Note: Yayy! Next chapter!
Thanks to Mischa Kitsune & guitarguy32403 for the great reviews, and also to the fact that I still have writer's block on my other story, I've decieded to do Ch.2! Caution: What you are about to read my shock and terrify you: I am using my twisted and warped imagination. No, don't run away screaming! Hey, come back! Oh, just read, people.
Reviews welcome, as always. Oh, and: if I owned DRAGONLANCE, Willy Wonka, The Twilight Zone, would I be writing an amusing ff for your entertainment? Translation: I Own Nothing except my imagination, 'K?
Now read or be eaten by crazed, invisble kenlims (cross between a kender and a gremlin, personally I think they're the same, this note is going on an awful bit, isn't it?). So now I'll shut up and hopefully you'll read with the above threat in mind.
Chapter Two!
The Looniness Begins . . . (Jaws music)
Where were we? Oh–
"I have a feeling this is going to be one long day. . . " groaned Tanis.
"Aye, lad." was what Flint thought, and he would have spoken out loud save for the fact that the Tawny's appearance had shocked him so severely that he was numb with dread.
Ignoring Tas, Tawny skipped merrily up to poor Flint. "This is for you." She said, holding one hand behind her back. Raistlin, looking with interest, saw that the odd kendermaid held nothing in her hand.
"For . . . me?" Flint squeeked, having a bad, bad previous experience with Kender gifts.
"Uh-huh!" Tawny grinned. "Guess what it is!"
"Another anvil and hammer to replace the one Tas broke?" Flint grumbled, having been unshocked by . . . no idea what. He's just unshocked back to his grumbly self.
"No!" Tawny giggled shrilly, showing off her white teeth and making everyone wince. "It's a . . . " She stopped, then winked at Flint. "Take a look for yourself!" With a flourish, she presented a closed fist. The Companions stared.
"What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?" Flint asked warily (smart dwarf).
"This!" Tawny grinned excitedly.
"What?"
"This!"
"What?"
" . . . " Tawny was silent, still grinning that stupid grin.
"WHAT?" demanded Flint.
"I just told you!" Tawny said in a cheerful tone.
"You didn't say anything!"
"You're right." Tawny jumped up and down, causing the various scarves to jerk up and down too. "I said nothing. And that's what I have in my hand!"
The Companions sat in stunned silence.
Caramon, as usual, broke it. "I don't get it, Raist."
"I think I do, brother." Raistlin studied the kender with a keen eye. "The Kender has nothing in her hand, thus when she did not say a word–thus saying nothing–she was telling Flint what she had in her hand."
"Huh?" Caramon still didn't get it.
"And I have another present for you!" Tawny grinned her maniac grin again.
"Is it Nothing again?" Groaned Flint.
"Nope!" Tawny leaped around in a circle, waving her arms. Coming to a stop inches from Flint, she reached into one of her pouches–the one that was pure sequins–and produced a golden ticket. "A man named Willy Wonka told me to give this to the first idiot I saw, and that's you!" She laughed felicitously, ignoring the fact that the dwarf had just turned red at the insult.
She turned suddenly to Kitiara, whipping Flint with a scarf. "Why did the monkey fall outa the tree?She demanded.
"What the heck's a monkey?" Kitiara demanded. Tawny ignored her.
"Because it saw an approaching swarm of blue, invisible gremlins with furry bodies and big teethcoming at it because they wanted too because the monkey didn't really like gremlins, and was just plain freaked out by The Twilight Zone episode Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, actually so was I, but these gremlins were different because they were blue AND invisible! Well, the monkey was also freaked out by the fact that the swarm of blue, invisible gremlins were coming to sing 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy' really, really badly so the guy that wrote it–I keep forgetting his name–turns in his grave and the monkey, well, saw the swarm of really big blue invisible gremlins singing quite badly and fell out of the tree. I was wondering: how can the guy who wrote 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy' turn in his grave if he's dead? Is he an Unded guy? Hey, I once met this undead guy, really interesting, save for the fact that he wanted to rip me to shreds, eat my bladder, and tap-dance, which I think would have been kind of interesting, I've never had a guy rip me to shreds and eat my bladder before–have you?–and I don't know what Tap-dancing is, is it elvish? She stopped for breath, having succeeded in stunning not only Flint but the whole Companions (besides Tas).
