Title: Collapse - Part 1
Series: Part 12
Rating: R
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Category: Romance/Angst
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Strong sexuality and graphic sexual dialogue.
**********
Putting a few finishing touches on her makeup before Lana's party at the Talon, Chloe thought about all the drastic changes in her life over the past few years. She couldn't quite decide if the changes were good or bad. Not that she was unhappy with the direction her life had taken, quite the opposite, but it always seemed like good things came at the cost of other good things. She wouldn't give up her internship at the Daily Planet for the world, and she was thrilled that Pete was becoming interested in her.
But she missed the innocent days. The days when she, Clark, and Pete were the Three Musketeers, when they were just three friends who could tell each other anything. The days before those pesky hormones were thrown into the mix, knocking everything completely off balance. The days before Phelan got involved in Clark's life and Clark was subsequently plucked from Smallville for such a long time.
The days before Lex.
Chloe looked at the photograph standing in the corner of her dressing table mirror. It was a picture of herself, Clark, and Pete on their first day of high school. She was standing in the middle of the two boys with her arms around both and they all had genuinely happy smiles on their faces. She tried not to think it, but somewhere in the edges of consciousness, there was always the nagging idea that things would have stayed that way if Lex Luthor had never come to town.
Sure, Clark may still have killed Phelan. But then Mrs. Kent panicked and Lex happened to be in the right place at the right time to go along with her plan. If only Lex hadn't been there, if only millionaire, power-strutting, private jet owning Lex Luthor hadn't been standing in the doorway of Kent Farms when Clark made the biggest mistake of his life, just maybe Mrs. Kent would have called the police instead. They could have pleaded self-defense and gotten Clark off the hook.
But it just didn't happen that way. And everything changed after that. Chloe and Pete continued to be close friends, but it was different, more formal. They both had a hard time letting themselves go after Clark left, feeling it wouldn't be right to have a good time when Clark was off somewhere suffering. Then there was the added difficulty of Chloe's developing body. As soon as she started to blossom, Pete had an even harder time talking to her as just a friend. And being short a male best buddy to ask for advice, Pete became more and more distant, only hanging out with Chloe when it was her idea, only coming around to the Torch when it was absolutely necessary.
But Clark returned. He didn't look much different and he still had that killer smile and Chloe was ready to pick up where they left off, the problem being that Clark became even more detached than Pete. That is until some time in July.
Chloe hadn't even noticed the change herself until Lana pointed it out in the Talon. Chloe had been pretty busy driving back and forth to Metropolis twice a week, and the few times that she did call Clark, he was either at school or just "out." Up until Lana voiced her own concerns, Chloe had figured that "out" was Mrs. Kent's diplomatic way of saying that he was with Lana, not that it made much difference to Chloe these days. A year and a half of not seeing a person is a pretty good way to get over a crush that wasn't even that big to begin with. She purged her feelings for Clark long before he came home.
Lana, however, didn't seem to be having much luck with Clark herself, and that was what led Chloe to show up at Clark's house about a week after the day in the Talon. By some stroke of luck, he was actually home, taking a nap in the loft with a rather suggestive smile dancing across his lips.
**********
Chloe sat down on the couch next to Clark causing him to stir and then slowly open his eyes, the goofy smile never leaving his face. He tilted his head to the side, realizing that he wasn't alone.
"Oh hey, Chloe."
"Dreaming about Lana?" Chloe asked, knowing for a fact that he hadn't been.
Clark's brow furrowed for a brief moment. "I, uh, don't remember." He sat up and rubbed his hands over his face, yawning deeply. "What's up?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing."
He moved his legs to the floor, giving Chloe some more room on the couch next to him and continued to look at her blankly.
Some things never change, she thought.
"I haven't talked to you in a while," she went on. "I just wanted to know how things are going."
"Fine," Clark said as he started playing with a stray thread from the quilt on the back of the couch.
Chloe sighed in mock annoyance. "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"
Clark's eyebrows raised innocently. "Make what easy?"
Chloe got to her feet and walked across the loft toward Clark's desk, facing away from him. She had no problem blurting out the reason for her questions, but it still seemed easier if she wasn't making direct eye contact.
"I know you've found someone, Clark, and frankly I'm a little hurt that you haven't shared the details. So spill. Who's the lucky girl? And don't say Lana, because I know it isn't her."
