Disclaimer: disclaim, disclaim, disclaim, disclaim.
I actually dreamed part of this. Hope you enjoy:
CHAPTER NINETEEN
An Interesting Interlude Involving Kooky Kender, Green Gremlins, Pineapples, Blinking, and Bunnies. Not Nessessarily in That Order.
Well, people, when we left off last time, Flint, our favorite crazed dwarf, was chasing Dalamar, our favorite frantic dark elf, around the Inn with A Very Big Stick. Just where Flint happened to find this stick is beyond us: it just appeared in midair.
Yeah.
So . . . just to annoy you, we'll shift from Dally and go back to our loony kenders . . . :
"Yeah." Merribell agreed solemly, shaking her head, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.
The three kender were silent for a historical moment. Then, realizing what thet were doing, Tas hurridly remembered his manners and turned to Merribell.
"So . . . what have you got in your pouches?"
Merribell frowned. "I don't know . . . it's been years since I took inventory. Now's a good time, though!"
And with that, she plunked down on the ground, and Tawny plunked down beside her, and Tasslehoff plunked down beside her.
"Let's see . . . " Merribell dug out Pouch Number One and produced: " . . . a bobbypin, a lemon, two coconuts, a peice of paper, a pink plastic mini HeMan sword about the size of my little finger, a blue staple, a plastic pizza, a hair scrunchie, a funny ring, a metal spring, and some random bits of paper. Cool!"
She then proceeded to empty all her pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Tas and Tawny) and once that was finished, Tas proceeded to empty all his pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Merribell and Tawny) and once that was finished, Tawny proceeded toempty all her pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Tas and Merribell).
"Tricolon! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" a nearby Little Blue Gremlin shrieked with delight, bouncing off (literarily) to spread the news.
The kender took no notice of this, however.
And the mini-Trading Federation began.
"Let's see, I'll give you this blue bracelet for that lemon."
"No way!" Merribell clutched the precious lemon to her. "My melon!" her eyes shone yellow and she wrapped her fingers around it. "My precioussssssssss."
"Ok . . . the blue bracelet for the HeMan sword?"
"OK!" Tas and Merribell switched items.
"So, anyone want to trade for this pink pony toy?"
"Yeah! I'll give you this cool potato for it."
"Done!"
"Ooooh, shinyyy . . . "
"Look at this!"
"I'll give you a staple for it!"
"Cool!"
"Oooh, a hair scrunchy!"
"I'll give you a plastic pizza for it!"
"No way! Are you crazy?"
"Ok, then! A plastic pizza and this shiny key!"
"Wow!"
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
"Cool! A line!"
The three kender stopped trading/borrowing/and exclaiming to stare at the Line which had miraculously appeared.
And stared.
And stared.
And stared.
And stared.
Still staring.
Still staring . . .
STILL staring . . .
"THREE LINES! Awesome!" Merribell did a Happy Dance. "Woo-hoo!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" several nearby Little Blue Gremlins abandoned their perches in the trees and ran madly from the kender, their hands clapped over their burning eyes. "No Happy Dance! Noooo!"
Tawny stared.
Tas stared.
Merribell abandoned her Happy Dance in favor of staring.
. . . a minute passed . . .
. . . another minute passed . . .
. . . a third minute passed . . .
A butterfly flew from Somewere Over The Rainbow and landed on Tas's nose, mistaking him for a flower. It beat it's tiny wings against his nostrils, tickling them . . .
Tas blinked.
"You blinked!" cried Tawny. "You blinked! I knew you would! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked!" here she paused for a deep breath, then plunged right in again. "You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked!" here another deep breath was needed. "YOU BLINKED! DO YOU DARE DENY IT!"
" . . . . . . . . . " was all Tas managed. Merribell didn't say anything, so absorbed was she in watching the Little Blue Gremlins run away.
"SEE! You don't deny it! YOU DID BLINK! Do you admit it!"
"YOU ADMIT IT! You blinked! I SAW YOU! Bwahahaahahaha! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah nyah!" Now it was Tawny's turn for a Happy Dance. She did so, hopping around her hoopak, which she had shoved into the ground.
Tawny stopped doing her Happy Dance and turned back to Tas. "You did blink, didn't you?"
" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . " Tas was still overwelmed by Tawny's dialouge.
"YOU DID BLINK! I saw you!" Tawny began doing her Happy Dance. Again.
"And so did I!" a deep, godlike voice rang out.
Tas jumped.
Tawny jumped.
Merribell jumped.
(not nessessarily in that order.)
"Who are you?" Tawny called, looking around inquisitively. Merribell and Tas did likewise.
"I am . . . THE GREEN LORD GEMOZ GREMLITFIFISDIDRILKILCILSILADIDLIDKID!"
And with that, a green figure stepped before the kender.
It was a gremlin.
Not any gremlin, mind you. There are blue gremlins, and pink gremlins, and yellow gremlins, and pruce gremlins. There are red gremlins and turquoise gremlins and mult-colored gremlins and black gremlins who glow a bright lime green in the dark. However, this was a green gremlin.
