Title: Semblance of Sanity

Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei; if I did well I would have added an important kissing scene that seemed to be missing. ;)

Summary: Post-Kyoto: A month after the events of Kyoto Hisoka's began to suffer from nightmares. And it seems that a certain doctor might be taking an interest in him once again. Tsu/His, Ori/Mur

He gasped as another wave of pain coursed through his lean body. His green orbs stared almost lifelessly into the darkness that surrounded him. He could feel the hot breath of another, the unwanted warmth hovering over his bleeding skin. He felt the liquid being lapped up, tongue followed blade carving intricate symbols into his body. He tried to scream, tried to plead but his voice had long ago stopped working. Mind, having already separated from body to ensure some semblance of sanity.

The crimson moon shone, casting an eerie blood glow on the things below. He lay still there, under the cherry blossoms. Now alone, his body broken and violated he felt the tears flow freely. As his memories leaked from his mind and the blossoms cascaded towards their destined meeting.

Eyes opened, revealing the green beneath their shutters. The softness of the pillow was countered by the wetness that now soaked through the thin fabric. Sitting up Hisoka proceeded to wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Another nightmare…another night of burning flesh, the scars that covered his body stung as though they were freshly made. How long would these dreams keep coming? How long would he be forced to re-live that night?

Rising from the mattress and warm covers, Hisoka walked across the small room and out into the cooler apartment. Using the narrow beams of moonlight the shone through the windows as guidance he managed to find the bathroom without incident. Bracing his hands on the counter-top Hisoka took a deep breath and looked up into the reflective surface of the mirror. The boy looking back at him seemed almost unrecognizable. His face was pale, and his eyes were red and puffy from the tears shed earlier, but that did not hide the fact that the dark circles under his eyes were getting steadily worse from lack of sleep. He was surprised that his tiredness of late hadn't affected his work. Of course he knew he hid it well when around Tsuzuki and the others, it was only when he was alone that he'd let his exhaustion affect him. Turning on the tap, Hisoka splashed some water onto his face. Staring into his eyes he summoned his courage and pushed away his fears.

Opening the door, Hisoka walked back into the cold apartment. The light from the windows was duller, as though even the moon had given up it's light to the darkness. One glance told Hisoka that the moon was in fact only hiding. Dark clouds covered the night sky, cutting off the moonlight from the world below. Hisoka sighed and made his way to the kitchen. Turning on the light he looked to see the clock said it was 3:42am. Without much thought he grabbed the kettle and set the water to boil, it was his morning routine to have a cup of tea after all; despite the fact that he was up hours before he needed to be. Sitting down at the table with his morning tea in hand Hisoka drank it in silence. And as the morning stretched on and dawn approached, seated there he stayed until it was time to ready himself for another day.

"Morning Soka!" The happy and energetic voice of Tsuzuki spoke as he entered their office.

Hisoka frowned at the noise his partner created and raised a hand to his already pounding head. " Really baka, do you need to be so loud first thing in the morning?" he snapped trying to block out the wave of emotions he was receiving from the older man.

Tsuzuki's face dropped as he regarded his young partner. He'd somehow already done something to aggravate him and all he'd done was walk into the office. Taking this as a sign his partner was not feeling that well Tsuzuki walked over to his own desk and sat down. "I'm sorry Hisoka…" he mumbled and then grabbed the first papers off the top of his very large pile of files.

Hisoka, having heard Tsuzuki's apology looked up from the file he'd been working on. Dammit…he'd only just walked into the office and already he was making Tsuzuki feel guilty. Maybe he was the one who was really the baka. Looking back down at the work in front of him, Hisoka signed his name on the report and put the pen down. He was finished his paperwork again, he was always finished long before Tsuzuki had even made a dent on his pile.

Sighing Hisoka raised his hands to his head again, the throbbing getting worse. It seemed as though every small sound was intensified tenfold. Why did everybody have to feel so much all the time?

"Hisoka?"

Why couldn't he block them out? Why couldn't he stop the feelings that were running through him…running through him like a knife. A pressure on his arm suddenly brought the empath back to reality. Hisoka looked up to see Tsuzuki kneeing in front of him, his hand resting on Hisoka's arm. Worry, concern…

"Hisoka? Are you alright?" The amethyst-eyed man asked.

An overwhelming rush of emotions coursed through him them, too many to pick one from the mass. With all his might Hisoka pushed Tsuzuki's arm away causing the man to loose his balance and fall backwards onto the floor.

"Baka! Don't touch me!" he yelled and buried his face in his hands. Taking a couple of shuddering breaths to calm himself, Hisoka looked up. Tsuzuki was sprawled out on the floor, his arms braced behind him keeping him from completely falling. Hisoka gasped as he looked into Tsuzuki's purple eyes, he'd hurt him. He'd hurt him again! "Tsu…" he started but was interrupted.