She took a deep breath, preparing herself to hear his answer. She truly believed she didn't have feelings for him anymore, but this was old and familiar territory. She needed to tread carefully. As close as Chloe and Clark had been, she always seemed to be out of the loop in terms of his love
life, and that hurt. Not because she loved him, but because she thought that as a friend she deserved to know. She always felt so foolish when she found out people were keeping things from her, like her training in journalism should have helped her figure out the truth sooner, or even more hurtful, that people just didn't trust her.
After a long moment of these thoughts, she realized that Clark hadn't answered. In fact, he was deathly silent. She turned around slowly, almost expecting to find the couch empty. But Clark was still there, though he obviously wished he wasn't. His shoulders were slumped, his toes were
turned in toward each other, and the expression on his face was one of pure defeat.
"Clark?" Chloe came closer. "What is it?"
Clark remained silent for a long time, almost like he was weighing his options. Chloe squeezed her legs together, resisting the urge to push, knowing it would only make him retreat. After a long pause, Clark spoke very softly.
"Why does everyone have to assume…" He trailed off.
Chloe sat next to him on the couch, the temptation to touch him overwhelming. There was nothing quite as painful as the sight of Clark in silent torment and she wanted more than anything to make it better. But she didn't know the boundaries anymore. Everything was different now and she decided to keep her hands to herself until she knew if her comfort was welcome.
"Assume what, Clark?" she asked gently.
A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly. "It's not a girl," he whispered, immediately getting up from the couch and taking his turn at the desk.
"Okay," Chloe replied apologetically, still not quite understanding. "I've been noticing the changes in you lately and I just figured you were seeing somebody. But if I was wrong…"
"I am seeing somebody," Clark stated.
"But you just said—"
"I just said it's not a girl."
Chloe's mouth hung open as the pieces started coming together. "It's not a girl," she repeated slowly. Clark turned around and looked into her eyes as if to affirm her statement. Chloe looked back at him for a moment before attempting to stutter her next question. "Wh-who—"
Clark cut her off with a sharp sigh, folding his arms across his chest.
"Right," she nodded. "Of course. It's Lex. Why didn't I see it coming a mile away?"
She got up from the couch and headed for the stairs, but Clark stopped her.
"Chloe, wait. Talk to me."
"What do you want me to say, Clark? That I'm happy for you?"
"Well… yeah."
An ironic laugh escaped Chloe's throat as her own eyes started to burn. "Well, congratulations then. I'm happy that you're happy. And I'm happy that you've been keeping things from me, and I'm happy that you're getting in way over your head."
"Chloe, that's not fair."
"Isn't it, Clark? I thought friends are supposed to trust each other."
"I do trust you!"
"So why is it that I'm always the last one to know? Tell me, Clark, who got to hear the dirt before I did? Pete? Lana? The Smallville Ledger?
"Nobody heard about it, Chloe, because you're the first person who actually cared enough to ask!"
Clark's chin trembled and he turned away from her again. She remained where she was for a moment, feeling like the most selfish person who ever lived. Once she regained her ability to speak, she went to Clark's side, placing her hand on his shoulder lightly.
"Clark, I'm sorry…"
"No, I'm sorry. I know that this is a big deal and I've wanted to tell you every day since it started. I was just so scared."
"Scared of what? That I'd be grossed out? That I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore? Please, Clark, I can think of a lot worse things than a same sex relationship."
The end of her sentence had a hint of laughter in it and Clark started to smile as Chloe kept her hand on his shoulder. He finally turned around and hugged her tightly.
"Thank you, Chloe."
She remained in his embrace as long as she could before she started becoming dizzy. "Clark," she croaked. "Can't... breathe..."
"Oh!" Clark quickly let her go, laughing apologetically as he held her by the shoulders to make sure she was okay. She nodded, indicating that she was fine. Then she took his hand and led him back to the couch.
"So talk to me. I want to hear it all." And make sure you're not being taken advantage of, she added silently.
"Gosh, Chloe, I don't even know where to begin," Clark said with a wistful smile. "There's so much I've wanted to say, and now that I finally have someone to talk to I'm drawing a blank."
Chloe put a reassuring hand on Clark's arm. "Start with when you first got back. I could have sworn I sensed some weird vibes every time someone mentioned Lex's name around you. And I don't mean lovey-dovey weird."
Clark's smile dropped like a wet towel as he nodded his head sadly. "I was really angry with Lex for a while there."
"But... he saved your life."
