Title: En Garde
Author: PeregrinePairing: Logan/Veronica and Barry the lawyer.
Rating: M for language and sex.
Summary: Add a hot, sweaty lifeguard to a chlorine stew with a soupcon of Veronica Mars. Mix well.Spoilers/Warnings: Through Episode 22.
Notes: originally written for the Live Journal loveathons pool smut challenge.

Barry flashes a mouth full of piano keys. "I have some good news and some bad news." Jesus Christ, can't the guy afford to get his teeth fixed?

I roll my eyes. "Let's have it."

"The Kanes are letting you stay here for now."

"Wow, that's so fucking generous of them. What's the bad news?"

That wipes the smile right off his face. "All your father's bank accounts are frozen, so you'll need to get a job."

"What, Trina's not willing to front me a few bucks?"

Barry replied, "She's also broke."

I smack my forehead like I can't believe this news. "Man, I tell you, that girl just plows through money."

Barry's seen enough of my theatrics to know I'm blowing smoke up his ass. "I know it's not much, but our law firm could use a gofer."

My mouth twists into a half smile. "Sorry, dude, but I'm not spending my summer running errands."

"It's better than flipping burgers," Barry says archly.

Ooh, does Bare want to get into a pissing contest? "Hmm…actually, they both suck. Got any other bright ideas?"

Barry had one nerve left, and I was clearly getting on it. "You have no obvious talents."

"Well, gee, thanks so much, Bare. I really needed you to point that out." He was right about me. I have nothing going for me. My grades are only slightly above average, my popularity is in the toilet, and my only saving grace is my complete and utter lack of humility.

He sighs. "Is there anything you can do?"

Boards, booze, and babes. That's my fucking life in a nutshell. With a three dollar bill smile pasted on my face, I admit, "I can swim, fuck, and drink like a fish. Does that qualify me for anything?"

Barry gapes at me and I applaud my continuing power to offend. But then his mouth closes and I see a flash of inspiration in his dull brown eyes. "The town pool needs a few lifeguards. I happen to know the manager and can put in a good word for you."

Town pool trailer park trash. With an eye roll, I start to shoot down his suggestion and stop when the babe variable flashes in front of me. As I've always said, I judge not by the color of the skin but by the content of their sweater. "Sure, that might work. Where do I sign up?"

So that's how I find myself in flip-flops, a tank top, and swim trunks. As soon as the head dude hears that I've passed a life-saving course and have the requisite first aid skills, he shakes my hand and hires me on the spot. He asks me to work the afternoon shift and says I have alternating Saturdays off. The money is slightly better than asking people if they want fries with that, and it's enough to keep me in fast food and gas for the summer. Not so sure about hooch, but since I'm still pilfering Aaron's vintage wine collection, there are no worries on that front. I've also helped myself to his designer sunglasses and even to my sorry eyes, I look pretty cool with blue Etro wrapped around me.

The Neptune Heights pool crowd is pretty much what I figured. Lots of 02ers and their kids and an occasional hot babe, but not an 09er in sight. The chicks all ignore me and I'm miffed that they can't see my obvious charms. Are they fucking blind? My first day wanes and that's when I see Veronica with her black sidekick, Willy what's his name. She plops her tight little butt on a chaise lounge and starts this rather erotic sun screening routine. Her slender arms go over her head and I start fantasizing about throwing her up against a wall and fucking her senseless. When moves on to her perfectly sculpted legs, I grit my teeth as I imagine the slap of her heels on my ass as I drive into her. It gets even better when my mind flicks my thumb across her clit and she moans against my neck, sending me straight over the edge and yelling out my favorite name. "Oh, God, Lilly…" I laugh under my breath and suddenly feel a pair of Veronica eyes staring at me from ground zero.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I get down from my throne and peer over my glasses at her. "Nice to see you too, V."

That nickname annoys her almost as much as Ronnie. "Coming down in the world?"

I leer at her "Sure am. Want to join me, sugar puss?"

She smiles mockingly at my suggestion. "Only if I can get a rain check."

I've forgotten how much fun this is. "How about tonight at 9?"

Veronica's smirk loses its intensity. "Here?"

"Why not? I get off at 8:30." My right hand waggles by my side and she flushes becomingly.

"Don't think so, pool boy. Maybe some other time?" She is totally enjoying my lowered status and I start to understand why people always want to crack me in the head for my snarky comments.

"What's the matter, Mars, you afraid or something?" I see my boss bearing down on me and decide to remount my platform.

Veronica squints up at me with a return of her earlier smirk. "No way I'm afraid of you. Later, dude."

Boss Man orders me to clean the pool, which tacks an hour of unpaid labor onto my night. I am thrilled beyond belief as I run the skimmer and scoop up bug guts with my trusty net. It's closing in on 9 when I finish up, completely forgetting my earlier invitation to a young woman of questionable charm. The sun has nearly dropped from the sky, leaving me sweaty and one step beyond annoyed as I finish my Weevil-work. I look around and see that the lot is deserted and what the hell, there's no better time to take a skinny dip in the town pool.

I kick my trunks aside and toss them on top of my backpack. With a war whoop, I slice through the water and only come up for air when I'm three quarters of the way to the other end. The water is splendid and I turn over on my back and float under the silvery light of a gibbous moon. Yeah, I know these totally inane things that will score me points on Jeopardy but won't get me too far in the real world. Mr. Daniels would be so proud of me. With a snort, I start to rise from the water and head over to my gear…only, there's a lot less gear than before, and my swim trunks seem to be missing. "What the fuck?" I mutter, staring around me wildly and stopping when I spot a familiar silhouette near the changing rooms.

"Looking for these?" Veronica holds up my trunks and I can sense her shit-eating grin from here.

