A/N: I forgot to put this in the first chapters so here it is now.
This is a disclaimer as no one decides to sue me for my story. I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters in it, they belong to J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros or whoever owns the rights at this time, but I do not nor do I claim any rights.
This is a darker version of Harry Potter. This is the view of a depressed confused young man, who wants nothing but to be left alone. I do not know how far I will take this story, and at first I intended it to be a one shot deal. However the reviews I got seem to want to see more. So I have decided to add this chapter to the story and see what happens from there. No matter what is decided Harry will remain dark, so if you do not like a dark Harry then I suggest that you not read this story.
Rosiegirl: At this time as I said in my A/N I do not know how much will be done. Thank you for the review and we will see where my mind tells me to take the story as it does.
Silverscale: Thanks for the review. Look to A/N above for update information.
Katarina McGonagall: Thank you for the review. I am glad that you liked how I furnished his apartment. As for his dark side, if the story continues Harry will become darker, but I promise not to make him totally evil, just darker in his views. Though some may view him as evil if he goes the way I think he will.
King of the Damned: Thanks for your review. No the Gate Way will not suffer because of this story. Actually this story was just a way to blow off some anger I have had lately. It was a way to release my own depression into Harry. Don't worry the next chapter of Gate Way will be up on Monday as promised. (Provided there are no server problems or anything to prevent me from posting it.)
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Chapter Two: The Journal
Tonks could not believe that Harry was gone. She remained kneeling on the floor of his apartment clutching the note that he left behind. "Harry what have you done?"
Tonks looked at the note once more through the tears flowing from her eyes. "Harry you should have told me how you felt. You never seemed like the type to be afraid of anything. Harry I thought you didn't fear anything, and now I know I was wrong!"
Tonks dropped the note and cried more as she thought about Harry. 'If only he truly knew what went through my mind. If only he knew that I have a crush on him! I have had a crush on him since I met him all those years ago. Now he is gone and will never know how I truly feel.'
Tonks wiped away her tears and picked up the note off the floor. She took one last look around the room and the Apparated back to the Auror office. She had to report what she found at Harry's apartment.
When she reached her office she used her fireplace to call Dumbledore. She waited for his head to appear in the green flames. She tried holding back her tears, but found that she couldn't.
Dumbledore saw Tonks head in the green flame, and his heart dropped as he seen her crying. "Nymphadora what is the matter?"
"Albus its Harry!" Tonks managed to get out before breaking down again.
"Nymphadora what has happened to Harry?" Albus asked as he looked at her.
Tonks fought back the tears and tried to speak. "Harry left Albus, and I think he isn't coming back!" Tonks collapsed on the floor unable to take it anymore.
Albus couldn't believe that he was hearing. How could Harry just take off like this? Harry was the savior of all wizard kind and without him Voldemort would become even stronger than he was already. Dumbledore disconnect his call to Tonks and started what needed to be done. He called an emergency Order meeting, so he could have the Order members out looking for Harry before it was too late.
Tonks decided not to attend the meeting; instead she gave Dumbledore Harry's note. She wanted to go back and check out Harry's apartment one more time. She searched his apartment for hours and the only thing she found was Harry's old journal. Tonks sat and read the journal and couldn't believe all the torment that Harry had gone through.
Dear Journal,
It is like no one wants me around anymore. No one will tell me what is happening with Voldemort. Everyone is keeping me in the dark about everything, and yet they expect me to be this great savior! How in the hell can I be a great savior when I am stuck with these insufferable relatives of mine? I swear all I get done doing is trying to hide my bruises and broken bones!
Sincerely
Harry Potter The-Boy-Everyone-Forgot
Tonks looked at the journal entry for a moment. Then she realized that he must have written in during the summer before his fifth year. 'Harry must have felt so lost that summer. It must have been really hard on him thinking that no one wanted him around.' Thought Tonks as she continued to look at his journal.
