A Loony Kender

Disclaimer: I do not own DRAGONLANCE nor do I own any of Weis's and Hickman's characters, I'm not geniuses like them, despite my fantasies.

This takes place in the Soulforge, Raist and Caramon are about 18, they've met Flint, Tanis, Tas, and Sturm, and of course Kitiara. But what happens when a loony kender comes to town . . . and everyone else starts acting really, really, really weird and crazy . . .

It all started on a fine spring morning in Solace . . .

Raistlin (and most of Solace) woke early, somewhere around 5:00 AM, all due to an inconsiderate kender . . .

BANG!

BOOM!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"TASSLEHOFF!"

"Hey, Raist, what's going on?" Caramon, who, having fallen off his bed (thus causing the BOOM) was sitting up, look all confused and bewildered, because that's just what Caramon does.

"I do not know, Caramon." Raistlin answered, frowning. "I'm going to find out, though. You do not need to come with me–in fact, you can go right back to sleep. And get off the floor!"

Caramon hoisted himself off the floor—which was a considerable feat due to the fact that there was so much him to hoist up—while Raistlin dressed briskly in his white novice robes, quickly combed his hair, and tugged on his boots. By this time Caramon was up, too, despite Raistlin order, and was tugging a clean shirt and yawning loudly.

Raistlin, shaking his head, hurried out the door down to Flint Fireforge's home, the source of the BANGing and screaming.

"I told you, Flint, it was an accident, honest!" Tasslehoff Burrfoot stood cornered by Tanis Half-Elven and Flint Fireforge, both of whom were looking furious. Tugging a little on his topknot, the kender continued. "I never meant to actually play with your best anvil and hammer, I was going to use then to make pancakes! It's not my fault that the wind blew in, spinning me around, and as I put out my arms to catch myself, the anvil and hammer just flew out of my hands, I didn't let go, and they banged into the wall–did you hear the BANG that made?–so, you see, it wasn't my fault that the anvil and hammer broke, it was the wall's for being so close to me!"

Tas looked up, brown eyes doe-like in innocence, to see if this speech had any effect on Flint or Tanis. Apparently not.

"So, you see–oh, hi Raistlin! Imagine seeing you here!" Tas, having seen Raistlin enter the drawf's workshop, latched onto a new line of conversation. "Can you believe this??? Here I was, trying to make pancakes, and the winds spun me around–rather rudely, now to think of it–and Flint's best anvil and hammer jumped out of my hands and I'm positive the walls moved closer just to bang into them, and–" Tas paused dramatically. "the walls ruined Flint's anvil and hammer, and then Flint came in and started accusing me––me of all people!—of playing with his stuff when it was all the wind's and the wall's fault! Then Tanis came in and Flint told him I'd broken his best anvil and hammer and Tanis started asking me questions–I mean, what is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Anyway, I answered them and then you came in and I just finished telling you this–" here Tas stopped, having completely run out of breath.

"HE BROKE MY BEST ANVIL AND HAMMER!!!" Flint yelled.

"Hey, hey, calm down!" Tanis said soothingly, trying to calm the dwarf down before he burst a blood vessel.

"And who makes pancakes with a anvil and a hammer?!?!"

"I wanted them thin and circle-shaped!"

"Did someone say pancakes?"

"Forget it, Caramon, there are no pancakes–"

"Darn."

"Only a kender attempting to make pancakes with Flint's anvil and hammer–"

"I told you before, it was an accident, Raistlin, I was only trying to surprise Tawny–"

"Whose Tawny? Tas broke Flint's pancakes while making an anvil and hammer? WHAT?"

"No, Kit–"

"I don't understand, Raist–"

"WILL EVERYONE SHUT UP A DANG MOMENT!" Kit, having asked the question about Tawny, had entered, looking annoyed. Sturm was right behind her.

"Everyone settle down, lets get to the bottom of this." Tanis said. Everyone sat down. Flint looked furious, Tas was the picture of innocence, Caramon, Sturm, and Kit looked confused, and Raistlin looked interested.

"Well, Tas was spinning around Flint's workshop with his best anvil and hammer, let go, the hammer and anvil hit the walls and shattered. Tas claimed he was trying to make pancakes for–"

"Tawny."

"Whose Tawny?" asked Caramon.

"Tawny Shamrock. She's one of my best friends form Kendermore and she sent a letter saying that she was arriving sometime between today and next year, it depended on whether or not she could get her sisters, Palmer and Merribell Shamrock, to come with her. So, to surprise Tawny–and maybe Palmer and Merribell, if they come–I was going to make pancakes."

"At 5:00 in the morning???"

"The early bird gets the worm, er, pancakes."

"But he RUINED my best anvil and hammer!"

"Not to mention woke half the town of Solace."

"Well Tas," Raistlin said, staring at Tasslehoff. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Oompa loompa, oompa de doo."

"Huh?"

"TAS! TASSLEHOFF BURRFOOT!" A chiming, sweet female voice floated through the air, two seconds before the door flew open. Inside the doorway stood a thin Kendermaid with an incredibly LONG topknot of tawny-colored hair–hence her name–and large, brown eyes. But this was not the thing that made the companion's eyes bug out. Oh, no. What the kendermaid was wearing, though . . .

The kender had on bright yellow pants, an orange shirt, a shocking pink vest with amber buttons, not to mention the red gauzy scarf she wore around her head, the red-and-purple ones she had tied around her waist, and all the colorful sequins she had sewn onto her pants, vest, and shirt, and boots. Her hoopak was made of surprisingly dark wood, almost black, with a vast number of scarves tied onto it. Some of her hair was threaded with beads, some was braided, some was tied with scarves, some strands were twisted around sequins and bits of cloth, all gathered into one topknot and tossed carelessly down her back. As she waltzed into the room, the companions could smell her-and she smelled like she'd poured all the perfume in Ansolon on herself, it was that strong. Her pouches were many, and varied--one was made of a gauzy blue scarf, another purely of sequins sewn together, another of plain red wool. Her eyes were so wide that they seemed to bug out of her face. Her lips were done with purple-and-black lipstick, giving her a weird look. She grinned, revealing white teeth.

"Tawny!" called Tas.

"Oh, my." said Sturm.

"Oompa loompa." The kendermaid called Tawny said, banging her hoopak on the ground. Tanis saw that it had a steel bottom.

"I have a feeling this is going to be one long day . . . " groaned Tanis.

Do you like? If you do, please read on, and R&R! Please! It gets funnier, I promise!

Yeah, I should probably be working on TS&UA, but this idea just hit me so and I've had writer's block on my other story . . .

A note: I was first going to make Tawny's name Ally but then I changed it to Tawny, to clear up some of the confusion. Thank you!