A/N: Again, just a warning before reading this chapter: there is a spoiler here for those of you who haven't played the game. You have been warned!
Leon Vs Pueblo
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It was dark, too dark to see. He believed he had been hiding under a stair case somewhere, but he wasn't sure. As soon as he had the chance back there, Leon ran.
Zip!
What was that? Leon thought to himself, grabbing a match from his top pocket and lighting it, a yellowish-orange tint of the flame lighting the area.
"'Ello there, stranger!"
"Jumping Jesus!" Leon shrieked, dropping the match, the small flame going out instantly as it hit a slightly dirty tiled floor. As this happened, the lights in the room had turned on.
Leon was in a bathroom. Standing next to a man in a long overcoat with a hood and a violet bandana tied around his face.
"It's a Merchant!" Leon then froze, gasping slightly. "I hope this isn't Chris' Merchant."
"Who?"
"Er.. It doesn't matter." Leon rose to his feet. "I need to buy a weapon I can use on those villagers."
"Sure, stranger! Sure!" The Merchant gave a hearty laugh. "I have only the finest selection in weaponry."
"Do you have a shotgun?"
"Yes! I 'ave the finest 12 gauge, right 'ere!" The Merchant opened his large coat and withdrew the shotgun, which he then showed off to the impressed Leon. "O' course, you really wouldn't be needin' it, seeing as though the villagers are all dead."
Leon's eyes widened. "They are!"
The Merchant nodded his head. You couldn't see it, but he was smiling. "Yeah. Seems 'bout the time you were hidin' 'ere they all just went up and kicked the bucket!"
"Well, that's a load off my back." He said in relief, pretending to wipe the sweat off his forehead. "So I wont be needing the shotgun then."
"I suppose not." The Merchant returned the weapon to his coat and scratched his chin through the bandana. "O' course I could interest you in somethin' else.."
Leon crossed his arms. "Oh? And what would that be?"
"You seem to be hungry, stranger." The Merchant reached into his coat again. "Used that last of your bread to take out a villager, I hear… A shame. So I figured I'd interest you in a 'special' item."
"Let's see it." He nodded his head towards the Merchant.
"A sandwich, stranger!" The Merchant laughed, producing a turkey sandwich complete with lettuce, tomato, and with the crusts cut off! "Only 50 thousand!"
"I'll take it!" Leon said at once, in a fit of near-childish excitement.
"Heh heh heh. Thank you." The Merchant laughed, heartily accepting the money.
---
The door to the bathroom creaked open, Government Agent Leon S. Kennedy exiting the room with a broad smile on his face, a tasty looking turkey sandwich wedged between his teeth and hanging halfway down his chin.
Of course, that sandwich fell right out of his mouth (which had nearly hit the floor in surprise) when those hazel eyes of his fell on the sight of five angry villagers from earlier waiting for him, pitchforks and hatchets in hand.
"Excuse me one moment." Leon said to the villagers, turning around and entering back into the bathroom.
"'Ello there, Stranger!"
POW!
The door swung open and Leon stepped back out, cracking his knuckles in the process. "Let's finish this."
"Oh. It will be finished, American." Hissed one of the five villagers.
"Dammit!" Leon threw up his hands, obvious fed up with the villagers. "Can you please speak English already!"
"FINE!" The same villager shouted, in English. "It will be finished, American. But not by us!"
"Oh, then by who?" Leon crossed his arms, a slight smirk playing across his features.
THUMP.
"What the hell?" The noise made seemed to make the entire walls shake, Leon looking back and forth in confusion.
THUMP.
Again. Closer, this time.
Then, the five villagers parted. Massive hands, each the size of Leon's head shoved all of them to the side. A man easy twice the size of Leon stomped angrily forward to face Leon. His big bald head tilting down to look upon Leon like a small mischievous child, a look of utter annoyance and distaste filling his bearded features.
"Heh." Leon slowly gazed up at the man who looked back down upon him, a nervous smile crossing Leon's face as he idly scratched his arm. "Erm. You want an apology?"
POW!
Leon went flying like a rag doll, a devastating punch from the massive man sending him barreling past the door of the bathroom and right through the bathroom wall, an explosion of debris, wood and tile sent in all different directions as Leon hit the grass-covered ground outside, hard.
"Oof!" The wind had been knocked out of Leon, the man stepping through the hole in the bathroom and absolutely dominating Leon's view. Needless to say, things did not look good.
"Yeah! Kick his ASS Chief Mendez!"
"Can I have his jacket when you're done?"
The Chief ignored the villagers, lifting one gigantic foot off the ground, the sole of his boot about a foot away from Leon's face. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't paint the floor with the insides of your head."
"Uhm.." Leon looked over to the left for a brief moment. "You're ugly?"
FWUMP! The foot came down with Mendez' full power. However, Leon's head was not under the foot.
At the very last minute Leon rolled out of the way, quickly getting into a standing position and facing Mendez again. "Alright you big… man.. Gorilla.. Man.. Thing! You want some of this? Huh? HUH! YOU WANT--"
Apparently Leon didn't realize just how long Mendez' arms were. A right fist shot right out and knocked Leon square in the face.
"Auuugghh." Time seemed to move in slow motion as Leon's head snapped backwards, a long trail of saliva and blood exploding from his mouth.
The force of the blow caused Leon to stumble backwards, hasty footsteps kicking up some dirt as he regained his footing, quickly returning to a fighting position. "Alright, alright. That was a good shot but no way can you do that ag--"
POW.
