Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Threads- how it could have been.

Chapter 1: Trial and Error

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

AN: No, Luke isn't high in this, Friedman can be if you like but he's not, ya know, in the story.

Joan's eyes scanned the landscape anxiously, every breath left in her lungs used up from her most recent scream. "ADAM!" She choked, gulping in the oxygen before trying again "ADAM!" She was soaked to the skin and freezing cold. Violent shivers wracked her body as raindrops fell down her face, mingling seamlessly with the tears. Joan could hardly see or move or breathe, she struggled helplessly, drowned by the water and suffocated by the guilt.

Adam's out here somewhere and he's either hurt or lost or… or he's dead. No! No he's not dead. Of course he isn't. Where are you Adam? Have you hurt yourself? I'm so sorry. Please come back; don't give up! I need you.

"Come on Girardi," Grace wraps her arm round Joan's shoulders. Joan pauses for a second, grateful for the warmth and comfort. "Lets wait inside. There's nothing we can do right now," Grace flinches, obviously struck by her own words. Joan knew she was just as upset as she herself was. Grace had known Adam since when they were both so young, even before Adam's mom had killed herself. Grace had been the only person there for Adam then, she was the only one who knew even a fraction of what he had gone through.

"You're freezing." Grace looked so concerned, so vulnerable.

Joan didn't allow herself to care. "ADAM!" She would rather stay where she was and die calling for Adam than go inside and wait. Their souls were linked. Nothing that had happened or anything that could happen would even change that. She tried to find air space in her head focused on that connection, letting it consume her thoughts. Every second they had ever spent together flowed through her veins, a mixture of adrenaline and narcotics. She put all her energy into letting it flow.

Where are you Adam? Are you hurt? Help me find you.

Nothing. Grace was still waiting for a response, her hair sticking to her face in wet clumps. She had been out in the rain even longer than Joan. "Grace…"

"Yeah?"

Joan couldn't ask what she had wanted to ask, couldn't say it.

What if he killed himself because I couldn't forgive him?

Joan settled for giving Grace a hug, clinging to her as they both clung onto hope, brought together by the boy that linked their lives in so many different ways. Grace hugged Joan, appreciating the friendship she had taken for granted for a while now.

"Give me a minute, k Grace? I'll see you inside."

Grace nodded, wiping her tears on her sleeve and trying to hide the fact that they ever existed. She went into the cabin and stood by the fire, staring at the view from the window and trying to filter out all the noise around her. Grace pulled her cell and tried once again to get through to Luke. No answer.

Where are you when I need you Luke? Joan's a good friend but Rove's the best friend I've ever had. I've known him since forever. I love him. Not like Joan loves him but love all the same. He's like a brother to me. I can't lose him. What about Joan? How would I feel if it was Luke out there?

Grace shudders at the thought.

Joan walked reluctantly into the cabin and hung up her coat and stood by Grace, outstretched hands to the fire savouring every bit of the warmth.

A rescue patrol officer went to use the cabin phone line.

"Why aren't you doing anything? Go find him! He needs help!" Joan pleaded, what was the use of all these people standing around when Adam was out there somewhere?

"We're doing everything we can right now Joan."

The smile was too pleasant, too familiar. Joan checked to see if Grace had noticed. She was staring intently out of the window, deep in thought.

"Out here," Joan hissed, dragging God outside.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Bring him back right now! How could you just let this happen?" Joan was furious.

"The whole free will thing really doesn't float with you does it? Adam went out there because he wanted to, not because I forced him to. This is nobody's fault!"

"Yes, yes it is! It's all connected! That's what you're always telling me! You framed me with those eggs; I got community service; Adam finds me there; Adam meets…Bonnie," Joan could hardly even say her name. She knew really though, it wasn't Bonnie's fault. "Adam and I break up; he comes out here! It's all connected!"

"Are you saying that me asking you to pick up some garbage got Adam lost in the woods? Every single little thing that we do in our lives is connected. You weren't born the person you are now. Every little thing you and the others around you do have made you who you are and everyone else who they are. That's the way I made it. It's about more than just me."

