Disclaimer: I do not own DRAGONLANCE nor do I own any of Weis's and Hickman's characters, I'm not geniuses like them, despite my fantasies.

Apology: As you can pretty much tell, I have all these characters wayyyyyy out of charater - Tanis the whiny brat, Kitiara . . . actually, Kit's good . . . Sturm the bunnyman . . . Caramon the complete dunce . . . Raistlin . . . .blah . . . . you get the picture!

BUT READ THIS:

Dalamar is a tricky character. If you do him wayyyyyyy out of character, thousands of Dalamar fans leap down your throat. So, please, like EVERYONE ELSE, Dalamar the Dark is OUT OF CHARACTER!

And, one more thing: I do not like, nor do I appove of, Dalamar and Raistlin pairings. I Just DO NOT like them. OK? Don't get me wrong - I'm fine with bisexuality - but the slightest HINT of Raistlin and Dalamar - together - makes my lunch threaten to show itself again. OK? No offense to those who like Dal/Raist - I may not like what you're saying but I'll defend with my life your right to say it - but I don't like even HINTS of that stuff.

Now, onto the Show.

And, in this thing, DALAMAR is a YOUNG ELF. Physically, he's younger than Raistlin, put it that way. And, yeah, by this time he's been tossed out of Silvanesti. Enough chatter, on with the story.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

Dally's Adventures In Shoelace.

(SOLACE! Jeez, you people . . .)

Part One.

And we object to being called people. We are evil people, not just people. Get it right.

A little blue creature clambers atop a pile of blue dust. It looks like a cross between a little blue gremlin and a kender. In fact, it is. A Kenlim. It looks around, shrugs, and begins to talk:

"Palmer just ran off with her CHICKY MINIONS, Tawny met her long-lost (in Kender terms) sister, Merribell, while Kit, Tanis, and Sturm are tied to a tree (again) with magic twizzlers, Raistlin and Caramon are screwing around in the woods somewhere (Caramon's on the quest for Raistlin's breath) and Flint's snoozing on top of the roof, along with the patrons in the Inn, and they all have green permanet marker drawn on their faces. Plus, there are little blue gremlins wandering about stealing the second lines that split the paragraphs."

"See! There were two lines, now there's only one!
"aND ANYWAY - HEY, WHO TURNED ON THE SPELLCHECK? gRRRR . . . !
"That's better.
"Anyway:

SOMEWHERE IN TARSIS:"

The kenlim ponders something, then abruptly diasappears.

The screen shifts from Solace to a picture of a chicken -

"CHICKY!" someone shrieked.

No, sorry, that's not right -

(Over the course of the next twenty minutes, screen shifts from a picture of a koala to a picture of a bunny with BIG SHARP POINTY TEETH, to a movie of some dancing pineapples, to a drum, to a spider on a leaf, to a bumblebee, to the underside of a butterfly, to a sponge named Bob, to a can of soda, to a blueumbrella, to someone's math homework, and to a bunch of other things not mentionedhere,until finally-)

TELETUBBIES!

NO! Not that! ANYTHING but that! Oh, the torture! CHANGE IT! Sorry, clicker, clicker, clicker -

Dalamar the Dark, something-or-other of Tarsis, was sitting on a block doing absolutely nothing. In Tarsis.

Finally.

It was a lousy day: the sun shining, the birds chirping, the . . . oh for Nuitari's sake, get on with it!

Fine, fine. Jeez.

Anyway, here's everyone's favorite Dark Elf, DALLY! And he's just sitting here . . . all alone . . . or so he thinks.

(duh duh duh!)

At least until, with a loud POP! and a flash of blue light, a girl appears next to him.

Yeah, you guys weren't expecting that, were you?

(Sarcasm killed the mage.)

Annnnnyyywayyyyy . . .

"Aaah!" cried Dally, nearing falling over. "Don't do that! Who are you? And don't call me Dally!" (this was after we censored it)

"OK." the girl sulked for a minute, before getting to her feet and grabbing Dally's arm. "C'mon. I was running from the Evil and Horrendous Torture with is the T-word-that-I-won't-say-here, and I need you, so c'mon. And watch out for the dancing pineapples, they're in legue with the evil bunnies with big sharp pointy teeth and the flying squirrels from Singapore."

"WHAT?"

"I said, c'mon! I have to get you to Solace before . . . before something happends."

"What's Shoelace? Dancing pineapples? Huh? And let go of my arm or I'll-"

"No, no, you won't." the girl stated matter-of-factly."Jeez, where are manners nowadays? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk-"

"Why the hell are you tsk-tsking like that?" Dalamar finally snapped.

"EXUSE ME!" the girl paused and glared at the elf.

"What?" Dalamar asked in pure innocence.

"You know what! Don't inturrupt people while they're tsking, it can be taken as a threat, and when threatened I usually throw Moo Loon Powder."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

And he's off, ladies and gents. What's the betting he'll get away . . . ?

The girl ran after Dally. Unfortunently for por Dalamar, in his panic he had run smack into the wall . . . does this seem familiar? Ouch, that must of hurt. Face-first, ladies and gents. By the time I've finished narratoring, the girl was waving a vial she 'borrowed' from Tika beneath his cute uncouncious elfy nosie.

When poor Dally came to, the girl was standing above him, hands on hips.

"Am I dead?" Dally murmured.

"Nope." was the cheerful reply.

"Oh, too bad."

"Say it politely."

"What?"

"Say. It. Politely."

"How random you are. Fine. It."

"No, elfy. Restate your question politely."

"ELFY? What the heck?"

"No, no, no, you-just restate the first question you asked me after you inturupted me like that. And do it politely."

"And why should I?"

