Chapter 3

The next week passed quickly. They both were making an effort not to be awkward with one another... well, mostly Clark was trying. Lois, having had time to think in advance of her announcement, felt better, having freed her mind.

She was nervous about what his answer would be, and stopped him whenever he tried to approach the topic. In her mind, a quick reply was like a short jury deliberation. Those were the ones that always came back with a guilty verdict. They'd had plenty to do, going through their notes from the investigation to put out their series of articles. Having a story ready for each deadline was intense, but it kept them on track.

Clark sat on the porch swing with his mother on the Kansas farm waiting for his dad to return from the hardware store. They both held glasses of Lemonade and were slightly swaying back and forth, regulated by Clark's sneaker on the deck.

"Well, I think there are some things you need to let her know about, if that's what you're thinking," Martha said quietly.

"You don't think it's a good idea do you?"

"Hon, every mother wants a happy ending for her child. We love Lois, you know that, but I don't think that this is the right choice."

"Mom, I don't know if there will ever be another choice. Lois doesn't see me as anything more than her best friend. I could be waiting forever."

"But does it seem right to bring a child into such a situation?"

"We don't even know if this would work. We don't know anything about how my body works. Who's to say that I won't grow old and die alone," he frowned, his voice choking on the last words.

Martha knew these fears from her son's youth. No matter how many friends he'd had, he could never share with them completely. This made him feel even more isolated than he really was. She also felt that he was wrong about Lois's feelings toward him.

She'd watched them the last time Clark brought Lois home for the Corn Festival. She knew that Lois was not one to confront her emotions in the same manner that she tackled an assignment. She felt that Lois probably was not even consciously aware of her feelings for her son.

Smiling, she brushed away the lock of hair that stubbornly fell in his face, as she would do when he was a child. She didn't approve of the idea of purposely having a baby out of wedlock, but this was a situation where she had to let the kids find their own way. Somehow, she felt that everything would come out okay.

"So what are you going to tell her?"

"I guess I need to tell her about Superman," he shrugged.

"And?"

Clark looked at her with a confused expression, to which Martha said, "Your feelings for her."

"I need to know that she's... well, I mean, that she has feelings for Clark not Superman, before..."

"Clark, believe it or not, you are Superman. I know you are afraid to throw your feelings out there, but it is a risk. You have to be willing to accept the outcome, whether good or bad. Besides, does it really matter who said it first when you both are saying it?"

"You don't think..."

"Shhh," she smiled at his expression, and patted his knee. "You think about it. Look, Dad's back."

Clark headed back to Metropolis after dinner. His mind was still reeling from the conversation he'd had with his mother. His father had been uncharacteristically quiet on the topic when he'd asked for his opinion. Clark figured that it was his mother's influence that kept him silent.

Clark knocked on Lois' door and stepped back. After a series of clicks, the door opened, splashing a soft stream of light into the hall. Clark looked like he was ready to bolt. "Come in, Clark. Let's talk."

Lois sat down on her couch and watched as he stood near the door wringing his hands.

"Come sit down."

He stopped and looked at her. "I... I feel better standing. Lois, um, I told you that I couldn't accept your... idea, and I still can't, but I feel like I should explain something to you." He started pacing. "There are things that you don't know about me. There are things I don't know about myself..."

"I know that not knowing about your birth parents is hard, Clark, but I doubt that you need to be concerned with some strange disease or something. I mean, wouldn't it have shown some manifestation of itself by now? Besides, every pregnancy is a risk... you never know what might happen, but you deal with the outcome!"

Clark blinked at the similarity of what she was saying to his mother's response. "But that's just it. We don't know what could happen."

"So let's take a positive look at it. What if everything did work out okay?"

"Then you would have a child..."

"And so would you," she replied quickly, leaning forward so her elbows rested on her thighs. She smiled, hoping that Clark's thinking would make him change his mind.

"And then one day you'd meet somebody who you would want to spend the rest of your life with. How does that change our agreement?"

"I can't say that it wouldn't happen, but I right now I can't see it happening. Come on Clark, you almost said it yourself. It would take an extraordinary person to want to come into a ready-made family."

"But he might exist! And then it's awkward because the baby has to try to deal with two fathers. Then, on top of that, the step-father may want to adopt..."

"Clark, you're getting beyond yourself here. Sure, all those things could happen, but then it could be normal... whatever your idea of normal is... we don't know the future, we just have to try it. It could turn out that you are the one to find someone who you want to marry, and start a family with. Would that change your feelings about this child? No."

"I wish it were that simple."

"Clark, tell me... we can talk about it. What is it? We've covered disease, new marriages, what else is bothering you?"

Clark finally stopped pacing and approached the couch, where he sat down heavily next to Lois. "I'm not even sure I can have children, Lois."

"Don't you think it's worth a shot to find out?"

"I'm not even sure that I should have children..."

"What? You are probably the one person who should! We have all kinds of crazy and evil people procreating and populating our world. Don't you think that it would benefit us all to have stable, caring people have children?"

"No. I mean yes, but that's not what I'm talking about." He turned so his body was facing her fully. "Lois, there is something about me that I haven't told you yet. I want you to know that I was going to tell you eventually. It's just, the time was never right... I know you're going to be upset, but please know that it's not because I don't trust you- because I do, with all my being."

Lois watched him curiously. She couldn't think of anything he could tell her that would cause her to be angry. 'Something, about himself?' she asked herself silently.

"Oh! You're gay!"

He coughed at her guess. "No- I think that even that would be less of a shock than what I'm about to tell you."

Kneeling before her, Clark pulled off his glasses and looked at her. He watched as her eyes narrowed when she realized that there was something about his face he wanted her to see. She brushed the stray lock of hair from his face and held it off of his forehead. Something tickled in the back of her mind, but she couldn't figure it out what it was.

"What am I looking for?"

"Superman."

Her expression turned to shock and her jaw slackened. "You're Superman's brother!"

That would explain why he was able to get all of the exclusives. It had bothered her when he first started working, but as the years passed, they'd evened out, and Superman started giving her the interviews when Clark wasn't around. Hmmm, that made the prick in the back of her mind seem more pronounced. Somehow, the explanation distilled some of the mysteries, but left others unexplained.

"No."

"Hmm. Well, not his brother. Too bad. Ok, not his brother. I would say his son, but that doesn't make much sense as he isn't old enough, not to say that we know anything about his aging patterns..."

"Lois," he said softly, breaking her stream of words.

She removed her hand from his forehead, leaving his hair with a disheveled look. "Well, that leaves..." she said as her hand slid to his chest. "...that you're him."

Clark gasped as she began unbuttoning his shirt. He was unable to control his reaction to a touch he'd been afraid to wish for; unfortunately the circumstances were not in his favor.

Lois's hands stilled as she saw the blue spandex with the golden crest. She stood suddenly and walked to the window, putting her back to him.

"Lois, please. I know that this is not what you expected, but it's one of the reasons that I know we can't do this. There is no telling what could happen if we try to mix genes here. Who's to say what the outcome would be. It could be some deformity, or disease... or worse."

He looked toward her silent figure. He couldn't tell her that the other reason he didn't want... well, couldn't do this, was because he wanted her first as his love; as his life.

She didn't respond, and she didn't give any sign that she was even listening. The lack of an outburst scared him, and he realized that he'd been prepared for her to be angry, to yell and rant; but he was not prepared for her silence. He didn't know what to do.

"I think we both have a lot to think about, and it's late, so I'm going to head home. I'll try to call you later." Then, he did what he always did when he was uncomfortable. He ran.

Lois didn't move until the door closed behind him.