Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonlance, TSR, or Wizards of the Coast, despite my day dreams.

Danke to all those who've reviewed in the past.

And, a little-known fact about Kender come out in this chapter. Also, you'll recognize some stuff from the newest Series of Unfortunate Events! Aye! Which I am positive I did not spell right! Aye!

P.S. There is no such thing as too much Monty Python.

Note: This chapter couldn't have been produced if it weren't for the fabulous directors, the Llamas! Give it up, folks!

Read, please.

Chapter . . . What One Are We On Now??

Um . . .

Oh, yeah . . .

Chapter Five!

Sturm Hits Bedlam! (crazy music plays in background)

Raistlin sighed as he walked along the rope-street, shaking his head slightly. What a day . . . the arrival of the unusual kender, the horror of the craziness of Flint, and now the chattering of Tasslehoff had already succeeded in giving him a headache.

Little did he know that it was going to get worse . . .

Duh duh duh

Caramon, lumbering along Raistlin, was being as idiotic as usual. "That was real funny, Raist, you know, when we caught Flint! Wasn't it, Raist! And when that long-haired kender girl kissed him! Ah, man!" Caramon grinned at the memory, making the bridge sway.

Sturm frowned. "Such a thing is vulgar, Caramon, and should not be discussed here."

Caramon opened his mouth to reply, but Tas cut him short.

"Why, Sturm?" the kender asked the stern wanna-be Solamnic. Sturm hurridly answered before he could say anymore. "It just is, Tasslehoff."

"Why?" Tas asked innocently.

"Because." Sturm answered shortly.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because." Sturm was growing impatient of the conversation.

"Why?" Tas, completely unaware of his friend's growing ire, demanded sweetly.

"Because!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE!" Sturm finally yelled.

"Oh-h." Tas gazed accusingly at Sturm. "Why didn't you tell me so? This reminds me of the time that Uncle Trapspringer asked a minotaur 'why' a little too many times, and the minotaur, who was dead drunk, got angry-I always wondered, what is dead drunk? Are you so drunk that you're dead? But if that's true, then why do you wake up? Uncle Trapspringer-"

"Shut up, Tasslehoff." Raistlin snapped rather curtly.

They had arrived at a fork in the bridges, and the four split up: Caramon and Raistlin heading towards their home, Sturm and Tas towards Sturm'shome, and, weary from their long walk in search of Tawny Shamrock, went in, finding the shade welcome after the hot sun. Sturm went into his room-accompanied by Tas-to check to see if the kendermaid was in there.

As we all know, a certain kender maid who had already been there left some purple-pinky powder on a certain would-be Knight's pillow . . .

Tas and Sturm entered the room--or, rather, the room ajoining to Sturm's bedroom, where he stored valuables. If a kender were to hide anywhere, Sturm reasoned, it would be among valuables. Tas, bored with looking at Sturm's stuff, skipped over to his room.

And noticed the feather bed.

Feather beds are soft and comfy, warm and snuggly and perfect,absolutely perfect for flinging yourself head first on while yelling your lungs out. It is a general rule that feather beds are the best beds for thowing yourself on while yelling your lungs out, and that action should always be done when you come across a feather bed.

This is exactly what went on in Tas's head as he took a quick look at the bed.

It is a known fact that kender simply cannot resist feather beds. Espeically after wandering around all day, having the curious and interesting object that you've rescued been taken away from you, being constantly shushed, and rather hot, what with the burning summer sun ana all.AndTas's legs, all of their own accord, where begining to feel rather tired from walking/running/hopping around all day.

This probably explains the stupid thing that Tas did next.

What did he do?

Guess.

"Ya-hoo!"

Ya guessed it.

Yelling his lungs out in glee, Tas leaped headfirst into the pillow, his entire body hitting the cloud-like bed and sending pinky-purple powder everywhere, though, of course, Tas, having implusively closed his eyes upon their contact with the pillow, did not notice. Laughing facetiously, Tas rolled over and happily kicked his legs on the bed.

"What the-" Sturm, hearing the wild cry of glee and the tell-tale thump! of a little body stricking his bed, and, cursing in Solamnic under his breath, the man ran into the room-which, might I remind you, was jam-packed with pinky-purple powder.

Sturm breathed in and began to cough as the powder tickled his nose and tongue, flew down his throat, and began to work full-force once it reached his lungs and stomache. A warm, dizzy feeling filled him and he staggered onto the bed.

Tas, opening his eyes, saw Sturm sitting on the bed, a wild light in his eyes and a maniac grin on his face. Laughing drunkenly, Sturm fell back on his bottom on the bed as the powder settled.