Dear Journal,
I would like to say that my fifth year at Hogwarts started out good, but I can't. The upside to my whole summer was that I met a nice lady. Her name is Nymphadora Tonks, but she hates her first name. She is the most amazing woman that I have ever met. She has an unnatural style and likes to show off her style. She is unlike anyone I have ever met, and love being around her. She doesn't look at me like a hero, but as a normal person. I know it sounds crazy but I think I have a crush on her already.
Sincerely
Harry Potter The-Boy-In-Love
Tonks couldn't believe half the stuff that Harry had written about her. She could now understand why he felt the way he did. 'Oh Harry I may understand your thinking, but you really should have talked to me. if only you would had enough faith to tell me how you truly felt. Then none of this would have happened.' Thought Tonks as she continued reading Harry's journal.
Dear Journal,
I decided today that I want to become an Auror when I finish school. Maybe one day I will be as good as Tonks or Mad Eye Moody, though I doubt it. I still have two years of school left, and it will mean I have to deal with Snape for those two years. Though it will all be worth it, if I can spent time with Tonks. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be an Auror just to be near Tonks, though that would be a big bonus. No I also want to do this so I can become stronger, so I will be ready to fight Voldemort.
Sincerely
Harry Potter The-Boy-Who-Wants-To-Be-An-Auror
Tonks just smiled as she continued to read later entries in the journal.
Dear Journal,
That old bastard Dumbledore still doesn't realize that I am not a kid! Damn I have done more at the age of 16, than most people have done in their entire lives! Why does he keep on insisting to keep things from me, especially after the whole prophecy issue! I have not told anyone about that prophecy and it is only one of the things that no one can ever learn. No one can ever know that I must kill Voldemort or be killed by him! I didn't ask for this shit, and yet fate seems to think it is funny! Why the hell is fate so damn cruel towards me? What in the bloody hell did I do to deserve just rotten luck? First I lose my parents, and then I lose my godfather, and now this shit! I really don't know how much more of this I can take!"
Sincerely
Harry Potter The-Boy-Who-Fate-Hates!
Tears fell down Tonks cheek as she ready the entry twice over. She knew that Harry didn't have it easy after his fifth year, but she couldn't imagine this.
Dear Journal,
It is Christmas once again and I have tried to act like I am happy. How can I be happy though with everything that is happening? People actually expect me to be cheery and pleasant, but none of them know how I feel! No one can truly know how I feel, because that shows just how weak I really am! Everyone wants a hero, and I feel more like a zero. There are a few that don't see me as a hero. Hermione doesn't see me as a hero, she sees me as a brother. Which is good because I see her as the sister I never had and I will always be there to look after her. Tonks is another one that doesn't see me as a hero, or at least I don't think she does. Though I am not sure what she sees me as. I know she doesn't seem me the way I see her. She can't because she is older, wiser, and far too beautiful to like a zero like me. Oh yeah I almost forgot I sent Tonks a present for Christmas, though she will never know it was from me. I got her a silver heart shaped locket, with a pink rose in the center, on a gold chain. I couldn't pass it up when I saw it. The pink rose on it reminded me of her bubblegum pink hair she had when I met her. She probably thinks it came from one of her many admirers and in a way it did. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that it was from me, I am to worried that she wouldn't like it if she knew.
Sadly,
Harry Potter The-Depressed-Boy-Who-Lived
Another tear ran down Tonks' cheek as she pulled a silver locket, with a pink rose out from under her robes. "Oh Harry I should have known that you sent me this. I have been wondering about that for four years now. Why didn't you just tell me it was from you?" She said to herself as she placed it back under her robes.
Dear Journal,
I found out something amazing today! I have something very rare in common with Tonks. I just wish I could tell her, she would be so thrilled, but I can let anyone know. If Voldemort found out that I was a Metamorphmagus it would ruin any chance of a surprise attack I might come up with later. With the prophecy lingering over my head I have to make sure that I keep my secrets to myself, so no one knows. Unfortunately that means I can't even tell my closest friends.
Sadly,
Harry "The Liar" Potter
'What! Wow Harry if you truly are a Metamorphmagus, then you are more special than even you know.' Thought Tonks as she reread the entry.
