Chapter 3
Vash was sitting on a stool with a book in his hands, reading aloud to everyone in the living room. They all looked dazed and confused while Meryl forced them to watch a horrid and unforgiving display of...of...SOAP OPERAS!
"If you give a mouse a cookie," Began Vash, "He'll want a glass of milk, and if you give him a 13 inch pistol with dual revolvers, he'll want some death with those revolvers."
Just as he said this, everyone looked away from the magnetic drama television and asked Vash what the hell he was talking about. Then, they realized some quear had replaced his 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...' book with Steven King's 'Scary, serious, psychopathic humiliation that will make you wet your rubber-covered sheets at night'. The sad part is, that WAS the real title.
"So, Timmy hasn't been out of the hospital for weeks..." The TV blared throughout the room, making everyone sigh miserably.
"Do you think we could pos-" "SHHH!" Legato shushed Knives, trying to keep on the keen details of Timmy's erection problems.
"He's been taking Viagra on a regular daily basis... Is there nothing you can do?"
"LOOK!" Knives screeched at the top of his lungs, in having succsessfully made his parachute man fly. "NO HANDS, MA!" He screamed, taking out a pair of scissors and cutting off the strings that attached the army man to his faulty parachute.
"LOOK, MOM! NO HEAD!" He said, giggling madly, as he cut the army man's head off.
"Stop it!" Legato croned, acting rather motherly. "You're scaring the children!" Legato said, holding his hands over the eyes of a random group of children.
"What children?" Said Knives, suddenly sane and perfectly calm.
"Nothing..." Legato said, the group of kids suddenly disappearing into thin air.
Vash, on the other hand, was completely distanced from the rest of the crew, imagining his own fantasy land.
INSIDE VASH'S HEAD
A young woman and and man screamed as a giant foot came crashing upon a nearby building, looking meagerly up towards the menacing Vash.
"ME NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"
"AAAAAAH!" The townspeople screamed, "HE NEEDS TP FOR HIS BUNGHOLE!" they all raced away from Vash-zilla, as he tore apart building after building.
The surface, unfortunately could no longer support his weight, and unfortunetly for him, he fell into the sewer, where he came upon a common rat, with his wife and children.
"Look at that, kids, it's a new playmate!" Said the nerdy looking dad. he had taped glasses and was scratching his ear as a reflex.
His wife then began to twitch, then died, when he noticed, she was already smoking and chanting over and over again, before mouthing "Please deposit 50 cents for the next five minutes."
"What's going on here?" Said a black man with pants the size of parachutes.
"OMG! MC HAMMER"
"Can't touch this..." His music played in the background suddenly and he danced quite anciently across the cement road.
"Shake that booty!" MC suddenly said, and Vash shook his booty, all the way to the Gunsmoke state prison.
PRISON &
Vash was sitting on a bed, eating, strangely enough, cheese, he had a turtle resting on his abdomen and began talking to the turtle.
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop"
"Forty-seven... and that's counting the times you had you're girlfriend lick it for you!" The turtle raised it's eyebrows, er, eye sockets.
OUT OF VASH'S MIND
Legato began to finally sucessfully find Molly and George and they were deciding on what game to play.
"Ooo! How about 'spin the psychotic gunman'?"
"Nah"
"Sooooo... Anyone want to play Yahtzee"
Everyone then turned and ignored Knives.
"God, can't anyone watch a soap in peace"
"That can be arranged!" Said Knives, holding up a large butcher knife.
"Shuttingupnow." Meryl said.
"That's right mustache, can I call you mustache"
"What?"
"Nothing..." Said Knives innocently.
Then suddenly, there came a cry from the bathroom.
"DIAHRREA! OH THE SHOOTING!" They assumed that to be Wolfwood, who was in the bathroom expelling a large amount of poo, in the sink.
"Man, these are the times when I really wish I had a lover..." Said Knives, perplexedly.
"I'll be your lover!" A fat gay man magically popped up next to Knives, flicking her eyelashes at him.