---

At the twin's home, Raistlin and Caramon were busy--Raistlin making lunch and Caramon whining. It was noontime, and, as Caramon had loudly and incessently reminded his brother, he hadn't eaten since breakfast and was starving. Raistlin, annoyed beyond the limit, had snapped at Caramon but nevertheless began to cook up some soup in the pot in the kitchen.

"What do you think about Flint going all crazy like that, Raist?" Caramon piped up, glancing hopefully at the pot.

"I think, my brother, that there is something wrong with that kender." Raistlin answered gravely, stirring the potato soup.

"Yeah! Me too. Did you see the way she gave whatever she gave to Flint! I thought he was going to burst a bubble!" Caramon giggled.

Raistlin blinked. "Burst a bubble?"

"Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh."

A pause.

"Why did I say that, Raist?" Caramon asked, staring at his brother in bafflement.

"Because the author's insane, my brother." Raistlin paused to add some marjoram to the soup.

"Oh."

Due to the fact that both brothers were watching the pot-Raistlin to see if it would boil and Caramon seeing when it would boil-neither of them noticed a figure carrying a kender run across the bridge and over to the ground. If they had, they would have to have been shocked again and talk like they weren't shocked. Again.

---

"Hey, Sturm, why did you tie me to a tree?" Tas asked innocently, looking down at the would-be Knight.

"Because I am Sturm the Sensational!" Sturm cried, flinging his arms into the air. "Aye! Because I am Sturm the Stern! Aye! Because I wanted to! Aye! Because I really wanted to! Aye! Because you've been annoying the heck out of me all day! Aye! Because you look good against that tree! Aye! Because! Aye!"

"Oh." Tas said, nodding sagely as Sturm surveyed his handiwork. "Then you did a good job. But why are you saying 'Aye!' all the time? Can I try?! Aye!"

"Aye!" Sturm smiled dementedly at the joy filled kender. "You will say 'Aye' until I tell you to stop! Aye!"

"OK, uh, Aye!" Tas grinned, happy to be playing a game with his normally morose friend.

"Aye!" Sturm cried.

"Aye!" Tas yelled.

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye . . . hey, Sturm, I'm gettin' kinda tired of saying 'aye' so many times, and the game's kinda boring, so can we stop now?"

"NO!" Sturm yelled, flailing his arms around, forcing Tas to duck his head or be whacked. "Stop saying 'aye!'??? Aye! No one can resist aye! Aye! You have to say it!"

"And what if I don't want to say it?" Tas asked curiously.

"Then I would have to do Something Horrible. Something Terrible. Something Mind-Boggling. Something Awful. Something That You Don't Want To See!" Sturm whispered dramatically, staring solemly at Tas.

"Ooh!" Tas squealed with delight. He had never seen Sturm (or any of his other friends) do Something ThatHe Didn't Want To See! How exciting! "What are you going to do, Sturm?" He asked eagerly.

"Do you REALLY want to see?"

"Yes!" Tas said eagerly.

"Do you really, really want to see?"

"YES!"

"Do you really, really, REALLYwant to see?"

"Just show me already!"

"OK!" Sturm looked around then leaned very close to Tas. "Nee!" He yelled in Tas's ear.

"What the!"

"Nee! Nee! I am the Knight Who Says--Nee! And I will say Nee! until I am tired of saying Nee! Aye-uh, nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!"

---

Twenty minutes later . . .

---

Tas was severly tired of hearing 'Nee!' repeated over and over and marvelled the fact that Sturm had enough breath to keep saying it, but, on the whole, the whole situation was rather dull. The novelty of being tired to the trunk of the tree had long worn off, and Tas was getting . . . bored.

"I'm bored." Tas complained.

The powder had not entirely addled Sturm's common sence. At these two dread words, Sturm stopped his incessent, albeit breathless and weary, neeing, turned around, and ran away screaming at the top of his lungs.

Raistlin, looking out the doorway at that minute, saw his companion turn tail and run away screaming from a kender tied to a tree . . .

Raistlin sighed. When one problem was resolved, another seemed to arise. Just how worse could this day get.

Much worse, Raistlin would come to realize. Much, muchworse.

"Was it something I said?" Tas wondered aloud, watching Sturm flee in panic.

Yayy . . . boy this looks long . . . took a good four days to write . . .

Yeah, Kit & Tanis don't appear in this chappie, don't worry, the next one's all about them, and the one after that should involve all of them. Don't worry.

Next chapter: What happens when you mix a drunken Kit and Tanis and a good bit of pinky-purple powder . . . and a pineapple . . . funny gaurenteed.