Light

You wake to find that your room has another occupant again – Tony. You figure they must have moved him in from ICU during the night, and you wonder how much hand a certain friend of yours may have had in organising that. You smile at the thought of Abby trying to talk the medical staff into putting Tony in the same room as you.

Getting up isn't easy, but the Doctor said that you could try and move around a little on your own – small things like going to the bathroom. You decide now is as good a time as any to try. Walking is still a bit like traversing the deck of a ship weathering moderate seas, but not impossible. After using the bathroom, you slowly make your way over to where Tony is still sleeping.

He's always looked remarkably peaceful when sleeping, something unexpected given how animated he usually is when he's awake. In some ways it's comforting to realize that even Tony has to rest occasionally. In other ways it almost makes you worry that he's not going to wake up – like when he had the plague. All he did was lie there unmoving, sounding rather like Darth Vader – a reference to which you'd never willingly admit. You take his right hand in yours, as you did back then, and move your left up and down his arm, somehow providing a more tangible link to his well-being. As you do so, his eyes slowly open and turn towards yours.

"Hey, Tony."

He smiles a very tired looking smile. "Captain Jack."

"What?"

"You look like Captain Jack."

"What on earth are you talking about, Tony?"

He closes his eyes, while his smile grows slightly broader. "Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Played by Johnny Depp."

You groan. "Not movies already."

"But you look like him with that scarf on your head."

You can't help but laugh - and have to resist the urge to hit him. He opens his eyes and looks at you, his expression serious, though his green eyes are sparkling mischievously.

"I liked the GI Jane look too."

This time you do slap him on the shoulder and give him a mock glare which you can only hold for a second before smiling again. Then it's your turn to look serious.

"Thank you, Tony."

"For what?"

"For staying with me. For saving me."

He looks faintly embarrassed, something that's unusual in the man who continually brags about his sex life.

"You did the same for me. How could I do any less?"

"DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"What's going on between you and Kate?"

"What? I don't know what you mean."

"Rule twelve."

"We're not dating, boss!"

"So what is happening?"

"Nothing. We're friends. I'm just making sure she's okay."

"Make sure it stays that way. What I said when I hired her hasn't changed."

Your mother stayed with you the first month after you were released. Much as you hated to admit it, you really needed her to be there. You could mostly get around on your own, but got tired very easily, and there was certainly no way you were up to preparing meals. It was also nice to be waited on - something that hadn't happened since long before you'd started law school. After a month, your energy levels had finally increased to the point where you figured you'd be okay on your own, and your mother decided she'd needed to go and rescue the house from your father. But instead of being left on your own, Tony stepped in almost exactly where your mother had left off.

He obviously wasn't available all the time, due to the hours that Gibbs kept him working, but he stopped by at least three times a week to cook for you – surprisingly well as you discovered. He'd also made sure that you had some company, and you'd found yourself watching many of the movies that he'd spent the previous two years of your life telling you about. You were again surprised to find they weren't actually all that bad, and you enjoyed most of them. In addition, Tony also made sure you got out and about, and weren't just trapped indoors. He'd taken you to several small parks along the George Washington Parkway with gorgeous views of the Potomac. Other places you'd gone were Rock Creek State Park, Great Falls National Park, and Huntley Meadows Park in Mount Vernon – all sorts of places you'd never been around DC, despite having lived in the area for so long.

On this particular day, the last weekend before you returned to NCIS, he'd decided that the place to go was Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. Expecting just a museum, you were surprised at the beauty of the gardens and the grove, despite the somewhat oppressive early August heat. It was just nice to get out and feel alive, especially as you walked among the trees and looked out across the valley, holding Tony's hand as you admired the view. Strangely, Tony seemed somewhat subdued.

"What's wrong, Tony?"

He sighed. "You're coming back to work on Monday."

"Why is that bad?"

He sighed again, stopped, and turned to face you, still holding your hand. "Because things have to change."

And then it hit you. "But we can still –"

"No, Kate. We can't."

"But why not?"

Tony rubbed his free hand across his face. "Gibbs."

"He's talked to you already, hasn't he?"

Tony nodded. "He said that what he told you when he hired you still stands."

You remember the night you resigned from the Secret Service, walking across the parking lot at Andrews Air Force Base, and Gibbs jogging up behind you to make a bizarre job offer. Pull that crap at NCIS, and I won't give you a chance to resign. You look down at your hand in Tony's, and then up at his face.

"But we're not –"

"Yes we are. We're dating without actually doing the dating part."

Thinking back across the last few weeks, you realize that Tony is right. You've been deceiving yourself, simply enjoying the company of a man you know you love, and who obviously loves you back, even though you'd never admitted it to each other. It's like you'd somehow jumped past the sexual aspects, and arrived at the apex to which most relationships could only aspire – true, deep, abiding friendship.

"What are we going to do?"

You watch as Tony reaches up his hand to hold your face, his fingers rubbing across the short hair that is hidden under your hat. You thrill at the sensation of his touch, something that you haven't felt from someone you've been in a relationship with in a long time.

"I don't know." His eyes stare down into yours, overwhelming you with waves of emotion – friendship, desire, caring, but most powerfully of all, love. "I know I don't want to go to work and not see you there, but I also don't want to take away what's developed between us. I'd resign today, but I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you; to watch over you; to protect you."

You lift your hand to cover his, holding it against your face. "I want to be with you every day as well."

"But we can't date. Gibbs will fire one of us if we do. And there is no way that I want to transfer anywhere else, or be part of any other team."

"We'll have to just see where it goes. What else can we do?"

"I want to be your best friend, Kate, but if you want to date someone else, you can. I'll still be there for you. Always."

"You're already my best friend, Tony, and I certainly don't want to date anyone else."

"Well I do have one big advantage over the guys you usually try and date."

Your mind races with all the possible things that he could say, apart from the obvious fact that you love him, but comes up blank. "What's that?"

He grins. "I'm Catholic."

You can't help but laugh. "Yes Tony, you are."

Tony's eyes suddenly are filled with a mischievous gleam. "You know, you never did tell me if you still have that uniform."

"Pervert!" You feign seriousness, but end up having to smile. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He grins, that thousand-megawatt grin that could sweep any woman off her feet, but is intended only for you. "One day I hope I'll find out."

You squeeze his hand and look into his eyes. "So do I."

END

Feedback is not expected, but is greatly appreciated.