"I'm sorry…" Tsuzuki said and pushed himself onto his feet. His eyes were brimming with sadness and he turned his head away so Hisoka wouldn't see them. "I have to…" he turned and walked towards the office door.

Hisoka stared in horror as Tsuzuki's sad form turned away from him. What had he done? Tsuzuki had been genuinely worried about him and he'd pushed him away…why did he always push him away? He'd promised to stay with him…why was he still hurting him? Hisoka rose from his chair as Tsuzuki reached the door, he lifted a hand as if to reach for him as he spoke.

"Tsuzuki…"

Tsuzuki paused in his steps; he turned his gaze back on Hisoka for a moment, there was a silence then that seemed to stretch as they stared into each other's eyes. It was broken then by Tsuzuki giving a sad smile.

"I'm fine Hisoka, I'm just going to get a some sweets…" he said and tried to make his smile look convincing.

Breathing hard Hisoka watched as Tsuzuki gave his smile; it wasn't fooling him. Tsuzuki's emotions were too strong and he could not shield them from him. He wanted to say something…anything to reassure him that he'd done nothing wrong. That he didn't mind if he touched him…that he wanted to be near him. But for some reason no words would come and Hisoka had to watch as Tsuzuki turned away once more, closing the door behind him. Hisoka stood there staring at the closed door for a few minutes before reality came back to him.

"Baka!" he yelled aloud. His fist slammed into the wooden desk before he knew he was doing it, anger at himself flowing to the surface.

"My my, you must be talking about Tsuzuki-san"

Hisoka's head snapped in the direction of the voice. Watari stood in the doorway, a vile of some sort of liquid in his right hand. Hisoka mentally reminded himself not to drink the coffee or to accept any drinks from the blonde man. Straightening himself Hisoka remembered he hadn't answered Watari's question yet.

"I…well…" he stumbled out.

"He walked by my lab but when I called out to him he didn't respond. I'm guessing by your outburst he's done something stupid again?" Watari asked thoughtfully; his usual goofy appearance absent for the time being. Hisoka was amazed at how insightful Watari was acting; although it probably wasn't that hard to figure out.

"No…I mean…that's not exactly right." He responded.

Watari reached his arm around the top of his head and scratched the back of it. "Maybe you should go check on him in a bit bon." He said his expression serious. After a moment though a smile formed on his face. "Oh that's right!" he said and reached into his lab coat for something, pulling out a folder he smiled triumphantly. "Tatsumi-san asked me to give this to Tsuzuki…but since he's not here I'll just leave it on his desk." He walked over to Tsuzuki's desk, where piles of folders and papers already sat.

Hisoka clued back in at this time. "It's alright, I'll take it." He said and held out his hand for the folder. Watari blinked at him for a moment before smiling and handing the folder over. "He has too much to do as it is," Hisoka said trying to mask some logic onto the action. Watari just smiled and walked back to the doorway.

"See you later then," he said and walked out the door.

Hisoka sat down in his chair and stared at the folder in his hand. Watari's words echoed in his head, "Maybe you should go check on him in a bit" Watari was right he should go find him. After all it had only been a month since Kyoto. It had been a month since Tsuzuki had tried…a month since his confession. Nothing had changed though; it was as if everybody including Tsuzuki had just blocked out everything that had happened there. As if they were all trying to forget it. In all honesty Hisoka wasn't sure what he had meant when he'd told Tsuzuki that he needed him. That he wanted him to live for him if for nothing else. He didn't want to be alone. Whatever he had meant by it he knew that he wasn't doing a very good job at keeping Tsuzuki at ease.

Dropping the file on his desk Hisoka stood and walked out the door of their office. He needed to find Tsuzuki. Walking through the halls the young Shinigami did not see his older partner, where could he have gone? He wondered.

Walking out of the building Hisoka was met with the sight of thousands of cherry blossoms cascading to the ground. The trees lined a path for him as he walked, the morning sun shining through the blossoms. As he neared the middle of the grounds Hisoka spotted a figure sitting against one of trees: it was Tsuzuki.

Cautiously Hisoka walked over to the figure of his partner sitting with his back against a tree. The pink blossoms surrounded him and a soft breeze ruffled his hair. As Hisoka approached even before he saw his face he could feel the sadness and uncertainty emanating from him, a frown was etched on his face and his eyes stared blankly at ground by his feet. Hisoka stopped a foot away from him, his shadow falling over the still figure. To his surprise the older man did not look up at him, nor did he acknowledge his presence in any way, sighing he took a seat next to the melancholy man. They sat in silence for a time, neither really willing to say anything. Finally to both their surprises it was Tsuzuki that broke the silence.

