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Part Two - Regrets

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Jack knocked on the door to Teal'c's quarters before opening it. He wasn't surprised by the sight that greeted him inside. Teal'c sat on his floor, surrounded by seemingly hundreds of candles, and the entire room was illuminated by their glow. Jack closed the door quietly and moved across the room, settling himself to the floor across from Teal'c.

Teal'c opened his eyes and smiled. "O'Neill."

"Hey, Teal'c," Jack returned softly. "Am I bothering you?"

"You are not." Teal'c looked around the room slowly. "I am unable to successfully Kel'no'reem. My mind is too troubled by recent events."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. It's been a rough couple of days."

"Major Carter is most distressed by the loss of Doctor Fraiser."

"Yeah, she is."

"And Daniel Jackson..."

"You've seen him?" Jack asked hurriedly.

Teal'c shook his head slowly. "I have not. I have tried, but he seems most unwilling to accept my presence. He is making himself unapproachable."

"He's hiding," Jack answered softly. "He's hiding from all of us." Jack took a deep breath and blew it out, looking Teal'c straight in the eyes. "We can't let him do that, T."

Teal'c nodded once. "I agree. However, I do fear that in my current state I would be of no help to him."

Jack tilted his head and looked back at Teal'c in confusion. "Your current state?"

Teal'c pushed himself to his feet smoothly and turned his back to Jack. "I find myself having difficulty in dealing with the death of Doctor Fraiser. I am having... thoughts... questions..."

Jack thought he sensed a slight understanding, and he pushed it forward. "Regrets, Teal'c?"

Teal'c considered the word for a moment, and then nodded again. "I believe they may be regrets, O'Neill."

Jack leaned back on his hands, waiting for Teal'c to continue.

"I have long thought of Doctor Fraiser as a good friend. I have respected her greatly. I have admired her strength and dedication and beauty, but I never spoke to her of my admiration. I believed that to do so would have in some way threatened the friendship that I so enjoyed. Now that she is gone, I feel as though there is something missing - as though I have lost something that I am aware I never truly had."

Jack didn't even attempt to hide his shock at the revelation. "God, T... are you telling me you were in love with her?"

Teal'c turned back around and faced Jack once more. "I am not certain," he answered. "Perhaps I only admired her. Perhaps I am confusing my gratitude with affection. Perhaps I am mourning the loss of a dear friend who was indeed no more than that."

"Yeah," Jack admitted. "Or perhaps you loved her." Jack raised an eyebrow at his own pronouncement. Of all the things that he had imagined Teal'c would be feeling right now, regret for a love he might have lost had never even entered Jack's mind.

"Perhaps," Teal'c replied. He lowered himself back to the floor opposite Jack and closed his eyes again. "However, I have lost all chances to explore these possibilities, and I must accept the fact that I will never know. Just as I will never know if I might have saved her."

Jack started in surprise, again caught off-guard by the man's statements. Teal'c felt responsible?

"How could you have possibly saved her, T?"

Teal'c didn't open his eyes, but raised his head slightly. "When I witnessed the staff blast that wounded you, I was momentarily distracted. I did not see the Jaffa that you had been tracking, the one that I believe to have fired the blast that killed her." Jack shook his head but didn't speak, knowing that Teal'c needed to say his piece and allowing him to do so uninterrupted. "Had I not allowed your injury to distract me, I might have been able to prevent her killer from cresting the hill. I lost my focus, and I do believe that Doctor Fraiser paid the price for my inability to maintain my composure."

Jack swallowed hard and sighed. "Teal'c, you can't blame yourself for what happened to Fraiser."

Teal'c opened his eyes and stared at Jack across the flames. "If it was my mistake that caused her death, I most certainly can."

Jack saw the certainty in Teal'c's eyes, the absolute conviction that he was responsible for Janet's death. Underneath that, in a place that no one but Jack would have seen, was a question, almost a pleading, that wanted to be told that he was wrong. Teal'c sought absolution from Jack without asking for it, and Jack didn't hesitate to tell him just how wrong he was.

"It was a battlefield, Teal'c. You know better than anyone how confusing they are. There were guns and staffs firing everywhere, Gliders buzzing around, and Ha'taks dropping napalm on our heads. How could you have possibly picked out one Jaffa in all of that?"

