"What's wrong with me?" Harry wondered to himself as he roamed the hallways of Hogwarts. He had been walking around for hours through the corridors analyzing what had happened on the Quidditch field. He just couldn't get past the fact that he had betrayed Ron, and hadn't even felt guilty about it until he got caught! It was just so complicated. Harry really, really liked Clara a lot, he loved kissing her and talking to her. He always smiled when he saw her famously long blonde hair, or when he looked into her piercing blue eyes. He had tried so hard to not like Clara, and not to act on his feelings, for Ron's sake. He didn't want to hurt Ron, his very best friend, through thick and thin. But even though he didn't want to, Harry did. He had forgotten about his friend, for those few moments while kissing Clara, and in doing so, he had made the worst mistake possible. Good friends were harder to come by then girls were.
Harry sighed as he continued walking down the dark passageway. He had no idea how to make things right with Ron either. He didn't know what he could say to make his friend feel better, probably because there was nothing to say. Ron had every right to be mad and stay mad. Not only had Harry kissed the girl that his best friend was seriously crushing on, but he had also kept so many secrets from Ron as well. At first, Harry had no remorse for keeping a few secrets from his best friends, but now, he finally saw his mistake.
He knew he had to tell Ron and Hermoine both, all of the things he had been keeping from them. It was getting way to hard to carry the burden of those secrets for Harry. He remembered how he used to tell his two best friends right away if something was troubling him and he would feel a sweet relief for doing so. They always tried there hardest to help him and make his life a little easier. He was so selfish to not appreciate that. Even if Ron wouldn't listen to him, he had to at least try. Plus, Hermoine would listen; she always did, even though she has kind of pushed Harry away this year. All he had to do was try.
Harry was feeling better as he quickly strode down the staircase, trying to get back to the Gryffindor common room. He wanted to make things better right away, even though both of them were probably already asleep. He wanted things like they used to be as soon as possible, he hated it when anyone was angry with him.
Then, Harry started to remember the last time Ron was angry with him. It was in his fourth year, during the Triwizard tournament. Ron had been mad at him, up until he nearly got scorched to death by a fire-breathing dragon. Was that what he had to do? Did he have to almost die just to get Ron back on his side? That's ridiculous! Harry told himself, shaking his head. He would try to be honest with Ron before he tried any desperate measures.
As Harry rounded the corner of the hallway he ran into a tall figure—hard. "Potter? What are you doing roaming around the halls this late?" asked Professor Sprout curiously.
Harry was surprised that he had run into her, of all teachers. Usually, Snape was the one ruthlessly pacing these halls. He was grateful however, that he hadn't run into professor Snape because then, surely, he would have been expelled. Snape would have made sure of it. "I was just…" Harry thought for a moment what would be the best excuse, but nothing really sounded reasonable. So he basically told the truth, "I was thinking. Didn't really want to go back to the common room."
Her eyes softened from her aggravated look and she nodded. Sprout must have understood that he was thinking about what happened at the game. She seemed to pity him in the look she gave. "Well, you shouldn't be wandering the corridors this late. Get back to your common room, Potter."
Harry felt relieved as he started to walk away quickly. He was just glad that he didn't get into any more trouble than he already was in. Professor Sprout could have certainly given him a detention or—
"—and Harry!" she called back swiftly.
He turned around a little bit scared at what she was going to say. He looked at her expectantly as she added, "I'll have to report this to Dumbledore. But you're lucky that I didn't give you a detention."
He winced as he nodded obediently. He had almost gotten away with nothing, no punishment at all, which would have been nice, but it wasn't like a "report to Dumbledore" would really do anything. Dumbledore understood him and had so much faith in Harry. He wouldn't punish him. Harry knew this and he felt bad for taking advantage of Dumbledore's generosity and wisdom. Harry felt like he was letting Dumbledore down. He wanted to be as good as everyone else seemed to think he was, but it seemed that he always fell short of people's expectations.
Harry watched as Professor Sprout slowly turned and walked away from him and down the hallway. He hoped that he wouldn't run into anyone else on his way back to the common room. Harry ambled his way back the painting of the fat lady. He woke her up and said the password quickly, before crawling through the porthole.
It was nice to feel the warmth of the blazing fire and hear the silence of the common room. Harry noticed right away that Ron or Hermoine weren't there; only Ginny and Neville Longbottom were still awake. They were sitting in the corner doing their homework, but as he walked in, they had looked up at him. Both of them continued to stare as he strode towards them.
"Hi Harry." Neville said excitedly.
"Hey, Neville, what are you two doing?" asked Harry nicely. He was thankful that they didn't question him about the fight or Ron. He really didn't want to talk about it with them. He needed to talk to his best friends.