It looked like all gremlins - like a small human (no more than two feet) with a heart-shaped face, large, puppydog eyes, delicate batlike ears, long fingers and toes, yadda yadda yadda. This one happened to be male, and since he was a greengremlin, he was, naturally, green.
His skin was a regular just-boring-ordinary-green-green. His hair, however, was pale green, and hung neatly in three braids down to his waist. His eyes were dark green, so dark that they were almost black, and his only clothes were a pair of two bright, neon-green pants. His chest, arms, and feet were bare. He had on his hands yellow-green, fingerless gloves that stopped at his wrists. The left one had a kiwi embrodiered on it; the right had a coconut. He had a gold headband that had, oddly, red-and-blue butterflies embrodiered on it, and a silver chain around his neck that had a silver disk on it that had the letters GG on it.
Tas, Merribell, and Tawny stared. There were all around four feet, and were roughly twice the size of the little gremlin.
"LITTLE?" cried Gemoz. "I'll have you know I am a giant among my kind! I am - " he broke off suddenly.
A minute passed.
"You are . . . . . . . ?" Tas promted.
Gemoz stared balefully at the kender. "When I am about to announce my title, I expect people to drumroll! YOU MUSTDRUMROLL!"
Another minutes passed.
Gemoz looked pleadingly at the three kender. "Please?"
"Sure!" Tawny shrugged,and the three immeadiately began drumrolling.
"NOT ON MY HEAD!" shrieked Gemoz.
"Oh!" Merribell cried. "Sorry!"
"That's better." Gemoz huffed. "As I was saying - I am the King of the Green Gremlins! Lord of the Emereld Gremlins! THE BIG GREEN DUDE WITH A PINEAPPLE!" he lifted both his arms above his head, and made Peace signs with each hand. "Beware my power! Muahahahahahahahaha!"
He waited expectantly. Tas, Tawny, and Merribell, too involved in their respective drumrolls, weren't paying a spect of attention to him.
A minute passed.
"You guys can stop now." he finally said.
The kender stopped and eyes him curiously.
Another minute passed.
"Where's your pineapple?" Tas finally asked.
"My what?"
"Your pineapple. You said you were the BIG GREEN DUD WITH A PINEAPPLE, so where's your pineapple?"
"Why, it's right . . . " the dude's eyes went wide as he stared at his hand. "Nooooo! MY PINEAPPLE! It's gone! It's gone! O misery! O woe! IT'S GONE!"
And with that, he burst into sobs and curled up in the Feeble Position. "Nooooooo! I lost my pineapple! How could I lose my pineapple? I WANT MY PINEAPPLE! WAHHHHH!"
Tawny, Tas, and Merribell rushed up to comfort him, tears in their eyes as they thought of the brave, noble dude's loss. To lose a pineapple . . . was there a more cruel trick Fate could play?
"It's OK, dude."
"It isn't gone forever."
"You'll find it."
"I'm sure if you just think back, you'll find it."
"Maybe you left it somewhere and someone picked it up and is looking for you so he/she/it can give it back to you."
"Look on the sunny side."
"It isn't so bad."
"Don't worry."
"We'll help you find it."
"You will?" the Green Gemoz dude lifted his tearstained eyes. "You mean it?"
"Of course we do!"
"Yayyyyyyyyyyy!" The dude hopped up, misery and woe forgotten. "Let's go!"
"Ok!" the three kender shrugged and followed the Green Dude's lead, skipping merrily into the woods.
They skipped right.
Then left.
Then left again.
Then right.
Then left.
Then left.
Then left.
Then left.
"Wow!" Tas cried. "We made a circle!"
Everyone stood still, marvelling at their ability to make so wonderful a circle, when suddenly Tawny stiffened.
"I feel something watching us . . . " she murmered. "Something evil . . . " suddenly, her eyes went wide. She stared wildly past the Green Dude.
Few things on Krynn can penetrate a kender's natural immunity to fear. This was one of them.
"BUNNIES!" screamed Tawny wildly, turning from the horrible sight and running full force away. "Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies! BUNNIES! AAAAAAAAA! BUNNIES!"
" . . . the heck?" Gemoz, Tas, and Merribell said in complete usion. Turning, they spotted It.
It was a little, cute, fluffy bunny, with sweet brown fur and cut widdle paws and a cut widdle fuzzy puff of a cude widdle tail . . .
"NO!" screamed Gemoz. "No! Look away, before it gets you, too!" he seized Tas and Merribell and dragged them away from the Evil Critter, running as fast as he could.
Several blue gremlins watched this with large eyes. One, a female, turned to the other one, who happened to be male, and twirled her blue finger around her ear.
"Crazy." she mouthed.
The male nodded.
Soooooo sorry I haven't updated lately, but we've been having MORE computer troubles. . . argh . . . so, anyway, THANK YOU to all who've just read and will (hopefully) review! Please, tell me what you think, any ideas you might have, etc. etc. etc.
Thank you, and please review!