Dawning

This time when you awake, everything isn't as blurry, and you think you can see some sunlight peeking through the shades on the windows behind you. The room is quiet, and you don't see anyone sitting in the chair, but there is the noise of someone breathing and you feel the bed move slightly.

Turning your head very slowly, you see the top of another person's head resting on their arms down near the foot of the bed. They'd dragged over another chair so that they could sit next to the bed. You can't make out the face, but the hair is short and brown. Then you smell a hint of suede and musk that you remember from the darkness. The smell is fairly strong, and you guess it must be coming from the man who is sleeping. Who is he?

You sniff again, and the scent overwhelms your memory. You remember laughter and sadness, anger and affection, worry and reassurance. Where did these feelings come from and who is this man to provoke them?

You find that someone has left the call button underneath your hand, and you try and press it. After several uncoordinated attempts you finally succeed. Lying back, you wait for the nurse to arrive, clenching and unclenching your fist as you wait. The more you move your hand, the easier it seems to be to control.

An attractive nurse enters the room and smiles when she sees the sleeping man. That too seems familiar somehow, and you experience a momentary stab of outrage, or even jealousy, over it. Strange, that this man can cause so many feelings to rise in you even when he's asleep.

"Good morning, Ms. Todd. Doctor Anderson left instructions that you could try to eat something if you're interested. Would you like to try?"

"Yes, please." You notice your voice sounds better this morning.

The nurse first moves the man back off the bed and rolls the chair away slightly, then raises the top of the bed so you're in a more upright position. As she does this you look closely at the man. The first thing you notice is how attractive he is, even with sleep tousled hair and rumpled clothes. He seems very contented as he sleeps, but then you notice that his complexion has a grey tone to it, one that suggests something other than perfect health.

You turn to the nurse. "Who is that?"

The nurse looks at you strangely. "You don't know?"

"I feel as though I know him, but I can't quite remember who he is."

"Don't worry. It'll come back to you." The nurse smiled encouragingly, but you're sure there was a hesitation in her eyes.

The quiet conversation you're having with the nurse rouses the sleeping man, who yawns and stretches as he wakes. He obviously realizes where he is and immediately turns to look at you. The smile that lights up his face when he sees that you're awake simply blows you away. It's a smile that goes well beyond the mouth and into his eyes, but also somehow reduces the pallor of his complexion. It makes him seem more alive. You can't help but smile back at him in response as he leans forward and rests his hands lightly on the bed.

The problem is that you still don't know exactly who he is. You decide that it's time to take a chance.

"Are you Gibbs?"

The smile turns into a laugh as he responds. "Nope. He's shorter, has more grey hair, is constantly grumpy and carries a coffee cup everywhere. And I'm way better looking than he is."

You laugh at his description, but also can't help but notice the sudden look of anguish that appears in his eyes, even though it's masked by his joking response. The look jolts you like an electric shock and you're surprised at the level of your reaction. This man is obviously someone very important to you. Why can't you remember who he is?

Trying to make amends, you reach out your hand and place it on his. "I'm sorry. I don't seem to be remembering very much."

He exchanges a look with the nurse, but when he looks back at you, the smile is in his eyes once again.

"I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo. While there was always the possibility of short-term memory loss, we didn't think it had happened due to her asking for Agent Gibbs last night."

"How severe is the memory loss?"

"I'm not really sure as I haven't given Agent Todd a complete examination yet, but it's most likely not too severe. While she will probably never recall the events immediately prior to the time when she was injured, everything else will most likely return in the near future. It's really just a matter of keeping her with familiar people and putting her in familiar places and situations. Her memory could come back all at once, or it might return gradually, but it will come back."

"Thank you, Doctor."

You're surprised to find that the morning passes fairly quickly. One of the doctors, you forget which, comes by to give you a thorough physical examination. Another you suspect is there for a psych consult stops by briefly as well, asking a few nebulous questions about what you remember.

Then your nurse comes by to get you into the bathroom and to bathe you. It is then that you see yourself in the mirror, and discover not only the heavy bandaging on your head, but that you also have no hair. Given that you know you were shot in the head, it isn't really surprising that they'd needed to shave at least a portion away, but you're surprised at how much. As you look, you see a flash of another face in the mirror, one brushing dark hair that's just below shoulder length. Where did that come from?

