The Day That The SGC Went MAD!

Okay… here is the next instalment and if there are any Lurker's out there reading this; then please review.

Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point.

However I think I have a problem, I am sacrificing my brand of dry and insane humour for some form of a plot.Still as is the problem when you don't finish things when you start them, they begin to taper off at some point. Hopefully you will enjoy andsomeday there will be and end to this somewhere along the line.

Thanks to:

Equinox-SGC: wow I think that's the longest review I've ever received for any of my stories thanks so much, even if it did hurt my head when I first tried to read it. That was my own fault for only getting an hour of sleep due to both an English and Chem assessment that day. And I loved the link back to a Bug's life… even if I had to think about where that part was… still I hope you enjoy this chpt, an enlightening review btw

MajorMercedes: I'm glad that you found it funny, I was kinda had this feeling that it wasn't quite going to be accepted as humour. I mean the first person I showed this too asked me if I was on something? I mean I was on a sugar high at the time, but that's not the point right?

DickieT: don't worry I will continue this, and I'm glad I'm not simply doing this for my own amusement when I'm bored really late at night. Thanks for reviewing.

Me: Thanks for your review… interesting nic btw wouldn't want to mistaken you for someone else right?

Dr Janet Frasier woke up and sleepily looked around to see how long it would be until her alarm went off. However the second that she looked at it she knew she had been played. Oh had she been played alright. Why on all the planets that Sg1 could find an orphaned child on, did it have to be the one that specialised in scheming teenage brats?

Oh yes the 'issue' with alarm clocks, wasn't entirely honest of the author in the closing paragraph of the last chapter. Sure Janet had issues, but it wasn't with an alarm clock, rather it was with a teenager who didn't comprehend why she couldn't sleep in on a school day, and didn't appreciate the need for her mother to get to work on time.

Janet hated to think what drama either Daniel or Siler had inadvertently caused simply due to absentmindedness. It was then that she remembered that she had been treating Siler for once again losing the battle with, well nothing in particular seeing as he had simply been walking at the time and broke his ankle. Honestly if she had believed in curses, which she should seeing as the existence of aliens was proven everyday in her line of work so why not magic, then it would appear that Siler was cursed to live out eternity injuring himself.

Still, the matter of waking up the conniving Machiavellian, nonetheless still needed to be undertaken Janet realised as she slowly crept into the child's room. Oh how she would make this 'daughter' pay. Looking around the room she could see the pagan influence, plus who knew what else, in random places such as the cauldron that Janet had nearly tripped over.

She damned The Harry Potter universe and J. K. Rowling to the deepest place on hell, or Netu which didn't exist anymore but still managed to highlight the importance of her mental threat.

Janet had to concede though, that for a girl from another planet, she had fitted into the typical messy bedroom, frustrating Earth teenager stereotype so well she had to speculate whether Jack had been giving her lessons. It would be just like the man so the next she found an excuse to give him a needle; it was going to be the biggest one within the whole infirmary. No scrap that, the universe; the tokra surely should have something suitable. Whoever came up with innocent until proven guilty, obviously didn't know the pleasure obtained via needle stabbing.

However as to how Janet was to smite the rebellious Machiavellian, is another story which doesn't belong to this one, seeing as Cassandra didn't belong to the SCG. She only played an important role as to why Janet would start to viciously attack anyone, within a reachable radius, with great big Honking needles. To an observer it was almost as if she was playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey, with humans as a substitute.

However back to the present time for the colonial. He had managed to get caught between a rock and a hard place, or rather his couch and his table. His old knee's had decided earlier that the perfect time to lock into place would be when he was levering himself up. The end result being that he was now stranded with no conceivable way of moving anywhere without damaging some part of him any further, Damn stupid cold mornings.

Still he was not completely without any ingenuity, sure people always thought Sam was the smart one who came up with all the idea's and plans but that was only because he was the one who came up with the bright ideas of not being around much to distract her. It was entirely unfair that he got no credit for it either, it was just as well the Asgard loved him so much, otherwise he might quit.

But to put that ingenuity to practice he started to lean further and further to his right so that he would fall onto the couch and from there bash his legs into working. He was not expecting though to land on a cold, hard and unforgiving metallic surface with his legs up in the air.

Thor had obviously thought this would be the perfect time to beam him up, with his beamer … beamy thing, Jack thought stupidly as he tired to understand what on earth (pun intended) was going on and as to why his knees still hadn't unlocked after being demolecularised and then remolecularised. I mean come on, for crying out loud, something should've given way after that right?

It was then Thor appeared, the small Roswald like alien looked strangely larger than usual to him, well until his 'unintelligent' brain remembered he was on the ground.

"O'Neill, from you last thoughts, I have come to the conclusion that you have the memory retention of an poisson rouge" The little, come large grey alien said.

Had he spoken out loud? Or did the Asgard have some new form of brain reading dohicky, besides what the hell was a poi-thingy

"Err, a what? Was that ancient? Coz I kind of gave that knowledge back to you, besides I was to dumb for it anyway." He was still kind of snarky over the implication that he was incapable of learning a form of Latin, a dead language mind you, especially as he managed it damn well fine in the 'time loop incident.'

"Are you not capable of speaking many languages from your home planet O'Neill? You repeatedly said goodbye in many languages before being implanted with Urgo." It was said in the annoyed tone that you would normally take with a small child who couldn't 'recall' if they had taken the last cookie.

O'Neill was however, completely oblivious to the implications that Thor's voice carried with it, due to his preoccupation of trying to discover how Thor came know such intimate details of the SGC, his small mind could only process one thing at a time.

"That's common (he stressed the word) knowledge, it doesn't mean that you know the whole (again he stressed the word) damn language. Besides how do you know that, you guys got us bugged?"

"Wormhole extreme is an enlightening production; we were able to tab into your cable networks through your satellite transmissions. In light of your revelation, a poisson rouge is a Goldfish, however this is not why I transported you here." He paused like all good superior alien life forms do when they are about to impart with valuable information.

After the correct protocol length of a pause he continued with an imperceptible nod of his head,

"Major Carter is in trouble".

Okay now is the part where I get out my lectern and try to convince you to review. Yet seeing as my cat (which I'm deathly afraid of, and yes I do actually have a lectern) is currently sleeping on it, I'll cut my spiel short and simply ask you politely to review.