Padme stood still in front of the house watching as the carriage became smaller and smaller. She was unaware that more tears coursed down her cheeks as the carriage became nothing more than a speck, almost nothing. She couldn't stop crying.
She turned toward the house where she could here her mother as well as Anakin's yelling at both of their fathers. She sighed. As she silently entered the house the yelling just grew louder. She wasn't sure just how much more she could take. She ended up at the stairway. She knew where those stairs led to...
Padme took one at a time, feeling her heart shatter more as she took a new step. She finally reached Anakin's bedroom. She locked the door behind her and quietly layed down on his bed. She felt the tears course down her cheek and she didn't even try to stop them. What would be the point? There were so many memories between the two of them...
Flashback:
Padme sat down that evening at the Skywalker dinner table. Both Anakin and her had to listen to their mothers complain how each of their child had acted getting fitted for the party. They looked at eachother and grinned both rolling their eyes.
"They won't notice if we leave. Come on," whispered Anakin.
Padme knew he was wrong. They somehow always got caught no matter what they did. She even surprised herself though when she willingly got up and followed him to the top of the meadow where they sometimes went.
She watched Anakin lay down on the grass as if he didn't have a care in the world. He smiled at her and patted the place next to him. She layed down next to him her back against his chest. She smiled as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her.
End of flashback...
Padme leaned against the pillow and wiped at her tears. No. She was Padme Amidala. She would get through this. She was not going to cry anymore. No one would want this of her. Moch more than a fallen angel was expected of her. And she had never been one to dissapoint.
She walked out to Anakin's balcony. She was surprised to see Johnathon looking over the balcony. He reguarded her with a look before looking back out to the garden he could see from here.
"You know, I always thought I would be happy the day Anakin left. But right now, I feel nothing. And in a way I almost miss him."
"So do I," replied Padme softly.
"It's different though. I miss him because he's my older brother. You miss him because you love him."
"What?"
"No wonder they thought you two were the perfect match. The both of you are fucking blind. Well, God help us all when he comes back and the two of you start repopulating the world," said Johnathon sarcastically.
"I'm marrying him. It's not my choice. It was arranged. I don't love him," said Padme with a passion.
She didn't realize that she had stopped crying or really even being sad. She was now angry.
"Prove it."
"How?"
"Kiss me."
"What? Why?"
"Well, if you really don't love Anakin as much as you say you don't then kissing me really shouldn't be a problem."
"But, I'm marrying Anakin..."
"He's not going to know. You know what? I'll make it easier on you. I'll kiss you and if you don't like it you can pull away or even hit me."
The minute Padme felt a pair of lips touch hers she couldn't help but ammediately pull away. This wasn't right. But if she was right why couldn't she just kiss him? It wouldn't mean anything.
"See? I told you," said a soft voice as it began to walk away.
Padme stopped him from walking away though.
"Don't worry Padme. I'll always be your friend."
And he was. For two years he was her best friend. But somewhere along the way she had almost forgotten about the line between friendship and love. There were many times she had almost crossed it. Johnathon never allowed her to cross it though. And everytime she almost did she felt guilty.
*********************
TWO YEARS LATER:
Amethyst Skywalker watched the tall lean man that had become her son. He had always been tall for his age and blessed with handsome features. The last time she had seen him he was eighteen and about 5'11. Now the man who stood before her was twenty and around 6'3.
She had watched the carriage pull up in front of the house. Was her son finally home? She watched him walk up the steps and knock on the door. She had answered it herself.
"Anakin?"
"Yes, Mother. It's me."
She had walked with him into one of the livingrooms. She had left him to talk with one of the servants, in order to have the Amidala's informed of what was going on. She came back in and took a seat across from him.
"Anakin, you are finally home. It feels like you have been gone for many more years than just two," said Amethyst.
"You have no idea..."
"Everyone will be here tonight for dinner. As much as I've missed you I think there's a certain brow eyed beauty who missed you a bit more."
She watched her son's face for some sort of emotion. None even crossed his face at the mention of Padme.
"You haven't said but a few words. Is everything alright, Anakin," asked Amethyst.
"Ofcourse, Mother. I'm going to go upstairs and lay down. I'll be up in time to get ready."