Mendez's bald head came down like a massive boulder, slamming into the top of Leon's own. He was knocked instantly down to his knees.
Before Leon could recover Mendez reached down and wrapped a massive hand around the green herb tapped to his forehead. Leon's eyes grew wide as he shook his head back and forth. "No no no.. please."
RIP!
"AIEE!" With the herb and the tape came roughly half of Leon's head of hair, big clumps of perfectly trimmed yellow dangling helplessly from the forcefully removed duct tape.
"You bastard!" Leon held back tears, holding his head in shame. A look of anger soon consuming his face. "I didn't want to have to do this, but you left me no CHOICE!"
Mendez threw another punch, a massive left hook, but missed entirely when Leon ducked and swung around behind him. Quickly, Leon wrapped his arms around Mendez' massive torso (it was nearly impossible, but somehow he managed.) "SUUUPLLEEX!"
Leon lifted with all his might, trying to take the man off his feet… but to no avail. In a fit of huffs lean attempted to lift him again. "SUUU! HRG!" Sweat was now dripping down his face, this man heavy beyond belief. Still, he tried a third time. "SUU! HRG! SUUUU! HHRRRGGGHH! SUU--"
Finally, miraculously, even, Leon could feel Mendez' feet lift off the ground. He was doing it! He was lifting the giant of a man into a su--
CRUNCH!
Mendez landed directly on top of Leon.
All that was visible of the poor Government Agent were his arms, which laid sprawled out from under Mendez. "The pain.."
After a while the Chief finally rose to his feet, leaving a broken Leon to lay on the matted grass.
With a slight pat to rid his clothes of dirt, Mendez turned to face Leon on the ground. Again that massive boot was raised, his obvious intent was to stomp Leon to oblivion.
Laying there, broken, beaten and missing half of his hair Leon had only one option left. So, looking up into the sky Leon said aloud. "Help.."
"Where you're going, no one can help you." The foot was just about to come down, when a loud sound suddenly filled the silent air. Mendez looked up, as did Leon.
It was the sound of a helicopter.
"JESUS!" Leon shouted at the top of his lungs, finding the strength to get to his feet. Mendez' lowering his boot in disbelief.
Yes. Flying to Leon's rescue in a gleaming white helicopter was none other than Jesus Christ.
"Use this!" Jesus turned inside the helicopter for a brief moment to pull out a large black box. And with one large swing he threw it.
It slammed next to Leon with a loud thud, dirt and debris kicking up in a small orange cloud around it as the government agent popped open it's top and withdrew a rocket launcher!
"What?" Mendez said aloud, a look of horror crossing the faces of the remaining villagers as Leon lifted the weapon and aimed directly at the Chief's torso.
"You better have life insurance.." Leon said, positioning his aim on the approaching Chief. "because if you do.. You're.. You're about to get a lot of.. A lot of money.. Or.. Or something… You're just gonna die!"
The rocket was shot. A large cloud of smoke traveling behind it as it flew directly at it's target and hit.
BOOM!
A huge earth-shattering explosion rocked the area, sending Leon off his feet and scaring the villagers enough to make them turn and get the hell out of there. Soon, however the shaking stopped and all that was there was a large brown cloud of dark smoke.
"Yes! Leon: One. Pueblo: NOTHING!"
However, when the smoke cleared what Leon saw was beyond horrific.
The Chief's torso had been blown completely away, leaving only a large spinal column to hold his upper and lower body together. The spine itself had grown, somehow, to the point of where the top part was actually outside of it's body. And the worst part was…
It was still alive.
"JUMPING JESUS!" Leon shrieked, facing away from the advancing monster and futilely attempting to run after the white helicopter.
Leon stopped finally, holding up his hand. "Wait! Don't go!"
But it was too late. Jesus was too far away to hear him.
"No.." Leon's hand dropped to his side.
A finger tapped him on the shoulder.
Leon turned, facing the massive monstrous form of what was Chief Mendez. "AHHH!"
---
"Wake up!" Someone was shaking him violently by the shoulder, slapping him across the face. "Wake up damn you!"
"AHHH!" Leon's eyes shot open, his sweat streaked face shooting left and right in an attempt to find out what the hell was going.
"LEON! Calm down!" Someone was shaking him and, after about another half hour of screaming Leon finally calmed down.
"Finally." The voice said, letting go of Leon's shoulder. He did, however, slap him one last time for good measure.
"Ow!" Leon rubbed his cheek, squinting through the darkness. "What? Barry?"
"Yeah, it's me." Barry titled his head to the side a little. "That must have been one hell of a nightmare.."
"Yeah.." Leon reached up and rubbed his eyes with his right hand, obviously not very eager to detail the events of his dream. "It was horrible! I was hungry so I wanted to go get some bread and then these crazy-ass villagers started to attack me! And worse yet, I ran out of bullets so I had to get all creative and stuff to keep alive! But then this … this guy In a coat tried to sell me this sandwich, and I was still hungry so I bought it! But he over charged me! And and the villagers got their big mean Chief man and he beat me up and took my hair! But then Jesus came in his shiny white helicopter and threw me a rocket launcher and and I shot him and stuff and he blew up, kinda, but he was STILL ALIVE! And I tried to escape but Jesus was too far away to hear me!"
Barry shook his head, wiping the sweat from Leon's forehead with a napkin. "There, there. It's alright, dear. You're safe and sound back in good old Resident Evil Gaiden."
Leon's eyes widened like saucers. "WHAT! NOOOOO!"
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The End…?