Joan sank down to the floor and sat down on the steps to the cabin. She was colder than ever without her coat but she was past even noticing it. She was even beginning to appreciate the numb sensation spreading through her.

The cold isn't even that cold once you stop fighting it.

"So it was my fault?" Joan wished she could say he was wrong but she wasn't even sure of that anymore.

"No Joan. Now go back to the fire. Your on the brink of hypothermia."

Joan went back inside; confused the way only talking with God could make her.

Why is it my job to talk to god? Why was I chosen? I'm probably the worst mistake he ever made.

Joan found that Grace had got through to Luke.

"I think so… Could you...? Okay. And Luke...? Never mind, it can wait… Bye then."

Grace turned back to Joan. "He's on his way. Kevin is driving him."

Joan shrugged. Luke and Kevin, no Luke and Kevin, warm, cold, wet, dry, nothing like that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that Adam was okay.

"Girardi are you sure your okay?" Grace knew Joan was anything but.

They sat in silence and watched the flames dance in the fire. Grace, for the first time in her life, was praying. Grace had always been as distant to God as Joan could only wish he was to her. Thunder struck outside. Trees shook and birds scattered. Twenty minuets later Luke arrived with Kevin and Grace went to Kevin's car to talk to Luke on her own.

"Sorry it took so long to get down Grace but with the weather and all… is there any news?"

"No."

"Are you alright?"

"Not really. I'm better now you're here."

Luke gave Grace a hug, feeling her tears dampen his shoulder.

"That's what I needed to tell you Luke… I was thinking about how Adam was out there after a fight with Joan and how I'd feel if… if it was you out there instead of Rove."

Luke pulls Grace in further. "It's okay Grace, I'm here."

"I know; it's just that I realised something tonight and I had tell you just in case, you know, I didn't have another good opportunity."

"I'm listening."

"I love you Luke. I love you and I don't want us to be unfaithful and I don't want us to fight and I don't want you to get lost in the woods."

"I love you too Grace," Luke smiles and kisses his girlfriend, happy to here her say what he's wanted to say to her for so long. "And I don't want any of the stuff you don't want."

A Ranger came running up any banged on the car door.

"Come quickly, they think they've found your friend!"

Grace jumped out of the car and ran, followed by Luke.

Joan saw his face emerge from behind a bush. The face she could describe right down to the last detail from memory, the face that projected behind her eyes whenever she closed them. The face she hadn't been able to live with up until now, every glimpse of it painfully reminding her of his infidelity, his betrayal, his touch and kiss and smile. Of all the millions of images that her eyes had captured in her life, this one was the only one that really meant anything. She ran up to him and saw him pull down his hood, push up his fringe and find her standing in front of him. It was the first time in weeks Joan had seen him smile.

"Jane?"

"Adam!"

She flung her arms around his and held him so tight that neither of them could breathe. He was so cold, so wet and shivering. Joan kissed him, over and over again until she could bring herself to stop.

"Jane! What about… you know, Bonnie."

"Shhh, It doesn't matter. None of it matters. All that matters to me is that you're here and you're safe."

Joan buried her head into Adam's shoulder. She could feel him smell her hair.

He's safe! He's okay! I love him and maybe, just maybe, I can forgive him.

A figure appeared from behind Adam, a stranger.

"Who's that?"

"Ryan. He helped me back, I'll tell you later. So does this mean that we… that we're us again?

"I don't know Adam. I just… I can't… give me some time. Until then, I think they have to take you to the hospital."

"Will you come with me?"

"Yes, I'll come with you."

Adam hugged Grace and his dad and even Luke before going off in the ambulance with Joan. Happy, sad, confused, loving and loved he could only hope Joan could come to decision.

To be continued soon…

So what did you think? Let me know! (Review!) Please let me know if you have any suggestions for chapter 2.

Save Joan Of Arcadia, Our only chance of series 3. Go to to find out what to do! Please!

Hezzie,

Xxx