"That sounds fine to me. I will talk with you later."
"Ofcourse."
Anakin kissed her on the cheek before walking upstairs. He layed down on his bed and his eyes shut heavily. He would see her tonight, but what would happen?
******************
Amethyst remained in the livingroom even after Anakin had retired to his room. She deeply sighed.
How could that young man possibly be her son? She had never seen him so quiet in his entire life. It seemed near impossible that man could be Anakin. But it was him. No one else had those deep striking blue eyes.
Yes, her son had finally come home. She assured herself that he would become his old self in time. He just needed to get settled in. And even more than that he needed to see Padme....
*********************
A beautiful girl with long, dark curley brown hair studied herself in the mirror. She was still disatisfied with the way she looked tonight. But it was too late now. She didn't have time to change. She couldn't always look perfect. No one could.
But, everything had to be perfect. Anakin was now home. She would be seeing him tonight. It had been two long years without him in her life. She felt so nervous that she could barely breathe.
Padme took a seat on her bed. What if he didn't like hwat he saw, and decided against marrying her? This would have to do. There would be other days for impressing him. She watched her bedroom door open. Her Nana came in.
"My dear, you look very lovely tonight. I don't think I could have done a better job on you myself," commented the older woman.
"Yes, you could have. I just want everything to be perfect tonight," said Padme.
"And it will be. I have never seen you look so beautiful. He left you a crying teenager. He has now ocme home to a graceful young woman," said Nana admiringly.
"Do you really think so?"
"I know so. Now come along. Here's your coat."
Padme took the coat from Nana and put it on. Then she gracefully decended from the stairs to join her parents.
***********************
Anakin was talking with his father when suddenly he felt someone staring at him. He knew it was her. He could sense it. He looked up expecting her to look down shyly but she didn't. She stared for a moment before continuing her conversation with Anakin's mother.
Anakin wanted so badly just to go talk with her, but he'd never here the end of it from his father. He felt her staring at him again. This time when he looked up she was going outside towards the gardens.
"Excuse me father."
He didn't wait for his father to respond before walking outside to the garden he knew he'd find her in. He found her sitting on their bench.
"Hello."
He had never felt so nervous in his life. He watched as she looked up at him. He had never seen anything or anyone that was so beautiful. He finally took a seat next to her.
"Why didn't you come talk with me inside," he gently asked her.
"I didn't know what to say to you. I still don't know what to say to you."
He felt her soft hand touch his cheek. He leaned into her touch. After a minute he took that hand in his and kissed every singlle finger before looking at her. Her expression was unreadable as she stared back at him.
"It feels like you're not really here, that this is another dream that I'll wake up from..."
He felt both of her hands touching him everywhere on his face. They didn't stop until one finger rested on his lips, and began to outline them.
"Please be real..."
Anakin looked at the woman he had come to love, but always semeed to have trouble admitting to it. He couldn't stop himself from leaning over and kissing her. He was pleased when eager lips feverently kissed him back.
He wondered how he had lived two years without this. He slowly pulled away from her. Except for the day he left and the day before that he had never really seen her cry. She looked like she was almost in pain.
"Don't cry. It's alright. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere anymore without you," said Anakin.
"You- you don't understand. You told me to find out what my life meant without you."
"I never should have said that. I'm sorry."
"But, you left... How could things ever be the same?"
"I never should have left you. I'm sorry that I did. I'm here now, if you still want me to be."
He felt two arms wrap around him. He realized she was slightly shaking. He held her to him. Finally she pulled back a little.
"I want you so much that I can't breathe. But, I can't start our marriage based on lies. I can't..."
"What happened?"
As she cried she relayed to him the tale of what happened that day on his balcony and how Johnathon had become her best friend. She finished her story looking at her lap. She suddenly felt a soft hand guding her chin up, forcing her to look him in the eyes.
"If the question is do I want you, the answer is yes. If the question is how long will I need you, the answer is forever. But if the question is will I stop loving you, the answer is never."
"Anakin, I'm so confused. You just got back. You wrote a week after you go there and said it was only going to be for a year, but it was for two. You never wrote me again. I didn't think you were going to come back. I- I have to go inside. This is all too much."
