Disclaimer: I claim nothing BUT the song which I WROTE! That is why, my dear friends, it is a horrible song.
Note: I dedicate this chapter to BHS . . . thank you thank you thank you thank you etc. for all the reviews!
Chapter 22!
Which is double 11 which is the magic number which is on a TV show I saw when I was six yet still remember!
(ahem)
In Which We Get Back To Our Poor Neglected Characters Espeically Raistlin Due To Popular Demand By Many Rabid Fangirls.
(smile)
Wow, we left off at Raistlin at, like, ch 14 . . .
"Ahem!" a nameless blue gremlin waves at the camra. "Hey! Over here, you!"
(the camra swings around to stare directly three millimeters from the gremlins nosie)
"Not that close, durnit!"
(the camra pouts and backs off)
"Okay, that's better!" the gremlin shuffles his papers and stares importantly at them. Clearing his throat, he begins with, "To get back to our characters; Kitiara, Sturm and Tanis are presently tied up with magical Twizzlers by a bunch of crazed lunatics who believe that they're five years old again; Tas, Tawny, and Merribell are running from a bunny with a green gremlin who's looking for his lost pineapple; Flint is lost; Palmer is off with her Chicky Minions somewhere; Dalamar went looking for Flint, leaving the townsfolk to comb the grass nice and neatly; and, to tell you all the sad truth, the authoress has forgotten exactly what Raistlin and Caramon were doing. Hey, it's hard keeping track of, um, one, two, five, seven, nine, ten characters!"
Suddenly, the gremlin stops and cocks his head. From far away, a rumbling sound is heard. A cloud of dust gathers on the horizon.
"Um, yeah, ladies and gents, this chapter is about catching up on all of them . . ." the gremlin trails off as the rumbling grows louder and the dust cloud grows larger.
"And, um, yeah . . . "
The ground starts to rumble . . .
"Um, yeah, um, I really should be going now!" the gremlin cries, turning to leave. "Why I am still here I have no idea . . . "
The cloud of dust gets closer . . .
"This is humor, not horror!" the gremlin screams in protest. "LET ME OUTA HERE!"
Thousands of female voices carries over the wind.
"What's that they're chanting?" the gremlin looks about. "Um . . . someone roll for Listen check . . . "
The voices get louder; the rumbling gets louder; the tremling get, um, shakier . . .
"What'd you roll? 3? Damn. What's your modifier - 2? Ok . . . 3 plus 2 is 5, dangit, don't you hate those sucky die rolls?"
(Those of who who've played D&D can sympathize with this)
The voices grow louder; no listen check is needed to hear them now!
"Oh, no . . . " groans the gremlin. The camra squeaks in alarm and dashes off.
"It can't be!" a passing gremlin sceams.
"But it is!" another turns and runs away.
"Camras are inaminate objects,why can this one talk?" a confussled gremlin cries. "WHY! SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!"
The cloud gets closer . . . and closer . . . and . . . a horrible thing can be heard . . . run away . . .
"DAL-LY! DAL-LY! DAL-LY! DAL-LY!" the cloud chants.
"IT'S A MOB OF RABID FAN GIRLS!" the gremlin screams at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" (breath) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" (breath).
"Gwacamole!" a passing gremlin screams.
"Oooookaaaayyy . . ." our gremlin mutters. "To get back to my screaming . . . AAAAAAA! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!"
The gremlins - yes, ALL of them -turn and flee the scene as a mob of a hundred or so Rabid Fangirls dash onto the scene, screaming for one Dalamar Argent at the top of their lungs, wearing black shirts that saw, in big green print, 'WE LOVE YOU DALLY.'
Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.
The Fangirls have come.
Duh duh duh-duh duh duh-duh.
"AAAAAH!" Tanis screamed. "No! It's impossible! It's terrible! It's horrible! It's the end of the world!"
"Shut up, Tanis!" Kitiara snapped.
"I will not shut up! I won't! I won't I won't I won't! And you can't make me!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"Oh no you can't!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"Oh no you can't!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"Oh no you can't!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"How!" demanded Tanis. Finally.
"Ever heard the phrase 'silence is golden?' " Kitiara asked.
"Yeah. So?"
"Well," Kitiara grinned slyly. "Duct tape is silver, you know."