The nurse sees your expression and explains that they'd had to take most of your hair off to assess the trauma as well as perform the surgery. Due to the extent of the injury, they'd decided to go the whole way since it will look better if it grows back at the same rate. Not an easy thing to accept, but logical at least.

You felt rather light headed afterwards, and so you slept for a couple of hours, before someone came to deliver lunch. The food isn't much to speak of as they would hardly introduce steak to someone that has been fed by an IV for a week. The doctor seems pleased that you're able to feed yourself though – albeit slowly. Any step toward recovery is good.

The confusing thing is what to do about the man who never seems to have been far from your room. You don't know whether he's a boyfriend, husband, or something else entirely. He doesn't wear a ring, and you notice you're not either, so it seems unlikely he's a husband. A boyfriend perhaps? There are several occasions when you've seen something much more than just friendship in his eyes – times when he didn't think you were watching him. This is compounded because he doesn't really seem to know what to do with himself. You can tell he wants to stay, but the fact that you don't remember who he is has made that difficult.

You finally decide to have it out with him when the door to your room opens and a tall silver haired man walks in carrying a large coffee cup. From the earlier description, you guess this must be Gibbs. He walks over to the bed and begins without preamble.

"How are you feeling, Kate?"

You grimace. "Light headed. Sore. Bald."

"I'd noticed that you've affected a marine cut. Looking to sign up?" He smirks, in what you realize is probably his version of a smile. He glances around the room. "Where's DiNozzo?"

You look at him quizzically. "Who?"

Gibbs eyes focus back on yours, missing nothing. You almost feel like he's stripping away the layers around your soul, and you have to look away.

"Who am I?"

"You're Gibbs." You know you're working yourself into a corner.

"And I am?"

"I don't know." You sigh. "I had a flash of memory when I first work up, and your name came to mind. I don't remember anything more."

You can see the look of sympathy in his eyes. "I'm your boss."

As soon as he says it, you can almost hear the click in your mind as that piece of memory drops into place. You can picture a large open plan room, with shoulder height cubicle walls. Gibbs sits at the desk to the left of yours, behind a veritable wall of monitors.

"At NCIS?"

He smiles again. "Yup."

You laugh at his reaction and he frowns questioningly. "I think that's more smiling than you usually do in a week, Gibbs."

"Are you still skulking around here, DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss."

"I don't suppose you're going to leave?"

"Not unless you're prepared to cuff me and drag me away kicking and screaming."

After being so alert earlier in the day, you found yourself sleeping for a good part of the afternoon – which isn't entirely surprising given that you've spent a week in a coma. Dinner was pretty much more of same mostly liquid food, which was supposedly nourishing, but not exactly all that appetizing. Another dressing change and the day is almost over.

You haven't seen the man you guess must be DiNozzo for most of the afternoon. You've a weird feeling that he's around somewhere though, the sort of feeling that is emotional as much as intuitive. The sort of feeling that you only ever get for the closest people in your life – which still leaves you very confused about the nature of your relationship.

It's much later in the night when you awake to the sound of voices in the corridor. You can't make them out distinctly, but they sound like they're right outside your door.

"Doctor Anderson couldn't make it in tonight. I'm TAD from Norfolk. Doctor Ben Weinstein. I just want to check on our patient - make sure she's okay."

"No problem, Doctor. Let me know if you need anything."

You watch as the door to your room opens, and a man walks in and looks at the chart at the base of the bed. Apparently Doctor Weinstein is very much the tall, dark and handsome type – and then he looks up and sees that you're awake.

"Hello Caitlin. Did you miss me?"

The second his eyes meet yours, you know. You can remember being held hostage in Autopsy. You remember being pressed up against him, so close that you could feel his breathing through the bullet proof vest he wore. You remember looking into his eyes, and feeling the mixture of hate, understanding and attraction that somehow stopped you from stabbing him with the scalpel. You remember him drinking Chardonnay while he casually blew away Marta's brains. You remember him releasing you, after you explained to the Secret Service what was going to happen. You remember everything.