**********************
Anakin walked into his room an hour later to find Padme sitting on his bed with her head on her knees. She looked up at him in almost surprise.
"Um, I'm sorry. I almost forgot that this was your room. I'm leaving now..."
"Please don't go," said Anakin as he sat next to her smiling when she remained.
He layed back and she did the same. He was almost surprised when she held onto him as if she was never going to see him again. He held onto her as tightly. He smiled down at her when she looked up at him.
How could he look at her like that as if she held heaven and earth? He loved her and she had betrayed him. He pretended as if it were nothing. How could he even look at her at all?
"I'm a whore. You deserve better. If he hadn't pushed me away those times things would have happened."
"You never told me why he kissed you that first time."
"He said I was in love with you and that you were in love with me. But I didn't want to believe it. There were times when you would kiss me and I didn't quite know what to feel. He said if he kissed me and I didn't pull away I wasn't in love with you. The second he kissed me I pulled away because it didn't feel right. He then told me I loved you. And I did.
And now I don't know what the hell I feel. I am so confused. Why did you leave me in the first place? Why couldn't you just have stayed with me. I needed you and you weren't there.
That's why you're not mad at me isn't? You knew I needed you. So, I learned to depend on Johnathon. And now you're back..."
"Do you want me to go back there and leave you be? I will just for you if you decide you want me to," said Anakin.
He watched as tears rolled down her cheeks and suddenly she clung to him again. This time she was shaking more than before. He held her tightly against him until her sobs had subsided somewhat.
"Don't leave again. Please... I would die this time. I swear to God I would. And if I didn't I would kill myself."
This beautiful woman against him confused him to no end. One moment she seemed to be saying she wanted him to leave her, but the next she was declaring she would kill herself without him.
He wiped away her tears. And then he kissed them away. She then felt him kiss her cheeks. She closed her eyes in anticipation. When she felt his lips touch hers she kissed him back and drew him closer to her...
TBC
A/N: And no they didn't have sex. Hehe. Okay before the two years when Padme was in anakin's room that idea came to me from Dana. She had a dream and I used the part when she sat in Anakin's room. After that I tweaked it a bit. If anyone has any ideas email me at Roswellgeneration@yahoo.com
She turned toward the house where she could here her mother as well as Anakin's yelling at both of their fathers. She sighed. As she silently entered the house the yelling just grew louder. She wasn't sure just how much more she could take. She ended up at the stairway. She knew where those stairs led to...
Padme took one at a time, feeling her heart shatter more as she took a new step. She finally reached Anakin's bedroom. She locked the door behind her and quietly layed down on his bed. She felt the tears course down her cheek and she didn't even try to stop them. What would be the point? There were so many memories between the two of them...
Flashback:
Padme sat down that evening at the Skywalker dinner table. Both Anakin and her had to listen to their mothers complain how each of their child had acted getting fitted for the party. They looked at eachother and grinned both rolling their eyes.
"They won't notice if we leave. Come on," whispered Anakin.
Padme knew he was wrong. They somehow always got caught no matter what they did. She even surprised herself though when she willingly got up and followed him to the top of the meadow where they sometimes went.
She watched Anakin lay down on the grass as if he didn't have a care in the world. He smiled at her and patted the place next to him. She layed down next to him her back against his chest. She smiled as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her.
End of flashback...
Padme leaned against the pillow and wiped at her tears. No. She was Padme Amidala. She would get through this. She was not going to cry anymore. No one would want this of her. Moch more than a fallen angel was expected of her. And she had never been one to dissapoint.
She walked out to Anakin's balcony. She was surprised to see Johnathon looking over the balcony. He reguarded her with a look before looking back out to the garden he could see from here.
"You know, I always thought I would be happy the day Anakin left. But right now, I feel nothing. And in a way I almost miss him."
"So do I," replied Padme softly.
"It's different though. I miss him because he's my older brother. You miss him because you love him."
"What?"
"No wonder they thought you two were the perfect match. The both of you are fucking blind. Well, God help us all when he comes back and the two of you start repopulating the world," said Johnathon sarcastically.
"I'm marrying him. It's not my choice. It was arranged. I don't love him," said Padme with a passion.