"Sorry, I don't date men"
"Hmph!" Said 'she' as 'sh- OH SCREW IT! HE dissapeared into thin air.
"How about we turn on the radio?" Suggested the ever thoughtful Millie.
"Ok, yeah, sure.. sounds alright, yeah"
Millie then turns on the radio.
"MOP ROCK"
IN A CLOSET SOMEWHERE
"OH YEAH!" Mops all start dancing.
"WOO HOO!"
BACK AT THE HOUSE
"457 TABLETS OF ECSTASY ON THE WALL, 457 TABLETS OF ECSTASY ON THE WALL, TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND"
ONE HOUR LATER
The Trigun crew all sat in a large circle, emitting strange music from their mouths.
"Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?"
ANOTHER HOUR
The Trigun crew all held hands and ran around in a circle.
"Ring around the rosy"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$DUH$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"If you give a mouse a cookie..." Vash read once again.
"He'll want a monstrous shemale to go along with her shake, and a pair of MC Hammer pants with the feet in em'"
Everyone stared in awe at Vash's story-telling skills.
Vash then randomly breaks out into song and dance.
"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE, WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE"
"By any chance does that submarine have power steering?" Asked Knives on the story-telling carpet.
"EAT ME!" Jessica randomly appears out of nowhere wearing an 'I'm with this psychopath' Baby-T'.
"What?" said Knives oddly.
"Isn't this the female awareness committee"
"No, this is the IBTC!" Knives said snickering.
"Oh... What's that?" After that, Knives and Vash couldn't stop compulsively laughing.
"The Itty Bitty Titty Committee"
"GRRR!" Jessica then suddenly transfigured into a fly-swatter.
"YOU NEED A SPANKING!" Screeched Jessica, lifting up Knives and Vash with her magical powers, spanking them with herself.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Just then, they were dropped to the floor and Jessica disappeared, and in her place wash Meryl, with a wand.
"Meryl, you're a witch"
"Yeah, Mustache, you're a witch?
Meryl openly grimaced in anger at Knives, who didn't seem threatened whatsoever.
"Is it really that bad?" Meryl said, stroking her handlebar mustache.
"ER..." Sputtered Vash, as some invisible force made him get down on his knees and bang his head into a glass table, until his head cracked open and his brain popped out of his headm while he was unconcious.
"YES! IT'S BAD!" said the brain. "You better get your gillette!"
"GAAAAAH!" Cried Meryl running off upstairs.
"Gee, wonder what's wrong with her?" Said the brain.
"PMS, I think." Vash suddenly said, even though his brain isn't in his head.
"Damn Nazis!" said the brain, climbing back into Vash's head and closing it shut with a chip clip.
"Nice hair-piece, Vash," snickered Knives incessantly.
"Now now, lets just listen to the radio again!" Said Millie, turning on the radio once more.
"MOP ROCK! YEAH!" Screamed Millie over the blaring of the speakers.
"OH YEAH!" Yelled a mop, next to Millie, as it flung itself around the room.
Everyone suddenly stops what they're doing and.
does the hustle.
"DO THE HUSTLE!" Everyone chanted, as they stepped and clapped to the flute-like music playing eerily in the background.
"SHAKE IT!" Screamed the mop.
Everyone suddenly stopped again, and turned to look at the mop.
"What?" Said mop-man.
"BURN BABY BURN! DISCO INFERNO!" A Disco ball suddenly slid out of the ceiling and the lights flickered off and they all started to disco.
"OH YEAH!" Said the mop-man, and, once again, everyone stared at him, mouths agape.
"Time to watch Party of Five." Replied the mop-man to the staring, hurrying off to watch 'Party of Five.
After the mop-man left, there was no more disco, and no more mop rock.
SOME CLOSET
The mops rabidly moved to the music inside the closet.
OUT OF THE CLOSET
"Sooooo, who wants to play Yahtzee?" Asked Knives, everyone just stared.
FIN