Dear Journal,
I have managed to graduate from Hogwarts. It is amazing that Voldemort hasn't managed to kill me yet. I guess I should be thankful, but I know it is only because of my friends and stupid luck that I have made it this far. Now I begin the next chapter in my life, one with less of my friends. Hopefully my luck holds out as I begin my Auror training. Oh yeah Ron and Hermione are getting married. It is about time those two decided to do it, I thought they would never get together.
Sincerely,
Harry Potter
Tonks skimmed through his entries about his Auror training until she came to one that made her heart stop.
Dear Journal,
Today was a terrible day! I finally get the bloody nerve to tell Tonks how I feel and what happens? Well I will tell you what didn't happen! I didn't tell her that's what didn't happen! I thought that she liked me, or at least it seemed that way with all her flirting. Then I find her kissing some other nobody in the locker room! How could I have been so damn stupid! To think that someone like Tonks would even consider me as more than just a kid! Now I know I was right in not telling her how I felt! I realize now that I, Harry James Potter, am not allowed to be happy in life! Every time it seems like something good is happening to me, there are always ten things bad that happen! I swear that fate has placed me under some sort of bloody CURSE!!!!!!!!
Cursed,
Harry "Stupid" Potter
Tonks dropped the journal after reading the entry. 'Oh no' thought Tonks as she looked at the journal in disbelief. Tonks thought about that day in the locker room, and how she thought she seen someone. Though when she looked back no one was there. She thought it was her imagination, but now she knew it wasn't. "Oh Harry if only you knew what really happened that day. You seen me kiss that guy, but it wasn't want you thought. Damn it why did I kiss him! I broke up with the guy, why did I allow him to kiss me one last time? If I hadn't then me and you would possible be still together!" It took Tonks a good ten minutes to regain enough strength to continue looking at the entries in the journal.
Dear Journal,
This will be my final entry. You have been a good friend over the years, but now I must leave. I have nothing here any longer, and know now that I must leave for everyone's sake. The hurt I saw in Tonks' eyes tonight was too much, and I can't keep hurting people like this.
If anyone is reading this then shame on you, you should know better than read someone's personal journal. No matter I am sure someone will find this one-day, but to most it will appear empty. Except for Remus, Albus, and Tonks. You're the only three than I have charmed it to allow reading it.
Remus if you are reading it then thank you for all you have done. I am sorry it had to end this way, but it was something that had to be done. Take care of Tonks for me!
Albus if you are reading it, then I am sorry for calling you an old bastard. I was pissed off when I wrote some of my entries. Albus you were like a father to me, even if we didn't always get along. I will miss you old friend, all of you.
Tonks if you are reading this, and I hope you aren't then I want you to know that everything in it is true. Everything I said is the truth, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I also meant when I said I love you, and I will always love you until the day I die, even if you don't love me.
I have to go now, but don't any of you cry. Maybe one day you will meet a stranger somewhere, and maybe on that day you will realize that the stranger is an old friend. That is if I don't get killed by Voldemort in the meantime. Now I ask that you please burn this journal, so it does not fall into Voldemort's hands. He can never learn of the things found within this book!
Goodbye my Friends,
Harry James Potter "The one time hero that found he was a zero"
Tonks closed the journal and cried. He was really gone, and there was no telling if she would ever see him again. Tonks felt her heart breaking as she Apparated home.
A couple days later Tonks was shocked when an owl brought her a letter. She hoped that it was from Harry, but soon found that it was from Gringotts Bank.
Dear Miss Nymphadora Tonks,
We are writing you about a request we received from one Mr. Harry Potter. Mr. Potter requested that the sum of 10 million Galleons be placed into your vault at our bank. The amount has been transferred and you have full access to it.
Sincerely,
Mr. Gringotts
Arthur and Molly Weasley received a similar letter telling them they were given 5 million Galleons for each of them from Harry. Fred and George were sent a letter telling them all the money that Harry earned as part of their company was transferred over to their vaults. Ginny received five million Galleons, and so did Ron and Hermione each from Harry. Remus Lupin was given five million Galleons from Harry as well. Albus Dumbledore received five million Galleons to help the order, and also the deed to Number 12 Grimmauld Place, giving him full ownership.