She didn't realize that she had stopped crying or really even being sad. She was now angry.
"Prove it."
"How?"
"Kiss me."
"What? Why?"
"Well, if you really don't love Anakin as much as you say you don't then kissing me really shouldn't be a problem."
"But, I'm marrying Anakin..."
"He's not going to know. You know what? I'll make it easier on you. I'll kiss you and if you don't like it you can pull away or even hit me."
The minute Padme felt a pair of lips touch hers she couldn't help but ammediately pull away. This wasn't right. But if she was right why couldn't she just kiss him? It wouldn't mean anything.
"See? I told you," said a soft voice as it began to walk away.
Padme stopped him from walking away though.
"Don't worry Padme. I'll always be your friend."
And he was. For two years he was her best friend. But somewhere along the way she had almost forgotten about the line between friendship and love. There were many times she had almost crossed it. Johnathon never allowed her to cross it though. And everytime she almost did she felt guilty.
*********************
TWO YEARS LATER:
Amethyst Skywalker watched the tall lean man that had become her son. He had always been tall for his age and blessed with handsome features. The last time she had seen him he was eighteen and about 5'11. Now the man who stood before her was twenty and around 6'3.
She had watched the carriage pull up in front of the house. Was her son finally home? She watched him walk up the steps and knock on the door. She had answered it herself.
"Anakin?"
"Yes, Mother. It's me."
She had walked with him into one of the livingrooms. She had left him to talk with one of the servants, in order to have the Amidala's informed of what was going on. She came back in and took a seat across from him.
"Anakin, you are finally home. It feels like you have been gone for many more years than just two," said Amethyst.
"You have no idea..."
"Everyone will be here tonight for dinner. As much as I've missed you I think there's a certain brow eyed beauty who missed you a bit more."
She watched her son's face for some sort of emotion. None even crossed his face at the mention of Padme.
"You haven't said but a few words. Is everything alright, Anakin," asked Amethyst.
"Ofcourse, Mother. I'm going to go upstairs and lay down. I'll be up in time to get ready."
"That sounds fine to me. I will talk with you later."
"Ofcourse."
Anakin kissed her on the cheek before walking upstairs. He layed down on his bed and his eyes shut heavily. He would see her tonight, but what would happen?
******************
Amethyst remained in the livingroom even after Anakin had retired to his room. She deeply sighed.
How could that young man possibly be her son? She had never seen him so quiet in his entire life. It seemed near impossible that man could be Anakin. But it was him. No one else had those deep striking blue eyes.
Yes, her son had finally come home. She assured herself that he would become his old self in time. He just needed to get settled in. And even more than that he needed to see Padme....
*********************
A beautiful girl with long, dark curley brown hair studied herself in the mirror. She was still disatisfied with the way she looked tonight. But it was too late now. She didn't have time to change. She couldn't always look perfect. No one could.
But, everything had to be perfect. Anakin was now home. She would be seeing him tonight. It had been two long years without him in her life. She felt so nervous that she could barely breathe.
Padme took a seat on her bed. What if he didn't like hwat he saw, and decided against marrying her? This would have to do. There would be other days for impressing him. She watched her bedroom door open. Her Nana came in.
"My dear, you look very lovely tonight. I don't think I could have done a better job on you myself," commented the older woman.
"Yes, you could have. I just want everything to be perfect tonight," said Padme.
"And it will be. I have never seen you look so beautiful. He left you a crying teenager. He has now ocme home to a graceful young woman," said Nana admiringly.
"Do you really think so?"
"I know so. Now come along. Here's your coat."
Padme took the coat from Nana and put it on. Then she gracefully decended from the stairs to join her parents.
***********************
Anakin was talking with his father when suddenly he felt someone staring at him. He knew it was her. He could sense it. He looked up expecting her to look down shyly but she didn't. She stared for a moment before continuing her conversation with Anakin's mother.
Anakin wanted so badly just to go talk with her, but he'd never here the end of it from his father. He felt her staring at him again. This time when he looked up she was going outside towards the gardens.
"Excuse me father."
He didn't wait for his father to respond before walking outside to the garden he knew he'd find her in. He found her sitting on their bench.
"Hello."