"I know. But there was so much I didn't understand. I guess when I found out how much time had passed, I lashed out and held Lex responsible."
Chloe squinted one eye. "What do you mean 'when you found out?'"
An ephemeral expression of panic fluttered across Clark's face, but it was gone so quickly that Chloe wasn't sure she had actually seen it. "Well-- I mean I was gone for so long, that whenever I thought about it, it was like finding out for the first time."
She look at him steadily, noting his inability to look back as his fingers resumed their nervous dance along the quilt. Again Chloe reminded herself that pushing Clark was the worst thing she could do, but she would be damned if she would sit there and pretend she didn't know he was lying. "Hmm," was her simple reply.
"Anyway," Clark sputtered on, "we're over that now."
"So it would seem. What made you finally soften up?"
For the second time, the sadness arose in Clark's eyes, but this time accompanied by a strong sense of love and pride. "When I found out how much he cared about me, how far he was willing to go to protect me. Chloe, he called on one of his father's men to get the murder charges dropped."
Chloe shrugged her shoulders. "So? If I had his connections, I'd make use of them for the sake of a friend too."
"You don't understand. He went behind his father's back to do it." Chloe was still nonplussed. "Lionel has this complex about people sneaking around, especially people that are close to him. He wants to make sure everyone knows that he'll always find out."
"And he found out about Lex," Chloe said.
"Yeah," Clark agreed, his voice becoming softer. "And he had Lex beaten up."
Chloe blinked, startled at the revelation. She always knew that Lex cared about Clark, but to do something so brave, so selfless...
"Was it... bad?" she asked.
Clark nodded. "Lex has taken his fair share of abuse in this town, but I've never seen him like that. It was awful," he finished in a whisper.
They sat in silence for a few moments, Clark immersed in the memory, Chloe letting the new information sink in. She was the next one to speak.
"So that was it? You apologized and told him you were in love?"
"Not quite," Clark said, chuckling a little. "We had a few ups and downs after that. There were a few things to work through, like the fact that I didn't even realize I was in love until my mom told me."
"Your parents know?!" Chloe nearly leaped.
"Sssh!" Clark turned around to see if his dad was anywhere in sight. "Keep it down. My mom knows, yeah. We're still waiting for the right time to break it to my dad."
"Break it to him, huh? You make it sound like someone is dying."
"Someone might as well be, in my dad's eyes," Clark said, lowering his head.
"No, Clark, don't say that. You know, my cousin is gay, and he went through the same thing. His mom knew months before his father."
"How did his father take it?"
"It was rough, but they got through it. Last I heard, his father had actually started inviting my cousin's boyfriend over to dinner."
Clark sighed. "Knowing my dad, I'll be lucky if he doesn't get a restraining order on Lex. Or worse."
"Clark..." Chloe said pointedly. "I don't want to hear anymore of that negativity. Everything is going to be fine. And I think it's good that you're letting everyone know one at a time, breaking the town in, so to speak." A sudden hint of mischief sparked in Chloe's eyes. "Although, the Back-to-School Bash at the Talon is just a week away. Maybe we could turn it into a Coming Out Party."
"Don't even go there, Chloe" Clark warned
"Come on, I'm sure Lana wouldn't mind."
"All right, that's it." Clark took one of the cushions from the couch and bopped Chloe in the face.
"Hey!" Chloe said, laughing. "It was just a friendly suggestion!" She grabbed the cushion from Clark's grip and returned the blow.
They both collapsed into a fit of giggles and by the time they were calming down, they both had tears in their eyes. Eventually, their breathing returned to normal and Chloe squeezed Clark's hand.
"Man, I haven't laughed like that in... This is nice, Clark. Thank you for letting me in."
"Thank you for making me," Clark replied, earning a dirty look. "No, really. I'm glad I have someone to talk to. So what do you say? Can we start being best friends again?"
Clark stuck out his hand to shake on it. Chloe placed her smaller hand in his and smiled.
"We never stopped, Clark."
**********
After that, Clark had spoken more about his relationship with Lex. Nothing really specific, just his feelings in general. Chloe had never seen him so happy. She tried to be happy for him and she was pretty sure he believed that she was.
But she was worried. Lex had so much more life experience than Clark and she wasn't sure she trusted the situation. Even if Lex really did love Clark, how could she be sure he wouldn't hurt him anyway? You could just never tell with the Luthors. And despite how happy Clark was, she could feel him changing, as though he were outgrowing his life in Smallville. Not that she could blame that entirely on Lex.