"Hisoka…why did you come here?" he asked, his voice not much louder than a whisper. Hisoka looked over at his partner, Tsuzuki still wasn't looking at him, his head was lowered and his eyes, which were usually so full of life, were not visible.

"Baka, you were taking too long to get 'sweets' and besides," he paused in his speech. "You didn't really think I'd fall for that did you?" Hisoka asked still watching for some reaction from the man.

Tsuzuki sighed and looked up straight ahead of him, a small smile formed on his lips. "I see, I guess not." Then finally the older Shinigami looked over at him. His violet eyes locking with Hisoka's green ones. As their eyes connected it seemed that no words needed to be said, a varying amount of emotions passed through Hisoka's mind in that moment. As quickly as the feelings had come, he pushed them down deep inside himself, away from the surface where they could be read.

Tsuzuki broke their connection then and got to his feet. "Sorry, I'm slacking off again aren't I? We should get back to work." he held out his hand to help Hisoka up.

Hisoka stared up at the offered hand, Slacking off? Hesitant for a moment Hisoka reached up and placed his hand in Tsuzuki's. The connection was instantaneous, emotions flooded into him like a giant wave that crashed into his mind. Loneliness, rejection, guilt…Hot…it's hot, the flames are burning…it burns…I'm sorry…

"Hisoka are you alright?" Tsuzuki asked, his hands holding onto Hisoka's arms to keep him upright.

Hisoka looked to see he was in fact standing now, his arms being held tightly by his worried looking partner. Hisoka blinked himself back into reality and backed out of Tsuzuki's hold. Baka, when will you stop feeling so guilty about everything? He asked in his mind.

"I'm fine, come on we should get going on all of your paper work," Hisoka said, stressing the word 'your'. Tsuzuki looked at him for a moment, then what Hisoka said registered in his mind and caused him to break into a smile.

"Arigato Hisoka!" he yelled and tried to hug him.

Hisoka saw it coming however and moved aside, causing Tsuzuki to fall to the ground. "Baka, stop fooling around, let's go." He said and began to walk back to the office building. Tsuzuki smiled and pushed himself to his feet and ran to catch up with his partner.

A light breeze blew through and around Kokakuro. The owner of the establishment, Oriya Mibu sat still in the darkness of the back garden. A sword lay untouched at his side and his long chestnut hair blew in wind. The cool wind touched the skin exposed by the opening in his Kimono. The sound of boots on wood alerted the Samurai to the presence of another.

"How long are you planning on staying here?" He asked, already knowing who was there. The white clad man gave a small grin and settled on the porch surface.

"How long until you kick me out?" he retorted.

Oriya snorted and stood, picking up his sword in his right hand, and walked over the seated man. He stopped in front of him looked into his strange silver eyes.

"In all honesty, I shouldn't have taken you in, in the first place." He glared at the man. "You promised you'd disappear…that you wouldn't come back…but you did."

Nothing was said for a few minutes and then Oriya sighed and sat down next to him.

"Why did you take me in then?" he asked, his silver hair falling over his electric blue eye.

Oriya shrugged and pulled out his pipe. " I couldn't very well let you bleed to death. There would've been too many questions." Do you really think I could've just watched you die?

"You should have let me die." The silver haired man said.

Oriya took a puff off of his pipe and glanced over at the doctor. Is he really all you think you have to live for?

"You're welcome," Oriya said taking another haul from his pipe.

"Your life would have been much easier if you'd just let me die." He said, running a hand through his hair.

Oriya snorted and put his pipe down. "Well I didn't, so lets just drop it," he said and pushed himself onto his feet. Standing he ran his hands over his Kimono to smooth out the wrinkles. "What are you planning to do?"

"I have some unfinished business with an old doll of mine…" His silver-white hair blew gently and he pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"I see" Oriya responded, picked up his sword and turned to go back into the house.

"Oriya," the voice said behind him.

Oriya turned around and regarded the man once again. "Hmm?"

"Thank you,"

Oriya blinked and stared at the form in front of him. Slowly a small smile formed on his lips as he watched the man raise the cigarette to his mouth

"Goodnight Muraki," Turning away Oriya walked back into the house, leaving the silver haired doctor alone with his thoughts. The wind blew stronger and ruffled his silver hair around his face and the full white moon cast an eerie glow on the pale features of the man, his visible eye unfocused and distant, the light from his cigarette fading away.

"Soon…"

Author's note: Well that's the first chapter I hope you liked it. Of course it may suck but let me know what you think and I'll get right on that next chapter. :)