Disclaimer: Meesa no own anyting! Meesa do own Tawny, Palmer, and Merribell! Please don't hurt meesa!

This is what watching too much of Jar Jar Blinks can do to you . . .

Enough chitchat, on with the show, and meesa hope you enjoy!

Chapter Seventeen.

A Letter, A Kender, Star Wars Rip-offs, etc.

"CHICKY MINIONS ROCK!"

Tawny, Tas, and the Orange Ghostie Which Was Described To You Earlier turned and stared at the spectactle of the rampagining chickens and their crazed mistress with amused and curious expressions.

"Wow." was all Tawny could offer.

"Oookaaayyyyyy . . . " Tas murmered.

"Interesting." the Ghostie added.

This time Tawny turned around tolook up at the Ghostie, who was now sitting again in the tree. "You know, you remind me of someone."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you do."

The ghost nodded."I guess I do."

"You know, if you took off that sheet, I could see your face and I could tell whether or not I know you . . . or not . . . "

"Interesting usage of grammer. OK. What harm could it do?"

Reaching up, the Ghostie yanked of the sheet and flung it sideways.

Tas and Tawny stared.

That was all they could do.

Up in the tree sat quite an unusual kender. She-yes, weknow for certain that it is a she (how do we know? Don't ask us that!)-was dressed, from head to toe, in black. Black shirt, black vest, black pants, black leather shoes, even black pouches. And allher body-clothes, hair, shoes-was covered in sparkles.

Yes, rabies and germs, sparkles. And we mean covered.She had takentiny green sparkles and blue sparkles andred and silver and orange and brown and yellow and purple and gold and umber and all the possible colors of the rainbow sparkles and simply dumped them over herself. They glittered in her brown hair,sprinkled her pale skin,settledon her brown eyebrows and lashes, and dotted her clothing likelittle stars in every possible color against a warm blacksky.

"Ohh . . . now, remember you I do." Tawny answered mysteriously.

"You do?" the kender asked equally mysteriously."

"What is your name?"

"Merribell. Merribell Shamrock."

"Ah." a pause. "Obeewon Kennobee never told you what happened to your elder sister, did he?"

"He told me enough!" Merribell shouted, tears in her eyes. "He told me you drove her insane!"

"No." another pause. "I . . . am your sister."

Silence.

"No! NO! That can't be true! That isn't true! THAT IS NOT TRUE!" Merribell screamed dramatically, clutching the branch.

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true!" Tawny declared, waving her arms equally dramatically.

"No! No! N-oh, heck, you are my elder sister, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"Well, good to meet you, Tawny!" Merribell hopped down from her perch in the tree, promptly crashed into the ground, picked herself up (leaving a cloud of sparkles in the air) and shook Tawny's hand.

"Jeez, you two need to stop watching Star Wars." a passing little blue gremlin remarked.

"You better not let the authoress hear you." Tas glanced nervously around. "She loves SW, though, personally, Luke is no competition for Raistlin."

"Who?"

"Aw, shuddup." slurred Tawny, Texas style. "So, Merribell, what have you been doing for the past amount of time since I last saw you?"

"It's a really long tale. But first I have a letter that I must read. I found it carelessly on a desk in some room, after I unbounded and removed my gag and unlocked the closet that I was stuffed in - a mistake on that woman's part, I guess - I picked it up to give it to her on the way out. I haven't read it-it might be important. I guess I should read it, to see if it is important."

Both Tawny and Tas leaned forward to read the letter as Merribell opened it.

The letter went like thus:

Dear Sir or Madam:

On May 1st I ordered a plastic garden gnome (yellow) from your company, Acquire-A-Fascinatingly-Idle-Garden-Accessory (AAFIGA). What I received instead of an idle, inanimate garden gnome was a quite animate, live Kender, who was anything but idle, on my doorstep that morning!

The Kender-she said her name was Merribell Shamrock-entered my home without my permission, went on a shopping spree on E-Bay, where she ordered many useless items (hourglass contact lenses and Moon Loon Powder among them), broke all the locks on my doors, tie-dyed all my white clothing (making a very large mess in the process), "borrowed" some very expensive jewelry, sprayed my walls with the fire extinguisher, engorged my bed with Coca-Cola, and caused a car crash by darting into the road.

Not to mention that she wandered off to the mall, where she proceeded to not only jam all the escalators but also to relieve many stores and persons of their merchandise and valuables, sprayed stolen perfume on all the security camera lenses, shattered millions of dollars of glass with her shrill voice, and smothered the elevator with stolen honey and shaving cream!

To say nothing of wrapping much of the furniture in a wood shop with stolen toilet paper!
AND she went around to innocent civilians banging two coconuts togetherand said some very random things, like "Bunnies with big, sharp, pointy teeth are trying to take over the world!", and "Dancing pineapples drove Darth Vader to the dark side."

When I arrived on the scene, she was lying to the mall security man about some stolen woman's panties that she was shamelessly displaying on her head.

I am very displeased with this incident. Not only am I being sued by numerous businesses and people, I now owe E-Bay hundreds of dollars, plus all the damage done to my personal property. I expect you to pay for all these damages, including the medical bills of the three hospitalized men and for my ruined property. I also expect that my money concerning the garden gnome is returned, and that you will send a team of officials to take the Kender, who is presently bound and gagged and locked in the closet, plus I expect a lifetime supply of garden gnomes for my trouble.

Sincerely,

Crysania of Taranius.

"You see?" Merribell asked, shaking her head as she rolled up the business letter. "I have no idea what I did wrong, and she tied me up!"

"How rude!" Tawny cried.

"The corruption of the world . . . " mourned Tas, shaking his own head.

Yeah, meesa know it's short, but meesa felt that it should end on that line.

WHOOHOOO! SIXTY REVIEWS! (does a happy dance while everyone looks on in a mixture of concern and terror) Whoohoo, whoohoo, whoohoo!

I'd like to thank everyone for their positive and entertaining reviews, I love them! Please review! Longer chapters coming, I promise . . . next chapter Dalamar makes an appearence!