"I'm helping him with his History of Magic homework." Ginny added quickly. She seemed a little defensive. Harry looked between the two of them, with raised eyebrows. It was funny that Ginny was a year younger than Neville and she was the one helping him with his homework. Though, Neville wasn't exactly a star student and needed help sometimes, he found it a little odd that Ginny would know how to complete homework that was a grade above her.
"Oh" Harry said shortly before quickly and casually asking, "So have you seen Ron in here at all."
Ginny opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Neville.
"Ron was real mad. He just sat staring at the fire with that glower on his face. Then when Clara tried talking to him he stomped off up into the boys dormitories." Neville said worriedly.
"Yeah, he seemed pretty angry. Wonder what pissed him off so much…" Ginny replied while eyeing Harry. She probably expected him to tell her what had happened between him and her brother, but Harry wasn't exactly in a talkative mood.
"I thought Harry is what pissed him off," answered Neville confusedly. Harry couldn't help but laugh at his remark.
"You are exactly right." Harry grinned to himself. Good thing Neville had said something or else Ginny would have kept prying to know what happened. She looked at him disappointedly as he added. "I'm gonna go to bed, but if you need anymore help, Neville, just ask."
Harry woke up restlessly the next morning. He had gotten little sleep because he had been tossing and turning all night. He had been anxiously lying there in his bed, waiting until morning. He was impatient to talk to Ron, and so when he awoke, he quickly jumped out of bed. It took a matter of seconds for him to get dressed and ready for the day.
He quickly bound down the spiral staircase and into the empty common room. Harry figured that while it was morning, it still was quite early. He didn't think anyone would be up yet anyway. So all he had to do was wait for Ron.
Then Harry remembered that all he had to do was look into the bed next to him and their Ron would be. He could have just woken Ron up to talk to him. Harry felt stupid and wanted to go back up the stairs to get him, but thought that that might make Ron mad. Ron was always very fond of sleeping.
Suddenly, someone came through the porthole behind Harry, and he turned around to see none other than Hermoine.
"Hey Harry, I didn't expect you to be up this early."
Relief swept over Harry as he smiled and replied, "Hey, I was actually waiting to talk to you or Ron."
She looked kind of surprised for a moment and then quickly motioned towards the chairs in front of the fireplace. They both quietly walked towards the chairs and sat down swiftly. Harry said nothing at first, so Hermoine broke the silence. "Do you want to talk to me about the fight?" She looked at him as if she assumed that's what he wanted to say.
He shook his head and looked down a moment. This was going to be harder than he thought. "Well, not exactly. I have actually been keeping things from you and Ron."
"Oh?" Hermoine said a little on edge. She wasn't any happier than Ron was that Harry was keeping secrets.
"I just needed time to…..let it sink in." He said quickly, trying to make her understand. He didn't want Hermoine mad at him too. What would he do then?
"What is it?" she now had a concerned look on her face as she waited impatiently for him to reveal what he's been hiding.
"When Sirius died, that was really hard. You know…you saw how I was. Well, that night, the night where I had that horrible dream, well I talked to Dumbledore. He said that…..the dream was real." Harry took a deep breath and stated painfully, "Sirius is still alive."
Hermoine's eyes grew wide and she drew in a quick breath. She looked like she didn't know what to feel. Finally she exclaimed with a giant smile shining on her face, "Harry that's great!" He shot her a glance that told Hermoine right away that it wasn't. He looked so depressed and lost as he was sitting there looking at his hands. "Why is that bad?"
"Because Voldemort is keeping him like a slave. At least when I thought that Sirius was dead, I knew he wasn't suffering. Right now, Voldemort has him captive and I can't do a damn thing about it" Harry was so angry as he said these words. He had tried to forget that he even knew this. He wanted to keep that promise to Dumbledore not to try to save Sirius, but it was getting so hard. No matter how much he tried to not think about it, to pretend that he never knew, he just couldn't. Saying it out loud only made him angrier too; it was like saying it, made it real.
Hermoine wasn't saying anything to him as he furiously banged his fists on the table in front of him. It just wasn't fair, why did these kinds of things happen to good people; Sirius was the best person Harry had ever known. He was like his father, uncle, and friend all rolled into one. This wasn't how life was supposed to be, it was never supposed to be this hard. Where every day is a struggle just to make it through with out anything else going wrong. Everyday Harry would think to himself, what am I doing here? I should be out saving my godfather! But alas, that stupid promise he made Dumbledore. And what was the headmaster even doing to save Sirius? Nothing, that's what. Absolutely NOTHING.
"Harry?" Hermoine spoke hesitantly. She looked over at him worriedly and she had her brows furrowed together. She looked at him trying to calm him down and make sense of what he had just unveiled to her.
"That's not all either." Harry replied bitterly, ignoring Hermoine's small plea for him to settle down. "Sirius is Clara's father. Yep, that's right. He either never bothered to mention her before, or he had absolutely no idea that he had a daughter. He's going to die without ever knowing her."
"Oh my god!" She said, caught a little off guard. She must have thought that the secrets were over, but oh was she wrong.