"It was never meant to come this far, my dear. You weren't supposed to make it off the roof alive. How else could I punish Gibbs but by taking away his dear Caitlin? And yet you moved just as I squeezed the trigger."

He walks closer to you and pulls a syringe out of the pocket of his lab coat. "I'm sorry, Caitlin. I have to correct the mistake I made."

The memories flood into your mind as you watch him walk closer – filling your mind so quickly that you can't even seem to move or react. But you don't have to. You hear a strangled "No!", and a figure appears from behind the curtained off portion of the room. As he launches himself at Ari in a form-perfect football tackle, you know now that it's Tony. Obviously taken by surprise, Ari only has time to turn slightly before Tony connects, and both of them go flying. You hear an audible crack when Ari's head slams into the concrete floor of the room, Tony on top of him. Neither man moves.

"Tony!"

Slowly, Tony starts to get up. His actions seem uncoordinated as he struggles to his feet, slowly pulling himself upright against your bed. Only then do you see the syringe sticking out of his side – a syringe that has been nearly fully depressed. He fumbles in his pocket and somehow manages to dig out his phone, which he pushes towards you.

"Call Gibbs. Tell him about Ari."

The sound of your earlier scream finally elicits some attention, as a nurse comes running into the room. She takes in the sight of one man lying on the floor, and another struggling to hold himself upright against your bed, and stops, confused.

"The man on the floor is the terrorist who shot me. He came to finish the job. Get someone and restrain him. Now!"

Tony finally collapses to the floor and rolls onto his back, allowing the nurse to see the syringe stuck in his side.

"Tony!"

He mumbles something incoherent, but you manage to catch a few words, "…would rather die … lose you …" before he lapses into unconsciousness.

The nurse slams the code button on the wall and alarms start going off. More medical personnel fill the room within seconds.

The nurse yells at the first person through the door. "Agent DiNozzo has been injected with something. Get him to the ER. Now!"

After a minute another nurse pushes a gurney into the room, and several people lift Tony onto it before rushing him from the room.

"Someone call the SPs. This other guy is a terrorist."

Suddenly remembering the phone, you open it and scroll the speed dial list. You are number one. Gibbs is number two. You hit the send button.

A sleepy voice answers the phone. "Gibbs. This had better be good."

"It's Kate. Get to the hospital now. Ari came to finish the job. Tony knocked him out, but was injected with whatever Ari was going to give me. They've taken him to the ER."

The phone at the other end is disconnected even before you have a chance to end the call yourself. You smile. How typically Gibbs.

Suddenly everything hits you and you start to shake. Tony? Why was Tony here? While there was always hope that it was for the same reason you'd stayed with him when he had plague, could that really be true? And then you remember what he said. Would rather die than lose you. You can't even begin to process that at the moment.

Then your room has several armed sailors in it, and they're dragging Ari out the door, oblivious to his head bouncing off the wall as they do so.

"Special Agent Gibbs is on his way. He's going to want first crack at him." You call after them as they leave the room.

And then tiredness overwhelms you as the adrenaline rush ends, and you collapse on the bed. A nurse comes over to check your vitals. "Are you okay, Ms. Todd?"

"Exhausted." Your eyes start to close, but you force them open again. "Is Tony going to be okay?"

The nurse looks up from taking your blood pressure. "They've taken him to the ER. I'm sure they're doing everything they can. He's in the best possible hands."

You fight to stay awake, but you can't resist the encompassing arms of sleep.

"Was she hurt at all?"

"She wasn't harmed physically by the attack - Agent DiNozzo was able to intervene before anything happened. Apparently the terrorist didn't realize he was in the room."

"Have you tracked down Doctor Anderson?"

"No."

"I'll get another NCIS team on it."

"Thank you."

"McGee, you stay with Kate until Abby gets here. Ducky is going to be downstairs with Tony. I'll be making sure that bastard doesn't get away again."

"Yes, boss."

"Tony!"