"What the heck's The Twilight Zone?"
"How can a gremlin be blue AND invisible?"
"Huh? 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy?' What the–"
"What IS a monkey?"
"No idea . . . "
"I don't understand, Raist."
"Neither do I, Caramon."
"How can we all talk like this if we're shocked?"
"Because the author's crazy, Tas."
"But I'm not shocked, which is really a dissapointment because I've never really been shocked before-"
"Would anyone mind if I strangled the kender?"
"Which one?"
"Both."
"Go right ahead."
"Raist, I still don't understand!"
"SHUT UP!" Kitiara, having had enough, yelled. Everyone quieted.
"Oompa loompa, oompa de do. I've got another puzzle for you!" Tawny sang cheerfully, making everyone jump. Banging her hoopak on the floor, she jumped around it in a circle of perfume and gauzy cloth. Suddenly, she stopped.
Everyone waited with dread as she slowly turned to Flint. Grinning, she ran up . . . and, locking her arms around his neck, kissed him full on the lips.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Screamed Flint, attempting to pry Tawny off. Tanis hurried to help, trying unsuccessfully to surpress a grin. Caramon, Tas, and Kitiara hit the floor, gasping for air in between uncontrollable laughter. Raistlin smiled at the disdainful shock on Sturm's face, and, needless to say, Sturm was shocked-for real this time-to his honor-bound being.
"I always knew! . . . " chocked Kitiara, wiping away tears and banging the floor with her fist.
Tawny suddenly jumped away from Flint, wiping her mouth-all her lipstick was on Flint's lips now-and spat on the floor. Regarding a completely embarressed Flint, she scowled.
"Why did you kiss me?" she demanded.
"Huh? Kiss YOU?"
"Yes, kiss me. Here I am, minding my own business, and you come up and kiss me. That is rude, crude, and dude, that's not nice, now is it?"
Flint is unable to speak due to the fact that he cannot find words to express his ire.
Kitiara, finally able to breathe, rolled onto her back, sitting up. "Yeah, Flint, why'd you kiss the kender?" she demanded mock-sternly, or would if she was not still choking on her laughter. She rolled onto her stomach and howled at the expression on Flint's face.
Tas and Caramon clutched their stomaches, laughing.
Tawny's expression suddenly became cheerful again. Turning to Tanis-who backed up a bit, sheilding his face-she banged her hoopak on the floor. Then, she ran out the door, her manical laughter drifting abck to them.
"Lets run for it!" Kit said, having gotten to her feet. Raistlin nodded in agreement. Tas ran up to Flint, carefully out of range. "Tawny likes you, doesn't she?"
Sturm grabbed Tas, clapping a hand over his mouth.
At that moment, Tawny returned. Running into the door, she halted at Flint, then flung a little bit of pink-purple powder on his face.
"ACHOO!" sneezed the dwarf. "What did you do, you little maggot!?" He roared in fury, then sneezed again.
"You'll see . . . " Tawny grinned mysteriously.
Then she ran out of the room again.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX(double spacing doesn't work sorry)XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tawny grinned over her pouch of powder. Pulling out the pink, she regarded the lable: Moon Loon Powder. Grinning, she skipped over to the Inn of the Last Home.
Entering the kitchen (she'd climed up the rope), she saw that the innkeeper had three new barrels of beer in. Drawing out her pouch of Moon Loon Powder, she sprinkled a good bit into the third barrel of beer.
Then she skipped away, laughing maniacally.
Well . . . like, hate, are still laughing or are saying how inept at humor I am? TELL ME!
Next chapter: Flint Goes Crazy!
Danke!