He had never felt so nervous in his life. He watched as she looked up at him. He had never seen anything or anyone that was so beautiful. He finally took a seat next to her.
"Why didn't you come talk with me inside," he gently asked her.
"I didn't know what to say to you. I still don't know what to say to you."
He felt her soft hand touch his cheek. He leaned into her touch. After a minute he took that hand in his and kissed every singlle finger before looking at her. Her expression was unreadable as she stared back at him.
"It feels like you're not really here, that this is another dream that I'll wake up from..."
He felt both of her hands touching him everywhere on his face. They didn't stop until one finger rested on his lips, and began to outline them.
"Please be real..."
Anakin looked at the woman he had come to love, but always semeed to have trouble admitting to it. He couldn't stop himself from leaning over and kissing her. He was pleased when eager lips feverently kissed him back.
He wondered how he had lived two years without this. He slowly pulled away from her. Except for the day he left and the day before that he had never really seen her cry. She looked like she was almost in pain.
"Don't cry. It's alright. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere anymore without you," said Anakin.
"You- you don't understand. You told me to find out what my life meant without you."
"I never should have said that. I'm sorry."
"But, you left... How could things ever be the same?"
"I never should have left you. I'm sorry that I did. I'm here now, if you still want me to be."
He felt two arms wrap around him. He realized she was slightly shaking. He held her to him. Finally she pulled back a little.
"I want you so much that I can't breathe. But, I can't start our marriage based on lies. I can't..."
"What happened?"
As she cried she relayed to him the tale of what happened that day on his balcony and how Johnathon had become her best friend. She finished her story looking at her lap. She suddenly felt a soft hand guding her chin up, forcing her to look him in the eyes.
"If the question is do I want you, the answer is yes. If the question is how long will I need you, the answer is forever. But if the question is will I stop loving you, the answer is never."
"Anakin, I'm so confused. You just got back. You wrote a week after you go there and said it was only going to be for a year, but it was for two. You never wrote me again. I didn't think you were going to come back. I- I have to go inside. This is all too much."
**********************
Anakin walked into his room an hour later to find Padme sitting on his bed with her head on her knees. She looked up at him in almost surprise.
"Um, I'm sorry. I almost forgot that this was your room. I'm leaving now..."
"Please don't go," said Anakin as he sat next to her smiling when she remained.
He layed back and she did the same. He was almost surprised when she held onto him as if she was never going to see him again. He held onto her as tightly. He smiled down at her when she looked up at him.
How could he look at her like that as if she held heaven and earth? He loved her and she had betrayed him. He pretended as if it were nothing. How could he even look at her at all?
"I'm a whore. You deserve better. If he hadn't pushed me away those times things would have happened."
"You never told me why he kissed you that first time."
"He said I was in love with you and that you were in love with me. But I didn't want to believe it. There were times when you would kiss me and I didn't quite know what to feel. He said if he kissed me and I didn't pull away I wasn't in love with you. The second he kissed me I pulled away because it didn't feel right. He then told me I loved you. And I did.
And now I don't know what the hell I feel. I am so confused. Why did you leave me in the first place? Why couldn't you just have stayed with me. I needed you and you weren't there.
That's why you're not mad at me isn't? You knew I needed you. So, I learned to depend on Johnathon. And now you're back..."
"Do you want me to go back there and leave you be? I will just for you if you decide you want me to," said Anakin.
He watched as tears rolled down her cheeks and suddenly she clung to him again. This time she was shaking more than before. He held her tightly against him until her sobs had subsided somewhat.
"Don't leave again. Please... I would die this time. I swear to God I would. And if I didn't I would kill myself."
This beautiful woman against him confused him to no end. One moment she seemed to be saying she wanted him to leave her, but the next she was declaring she would kill herself without him.
He wiped away her tears. And then he kissed them away. She then felt him kiss her cheeks. She closed her eyes in anticipation. When she felt his lips touch hers she kissed him back and drew him closer to her...
TBC
A/N: And no they didn't have sex. Hehe. Okay before the two years when Padme was in anakin's room that idea came to me from Dana. She had a dream and I used the part when she sat in Anakin's room. After that I tweaked it a bit. If anyone has any ideas email me at Roswellgeneration@yahoo.com