HUMAN
Kairi walks down the tunnel that leads into the big open cave that was her playroom as a child. She puts her hand on the walls, feeling the scratches that mean drawings.
This was the first thing Sora ever gave her. Maybe he didn't think of it as a present, but one day she was bored and moody so he said I know let's go to the Secret Place, shh don't tell anyone else. They'd only been children, but it'd made her heart ache all the same. Not a happy ache, but a wish-for ache. Even though she's never known why.
Maybe she'd decide that why soon. Kairi frowns.
But she'd understood this for a long time now, that the Secret Place does not have the limits of time. Whatever took place here is still the present, and it has a hold on the future. You could look at the past again and if you didn't like it, give yourself a redo. It is a place of hopes and landmark events, where you remember lost dreams, voices ask you to become yourself, and hold out hands to someone who isn't so far away.
She doesn't understand why it's such a big dreamy mess when only she and Sora know about it, and they're not that deep anyways. But she feels it. She knows it. It doesn't freak her out, it's like questioning why the sky is blue or the grass green. After a while she got used to it.
She turns a corner and cries out.
Someone is already here. He is in her favorite spot, his hands placed flat on the wall as he looks at one of the cave pictures. His face is almost touching the stone.
Riku, you scared me.
Why? You barged in on me.
His tone catches her attention. A tingle of warmth-the kind that she feels with Sora, the simple safe kind-runs through her.
Riku?
What?
She flinches at a few things. He said that taboo word, what, but that's ok because she never expected that special thing between her and Sora to come up between them anyways. And his voice has gotten a bit deeper too, the cave makes it louder than it would have been if they were outside.
But her heart soars and a she feels a big smile on her face; as soon as she sees Sora again she'd stop short and hug him hard. She'd thank him.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And while's he's asking why she'd say nothing and just shake her head, smiling.
Because today Sora gave her a miracle.
Today, in the Secret Place, Riku is standoffish, too proud to apologize, but actually a little sorry so he uses rudeness to come off completely not sorry.
He's no longer the island "Hottie," and no longer the teen heartthrob who'd have a suggestive or clever comeback to anything you could throw at him.
He is Riku, who has a lot of problems, but none of them about girls.
Kairi, go away. You're annoying.
She laughs. She could hit him if she wanted. A real hit not like an oh you so charming kind of hit. A straightforward hit like the shut your stupid mouth kind to the back of his silvery head. And he'd say ow and glare because guys don't hit girls back but at least it wouldn't be him smiling with an OK and a sorry he doesn't mean or care about.
What's so funny?
A lot. A whole lot, Riku, you have no idea.
I don't think anything's funny. Riku says stubbornly, his nose still planted on the picture.
Well, I don't think I can tell you.
How could she? The months of anxiety. Alarm bells in her head, balancing faith in the everything will be alright end and caution for it only takes a moment to lose everything. No. You didn't push your luck on miracles.
I don't believe it Riku says. It sounds like it's being forced out through clenched teeth.
Believe what?
You're even MORE annoying than I thought was humanly possible.
That's a bit much. It's enough to worry her.
Riku? What's wrong? Are you ok?
No.
Why?
She watches him be unmoving and silent for a few moments. Than he says, perfectly audible and sounding like the usual devil-may-care Riku:
I suck.
She stares. He goes on.
It's not a big deal being me, Kairi. If anyone ever tells you you're special, don't you ever start to believe it. It'll just wreck you.
She's uneasy. After so long of seeing Riku as not special, too normal in that normal for someone sexy and talented and smart and with many layers, she doesn't want to jump in and protest. On the other hand, how could someone who just said something like that not be special?
So she says I don't understand.
All this time Riku's been kneeling to be at eye-level with whatever he's looking at, but now he sits back on his feet like he's settling down for a talk. Or a long long time of looking up at the picture that's too dim in the faint light for Kairi to make out unless she walked right up to it. She doesn't feel like doing that.
I thought you understood. Riku's voice is clipped, serious in that way that transcends age or generation or maturity and means listen to me.
She shakes her head. I don't. I don't. She isn't sure if she said it aloud or not.
I thought… I thought … I thought you wouldn't panic. I thought you wouldn't be afraid of change. Because you are change. You're the reason things are this way. Riku says to her. He's almost mumbling.
You're blaming me? For not wanting… not wanting… THIS?
That hurts her. Than really, really hurts her.
He says, Because Kairi, you're our shooting star that means we can hope for better things if we want to. Make a wish to have something more than what you already have,a fantasy on top of a life. You were my dream Kairi.
This is getting scary. It's scary. He's wording it strangely, but he said it and she doesn't want to be his fantasy.
I'm going, Riku. Don't say stuff like that. I don't want to hear it. Her words are high, and she takes a step back.
Damnit, Kairi. You know what, I didn't mean it that way, but it's true that some of this is your fault. You don't give me any credit anymore beyonda sex-starved teenager. That's not fair. That's... I mean, I knew there was some...stuff...going on, but I tried to never let it be me. I tried, Kairi.
I know. She says immediately, becauseeven thought shedidn't know about himknowingshe's desperate to let him know she never thought thatthat was all he was.Not completely. Riku had always been her smile-spreader and defiant guard , somewhere deep in her memories-it just got covered in the clutter of this mess.
Never mind. What I meant, Kairi, was that when you came to our island that night with the star shower, everything changed. For everyone. Haven't I told you? I started thinking about a world outside Destiny Islands because of you. I didn't care before, because this is a nice place and all… but… well, when I met you, I thought- if you're what's outside our world, then it can't be so bad. I started thinking… then hoping… then planning for the day I'd leave and see more than just what people call a paradise you'd never want to leave. That's why you're special to me. My dreams came from you.
Her lips part and she wants so badly to say something. It's painful, how much she needs to answer that. But she can't. It's shocking to hear, and it makes her heart ache. Not in a good way. How could she have…misunderstood? Why the suffering?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's Riku talking. The fast way he's snapping out those words, it's his way of crying. Because Riku doesn't cry, not even when he feels hate or fear coming from every side.
He turns around. His lovely greenish eyes are slits and his mouth's a scowl like he's angry but he's always like that when he's miserable. His arms hold his shoulders as he pulls up his knees. His words are soft.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
A/N: There, that's a good place to stop… Actually, all this stuff wasn't supposed to be in there, it snuck up on me. Riku made a tad too surprising of a complete 180 here but it'll be explained completely in the next chapter. Which was supposed to be this chapter but whatever, it would have been like twice as long… Which is why I guess this is like my second "Selphie" incident, but it goes with the story. Is it kinda cryptic?...It was supposed to be calledsomething else,but now it's "Dreams" because it sounds nicer... and its a tribute to what I'm doing right now.This was supposed to be the second to last chapter, but now I'm forced to do 2 more… at least…I guess you could call this part one of the climax… Please drop a review. :-)