You're not sure whether you're still dreaming as your eyes slowly open and you begin to make out some details in the room. Morning light filters in through the blinds, giving the room a soft hazy feel. You notice the curtain to your left has been dragged back and the bed is missing. Then the memories of last night come crashing back. Ari had been here to kill you. He'd been going to inject you with something, but Tony had stopped him – and Tony had been injected himself.

"Tony!" you call almost involuntarily.

There is movement in the room and suddenly Abby is beside the bed. "It's okay, Kate. I'm here now. You're okay."

"What happened to Tony, Abby? Is he going to be okay?" You see your friend's expression cloud for a second. "Tell me!"

"He's still unconscious. They worked on him for several hours, and were finally able to stabilize things. He's lucky that they could get him to the ER so quickly."

"He saved my life, Abby. Ari was going to inject me with something, but he injected Tony instead when Tony tackled him." You feel tears running down your cheeks. "He somehow gave me his phone and told me to call Gibbs."

"It's okay, Kate. Ducky's down there with him. He'll let us know if anything happens."

"He didn't really say anything much before he collapsed, but I thought I heard something about him dying rather than losing me. What did he mean, Abby?"

"What do you think he meant, Kate?"

"I don't know."

"Really? Are you sure?"

You shake your head slowly. "I don't know."

"After you were shot, you were in a coma for a week, Kate. Tony stayed with you that whole time. He barely ate. He barely slept. He even told Gibbs to get lost when Gibbs told him get some rest. The first time he left your side was when Ducky finally talked Tony into going home before he got sick again. When he found out that's when you woke up, he was totally guilted out."

The tears are no longer rolling down your cheeks, they're pouring down in uncontrollable torrents.

"Did he say why?"

"Only that he couldn't leave you, the same way you didn't leave him."

You can't hold back the emotion any longer, and the tears turn to sobs as you try and reconcile what Abby has told you. You don't fight as she puts her arms around you, gently cradling your head.

"Tony loves you, Kate."

You think back to when you were last in Bethesda. You had told Brad that you didn't know why you stayed with Tony, putting yourself at grave risk of becoming infected yourself. But deep down you knew that it was because you loved him, and couldn't bear for him to struggle alone through something that had to be absolutely terrifying to a man who needed to face his fears physically. For all that Tony annoyed you, most of the bickering came out of affection rather than any sort of antipathy. Ducky had realized that months ago when he started your 'marriage counselling' sessions, and you had finally realized the fact yourself when Tony's test had come back positive. You could no more bear to lose him than lose yourself.

"I think I love him too, Abby."

"I know." She hugs you a little tighter.

"I need to be able to tell him that. He can't die before I get to tell him."

"I think he knows, Kate. He showed that by staying here with you."

Your crying slowly stops and Abby grabs a tissue for you from the box beside the bed. Your thoughts flick back over Abby's works about Tony and your interaction with him since you'd regained consciousness. There certainly had been something in his eyes that was a lot more than friendship and his joyful reaction at seeing you awake had been something to behold. Perhaps something good would come of all this after all. Then a thought suddenly occurs to you.

"Abby?"

"Mmm?"

"Tony told Gibbs to get lost?"

"I think his actual words were 'Screw you, Gibbs!', why?"

"And he lived to tell the tale?"

"Yup." Abby grinned. "That has to be a first."

"How's Kate doing, Abbs?"

"Hanging in there, boss-man. She really wants to know what's happening with Tony though."

"Ducky says he's still out of it."

"Hello, Abby. Jethro. Yes, unfortunately young Tony is still comatose."

"Is he going to recover, Ducky?"

"He's very lucky. The needle contained a massive dose of succinylcholine and it's only because they were able to get him on a respirator so quickly that he's still alive."

"Ducky!"

"It's a muscle relaxant, and an overdose meant that he couldn't even breathe for himself. He'll have to stay on the respirator until all the succinylcholine has been excreted from his system, which will be a day or so. If that bastard had been able to inject Caitlin instead, it's likely nobody would have noticed until it was too late."

"Will he suffer any side effects?"

"It's not likely. Muscle relaxants are regularly used as part of surgery. Once it's all out of his system, he should be fine – though they'll likely want to monitor him for a couple of days to make sure there are no complications."

