Ah….this is pretty much a continuation from 'the sperm, the egg, and black'. Just another little fun fic about the marauders.

HP not mine

Bug eyes and Spoons.

It was a quite, normal day at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. The birds where chirping, the willow was womping and the marauders where preparing for there first ever divisionary class.
"Why does the bloody tower have to have so many bloody stairs." Sirius grumbled as he and the other three boys trasped up yet another staircase. "Well Sirius, for a tower to be a tower it has to have, stairs." Remus snapped, terribly annoyed with his friends complaining. "I think we've passed that painting before." James commented, watching as the knight fell off the fat pony again.

"I believe it's mental."

Sirius scoffed. "I like it." he prodded the knight with the tip of his wand. "He reminds me of a Barbie."

"What's a Barbie?" James asked, watching as the knight began to do battle with Sirius.

"It's this thing that moms buy their kids to play with." He stabbed the knight. "They look like slytherins kind of."

James watched the knight act of a melodramatic death. "So it's a whore?"

"JAMES, SIRIUS!" Remus called from four flights up. "We are going to be later if you two don't stop playing with dolls!"

James made an indigent noise. "I'm not playing with dolls! I'm playing with whores!"

……………………………………………………………………

Sirius, James Peter and Remus stood with the rest of the third year griffindores and slytherins. Waiting for Professor Trelawney to appear.

"This is so stupid." Sirius complained again, leaning against the wall. "We walk up all this way and there's not even a class. What kind of stupid professor give the wrong directions to there own bloody-"

Sirius was cut off in mid rant when a silver door feel onto the landing.

He coughed. "O.."

The four boys walked up the latter, and almost ran back down when the smell of flowers, tea and something that smelled suspiciously like Sirius's trunk hit there noses.

"It smells like pot." Sirius commented.

Their where tables all threw the cramped classroom, with three poufs to a table. Remus, Sirius and James sat at one.

"Big deal. So the weirdo has a class room…bet they lured us up her to eat us." Sirius jeered, making a funny face at the teacups. "I hate tea."

"Welcome students." An airy voice filtered threw the thick, aromatheric atmosphere. The boys looked around but could only make out two huge eyes, and another row of teacups.

"AHHH!" Sirius screamed, falling off his poof. "IT'S THE SPOON OF SANTA!"

"That's 'the spon Satan' Sirius. " Remus corrected as his friend freaked out over the large bug. Sirius had a thing with bugs.

"NO! DON'T YOU SEE REMUS!" Sirius shrieked, pulling his friend by the collar. "IT'S A MUTATED ELF WITH A SPOON! COME TO KILL US ALL FOR BEING NORMAL TALL PEOPLE!" he threw Remus down and ran over to snape. "YOUR ONE OF THEM YOU FIVE FOOT THREE FREAK!" He shouted grabbing a cold teapot and throwing the continents on him. "Take that vile short mutant!"

"MR.BLACK!"

Sirius paused, looking over at the professor. "Professor! You wont BELEVE what happened! There was a mutant elf here with a SPOON to kill us all!"

"I'm sure black." She said, rolling her eyes. "Sit back down. Now!"

Sirius grumbled. "See if I save YOUR world again from vile spoon wielding mutants." He sat back down beside a snickering James.

The professor continued on with her drowning. Sirius began to grow bored and wanted some entertainment. And who better to get it from then his best friend!

"PISSSST! James." Sirius hissed.

James ignored him, knowing what he wanted.

"PISSSSSST! James." He said it louder this time, attracting attention from other students.

"PISSSSSSST! JAMES!" he called, right in James ear. A muscle twitched in James eye, but still he remained impassive.

Sirius was begging to get annoyed. He did not like being ignored. So he moved right next to James, and began to wispier in his ear.

"Hey James, you know how you look almost completely like your dad?" He waited a moment for a sign of conformation, but seeing he wasn't going to get one he pressed on. "Well. Since your mom and dad have sex, if you think about it, it's almost like your shagging her."

Sirius leaned back and waited for it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" James shrieked, getting up and running around the room. Professor Trelawney so started by this spilled tea all over Snape, again.

"MR. POTTER!" She bellowed over his terrified scream. "SIT DOWN AND BE QUITE!"

James shrank back and quickly sat in his seat. "Screw you padfoot." He quickly covered Sirius mouth. "Shut. Up."

And again the lesion pressed on. This time with no interruptions from Sirius or James. They where even able to get to reading tea leave before Sirius opened his mouth again.

"I refuse to drink it." He said. Crossing his arms over his chest.

"Just do it padfoot." James sighed, pushing the cup at him. "It taste worse cold so drink it now."

"No." he said, throwing at Snape, again. "It's icky, just read the one's that are left." He said handing the cup to James.

James sighed. "It looks like a bunch of sludge to me." Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Eww. Dirty."

James snorted. "Must be talking about your shagging habits then."

"Or your mom." Sirius retorted.

"Dude, seriously can we leave my mom alone for one moment."

"She's the one always coming back for more."

"PROFESSOR!" James called, waiting till professor Trelawney had glided over to them. "Makes Sirius stop having sex with my mom."

Trelawney bristled at this and stomped away. Muttering about insolent boys.

"Ha ha." Sirius said. Pointing at James. "You can't stop me from shagging you mom."

James frowned. "I can so."

Sirius smiled toothy. "How's that?"

James smirked. "Like this." He waved his wand and Snape turned blue. Sirius gasped.

"Must.Resist.Shagability." He hissed, gripping on the edge of the table. "O screw it." he said jumping up and walking over to snape. "OI! Snape in the broom closet you go." Snape's eyes widened and he ran as fast as his blue legs could carry him away from Sirius. Remus laughed. "You owe me ten knuts Peter. I TOLD you Sirius wouldn't last thirty minutes in a pot filled room."

END

O..o dear…why am I so weird?

-POMM