"Gone"

3. 'Maybe I'll wake up for once'

"Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore."

Evanescence 'Going under'

Ken lay in his bed, a blanket of insomnia wrapped around him. He had been staring at the ceiling for over two hours now while Wormmon snoozed quietly next to him. He wandered idly if he were already asleep and that the fact that he was awake was a figment of his imagination. Sighing heavily, he rolled over onto his stomach and pressed his face into the crook of his arm, willing himself to doze off. Instead of this warm feeling, he felt the odd sensation of not really being here as his headache devoured his sight.

He blinked a couple of times and found himself in bed, in the mental ward. He sat up gingerly and looked lazily around the white, clinical room. He slid off the bed. His bare feet slapped the tile floor as he made his way toward the door. He pushed it open and made his way down the corridor, which was full of people of various sorts. Some were patients that were staring into space, some were doctors or nurses and some were volunteers. Ken paused to see Yolei walk up the corridor and turn into a room. Her blond hair was in loose curls today. He decided to follow her into the room and had to scan the room several times before he spotted her. There were almost twenty patients in the room and almost six volunteers.

Not knowing what to say to her, he decided to sit down at one of the desks and watch her for a while. He was distracted however when a teenage boy of about seventeen began playing the piano in the corner of the room. No one seemed to notice this and Ken found it very surprising when no one looked in that direction when a young woman began to sing with the piano. She had sat down next to the brunette at the piano and tossed her red hair over her shoulder.

Her voice was unearthly and beautiful but full of sorrow. Ken listened intently to her lyrics as she sang each one.

"Playground school bell rings again

Rain clouds come to play again

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

Hello, I'm your mind giving you

Someone to talk to,

Hello.

If I smile and don't believe

Soon I know I'll wake from this dream

Don't try to fix me I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide

Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping

Hello, I'm still here

All that's left of yesterday."

When she had finished her song, she got up as if nothing had happened and walked over to a desk by herself and fell silent, staring ahead of her.

Ken jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and spun around to see who had touched him. It was Yolei. She smiled and sat down next to him.

"You're out of your room by yourself today."

He frowned slightly and she continued.

"Usually we have to help you walk down to this room."

"What is it like when I'm, well, not here?" Ken asked awkwardly.

She shrugged, "I suppose it's like someone who is in a catatonic state, only not really. It's hard to explain."

He nodded. Then he looked back to the girl who had sung such a sad song. "What happened to her?"

Yolei smiled sadly, "Her voice is beautiful isn't it?"

He nodded again.

"When she was younger, she was going to be in a show to sing at a school concert but her mother had been working late and was in a rush to get to the concert to see her daughter sing. Her mom never got to see her sing though because she was in a car accident that killed her instantly. She never spoke a word again. She only just recently started singing again and the doctors are hopeful."

Ken dropped his head, "That's horrible."

She dropped her head to the side and watched his face for a while, before he looked up at her again, "I know I'm in your world." She stated.

"How do you know that?"

"You've mentioned me, Davis too."

"Really? Are all the Digi – ah, all my friends in this world?"

She shook her head slowly, "No, just me and Davis. It was about two years ago actually that you mentioned us, and your doctor said that you could be making links to this world and your reality. I just volunteered here and Davis was in another ward. The doctor transferred him down to your ward so you could have contact with him. We never knew if it was co-incidence or not though."

"Well, you're sort of the same, only the Yolei in my world has lilac hair."

A wry grin spread over her face, "I had died it that colour a few months before I started here, but decided to go back to blond."

He nodded, "What's Davis like?"

"He keeps to himself mostly. I don't think he likes being down at this ward. He was freaked out when you mentioned his name. He was supposed to help me look after you, but it's mostly me now."

Ken's face fell, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly, it's what I'm here to do. And I'm also here to be your friend Ken."

"Yeah, out of pity."

"No, not pity, compassion. Your brother almost died and you got sick, it's not your fault and I don't feel sorry for you, I just want to help you."

Ken opened his mouth to reply to her, but his doctor stepped into the room and looked around. When he saw Ken he said, "Ah, there you are. You have a session with me now Ken." He gestured for Ken to follow him, "Come along."

Ken glanced at Yolei before getting up. His face obviously looked ambivalent, because she gave a reassuring smile and said kindly, "It's okay. You've done this before. He just talks to you."

Ken nodded absently and followed the Doctor down the hall.

Once they were inside the doctor's office, he closed the door and sat down at a large wooden desk. Ken stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, on a Persian carpet.

"Take a seat Ken." The doctor gestured to the chair in front of the desk.

Ken hesitated at first and then slowly sat on the cushy chair. He glanced around him self and then noticed the doctor was staring at him.

"How you are feeling Ken?"

Ken frowned a little, "Confused."

"That's understandable. You feel like you don't know what's real and what isn't am I right?"

Ken nodded dumbly, "How long have I been here?"

"Since you were about eight. Your parents brought you to me after your brother's accident."

Ken looked up sharply, "My brother died."

The doctor shook his head, "No he didn't Ken. You thought he did and that's when your hallucinations became the worst they had ever been. You blamed yourself for his accident, or as you saw it, death and fell into your own little world, where you could go to the Digital world and-"

"Wait a minute." Ken interjected, "I went to the Digital world before my brother died, or had his accident, or whatever happened."