But she decided the moment she left the hayloft that she was going to be keeping a very close eye on them both, starting with the party. Just then the doorbell rang.
"I got it, Dad!" she called out as she jogged through the hallway and down the stairs to the front door. It was Pete.
"Ready?" He smiled brightly at her.
"Absolutely."
**********
Martha was coming down the stairs when she heard the screen door shutting in the kitchen.
"Finally," she called into the other room. "I thought you'd never finish up out there."
She turned the corner and stopped short as she saw Jonathan wiping his hands on a dish towel, his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, and his arms and T-shirt completely covered in grease. He looked at her innocently, as though he didn't comprehend the look on her face.
"What?"
"You haven't even showered! We're going to be late for the party!"
"I'm not going," Jonathan said casually as he brushed past his wife and opened the fridge.
"What do you mean you're not going? We promised Clark and Lana we would chaperone."
"I'm sure there'll be plenty of chaperones without me. I need to go to the hardware store anyway, get a part for the motorcycle."
He grabbed a carton of orange juice and took a long swig from it. Annoyed, Martha went to the cupboard and took out a glass. She held it out to Jonathan and he shook his head.
"Carton's almost empty. I'll just finish it off."
Before he could do so, Martha swiped the carton out of his hand and slammed it down on the counter. Jonathan turned his head with a start.
"A part for the motorcycle?" Martha asked quietly. "You mean the motorcycle you haven't driven in months?"
"Now, Martha, you know I've been meaning to--"
"Tonight of all nights? Right now? Jonathan, what's going on?"
"Nothing is going on."
He turned away from her, but she grabbed his arm tightly, digging her nails into his skin just enough to get his attention.
"Something is going on and you're not leaving this room until you tell me what it is. You've been cold and withdrawn, you haven't said much more than a few polite words to your son in over a week, and I want to know why."
Jonathan turned back to her, taking a deep breath as he thought of Clark and Lex in the loft together, Lex running his hands up and down Clark's body, kissing him, whispering his name. And the look on Clark's face, the look of pleasure, of need...
Jonathan held back a shudder.
"Look, sweetheart, I just think my presence isn't really necessary at this party. Clark and Lana have already arranged everything, there will be no shortage of responsible adults, and I really don't feel like rubbing elbows with Lex Luthor if I don't have to."
Martha closed her eyes as she exhaled sharply and Jonathan immediately wished he could take that last part back.
"Now we're getting to it," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Wait, that didn't come out the way I--"
"No, I think that came out exactly the way you meant. Jonathan, when are you going to get over this?"
"There is nothing to get over," Jonathan blurted. "I just think we should be more careful."
Martha let out an exasperated laugh. "More careful? If Lex were going to hurt us, don't you think he would have done it by now? He knows everything there is to know about our family and he hasn't used it against us once. Why do you insist on holding onto this grudge?"
"He's a manipulator, Martha, and I don't think we should have anything more to do with him."
"Well, that 'manipulator' saved our family! He brought our little boy back to us and he makes Clark happier than he's ever been!"
"Clark is confused!" Jonathan shouted back. "He doesn't know what he wants and Lex is playing on his vulnerability!"
"You don't know what you're saying..."
"I know exactly what I'm saying! And I know exactly what I saw!" Martha took a step back as her breath caught in her throat. "That's right," Jonathan said, lowering his voice. "Lex is trying to seduce Clark."
This time Martha turned away. "Lex is not trying to seduce Clark," she said softly.
"You weren't there, Martha," he said to the back of her head. "I watched it happen. I stood there and watched as Lex put his hands all over Clark. Kissing him, calling him his 'beautiful boy.'" Martha winced at the disgust in Jonathan's voice. "You want to know why I've been so quiet? Well, there it is. I've been lying awake every night trying to think of the best way to approach this situation but, God help me, my shotgun is looking like a pretty reasonable option right about now!"
"Damn it, Jonathan, they're in love!"
Shaking, Martha slowly turned to look at her husband. His face was a frightening shade of red as he took two dangerous steps closer.
"What did you just say?"
"You heard what I said," Martha forged ahead. "Lex is not taking advantage of Clark. They're in love."
Jonathan looked like he was ready to start breaking things, but he kept his voice calm. "Do you mean to tell me that you knew about this?"
