Kai's answer to the question: How did you and continue to deal with the cruelty you received at the abbey?
I was never treated cruelly though sometimes I wish I had been so I wouldn't have this horrible feeling that I'm a cry baby. I was rather treated coldly, there is a difference. Cruelty is purposefully, intentionally making one suffer. No, you see we were never important enough to be treated like that. All they cared about was our abilities-thus the coldness comes into play.
There was not a smile or a good word ever said. We were spoken to when necessary. Eventually the coldness sort of took over you. Boys who had once laughed at the drop of hat stared blankly at you when spoken to or like a startled deer. I suppose the common way of describing the Abbey would be loveless- yes, the common adage "starved for love" would work for the pupils at my former home. We were there to train- that was it and that would have been perfectly fine if at the long day we went home to a warm house and loving family, no one had that though. I guess the difference between cold and cruel is the same as neglect and abuse. Mind you we did get the occasional slap, shove, push and even punch but not enough to be worried about amd we always had food and shelter.
I'll never forget the cold, even now. I'm a warm person(perhaps why I have Dranzer?), well more of a hot person and to be so cold ALL the time was hard. The only warmth I remember from that place was when we showered and when we ate, hot water, hot food. Everything else, physical and emotional was stone cold.
Sometimes when I fell the coldness inside of me and can't get rid of it I'll run a bath as hot as it gets. I'll sit in there while my skin goes as pink as boiled octopus and my skin steams and I won't get out until the water starts to cool. At the Abbey I'd often torture myself; I'd have cold showers and during the day do nothing to keep myself even slightly warm because I knew it had to leave, I had to get used to it.
Nowadays it's hard to be anything but cold exteriorly. I try but my outside wont melt. Inside, though, I am blazing hot. You can plainly see when I bey battle or stand up for my friends (even if they don't realise that's what I'm doing)
There was my little bit of warmth. A companion. You could call us opposites, while my core is one of fiery passion his is icy logic. We went well together, he gave me a shelter from the cold, so my flame wouldn't disappear and to him I gave a little bit of warmth to stop him becoming so cold that he would be unable to let people in. Funny, ice and fire as allies not enemies. To this day we stay that way, ever relying on each other for survival.
So the answer to your question is: I never did have to deal with cruelty only coldness. It is with me always but if I wait out the storm inside this snow shelter my friend has built for me perhaps I will see a sunny day again?
Ok so yeah! Please review. Personally I think Tala's answer was better and it will be coming. i didn't think the abbey could get away with very harsh child abuse…although I do read abbey fics I wanted to try one like this. Mostly coz I was wondering what is the difference between coldness and cruelty? Whats better? I guess I was feeling the cold shoulder at the time! Please review