"Because if you don't I'll hand you over to the (duh duh duh) LOVESICK MOB OF RABID FAN GIRLS!" The girl, whom you guys should recognize by now, declared wuth an evil laugh. "Bwahahahahahahahaha!"

"Noooooooooooooo! You evil person!" Dalamar wailed.

"Look who's talkin' "

"Ok, ok . . . Exuse me, ma'am, why are you tsk-tsking like that?" Dally droned.

"Good!" the girl smiled happily. "I was tsk-tsking like that 'cuz its fun. You should try it sometime. Just don't do it while I'm in the room. OK? Good! C'mon, let's go!"

"Wait--but--you--hey--"

They were already gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

With a thunk, both Dally and the girl fell from a Glowing Blue Portal In The Sky. Dally landed smack on his bum, while the girl landed lightly on her feet, gave her hat a spin, and walked smartly away.

"Hay is for horses, but better for cows." called the girl over her shoulder.

"Wait!" Dalamar yelled after the girl, who paused and turned back to him. "Where is here? Who are you? What in the X X am I supposed to do? And why the X are there exes in my dilagouge?"

"Solace, Raab, rescue three characters from a hord of (duh duh duh) HORRIBLE INSANE KINDEGARDENERS, and you're swearing so I censored, there are too many swears in here already." with that, she turned and walked away.

Dalamar stared. "I must have heard incorrectly." he mused, before drawing himself up and brushing off his robes. Sighing, he looked around. "Anyone know where I'm supposed to go?" he called sarcastically.

Instantly, a big sign with an arrow on it appeared, pointing to where the kindegardeners laired. With a resigned shrug, Dalamar started off.

The girl flopped down in her home, which consisted of a computer, a TV, some spellbooks, and a fridge. She turned the TV on and started typing.
Dalamar had to admit that he liked the idea of a big treehouse as a village. Shoelace or Solece or Saloice or whater the treehouse's name was had an air about it, though-maybe it was the sleeping people in the Inn (Dally noted that they had green skulls and roses drawn on their faces, as well as mustaches) and the complete absense of people in the homes . . . and the other people hiding in their attics.

But what really took the cake was the dwarf.

Yes, the dwarf.

The Oracle Hath Spoken.

"LISTEN TO THE ORACLE!" a blue gremlin shrieked, jumping out from nowhere and seizing a shocked and unsuspecting Dally's shoulders. "YOU MUST LISTEN!" it shrieked wildly, then disappeared in a flash of, oddly, red smoke.

Dalamar coughed and stared at the place where the little blue . . . thingy . . . had been in surprise. He looked around. No one had noticed anything. Of course, everyone was asleep in the Inn where he'd come back after searching Soylas or Shoelace, but in his Moment of Shock, Dally conveinintly forgot about that. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he continued on, now on the lookout for insane blue . . . thingys.

Yeah.

"LLAMAS!" screamed another little blue gremlin, leaping onto Dally's shoulders and riding him like a horsey. "Llamas llamas llamas llamas, la-la-la-la-la-la-LLAMAS! LLAMAS!"

And with that it sumersaulted off Dally's shoulders, jumped onto the nearest table, and ran away, banging two coconuts together as it went.

"Wha - what the - hey - " Dally spun around, cool blackie robes swirling very dramatically, as he stared wildly around.

By the way, being on the lookout for little blue thingys had done absolutely nothing to prepare him for having one jump on him, ride him like a horsie, scream about llamas, and sumersaulting off, and may we mention that this all happened in less than a minute?

It did.

Yeah.

59 and a half seconds.

Count 'em.

UP ON THE ROOF:

Flint was snoring blissfully, dreaming of . . . actually, we have the feeling that you don't want to know what he's dreaming of. We took a look at his dreams, were traumatized for exactly three months, 21 days, eighteen hours, fourty-two minutes, 8 seconds, and 1.9 nanoseconds, and we're telling you, you don't wanna know!

Anyway . . .

So, this dwarfie dude dressed like (duh duh duh) Britney Spears (civilians run off screaming in terror andshielding their eyes) with a ton of makeup on (see previous chapters for full info) was alseep . . . OK, he was unconcious, due to a certain kender's glass-shattering singing, but that's off topic . . . . who's ever on topic, anyway . . . make you wonder, doesn't it . . . yeah . . . on the roof, just lying there, snoring his head off (not literally; this is after all supposed to be PG) when . . .

"- la-la-la-la-la-la-LLAMAS! LLAMAS!" came drifting up from the window.

"La la?" murmered the dwarf sleepily.

He twitched. "No . . . la . . . la . . . "

As his brain awakened, he began to twitch harder. "No! No lala! Lala remind Flint of dancing ballerina bunnies! NO LALA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

With that, the dwarf awoke just in time to see Dalamar, who had heard him and wondered just What The Hell was going on, and had peaked his head up through the window.

"You! LALA!" the furious drawf raged at the dark elf, who, profoundly shocked to the very core of his dark soul, was gaping wide-eyed at Flint. "You in legue with bunnies! Evil bunnies! EVIL! Evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil EVIL! Bunny-lover must die!"

"Aaaaargh!" scream Dally, running for his life as the crazed dwarf lunged at him. "HELP!"

"Bunny-lover die!" shrieked Flint, and he proceeded to chase Dally around the Inn in giant circles, stepping on innocent patrons and scaring away the tuna.

"Help!" Dally screamed in terror. "SOMEONE!"

"Bunny-lover! DIE!" Flint now had a Very Large Stick. "I must whack bunny-lover! ON THE HEAD! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!"

Yes, I left you guys with ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!

The Oracle Hath Spoken.

Speical thanks to:

Everyone who's reviewed this! THANK YOU!

And espeically to Blossie, who knows who she is.

Please review, or I'll send Flint after you!

Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa!

(Laughing evilly rocks!)