"Jonathan, I wanted to tell you, but I knew that you would be angry. I--"
"You're damn right I'm angry!" Martha jumped at his violent outburst. "Clark and Lex are running around in some kind of twisted little affair under my nose, on my property, and you don't even have the decency to tell me what the hell is going on?"
"It's not twisted, Jonathan, it's perfectly normal!"
"Well, I'm sorry, but I can honestly say I've never seen a farmer's son kissing another man."
"That's because we live in a small town. Yes, it seems odd in this environment, but in a place like Metropolis you see this kind of thing every day!"
Jonathan laughed cruelly. "Metropolis, huh? That figures. Somehow I knew your breeding couldn't stay hidden forever."
"Excuse me?" Martha asked slowly.
"You with your rich parents and your big city values. When I first started dating you, my mother told me to be careful. She warned me that people raised in the city were different from us, that they had a completely backwards set of morals."
"Oh, now your calling me immoral?"
"What I'm saying is that Smallville is my home and we do things differently here! Now, I don't much care what they're teaching their children in Metropolis, but in this town and in this house, we operate on a strict code of ideals and traditions, and I will be damned if I let that slick son of a bitch turn my son into sniveling, limp-wristed sex toy!"
Before he even saw it coming, Martha slapped Jonathan across the face, stinging his skin so badly that his left eye began to water.
"Our son is old enough to be making that decision on his own," she half-whispered, her voice quaking. "And if I ever hear you talk about Lex like that again..."
"You'll what?" Jonathan challenged, a tear running down his cheek.
Martha looked at him for a long time, her face burning.
"I have a party to go to," she finally said, grabbing her purse from the counter and walking toward the door. "Good luck with your bike."
The door slammed behind her causing the windows to rattle, leaving Jonathan standing alone in the middle of the kitchen, clenching and unclenching his fists.
**********
Clark sat on the edge of Lex's bed, smiling brightly as Lex came out of the bathroom looking sophisticated, sexy... and entirely inappropriate.
"A suit, Lex?"
"A leisure suit," Lex corrected.
"But it's still a suit. It's too dressy. I told you the party will be casual."
"I'm part owner of the Talon, Clark, it wouldn't do for me to show up in jeans."
"Lana's part owner too, and she won't be dressed up."
"Lana is a high school student, she can get away with it. I have an image to protect. Besides, we need to be able to tell the guests and the chaperones apart."
Lex walked to the mirror above the dresser and began to adjust his collar. Clark came up behind him, softly wrapping his arms around Lex's middle.
"You're not a chaperone, Lex." He buried his face in Lex's neck, teasing the skin lightly with his tongue.
"Well, I'm not really a guest either. It's not like I'm going with a date," Lex muttered.
"You're going with me," Clark responded, smiling through his kisses as he felt the skin of Lex's face begin to heat up in reaction to his touch.
"I'm riding with you," Lex said breathily. "Not exactly the same thing."
"Then we'll just tell the driver to take the scenic route. Who knows what kind of trouble we could get into in the back of that limo, given enough time?"
Lex laughed, finally giving in to Clark's attention and leaning into the warm body behind him.
"Just imagine it," Clark went on, chewing on Lex's ear. "A stretch limo waiting at a red light at the intersection of 23rd and Main, all the passersby staring at the tinted windows, wondering who could be inside. And little would they know that not even 10 feet away from where they stand, you'd have me bent over the mini bar, fucking me like it was the end of the world."
"Oh, my God," Lex moaned as Clark's hands wandered down his stomach.
"You like that don't you?" Clark teased. "The idea of having me right there, with all those people around?"
"I sense you're not entirely against the idea, yourself, Clark. You're becoming quite the little exhibitionist."
"What can I say?" Clark pulled his lips away from Lex's neck with a smack and abruptly turned him around so they were face to face. "You just bring out the animal in me."
He attacked Lex's lips and they kissed intensely, breathing heavily and delving into each other's mouths. Lex stuck his tongue in as far as it would go, and Clark's lips clamped down on it, harshly sucking it one minute, gently caressing it the next.
Lex wrapped his arms tightly around Clark's neck, and Clark reached down around the back of Lex's legs, lifting him easily into the air. Lex snaked his legs around the boy's thick waist and let himself be carried back to the bed where he was laid softly on his back as Clark climbed on top.
"I want you," Clark whispered at his ear as his pelvis ground into Lex. "I want you in front of everybody in this town."
"No," Lex said almost viciously, tightening the grip of his legs as he bit Clark's bottom lip. "No audience. I want you all to myself."
