The Day That The SGC Went MAD!
Okay, its school holidays… metaphorically anyway, literally it's just like school with the exception that I am in my own house and without a teacher. So keeping that in mind my charming parents have decided to go on a holiday, taking me (and my obese folder) with them claiming that I can study there… yeah right like that's going to happen!
Anyhow, just thought I would post this before I leave tomorrow. Well that and I've just drunk two Liters of fermented apple juice (the cloudy real one not the yellow one that looks like urine) and apart from making me need to go to the toilet more, I'm currently on a high. Yes I know there is only a small percentage of alcohol in that, but the sugar content in two litres of Apple juice is extremely high so it's a combination of the two. Cheers!
Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point.
(Voice over) Christopher Judge: Previously on The Day That The SGC Went MAD!
However instead of finding this strange, or unusual in anyway shape of form, he simply broke down and joined Daniel crying on the floor. Having seen Carter within his Simpson's boxers had brought home two undeniable facts. One; that he could never wake up and see Carter in his boxers (or less for that matter) and two (the more important one) he could never watch the Simpson's again. He continued to weep in self pity, over how cruel life was to remind him of both the things he couldn't have.
(Voice over) Christopher Judge: And now for the conclusion ... (the next bit anyhow)
Still having Daniel also weeping and pounding his fist upon the concrete floor, somewhat hampered the wallowing in self pity Jack was attempting to accomplish. No body wants someone to steal their limelight, especially if their act was worth an academy award and yours wasn't. So they best thing he could do in this kind of situation he quickly summarised was to stalk over to the little concealed bar fridge and pull out a nice cold beer, regardless of how early it was. I mean come on; it had to be drinking time somewhere in the world, right? And with that he tried to drown his sorrows, the only problem was that he couldn't get drunk on only 5 beers, the word 'Bar' should signify the ability to fit enough beer to supply a whole Bar and yet bar fridges were always so small. However getting drunk on 5 beer's would've been an insult if he had the ability to, and he didn't think he could survive one more hit to his already diminished male ego when he reached the land of the soberholics again.
It was at this exact inopportune moment that Siler hobbled into the change room on his crutches looking for Sam. As he did so, he almost simultaneously tripped over Daniel's waving legs, only to fall into a heap and break his arm. And to no ones surprise, this didn't even deter Daniel in the slightest from his Broadway performance.
Earlier
Okay, if I stick close to the wall's I should be able to get into the elevator with out anyone seeing my pants. This 'innovative' plan being the only one that the brilliant mind of Major Samantha Carter could come up with under this particular form of duress. I mean, sure she was known to have blown up a sun in her time, but faced with this situation she became incapable, of thinking outside the square she lived in.
Yet as she was just about to creep out the door, she remembered the four legged lab stool that she owned and was sleeping on before when this 'incident' occurred. Thank god she had spent all her younger youth inside a lab, where she had learnt the delicate art of walking on a four legged stool. (A/N indeed it is possible, trust me on that!)
And so that was how the SF monitoring the security screens would watch the most brilliant mind that the world possessed make her way down the corridor and into the elevator. He watched in fascination and awe at the smooth and almost graceful way that she simultaneously lifted two side legs off the ground and swung her hips so that they jutted forward before doing the same with the other two.
It was in this position, perched on a stainless steel stool that Teal'c would find her in the very near future.
Teal'c was precisely only 5 minutes prior to this particular unearthing, pondering over the pro's and cons of certain methods for his own expedition down the SGC hallway undetected. After realising that pressing the big red button and claiming Anubis was inside the gate room to deter people from this particular hallway was unviable, or the possibility of him learning how to become transparent within the space of the next few minutes, let alone the next millennia, was improbable. He simply decided on his proud, stoic stance with a few adjustments.
He would simply have to hold his head a little higher, much more viable than claiming a Gou'uld have majestically appeared within the highly guarded wall of the SGC, even if he was half ascended.
However holding his head just that few millimetres higher in a way to hide the lump of indistinguishable size, also meant that he would appear to an onlooker as an arrogant snobbish Pom. Something that he had learnt from O'Neill as to be a very bad thing indeed. (A/n sorry to any Brits out there… I just couldn't let it go). Still he would just have to take that chance, indeed his Jaffa pride couldn't take the blow of someone realising that he had a blemish on his stoic visage. No, that would be most un-seemly. It was one thing to claim your pride was injured when capturing the super soldier and an old man (Bray'tac) could do it and you couldn't. It was another thing altogether for a hundred year old plus man, let alone Jaffa who was the previous first prime of Apophis, to allow someone to observe the blemish on his stoic visage.
And so that was the plan which won out in the end, the Pom Façade, which would conceal his imperfection until the elevator doors opened to reveal a flushed major sitting on a stool, and he forgot his preoccupation with holding his head up higher.
"Teal'c is that a…?"
"A what, Major Carter?" Teal'c answered unsure if he could bluff his way out of this, whilst at the same time learning wisdom of why the Major was sitting in the middle of an elevator, on her lab stool, looking as if she had run a few kilometres with an alkesh behind her.
"A err… Pimple?" she answered somewhat hesitantly.
"I am currently unsure as I do not contain a reflective surface within my lodgings", yeah, bluffing was going to get him no where. Not with the brain that O'Neill had dubbed a national treasure. So instead he had finally comprehended the T'auri saying of "if you don't like where its heading, then change the subject".
