouted in a deep and booming voice: "STOP THE MATCH. WE'RE TAKING OVER."
"Argh," Royal murmured as he slapped his head.
"We ALMOST made it…" Blind thought to herself as she logged out of the DDR machine.
"Did he improve at all?" Lumine asked frantically.
Mary looked at Chin, then at her, and replied slowly: "Not even one tiny, little bit."
"So how does he expect to win, then?"
"Well…the training was good for SOMETHING…"
At that moment, the lights turned on again as Chin entered the room…and everyone could see he was in a wheelchair with bandaged-up legs.
"That's right!" Chin shouted with determination. "Thanks to all the leg injuries I suffered during DDR training, at least I have an excuse not to beat you with my weaker LOWER body!"
"Urk…I guess the training sort of helped…" murmured Royal.
"Well then, Cyber Man, are you ready?" Chin said as he turned to his little red friend.
"Whenever you are!" Cyber Man replied as he jumped up and down rather cutely.
With that, Chin brought out a hand-held wireless game controller and plugged it into his PET as he shouted with much determination and vengeance: "YOU CAN DO IT!"
"Adopting a handicap strategy to defeat an opponent as equally powerful as he is?" Blind said to Lumine. "They are the impressive little things, are they not?"
"Well, they didn't use handicaps by their OWN will…" Lumine muttered as her eyes twitched.
"Once again!" Chin shouted. "Ring Around the Rosey!"
And so the music began as Cyber Man's hands attempted to match the movement of Color Man's tiny little feet. Judging by the matching of both of their rhythms, the two DDR competitors were evenly matched.
"It seems they can compete equally for now…" Royal observed. "Then again, this is only the first stretch."
"Later on," Mary continued, "the training will show its true valor! All we have to do is wait."
The second chorus began and suddenly the arrows began arriving more and more hectically. Both Chin and Madoi found themselves and their Navis caught up in a frenzy of handwork and footwork to meet the arrows as they found their way towards the top of the screen. What followed was sheer madness as Chin nearly burnt out his handheld controller trying to manipulate Cyber Man into SOME kind of dance. Clearly his only saving grace was that Madoi seemed to be having trouble herself.
"Argh…no strength at all…" Chin murmured, as for some reason his PET began to glow a mysterious bright red. "How is it I'm still losing? Perhaps I am hopeless after all…"
"Y-you're going to l-lose…" Madoi huffed as she slowly and exhaustedly continued the third chorus. "…and you'll have to try again t-tomorrow…"
"W-wait a minute…" Chin thought to himself. "Now I know the reason I've been trying so hard…I've only been using ONE hand to tackle the buttons on the right side of my controller! Talk about right under your nose!"
With that, he brought his left hand from the arrow keys on the controller's left side to the action buttons on the right, so that both of his hands were now operating the DDR buttons. As he waited for the fourth chorus, he turned to Madoi and muttered ominously, "LET'S BRING THE PAIN."
"Urk…" Madoi stammered.
As the fourth chorus began, Chin showed the true power of a DDR player using both hands, demonstrating sheer professionalism as he manipulated Cyber Man into a series of well-executed break dance moves. Color Man could only stare in awe as he attempted to do the same…but almost tripped over himself trying. It had to be that stupid ball of his; he just knew it.
"Argh!" Madoi shrieked as her inevitable loss finally came at the end of the instrumental sequence, by which Cyber Man had topped off his routine with a very cool thumbs-up signal. "I…I can't believe I finally lost to someone!"
"That's life," Chin shrugged.
Mary turned to Lumine and whispered, "You know…using his hands, I dare say he could almost be as good as we are…am I right, Lumine, Japan Welterweight DDR Champion?"
"You bet, Mary Towa, Intercontinental Champion three years running," Lumine whispered back as she grinned slightly.
AFTER SCHOOL HOURS…
"…As promised…" Madoi murmured in a defeated manner, "…I release the children from my bullying and they're free to enjoy their recess. In turn, the kids agreed among themselves to stop tormenting ME."