"Well, they wouldn't be allowed to participate," Clark chuckled softly. He pushed into Lex's groin harder and his breathing sped up. "But why deprive them of a good show?"
Lex's heart pounded. He was uncomfortable with where this was going, but at the moment he was having a hard time with the English language. He felt like he was being crushed by the weight on top of him, though not unpleasantly, and Clark's hot breath against his ear was unrelenting in its ability to arouse. "Clark, stop it," he finally blurted.
"Hey, I'm just getting started." Clark bit Lex's neck, eliciting a sharp gasp. "If we're good enough we could start charging admission, even take our show on the road."
"Don't!" Lex said through clenched teeth, his anger growing even as his climax neared.
"Why not?" There was a hint of desperation in Clark's voice. "Don't you want to show everybody all the things I let you do to me? Don't you want them to hear me moan when you're coming inside me?"
The thought turned Lex on to no end, and he hated himself for it. "No!"
"Why the fuck not?" Clark shouted. "You've got a good thing here, Lex. Why not share it?"
"Because you're mine!" Lex shouted back.
"Then show me," Clark challenged, making eye contact. "Show me tonight. I want you to take me on the floor of the Talon."
"All of your friends will be there," Lex whispered, never breaking rhythm.
"Uh-huh," was all Clark could manage, the thought obviously turning him on.
"Not to mention everyone else from school. The cheerleaders, the jocks..."
"Yeah..." Clark's eyes closed, imagining.
Lex was desperate to put a stop to this. "Your parents, Clark. Do you want your mom and dad to see you like this?"
"Ah..." he gasped, only wanting more.
"And Lana."
"Ah, Lex!"
Clark cried out as both of their bodies began to spasm. He rode out his climax in a jerky rhythm, never ceasing his deafening cries until he was empty. Lex, on the other hand, was completely silent as his body shuddered and finally began to calm down, and with the departure of his sex drive, an aching sadness seeped into his heart.
In some distant corner of Clark's mind, he realized he'd have to change his underwear before he left. Maybe he could borrow a pair of Lex's silk boxers. As the thought of the smooth material rubbing against him threatened to throw him back into another tailspin of lust, Clark felt pressure on his chest as Lex pushed at him lightly.
"Get up," Lex said.
"Mnh-mnh," Clark said lazily.
"Get up, Clark."
He opened his eyes to see Lex staring at him coldly, and in a sudden panic he got to his feet. "What is it, Lex? Did I do something?"
Without responding, Lex crossed to the dresser and pulled out a pair of nondescript white briefs. He tossed them at Clark who was more than a little disappointed at the lack of color and sex appeal.
"Lex, what's the matter?"
"You'll be late for the party. You don't want to keep your date waiting." Lex's inflection of the word 'date' made it sound like he had just uttered something obscene, and Clark suddenly understood.
"Look, I told you Lana asked me. She was so excited about the party that I didn't have the heart to say no. If she hadn't come to me so early, you know I would have taken you."
"Would you, Clark?" Lex asked with a bitter smile. Clark didn't respond, averting his eyes as they filled with guilt. "No, you wouldn't," Lex went on. "Because we have to keep our situation a secret."
Clark winced at the shock of having his own words thrown back in his face like that. Words that he had confided in Lex in a moment of pain and frustration. He decided to take a page from Lex's book and try for once to be the sensible one. "People wouldn't understand, Lex. We don't see many unconventional relationships around here."
"Oh, I see. They wouldn't understand our relationship, but watching us fuck in the middle of a coffee shop is perfectly acceptable."
Clark flinched. Here he was, still feeling the warm glow of his post-orgasm stupor, and Lex was attacking him with something he had said in the heat of the moment. Humiliation just didn't seem like a strong enough word for what he felt.
"I didn't mean that, Lex," he finally managed. "And it's not like you're about to shout our love from the rooftops either."
"No, I'm not. But for completely different reasons." Clark raised his eyebrows, urging Lex to continue. "Clark, I care about you. I don't want to cause problems for you with your family or at school. And even more importantly, I don't want my father on your case."
"Oh, and don't forget that image you're trying to protect," Clark added piercingly.
Lex looked at Clark, true hurt finally beginning to show on his face. Clark immediately felt bad for the comment, and at the same time a little satisfied, knowing that he had scored a point. Suddenly, Lex crossed the room and took Clark's face in his hands, pushing a kiss onto his lips with enough force to send Clark stumbling back a few steps. When Lex broke away, Clark was breathless.