"What is your current need for a stool within an elevator; I do not remember it being a viable transportation device." Normally he would only say the bare minimum but desperate times, call for desperate measures and Teal'c was by all means a desperate Jaffa. So therefore when a tell tale sign of a flush warmed the adult Major Carter, he could only feel perverse pleasure at a task well done.
"Well, Teal'c you see. I was… I was trying to…" she paused for a few moments trying to think of a reasonable excuse for being caught in such a sticky (pun intended) situation.
And in a sudden flash of inspiration she continued;
"I was reminiscing, you see we used to have stool races in high school, and I just wanted to see if I had lost any of my talent. You're looking at the No. 1 best stool racer in my High School if not the Country!"
Yeah, that was believable… Teal'c wouldn't know any better he had missed the finer points of high school on another planet about 100 years ago. Besides she really had won most of the stool competitions at high school, and every one knew that the best lies were laced with the truth right?
"I still do not understand as to why you are currently within this elevator on a stool." Teal'c knew that she was trying to hide something, and many times the dumb alien ploy had tricked people into giving him the information he needed, so hey... What the hell, why not try it? He wanted to keep the conversation from circling back to his blemish.
"Well I thought I'd go for a trip down to our change rooms and back, just to see if I could still do it, you know how it is… so anyway, is that a you know."
If Teal'c had been a lesser man, he would've turned and fled at that remark. Sure he was in an elevator and would've only made it as far as the wall a few feet away, but it wasn't going to be for the lack of trying to escape. His current predicament had once more been brought to the surface. There was only one option left. Blackmail!
"I shall not say anything about the real reason you are here, if you shall not say anything about this either."
"Sounds fair Teal'c, but just so you know… I think I can help you with your… thingy" She still couldn't bring herself to say pimple… it was just too odd, I mean come on, the man was 140 plus she reasoned.
Turning around to the, about to open doors, to symbolise that the conversation was over, he heard her words. Hope that there was a cure for his aliment flooded through him. If anyone had been privy to his thoughts they would have thought that he had a terminal disease rather than a small imperfection or lump under his lip.
He turned about face and uttered a single word before turning back around to face the doors again.
"Indeed" He had suddenly remembered his ultimate plan to use indeed as many times as possible.
And so they made their way to the change rooms, offering simple moral support in their own unique ways, Teal'c waiting every few metres for Sam to catch up and Sam silently promising to never look up at Teal'c's face whilst glaring at any passers who looked their way, if looks could kill the Carter death toll would've been higher than the one catalysed by the Gou'ulds.
And there is the end of Teal'c and Carter's expedition down the hallways of the SGC, next up; our dearly beloved Dr. Daniel Jackson's somewhat delusional trip, (literally) down the hallways. Stay tuned for next time on the Day that the SGC went MAD
Wow! Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I'm astounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted, completely dumbfounded (don't you just love thesauruses) by how many people are enjoying this, and to think I thought I was only writing for my own personal amusement!
Special thanks however too:
Equinox-SGC: hehehe… you want to borrow my immune system? Well sure… but I think its more a matter of my mum wouldn't let me stay home from school so I don't ask and drag my sorry but to school regardless… I mean the last time I had a day off school was in year 9 and that was only because I had been admitted into hospital because I couldn't breathe the day before. And actually my friend's a he lol… Still thanks so much for your continued response!
Darth Tater: for some reason your review reminds me of a tepee… don't ask why… ive not got any idea… but thanks for the review anyway!
Scjon: Yay… you thought it was funny… sometimes I still get insecure that it's not funny…
StargateFan: Thanks for the review, glad that you thought it was a good chpt
Chicky: You know what, your soo right… I do keep spelling Colonel wrong! I keep spelling it as in the old Colonial bank, hmm I wonder why… maybe because my mum used to work there and that's just what my finger's come up with? Anyhow… thanks for noticing that, I trying to remember but if I start doing it again, don't hesitate to point it out to me!
Bexi: hehehehe, I love your review… by the way it sounds even better at 3 in the morning when you've had no sleep 3 nights in a row and you need sleep but for some reason it eludes you. Still, to be honest I think this story is the product of my own trips in the land of the mentally unstable. I'm sorry that its confusing… and I think the next chpt will be the most confusing, but I'm trying to put it in a way that it flows…
Smartbraty2: hey I think you reviewed twice! I'm sorry that I couldn't give it to you that fast, but maybe next time. Still thanks for the review.
SG-Fan: you reviewed for each of the chapters! Wow you've got stamina lol… thanks for taking the time to review 3 times! And I hope this was a worthy of the 3 reviews!
MysticDragon1691: I love your pen name! Absolutely brilliant! And for some reason your review reminds me of a teacher who gets people up on assembly only to shake their hand and say 'good job', however thanks heaps for your review!
Albi: wow! You think I've got a sense of humour… now that's an accomplishment for me considering my dad is forever telling me that women don't have a sense of humour… hmmm I gave up French in year 10… right after going to New Caladonia with school, and managing to spend most of Bastille day (well night) in the police station with two friends and two teachers, although that's a different story. Although thanks for the offer… however if your reading this, I'm curious as to what biochemistry entails, considering I'm thinking of that and biotechnology at uni next year.
Sorry people if I babbled a bit to much… that what happens I guess at 3 in the morning and your on a high thanks to fermented apple juice with no one to talk to, while also trying to find a web site to download stargate eps regardless of whether its illegal or not and everything you think you find paydirt… it doesn't work!