Title : Hope
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG
Summary : Kirsten isn't Dawn—A 500 words drabble, post The Dearly Beloved
Spoilers : Everything up to The Dearly Beloved is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Huge thanks to my beta, Joey51!
Hope
Helen C.
Ryan takes the phone Sandy is handing to him and wonders how he should act.
"Don't you dare say a word," still replays in his head, on those rare occasions when Trey's last words don't monopolize his attention. "I let you into this house."
It has been days and the unspoken, "And I could decide to send you away just as easily," still hurts Ryan.
"I'm sorry," is the first thing Kirsten says. Ryan grimaces, glad she can't see his face. Dawn apologized a lot, too.
"I should be there with you," Kirsten adds. Dawn also said that a lot.
"It's okay," Ryan says automatically, and he hopes his relationship with Kirsten won't be reduced to this—apologies, forgiveness, hope, failure, and eventually, fatalism and resignation.
"No, it's really not," Kirsten insists. That's different—Dawn usually cried at this point, and begged for forgiveness, and told Ryan she couldn't live without him. It figures, that even in rehab, Kirsten would be more… together, than Dawn ever was, sober or not.
"You're getting help," Ryan offers, not dwelling on the fact that Dawn also got help. Several times. And that some of these times, she seemed very decided to stop drinking. And yet, she never did.
"That's not an excuse," Kirsten says, before adding in a soft voice, "I do need help, but I shouldn't."
That's different too. Dawn always had excuses, only she called them reasons. Not enough money, got laid off again, boyfriend of the month hit too hard, Trey got arrested, Ryan was a sanctimonious son of a bitch who was just waiting for her to fail and did he think it was even possible to succeed when her own son was so sure she wouldn't?
"It's okay," he says, shaking the memories.
Kirsten isn't Dawn.
Kirsten is as different from Dawn as… as Newport is from Chino. Which is a lot.
Dawn's words usually hurt a lot.
Kirsten's words hurt a lot too, Ryan has to admit. Because he trusted her. And yes, she's sick, and yes, she lashed out at everyone, not just him.
But…
She promised, if only implicitly, that he wouldn't need to go through this again when he arrived in Newport. And Ryan believed her. It may be unfair to be mad at her for being human, but he is.
When they hang up, nothing has been resolved, which doesn't surprise Ryan.
"She'll be fine," Sandy says.
Ryan nods and smiles, forcefully pushing the memories of Dawn back where they belong—as far away from the surface as possible. "Yeah."
There's no other option really. Ryan's tired of losing people. Ryan's tired, period, and he needs the Cohens' support more than he needs oxygen right now. For their sake, and for his, he'll carefully hope.
"We'll all be fine," Sandy adds.
"When?" Ryan asks.
Sandy looks at him helplessly. "Not soon enough," he says. "But eventually, I hope."
One way or another, Ryan reflects, it always comes down to hope.
END