"Fuck my image," Lex said quietly, still holding Clark's face. "I would give up my social status, my company, my own life if it meant keeping you safe. If you think my reasons for concealing our relationship are selfish, I'm here to tell you they are anything but."
Tears welled up in Clark's eyes. He wanted more than anything to collapse into his lover's arms and apologize a million times for his harsh words. But he wasn't ready to let this go yet.
"So you're saying my reasons are selfish?" he whispered.
"I guess I can't really blame you," Lex said, turning away as his voice regained some of its cool edge. "After all, we must look ridiculous together."
Clark felt a gripping pain settle over his heart. "What?" he asked, unbelieving.
"We're polar opposites, Clark. Not only in our looks, but our personalities. I can see why you wouldn't want Lana to find out about us." Lex stopped long enough to look at Clark, gauging the effect of his words, trying to glean Clark's true feelings on the subject. Clark merely looked lost. "I mean the fact that we got together at all is comical in itself. We're like an angst-ridden version of the Odd Couple for Christ's sake."
"I love you..." Clark attempted, shining eyes focused at Lex's feet.
"But you don't want to close the door on Lana," Lex finished.
Clark nearly fell onto the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands as he took several sharp breaths, more confused than anything else. Lex felt the same smothering sensation in his chest, but he didn't give in to it.
"You'd better go, Clark. She's waiting for you."
"I thought I was riding with you," Clark mumbled into his hands, his voice cracking.
He heard the jingle of metal as Lex took a set of keys out of his pocket and held them in front of Clark's face. "Take the Porsche. I don't want to get in the way."
Clark finally uncovered his face, revealing tear-stained cheeks. His large watery eyes pleaded with Lex, but to no avail. Lex jiggled the keys one last time and Clark reluctantly accepted them. He stood up and headed for the door, but quickly turned around and grabbed Lex fiercely, forcing a kiss of his own onto his lover. Lex gave in willingly, knowing he couldn't fight if he wanted to as Clark's tongue searched his mouth, attempting to mark every surface as his own.
"I know what I want, Lex," Clark said breathlessly, kissing Lex again. "And I know what you're trying to do, but it isn't necessary. I'm mature enough to make my own decisions." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring Lex gave him. It hadn't left his side since that day in Metropolis, and now he made a production of putting it onto his middle finger before Lex's eyes.
"Do you see this?" he said heatedly. "This means I'm taken. It means that we're part of each other no matter how many hurtful things you say to me."
Lex blinked his eyes regretfully. "You deserve so much better..."
"There is nothing better, Lex, because you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect lover, and there is nobody else in this world that I'd rather be with. So quit trying to push me away because you think I'd rather have a 'normal' life."
"Clark, I'm hurting you! You shouldn't have to feel so alone, like you can't share your happiness with the people you love." Lex's breath hitched before he went on. "And you shouldn't be having fantasies about making love with me in front of everyone."
"But they're just fantasies!"
"And it only goes to show how you really feel. Clark, the reason it turns you on so much is because you're getting off on the dirtiness of it. And it feels dirty because deep down you're ashamed of what we do together."
"I'm not ashamed of anything, I love you!" Clark grabbed Lex tightly by the shoulders. "Yes, the idea of public sex turns me on, but not because it's dirty. It turns me on because it represents the idea of showing everyone how much you mean to me. What we have is beautiful, Lex, and I'm just tired of keeping it secret."
Lex started to respond, but Clark cut him off with another passionate kiss to emphasize his point. At last, Lex put a gentle finger on Clark's lips. "You have so little experience with love. Not all relationships are this difficult. There may be someone out there who you can be proud to have by your side."
"Like Lana?" Clark asked incredulously.
"Maybe."
"But I'm proud of you. And what we share is worth all the difficulty in the world."
"You haven't even had a chance to look around, and I can only show you so much. You have to find out for yourself what you want. Believe me when I say that missed opportunities will haunt you for the rest of your life."
Clark looked at Lex for a long time, shaking his head. Then gripped the keys tightly in his right hand as he picked up the underwear with his left. "I'll go," he said quietly. "But I'm doing it for your peace of mind. Nothing will change between us, I swear."