The doctor nodded. "Yes you did. You see Ken, you were sick with schizophrenia before your brother's accident. Your parents suspected something was wrong a few months before it happened. They thought it might have been a phase you were going through. Talking to imaginary friends, pretending to be in a different world. But after your brother was in hospital, you went completely into your own world, where you couldn't tell the difference between what was real and what was not anymore. You believed that your brother was dead and that it was your fault and that you needed to be punished. You created an elaborate battle between yourself and others, who later became your friends."

Ken's stomach sank, "You mean, I was sick all those years ago? The digivice, the portal through the computer, all of it was my imagination?"

"I'm afraid so Ken." The doctor sighed and folded his arms, "We thought that we would never be able to help you Ken. There were times where you would talk out things that were happening in your world, and that is how we know what we know about you and your world now."

"That's why you got Yolei and Davis to work with me."

He nodded, "I thought it might spark something in you and bring you out of your world. This new medication that we have you on seems to be working Ken, you are lucid far more often now, but it's up to you to finish it off. You have to want to get better."

Ken fiddled with the hem of his pajama top, seemingly as if he hadn't heard the doctor.

"Ken?" he leaned forward, "Did you hear me?"

Ken nodded and stood up; "It's not that easy you know? I don't know who to trust or what to believe. This is all new to me. Everything in my world is familiar and real to me. What if you are the lie and I am sick, but this is my hallucination?"

"I know how you must be feeling Ken but…"

"You don't know!" Ken stated matter-of-factly. "You have no idea how I'm feeling. How confused, how depressed, how irritated I'm feeling. All I want right now is to be left alone so I can figure this out for myself."

Without hearing another word from the doctor, Ken turned and marched out the office. He stepped into the white corridor and noticed Yolei talking to someone. When she moved an inch to the left, he saw that it was Osamu. He looked exactly how he remembered him. Gold-rimmed glasses, spiky hair, only he was a little taller and more filled out.

When Osamu noticed Ken standing in the corridor, he smiled and nodded at Yolei before walking toward him.

He paused awkwardly in front of Ken and smiled, "Hey Kenny-boy."

Ken stared blankly at him before finally saying, "Hi."

After all these years of thinking his brother was dead, of all the things he has wanted to say to him, all he could think of was 'hi'.

"It's okay, Ken." Osamu reassured, "The doctor told me that I was dead in your world. After the accident you went into your world and never found out that I was okay."

"I want to believe it's you 'Samu. I really do."

"I know you're confused now. It's going to be okay though. I know it is. See, we're talking now and you can maybe come home sometime."

Ken could see Osamu was trying his hardest not to cry, but his quavering voice gave him away.

Suddenly everything Ken had ever wanted to say to his brother and everything he felt about him came crashing down upon him and he just let himself wrap his arms around his older brother.

"I've missed you so much 'Samu."

Osamu squeezed his ototo-chan and muttered, "Me too Kenny-boy, me too."

The two brothers sat in the activity room talking for what felt like hours. Every now and then Yolei would sit by them and join in and when she noticed a tall young man with auburn hair, she called him over. "Davis! Hey, over here."

The brunette sighed and changed his direction to accommodate Yolei. He stopped at the desk and asked her, "What is it?"

"Ken's awake."

Davis looked down at Ken, who smiled up at him, but instead of being met with the famous Davis grin; he got a blank face that almost looked a little wary.

"Hey." Davis muttered and turned around, "I'll see you around."

"He's a friendly one isn't he?" Osamu said sarcastically, sneering in Davis's direction.

Yolei sighed heavily, "Don't mind him. He's just freaked out about Ken having someone like him in his little world."

"Still, he doesn't have to be so rude." Osamu folded his arms and frowned at Davis.

Ken smirked despite himself, "It's okay niisan."

Suddenly, Ken's smile faded and he felt a little queasy.

"What's wrong Ken?" Osamu asked concerned.

"I think I'm going back into my world. I want to stay here though, I want to stay with you niisan, but I don't know how."

"You have to let go Ken." Yolei informed him, "You have to let go of all the things keeping you in your world."

"How do I do that?" he asked desperately.

"I don't know." She confessed, "I'm sorry."

He nodded and went blank for a moment, where he 'woke up' in his bed. It looked like it was early morning outside, so he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He felt incredibly tired, as it felt like he had not slept at all.

"I have to let go of everything keeping me here." He mused to himself. And then it hit him in a horrifying second.

"I have to get rid of my friends!"

He gasped; shocked that the very idea had entered his head, but even more shocked that it had come out his own mouth. But then a different side of him seemed to come close to the surface as he thought about how much he wanted to stay with his brother. And another question entered his head.

"But how do I do that?"

And a little voice inside his head whispered, "You'll have to kill them."

(AN)

I'm not saying anything about that little voice at the end of this chapter, but one of my muses, that being the Kaiser is sitting here smirking at me.

The others are looking at me, with sweet disbelieving looks, wondering if I'm really going to go through with this. All I'm going to say is, "I'll never tell!"

The song that that poor girl sang was 'Hello' by Evanescence.

I got a review from 'per', thank you for your review, I would be honored if you translated it, just as long as you give me full credit and send me a copy. I'd love to see it.

This is not a romance story, in no way, so no; Ken and Davis will not get together.

And lost note, 'oh crap, I can't believe I spelt Joe's name wrong in the last chapter!' I'll go back and fix that when I have time.

Thanks for the reviews guys, but I would prefer it if you told me why you like the chapter or what you don't like, or what you think, you know. Instead of 'update soon'. I'm going to update at some point regardless of whether or not you ask me to. I need help on my writing, so please give it to me. (Or see my bio page for review rules and tips). Thanks again!