Go On

A Second Chance

Disclaimer: As usual, I only own Rhiannon.

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The sun was beginning to set. A cool Canadian night was beginning to take hold. Its spell was driving most people inside. Yet, one man was determined to not let the spell overcome him.

Lance Evers patiently wandered through the cemetery. It had been a long time since he had been there. He hadn't been to his lover's grave in many months.

Life had taken a rather strange turn. After coming back to Canada, he and John had slipped back into a normal routine with Rhiannon. The young girl had gone back to 'normal', acting like a normal tween.

Just as they had adjusted to normal routine, life interfered. Lance's old friend, Dawn Marie had called him. She informed him she was dying and needed someone to take of her unborn daughter. Knowing he had to do something, he had taken the child in. Sleepless nights and three A.M. feedings had only strengthened his relationship with John.

Spotting the granite stone, he ran up to it. Had he really once 'lived' at the stone? Had he really visited it every week? Why did that seem so long ago? Did parenting a newborn do that to you?

"Hey, Dair. Sorry I haven't been by recently. It has been slightly hectic. Nobody knows what busy is until they have to deal with a four-month-old teether, and her concerned big sister. Ryder Elizabeth was teething last night. Poor thing wouldn't stop screaming. Rhiannon was right there, to hold and comfort her." Lance said.

At one time, he had been there almost every day. He would talk to the stone, trying to tell Darrin how he was feeling. The stone was his safe haven. At the stone, he could remember Darrin how he had been years ago. At the stone, he didn't have to remember the emaciated man who could barely speak.

"We always talked about naming a girl, Ryder. You said it was the perfect sign of strength, a girl having a masculine first name and a feminine middle name,"

John was the absolute love of his life. John made getting up in the morning worth it. Yet, John wasn't Darrin.

"Some mornings, I wake up and it's as if you haven't died. I roll over, expecting to see you. When I see John, my world drops from beneath me. Then, I remember you're gone. After that, I remember how much I love John,"

Was it wrong to still love the one who had gone before? Why was it so hard to move on? Had other people been through the same difficulties?

"I still wear your ring. It's on a silver chain that I wear around my neck. I can't bear to give it up. It reminds me of you,"

John often stared at the ring around his neck. Yet, he didn't complain. He still wore the Saint medallion Trish had given him on the occasion of Rhiannon's birth. He also wore his wedding ring around his neck.

"I still have the letter you gave to me before you died. I respected your wishes about not opening it until I was ready for love again,"

Lance pulled out an envelope, yellow with age. Many times, he had been tempted to open it. Yet, he had been determined to respect Darrin's wishes.

11/12/08

Dear Lance,

Hello, My Love. If you reading this, it means you have respected my wishes, and waited to read it until love came back into your life, or you disregarded my wishes and are reading this right after my death. Either way, I'm glad you're reading some of my final words.

I can't help but wonder who your new love is. Is it someone I know? Would I like them? What other questions can I ask? Is he young? Old? Bald? Hairy? Fat?

Just kidding, Love. I'm sure he's lovely. I'm glad that you have decided to move on, following my passing. I never wanted to see you miserable.

Lance, I love you. I always have. Few men would allow love to flow when one has HIV. Toward the end when I started getting worse, I gave you the option to leave.

You didn't need to see me suffering. You didn't need to see me in pain. You still shouldn't have to. I love you. Nobody needs to see the person they love in so much pain, and discomfort.

I love you. Lance, you make me complete. I can't imagine spending my life without you.

I know it all sounds horribly cliched, but I swear every word is true.

Lance, be happy in life. Be happy in love.

And know I am always with you.

Love,

Darrin

Lance was stunned. It was as if getting a message from beyond the grave. He realized then how much he had missed his lover.

Then, his cellphone began to ring. Shaking his head, Lance sighed, answering it.

"Hello?"

"Babe, I think we may need to take Ryder to the hospital,"

"What now?"

"She's got a fever, she's been puking and she has diarrhea,"

"Be right there,"

"Bye,"

Kneeling before the grave, he placed a small maple leave at the stone's base. Biting his lip, he sighed.

"Well, Dair, I have to get home. The baby's sick, but I promise you I'll come back," He stood up.

Without a second thought, he walked back toward his car. His daughter and his boyfriend needed to him.

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This fic is...DONE! I know I devoted this last chapter to Lance, mainly because we see so many conversations at Randy's grave. Hope you enjoyed it and stay tuned for 'Close to You'!

-JenLea