Disclaimer: I don't own Sirius or anything of the world of Harry Potter. It all belongs to that nice rich lady, J.K. Rowling. Don't sue! All you'd get is ten dollars in change (and I mean dimes and pennies) and a DBZ/GT poster.
Authors comments: ENJOY! Read and review! I haven't read the Harry Potter books in while so if I get something screwed up, don't be afraid to make a note of it! I don't bite much... If you flame though, I WILL post it with the next part of the story. Saying this, please indulge yourself in grammar and spelling lessons. Thank you.
When Black comes a Knockin'
People say that when you die, you can see yourself drifting away from your body, go through some tunnel of light and POOF! You either end up in hell, heaven, purgatory, or reincarnate into some random creature that you tortured as a child.
They never said ANYTHING about ending up in the middle of an office, sitting in some uncomfortable chair and speaking to some guy in black armour, with a nameplate that says 'Hades' on it, while he looks through some thick file folder with your very own name on it.
"Mr. Black," Hades began, settling the open folder on the table and looking up to face me. "It seems we have a problem."
I goggled at him, blinking stupidly. What else was I supposed to do? I'm dead. I didn't mean to die. All I was doing was going to save my godson (who I love and adore) when that bitch, Bellatrix, hexed me into some frickin' veil and I end up in the rejection office for the afterlife!
"What problem?" I squeaked then regained my composer. Sirius Black did NOT squeak!
Hades sighed. "You're not supposed to be dead yet."
My mind went blank at that; you're not told everyday that you shouldn't be dead. The thought alone made me cheer up and a grin cover my face. "Really? So that means I can go back to the living?"
"No."
I looked down at my robes and noticed for the first time that instead of my normal robes, I was wearing a toga, a bright white one at that. I opened my mouth to speak when the door behind me slammed open and a hooded figure stalked inside, instantly reminding me of a dementor without all the depression and soul sucking. Of course dementor's don't have scythes that they slam into desks. Poor desks, I thought, grimacing at the sound of the wood wailing in agony. "WHERE THE HELL IS HE!"
I tried to shrink into my chair and watched wide-eyed as Hades frowned at his desk before looking up at the cloaked figure. "Death, we've been over this. He's not scheduled to die for a while yet and-"
"I WANT HIM NOW!"
I will not laugh.
"-And," Hades continued, his left eye ticking as he slowly rose and leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk. "You will KINDLY take your scythe OUT of my desk before I deck you a decades pay!"
Death's shoulders slumped and he pulled his over-sized curled dagger out of Hades desk, plopping himself down right next to the chair beside me.
This was so screwed up.
I had this huge grin on my face; I couldn't help myself even as I felt my muscles begin to complain. This was better then sneaking into second year Hufflepuff girl's dorm and throwing garden gnomes at them while they slept.
"It's because of that, Mr. Black, that you lost life points."
I snapped my attention back to Hades and stared. "Life points?" He nodded, and held up my folder. Which, when taking a closer look at it, was indeed quite thick and had different coloured paper stuck out at odd angles in it.
"Life points, or karma points, are what make sure you lead a happy and satisfying life, or lead you down the path of darkness and despair, never to see the light of day again-"
"-Or to serve under the adorable hamsters that will soon over-power man and rule the world." Death finished, pulling out some weird, multicoloured cube from his cloak pocket.
I blinked, Hades sighed and Death went about to fiddling with the cube. "So I don't have any good life points?" I asked, because honestly I wanted to know. Surely spending twelve years in Azkaban must have made up for some bad karma.
"Actually it did, that and the love you have for your godson but that's beside the point. You're not supposed to be dead yet." Hades said and leaned back in his chair, a puff of smoke from his left hand and a round metal object appeared; it looked like a coil of wire.
The confusion on my face must have shown because Death leaned over to me and I resisted the urge to shudder. "Slinky," The Cloaked figure said before going back to the small cube he held.
Have I mentioned how screwed up this is?
After a few minuets, I cleared my throat and wished I hadn't as two piercing gazes landed on me. "Uh, as much as I enjoy sitting here in a skirt, could we possibly move on and maybe find a way for the whole dead thing to be fixed?" Instantly I regretted talking because the 'slinky' disappeared with a puff of smoke and Death turned to stare at me.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Hades asked, starting to slowly grin as he twiddled his thumbs on my folder.
"Leprechauns and Seeing Eye ponies?"
I watched as the tick return and Hades nodded at me. "Take him. He's still got enough life energy in him, plus he won't send the children screaming."
Right beside me, something that made my blood run cold (If I had any blood. Note to self: Check for blood) and my very soul quiver in fear. Death giggled, clutching his scythe like some demented rabbit on crack. "A BUDDY!"
And that's how it all began. Apparently it was due to cut backs and the Valkyrie on strike that Death needed an assistant and seeing as how I was a wrongfully killed (only to find out later that I was SUPPOSED to be a grim, haha, funny.) Hades, the god of the Underworld, picked me. I wonder who the other guy that was gonna take this job was. It doesn't matter. I have to go and do my very first reaping. Death promised it would be an easy one.
End ch.1