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Siri

Her whole body was shuddering madly. Her Jedi training could not control this, could not make this pain go away. Gasping for air she slid to the hall, mindless that she was in a public walkway, that she could be observed easily. She didn't care.

Couldn't care.

She was dying.

Intellectually she knew that was not true. Her body was still working, forcing blood around her body.

But her heart...

It had never hurt like this before, a physical pain that ripped through her body as if she were in battle.

Why did it hurt so much? Why could she not move from this spot where she sad huddled as if she were a youngling afraid of the dark.

She felt young and innocent and trembling, forced into a new world where nothing made sense. It was similar to the world she had stumbled across with Obi Wan, but although that had frightened her she knew that Obi Wan was with her, that he would keep her standing.

Here she was alone.

Here she was dying.

She wanted to turn, made the effort so she once again faced the door, if she could just stand...could just press the switch, everything would be okay...she could tell Obi Wan that she didn't mean it...that she wasn't ready to let go.

She didn't move.

'Please make this go away' she begged, tilting her head to the ceiling which blurred before her eyes. She realized she was sobbing, real, harsh sobs that spoke of loss and heartache, the type she had witnessed from families torn apart on distance worlds, where all she could do was turn away and offer them some privacy in their grief.

This feeling ripped into her jugular and spurted blood each time she gasped for air in between deep heaving and ragged, cutting deeply into an open wound.

It was impossible for someone to feel this pain and regain whoever they were beforehand.

She was not the Siri Tachi she had been when she walked into the Room of the Thousand Fountains. She wasn't the same as the Siri Tachi who had boarded the transport however many days ago.

She didn't know who she was.

She didn't know who she was supposed to be now.

She may not be cut out to be in love but she didn't feel cut out to be a Jedi. Peace seemed so far away now she could barely comprehend the meaning.

She tightened her hands over her knees and laid her head upon them.

"I love you, Obi Wan"

And sobbed.