"And on top of it all, now Ron's pissed at me. He caught me kissing Clara. I've tried to not like her, and keep my distance, because Ron's my best friend, but when she told me about Sirius…..I just, couldn't deal with it all anymore. There's only so much I can take, Hermoine." Harry shook his head, as he looked over at Hermoine for any advice, whatsoever. He needed to know what to do because he had no clue anymore. She was so smart and clever; she could make it all better.
"Wow, that's a lot of secrets to keep." Hermoine swallowed and rubbed her forehead gently. This must be overwhelming for her, Harry thought to himself. He felt bad for keeping this from her. He also felt stupid, because she could have helped him. Her advice was usually golden. "How do you know Sirius is alive?"
"Dumbledore told me. He made me promise not to try and save him or anything because of what happened last time." Harry replied sadly. He didn't like having to sit and wait around for someone to help his godfather.
She nodded and said compassionately, "There is really nothing you can do about Sirius, Harry, even if you didn't promise Dumbledore. Voldemort is just keeping him to—"
"Torment me" Harry interjected emotionlessly, "That's what he said. He said he was doing this just to hurt me."
Hermoine looked worriedly at him, "Yes well I was going to say it might be another trap." She sighed and said, "I'm sure Dumbledore is doing everything he can to help Sirius. There's only so much he can do though."
"What exactly is he doing to help, Hermoine? I haven't seen or heard of him doing ANYTHING to help my godfather. He's just letting this happen." Harry didn't know why he was so angry with Dumbledore, he had no reason to be, but it was just such a frustrating situation. He felt like no one even cared about what was happening.
"He's going to be okay, Harry. Eventually, Sirius will be free and able to meet his daughter." Hermoine said hopefully. She was being optimistic and trying to cheer Harry up. It just was too hard for him to let go of all his sadness and anger.
"And about that, how did Sirius and Clara's mom even get together? It makes no sense because he never even mentioned having a woman in his life." Harry had been thinking about all these questions to himself since he'd found out yesterday that Sirius was Clara's father.
"That would be something to ask Clara" Hermoine replied shortly.
"Am I even allowed to talk to her anymore? I mean, that's how Ron got mad at me in the first place. I don't want him to get any angrier with me then he already is."
Hermoine looked at him and sighed, "Well, Harry, there's not much you can do to make Ron not mad at you. He has a right to be mad, but he'll get over it eventually. You should try to talk to him though, even if he turns you down."
"I know, I was going to talk to him and tell him about all these things I've kept from you guys. He found out that I was keeping things from him too when we were in McGonagal's office, and that made Ron even madder."
"Harry, I will try to talk to Ron for you and cool him down. Maybe you should wait until then because he is a little touchy right now." Hermoine answered helpfully.
He nodded and looked past her head, out the window. He saw an old friend's cabin and decided that's where he needed to go next. He had messed up with too many of his friends already; Harry wasn't about to lose Hagrid.
He got up to go, but after two strides he turned around and said simply, "Thank you, Hermoine."
She smiled at him like that was all she needed to hear. And Harry smiled back at her happily before turning once again to go see Hagrid. "Harry wait!"
He curiously walked back to Hermoine's side and looked into her eyes, "What is it?"
She bit her lip nervously before words quickly sprang out of her mouth, "Do you remember when I was going to tell you something, until people interrupted me?"
"Yeah" Harry replied. He had completely forgotten about that, it had been so long and he had been thinking about so many other things lately.
"Well, what I was going to tell you…it…" Hermoine looked like she was trying really hard to work up the courage to say something. He never thought she would be shy to say anything, but it seemed as if she were terrified to admit something. "I was going to tell you that I," she cringed as she whispered, "I have a crush on Ron."
"WHAT?" Harry laughed. He couldn't help it, this seemed completely ludicrous.
"Don't laugh!" she said exasperated. Hermoine seemed a little disgusted with herself, which was really funny to Harry. He thought that it was actually a good thing. "Please, do not tell him."
"He's not talking to me, how would I?" Harry answered with a tiny smile on his face.
"Just because I like R—" Hermoine embarrassedly stopped in mid-sentence when she saw Ron and Seamus walking down the spiral staircase.
She grew red as Ron glared at them both furiously. Harry's smiled disappeared completely and he stiffened at the sight of his best friend. There was silence in the room except for the sound of footsteps climbing down the stairs. It was just about the most awkward and tense moment Harry had ever experienced. When Ron reached the bottom of the staircase he sneered as he said, "Dumbledore wants to see you."
"Huh?" Harry questioned.
"He told me last night when he talked to me that I should tell you in the morning to go see him. So go." He said that last part especially nasty.
Harry nodded and slowly walked towards the porthole. Nobody said a word as he crawled through the porthole and he could feel Ron's angry eyes on his back as he left the common room. This was not going to be a good day.