"Well of course they should!" Royal shouted. "From what we've heard, you're the one that started tormenting them to begin with! Granted, this was a part-time gig while you were still under Wily's influence, but still…shame on you!"
"Anyway, the case is settled," Madoi said with a smiley wink as she started to walk away. "I'm off to the Aron City Arcade to torment people MY age. I'll see you guys around, 'kay? Ja'ne!"
With that, she was on her way, and the Royal Three, Mary, and Helen Towa faced each other to say THEIR goodbyes.
"Thank you for what you did for me," Mary said with a courteous bow as she brought out her wallet. "Here…my dad said in the rare case that you would win, he would give you this as compensation…so here, you guys clearly earned it."
"A gift card credited for Ten thousand Zenny?" cried Royal. "This is a dream come true!"
"Indeed, our dad is a successful cosmetician!" Helen said smilingly as she perked up. "Consider this your reward for a job well done. We know we can count on you guys in the future, so we'll probably be giving you some requests now and then."
"Heh, no problem with that," Royal murmured happily as he caressed the gift card's plastic body.
"My master is a slave to money," Prometheus boomed just before Royal put his PET into Sleep Mode to quiet his authoritative yet gossip-loving Navi.
With that, Mary and Helen sent their separate ways.
"You're quite a good Navi, Cyber Man!" Chin grinned as he turned to his little red Navi. "I'll be counting on your power a lot more now."
"I'm up for it!" squealed Cyber Man gleefully.
THE NEXT DAY…
"You guys! You guys!" Royal shouted eagerly as he made his way into the Greasy Hawg Brewery's lobby. "We just got a check for ten thousand more Zenny!"
"H-how?" Lumine cried.
"Yeah, we didn't even do anything since the last heist," Chin shrugged.
"I smell something humiliating coming up…" Cyber Man muttered as he looked to the ground.
"Royal…" Blind inquired nervously, "…what exactly did you do this time?"
"Well…" Royal murmured as he rubbed the back of his head, "…you know that show, Aron City's Funniest Videos Ever?"
A lightning bolt struck off in the distance as Chin got up from his seat, an angry look on his face.
"…I submitted the video that Mary took of you practicing DDR…and whaddaya know, we won!"
And so, as Chin chased Dr. Royal madly throughout their headquarters, Royal thought to himself, "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to help."
At that moment, Greasy Hawg Brewery's separate phone line for criminal requests rang and it became apparent to Lumine that neither Chin nor Royal could answer it. Therefore, she took matters into her own hands.
"Hello? Royal Three Villains for Hire?"
"Ohmagawd, someone finally answered!" replied a young voice on the other side of the line.
"Your accent…Western?"
"Yep, missie. Anyway, I've got a new task for you. My name's Billy Bronson II from Amerope and I have a problem with this lady named Tamako Shiraizumi."
"Go on…" Lumine said as Chin and Royal listened in. Everyone had taken a sudden interest in this conversation; after all, this was THE Billy Bronson II, son of Billy Bronson I (obviously) and heir to the Bronson cattle and horse ranching fortune.
Billy continued unsurely: "Well, she keeps borrowing my cows and saying she'll return them someday, but then she never gets them back. I don't know what she's doing with them, and I need you guys to come to my ranch and find out what Tamako is doing with my cows. Come to Terminal 66 at the Aron City Airport tomorrow. I'll meet you outside in my private jet."
"Wait a minute…let me get something straight here," Royal suddenly popped in as he shook his head. "You have a PRIVATE JET?"
"Just come to Terminal 66 tomorrow, at twelve o' clock high noon," Billy replied after rolling his eyes, and then he hung up the phone and let the Royal Three contemplate their new task.
Royal closed his eyes and lowered his head as he spoke to the rest of his team, "Get packed and rested, people, for we've got an important mission ahead. Yes, tomorrow…"
And so Royal continued while looking up at the sky with determination:
"…we're riding on a private jet."
END OF OPERATION