"Duck-man, do you think Tony and Kate could share a room?"

"I don't see why not - once he's out of ICU anyway."

Your day passes fairly slowly as you wait for news of Tony. Abby had been able to stay with you for a while since the capture of Ari meant that Gibbs no was longer breathing down her neck to process the smallest amount of trace evidence. She'd also found the time to pick up a fairly unique looking scarf that you could wear over your head. It probably wasn't exactly what you would have chosen had you had the opportunity to shop yourself, but it was touching that she'd wanted to get you something special.

Your mother also spent quite a bit of time with you – fortunately not asking any difficult questions about why Tony had been there so much. He's not the man that you had mentioned you were dating when you last spoke to her before being shot, and you were glad that she had been happy just to see that you were conscious and had your memory back. She was staying at your apartment though, and intended to do so while you were getting back on your feet. The doctors had said it would probably be at least a week before you'd be able to go home, and that would depend entirely on how well you were able to move around. You'd also probably be off work for a couple of months, which would be about the longest you'd ever not worked since quitting law school. Your hair would look better then, though still very short, and you imagined you'd spend a lot of time wearing a ball cap over the course of the next year.

"Penny for them, Kate?"

You look over at Abby, who had put down the magazine she was reading. "Just thinking about hair."

"It'll grow back. And you'll look great with short hair."

"I know. I just haven't had short hair since elementary school."

It's hard to broach the real conversation topic you want to discuss, but you know Abby is the best person to talk to about it. In some ways it's almost like diving in front of a bullet - you know it's going to hurt, but it has to be done.

"What am I going to say to Tony, Abby?"

"How do you mean?"

"You know what Tony's like – always chasing the next skirt. Flirting with every attractive woman he meets. High speed dating is too slow for him. How can I tell him what I feel, and know that I'm not going to be simply the flavour of the week?"

"I think you're underestimating Tony."

"How can you say that? You know what he's like."

Abby sits down next to you on the bed. "Do you know what Tony does every night?"

"I don't want to know, Abby. I hear enough from Tony as it is."

"I'm serious, Kate. When you and Tony were in isolation, Gibbs had me check the security footage for the squad room. Tony came back to work around midnight and didn't leave until nearly two. From Gibbs reaction, I got the impression that Tony does that a lot."

"He what?"

"Remember when you were complaining to me about that case when the eyes showed up in the mail, and you wanted to know how Tony knew so much without doing anything all morning?"

"You don't think …"

"He probably came in and worked at night on the case."

That would certainly explain how he was able to make you look bad. "You're right. He probably did."

"And how many other times has Tony surprised you with information on a case that you thought he'd never had time to look up?"

"Quite a few - and more often recently." You look at Abby. "You don't think he's working at night instead of doing what it is that we assume he's doing, do you?"

"Who is called most often if a case comes up overnight?"

"Tony, I guess. But what difference does that …"

"You see what I'm getting at? Tony is a lot more reliable than he likes to pretend. I think a lot of how he acts is just a way of him letting off steam - and diffusing tension."

"Oh come on."

"Think about it, Kate. You know Gibbs wouldn't keep Tony around unless there was a lot more to him than is obvious."

"I guess. And Tony does seem to come up with some good ideas, stuff that's pretty much out of the blue."

"So what's the bet that some of his other behaviour isn't quite what it seems to be?"

"I'd never thought about it that way."

"I think that's the point. Tony likes people to underestimate him. I've known him for nearly four years, and I know that he's an important part of the team - someone that Gibbs would trust with his life, as would I. That isn't the sort of trust you get if you just goof off all the time."

"It's a lot to think about."

"And you know that you laugh when other guys say the same things Tony says. It's just when Tony says them that you start jabbing him in the stomach. What's with that?"

"I .. I don't know."

"Perhaps it's your way of trying to block out what's right in front of you."

"Is Tony going to be okay now?"

"He's recovered enough muscle control that he can breathe on his own. It will be another day or so before he's walking again, but I don't foresee any complications."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Please try not to be too loud. Ms. Todd needs to rest as well. Her road to recovery is going to be much longer, though I think she's probably clear of any major hurdles at this point."