Teal'c tilted his head slightly. "Did you not see him, O'Neill? Were you not tracking him when you were hit?"

Jack nodded in agreement. "I did. And I was. And what happened to me?" Teal'c didn't respond; Jack continued. "I got myself shot tracking him, Teal'c. If I'd stayed where I was, I might have been able to pick him off before he made it across that hill. But I didn't. I moved; I followed him; I got myself shot. And because I did, he made it across that hill and yeah, maybe he's the one that killed Fraiser. But that makes what happened my fault, not yours."

"You were wounded," Teal'c argued.

"By my own stupidity, Teal'c," Jack responded. "We were in the middle of one of the most heated battles we've had in a long time. The ranking officer on the field, me, breaks cover, gets wounded and goes down. Bombs are dropping everywhere, shots are being fired, the whole scene is chaos..." Jack trailed off and looked Teal'c right in the eye. "And what did you do, T? Where the hell were you?"

Teal'c opened his mouth to answer, but Jack didn't give him the chance.

"I'll tell you where you were. You were exactly where you were supposed to be. You held your position, you held that line, and you made it possible for us to get off that planet with no more casualties than we had. If you'd changed position at all, if you'd taken up tracking that Jaffa, yeah, maybe you'd have gotten him before he blasted Fraiser, but you'd have left a gaping hole in our line. And maybe another Jaffa would have broken through, and maybe he'd have finished me off, or gotten Carter, or gotten Daniel... or maybe they all would have broken through, and no one would have gotten out of there alive."

Jack could read from Teal'c's expression that he didn't fully believe him, but he was starting to doubt his failure. For Jack, for the time being, it was enough.

"It would seem that Doctor Fraiser's death has left many questions that will go forever unanswered, O'Neill."

Jack nodded. "Oh yeah."

"What is the condition of Major Carter?"

Jack scratched his head absently. "Oh, not so good, I'd say. She's having a rough time of it, but she's getting better, I think. She's having some trouble with writing the eulogy."

Teal'c nodded. "Perhaps this is something with which I may be of assistance."

Jack cocked his head in question.

"I have been thinking on what I might say to Doctor Fraiser, if I were to be given the chance. I have discovered that I do not know enough words to honor her the way I wish, but perhaps together, Major Carter and I could do so."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, T. I think that's a good idea."

Teal'c nodded again before asking, "And what of Daniel Jackson?"

Jack sighed. "Well, he's a whole other story. One that I have no idea how to address."

"His self-enforced solitude is bothersome to me."

"Yeah, me too," Jack agreed quietly. "I just can't figure out why he's taking this quite as hard as he is."

"He was with her when she was wounded," Teal'c said. "He was at her side when she died. It was he who carried her body back through the Gate."

"I didn't know that," Jack said, openly shocked. "He carried her? By himself?"

Teal'c nodded once. "I offered to assist him, but he refused. He told me that the burden was his alone, and that I would not understand."

Jack shook his head. "That doesn't sound much like Daniel."

"It does not," Teal'c agreed. "The death of Doctor Fraiser is a burden that he should not carry alone, but he will not allow us to share it with him."

"Yeah, well, he's not alone," Jack announced, pushing himself to his feet. "We just have to make him believe that."

Jack turned and started for the door. Teal'c called to him again.

"O'Neill?"

"Yeah?"

"How exactly does one go about providing companionship and comfort to one who does not appear to desire it?"

Jack shook his head slowly. "I have no idea, Teal'c. But I've got to try."

"Daniel Jackson is not alone, O'Neill, and neither are you." Jack turned slightly and looked at Teal'c across his shoulder. "Should you require our assistance, we are here."

"Thanks, T," Jack replied softly as he reached for the door. "I just might take you up on that." Jack pulled his hand back from the knob and turned back around. Teal'c had closed his eyes once more, and laid his hands in his lap. "You gonna be okay, big guy?"

Teal'c nodded his head once without opening his eyes. "In time, O'Neill, I believe that I will be."

"Good," Jack answered, reaching for the doorknob again. "That's good."

"And you, O'Neill? Will you be well?"

Jack froze for a moment and turned his head slightly. "Ask me that again after I talk to Daniel."

Jack felt Teal'c's solemn nod behind him as he turned the knob and opened the door.