Without giving Lex a chance to respond, he kissed his lover one more time and sped from the room with a blur of color and a gust of wind. Still able to taste Clark on his lips, Lex walked to his bed and positioned himself carefully on the edge. He took a few deep breaths, feeling the growing lump in his throat, and trying desperately to make it go away. He felt like a drunk man kneeling over a toilet about to throw up, and still holding on to the irrational hope that the nausea would just cure itself.
You have cried enough over Clark Kent. Just stop it.
He curled his fingers into the sheets beneath him and closed his eyes so tightly that he saw stars, and just as he began to think he was succeeding, there was a soft knock at the door.
"Clark, just go," he spat through clenched teeth.
"It's not Clark."
Lex opened his eyes as Kate peeked into the room. Upon seeing his bloodshot eyes and his strained posture, she immediately came into the room and sat down next to him, pulling him into her arms. Lacking the strength to fight it any longer, Lex let his head fall onto her shoulder and began to weep.
Somewhere amid the soft hand caressing his face and the warm words of comfort, Lex began to calm down. He lifted his head from Kate's shoulder and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his eyes. Kate's hand never left the back of his neck.
"I'm an idiot," he said shakily.
"What did you do?" Kate responded, without an ounce of judgment in her voice.
"I tried to push Clark into Lana's arms. The same way I push away everyone I love."
"Lex, you know he loves you. Why would you do that?"
Lex smiled sadly. "I guess I'm just afraid he doesn't really love me. I saved his life. Maybe he just feels so indebted to me that he's blinded to his true feelings. He's so young..."
"Lex..."
"And there's so much he hasn't had a chance to explore, so much that he can't explore if he's tied down to me."
"Lex--"
"So if he's going to break my heart I'd rather it be on my terms--"
"Stop!" Kate took Lex's hand firmly in her own. "First of all, your relationship with Clark isn't one of your business deals, so stop talking about it like one." Lex lowered his eyes. "And second, after all that boy has been through, he is anything but young. He is perfectly capable of making his own decisions, and he chose you. Don't you understand, Lex? Clark knows there is a whole world of possibilities out there. He knows the way Lana feels about him, and he is still by your side, choosing you every day of his life. Doesn't that count for anything?"
Lex's eyes widened as he looked at Kate, as if understanding her words for the first time. "Why do you put up with me?"
"Oh come on, Lex."
"No, I mean it," Lex said, rising from the bed. "Why does anyone put up with me? I damage everything I touch, I treat Clark like an infant who needs his decisions made for him, and I don't even recognize a chance for true happiness when it's staring me in the face. I'm a selfish bastard and I honestly don't know why Clark hasn't left me already."
"Because you're not selfish at all, and Clark sees that."
Lex turned on his heel, looking at Kate questioningly.
"You think you're pushing Clark away out of self-preservation, but that's just not true. Your first instinct has always been to protect him, even at the cost of your own happiness. Do you honestly believe that giving Clark to Lana would save you from future heartache?"
Lex shook his head. "No."
"Of course it wouldn't. Because you're in love with him, and there wouldn't be a day that went by that your heart wasn't breaking. But if it meant Clark's happiness, you would do it in the blink of an eye, and that's what love is all about. You, Lex Luthor, are the most unselfish person I know, and Clark is lucky to have you."
A single tear fell from the corner of Lex's eye as Kate's words finally started to sink in. Kate rose from the bed and walked to his side, brushing the tear away with the back of her hand.
"Now, hurry up," she said softly. "If we leave now we'll still be fashionably late."
Lex laughed quietly. Then he put his arms around Kate in a fierce hug. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for being here."
"I'll always be here," she said, rubbing the top of his head lovingly. "I love you, Alexander."
Lex closed his eyes as the sensation filled him with the warmth of his happier childhood memories and a new strain of hope for the future. Things weren't exactly perfect. He and Clark had a lot of talking to do and none of it would be easy. But for the first time in his life, Lex dared to believe that he would be okay. With Clark at his side he could achieve anything. And after Kate's words of encouragement, he was finally starting to believe that he could be deserving of it, that with her motherly guidance, the darker aspects of his personality wouldn't take over.
Now he just hoped that Clark would let him apologize for all of the cruel things he had said. He thought of the love in Clark's eyes as he had put on Lex's ring, and took a nervous breath.
"Shall we?" He finally stepped out of Kate's arms.
"We shall," she replied, smiling as she linked her arm through his. "Come. An unforgettable evening awaits."
Together they went downstairs and out the door to the waiting limousine, having no idea just how dangerously unforgettable the evening would turn out to be.
To be continued...