Title: Pain
Fandom: Soukyuu no Fafner
Pairing: SouKazu
Theme: #27 overflow
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Notes/Warning: This fic is dedicated to and written for my very good friend bloodstain5. It doesn't have a kiss in it, because when I was originally writing it I wasn't caring about making it into a theme fic, I just wanted to write her something to make her feel better, and that she could connect to. A lot of inspiration from what we were talking about tonight went into this fic. And so when I decided I could and should use it as a theme fic as well, I didn't want to edit it more to somehow add a kiss in. I hope it's okay and everyone can understand. SPOILERS for through episode 16, takes place sometimes after that but probably before 20 or so...not really in a set timeline. It's just kind of...maybe a different look at Soushi.
Pain
He didn't cry when Hazama died, or when Kouyou was assimilated and put into a coma.
He often wonders if there's something wrong with him, if he is incapable of feeling the same kind of strong emotions as others. More than once he has wondered why he is this way, and if he maybe even needs to see a doctor for it. Or has he just been numbed from so many battles, from a shortened childhood and strict father, from so much pain that maybe he just won't let himself feel it anymore?
He is only able to feel fleeting moments of happiness, sadness, anger. They only last as long as the battle, or as long as the person is around. When he loses a pilot, a friend, he feels sad, and he feels regret, but a week later, when others are still mourning and crying, he is already able to move on. He wonders if this makes him a horrible person.
The only one capable of bringing out his long term, strong emotions is Kazuki. When Kazuki left the island, he felt both anger and sadness the entire time, never letting up, even though he tried to ignore it and forget about the other boy and his now empty place in his life. Kazuki was the only one he ever cared about connecting with, ever cared about being understood by. He wanted Kazuki to be the one to realize that he could feel; that he wasn't an emotionless doll who couldn't care less about sending others into danger, even if he was still having trouble believing it himself. Maybe if Kazuki could realize and understand it, he could help convince Soushi as well.
Kazuki was the only one he ever cried for, when he came back and said he was able to understand now, understand his pain. Those were tears of relief, relief that he wasn't completely alone, that he at least had Kazuki there for him.
He recovered quickly then as well, but it was because he felt a new emotion blossoming in his heart, overflowing within him, one that gave him comfort and stability, and even the beginning of happiness, a true happiness, one that seemed like it could last a long time.
Hope.