She expects me to come after her, but I disappoint her by leaning against the fence and crossing my arms. "You want 'em? They're yours, sweet cheeks."

Veronica makes a face at my endearment and drops her eyes slightly to take in the view. "Wow, I can make a fortune on eBay."

"You're almost as bad as the stalkerazzi." I move into the light and am delighted when she swallows hard. With another of my patented leans, I drape myself against the fence and flex for all it's worth. I might not have much going for me, but without my baggy clothes, I am considered quite hot by the 09er contingent, and I've bagged enough of those biddies to know a sure thing when I see it.

"Actually, I'm your worst enemy." She takes out her camera and starts to fiddle with the controls. With a giggle, I dart back into the shadows and she calls, "Hey, stand still. You're ruining my picture."

I laugh manically and make a come hither gesture with my hand. "You want the shot? Then come to Papa."

"Eww." The camera swings by her side and when Veronica gets a few steps closer, she lowers it to the ground. My throat closes as I stare down at her hot pink bikini, which veers scandalously close to invisible.

"Come and get me, Mars." We are mere inches away and I'm drowning in her scent, swaying slightly at her nearness and this close to jumping her bones. Veronica gives me a once and twice over and I am so entranced that I miss her foot snaking out. She hooks her toes behind my leg and I stumble backward toward the water. As I stagger a few steps closer, I figure that if I'm falling in, she's coming with me.

Veronica slithers out of my grasp and dives to the bottom of the pool. I'm after her like a shark and when she surfaces, I'm right beneath her. My arms grasp her legs and I pop up like a champagne cork, tossing her sideways and laughing as she founders in the shallow end and catches her breath. "Ready to give up, Mars?"

"Not on your life." Veronica charges at me and I move aside at the last second as she torpedoes past me.

Her blonde hair floats darkly on the surface as she treads water and makes evil faces that are wildly at odds with her laughing eyes. "How about your life? Now there's something worth betting on," I say flirtatiously.

She rolls her eyes and I know what's coming before her words pelt at me like stones. "Maybe so, but you can't afford me."

I ignore the instant regret on her face and counterattack with, "You sure? Because I hear that you're charging by the hour."

This isn't how the script is supposed to go. I'm supposed to ravish her to within an inch of her life and have her begging for more. I'm not supposed to shred her with my razor sharp wit and leave her bleeding. Her nostrils flare slightly, but that is the only sign that I've annoyed her. "I'm still out of your price range, Paco."

That comes from Evil Weevil's influence. "And you're still hanging out with pork rinds."

Veronica slaps the water. "But, dude, I thought that white meat was good for me."

I reach down into the water and make a yank me, crank me motion. "Only the premium cuts, honeybunch."

"Real full of yourself, aren't you?"

I lunge at her and say, "Not as full as you're gonna be in about two seconds."

"Is that a threat, Paco?" Her lips graze my jaw and I start thinking that hooch runs a distant second to the feel of her tongue on my overheated skin.

"Nope. Just a fact, ma'am." I bite down on her lower lip and ignore the metallic taste of blood as I reacquaint myself with her delicious mouth.

Veronica giggles, "You're not gonna go all Joe Friday on me, are you?" Her lips vibrate on my neck and every part of me stands up and takes notice.

My body tightens with exquisite tension and I yank her toward the pool steps. "Hate to disappoint you, but I left my handcuffs at home."

My deft fingers slide her straps to the edge of her shoulders and my mouth follows the path of my hands as I lick my way to the inside folds of her elbows. Her pulse beats against my tongue like a startled hummingbird and revs even higher when I move to her mid-section. I visit the concave hollows of her belly and taste chlorine and musk as I glide across her clavicle, swiping from side to side and ending at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. She looks at me and whispers, "What the hell are we doing?"

"No idea." I make quick work of her bottoms and leer at her appreciatively. "Except for the part where I want you."

Veronica smiles and reaches behind to unhook her top. "Is that why I'm here?" I slide the straps forward and feel my mouth go dry when her top floats away and exposes her breasts to the night air. She is perfectly formed and her nipples harden even more when I flick my tongue across each tip. Her groan is lost in her throat as I attack her mouth, sucking on her tongue with mine as I sit back on the steps and pull her on top of me. Back and forth I weave, deepening the kiss with each thrust of my tongue and timing my last approach by ramming up into her. She jerks like a puppet on a string when my hot fingers find her slick center and for a long moment, we both stop and stare at each other in dazed lust.

"Yes, ma'am," I snark, my grin fading when her inner muscles contract and nearly kill me with sensation. With an answering smirk, Veronica moves against me and any thought of staying in control are lost as she gallops along at warp speed, riding me hard as my ass bumps against the step with each parry and thrust. My hand moves in sync and when I'm nearly over the edge, she groans out my name and presses against me, falling into my waiting hands when I perform a coule and nearly slice her in half.

Silvery moonbeams and fragrant pots of frangipani saturate my senses and almost help me forget that I dislike Veronica Mars. Normal couples would float on the water with interlocked hands and talk about china patterns, but we're beyond fucked up.

She hunts down the pieces of her suit and announces, "This can't happen again."

"I know." It's a convenient lie, but one which we'll tell as the summer ticks by and throws us back into the media circus at Neptune High and the San Diego Courthouse.

"I'm not coming back here." Veronica steps out of the pool and starts toweling off.

I put my hands behind my head and arrange myself against the handrail. "Suit yourself," I crack, watching closely as she gets dressed and enjoying a private smirk at my rapier sharp wit.

Her camera is quickly scooped up and tucked safely back into its bag. "Is that all you have to say?"

I duck my head down and my grin widens. "Same time tomorrow night?"

Fin