"Gulp." Tanis gulped, trying to inch away from Kit, terror in his eyes.
"I didn't know you were a gully dwarf." Sturm remarked.
"Of course I'm not! How dare you insult me, you - you - Knighty-Thingy!"
"O, how mean!" Sturm burst into tears. "Meanie! Wahh! Tanis is being mean to me!"
"And I'm tied up with you too morons." muttered Kitiara. "And you're being mean to me."
"No, we aren't."
"Oh, yes, you are!"
"Hey, let's get back to what started this in the first place!" Sturm snapped. "Tanis, what can possibly be impossible, terrible, horrible, and the end of the world?"
Tanis burst into tears. "You know all the lines in chapter 15? The one named 'hehe?' "
"Yeah . . . "
"Well, all the lines are gone!"
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Sturm and Kitiara.
"They're so mean to us!" wailed Sturm.
It was precisely at this time that the Moon Loon Powder, spilled by one Palmer Shamrock, wafted down through the air and directly into both Sturm's and Tanis's faces.
Pride KIA.
"Umm . . . " Raistlin muttered, staring at the above two words sandwiched between the two lines.
"Uh, Raist?" Caramon rode up on his horsey. "What does 'Pride KIA' mean?"
"I do not know, my brother." Raistlin murmered, shaking his head. "It appears that the authoress, for the sheer heck of it, pressed 'ctrl C' to see what was last copied, and apparently the words 'Pride KIA' were the last words copied, thus they appear."
"Ohh . . ."
Silence.
"Uh, Raist . . . "
"Yes?"
"One question."
"Let me guess; you're going to ask why the heck you're on a horse with a cowboy hat in your hand. Am I right?"
"Yeah . . . " Caramon stared at Raistlin with worship in his eyes. "How'd you know that?"
"My brother, you have it writtin in a stupid thought bubble above you head."
"I do?" Caramon looked up at his little thought bubble that looked sort of like a cloud. "Ohh . . . I do."
"Yes."
More silence as the two twins study Caramon's thought bubble.
"So . . ." Caramon finally said.
"Yes, my brother?" Raistlin asked patiently. "What is it?"
"To get back to my question currently floating up in my though-bubble above my head . . . why the heck am Ion a horse with a cowboy hat inmy hand?"
"M-m-m-m." Raistlin m-m-m-med to himself thoughtfully. "I don't know."
More silence.
CRASH!
With a crazed stampede of many feet, Raistlin turned to see three kender - Tas and two females who looked vaguely unfamiliar - and a little green gemlin dude run from the forest . . .
Smack into the twins.
Confusion, chaos, and . . . another word that begins with the letter 'c' ensued.
"Ahhh! Caramon! You're sweat socks are DISGUSTING!" screamed Tas.
"Ahhh! Tas's hair is in MY MOUTH!" Merribell cried.
"Ahhh! It is? Cool!" Tas answered.
"Ahhh! MY PENCIL BROKE!" Tawny shrilled.
"Ahhh! I'm sniffing a horse's you-know-what!" Caramon cried.
"Ahhh! Why the heck are we all begining our statements with 'ahhh!' " Gemoz yelled.
"Ahhh! Help! I'm being squashed by three kender, a horse, a gremlin, and my brother!" was what Raistlin tried to say. Since he was currently being squashed by three kender, a horse, a gremlin, and Caramon, it sort of came out somewhere between a wheeze and a gasp. A wheesp, if you could call it that.
"HORSEY!" a kenlim screamed, dashing out from a nearby portal. "HORSEY! HORSEY HORSEY HORSEY HORSEY HORSEY!"
Soon, everyone got out from the pile (Caramon trying frantically to relieve his brother, who had passed out) and just stood around as Caramon attenpted to relieve his brother.
Wait . . . I just said that . . .
Oh, as the gnomes say, nevermind.
. . . Ten minutes later . . .
"Raistlin!" Caramon cried in relief as Raistlin opened his eyes. "You're awake! OMG! I thought you weredead! Are you OK?"
Raistlin stared silently at Caramon, eyes abstracted.
(Those of you who are easily frightened, you are encouraged to leave the building.)
Just waiting for the easily frightened people to leave the building . . .
Still waiting . . .
Still waiting . . .
STILL waiting . . .
Not even bothering to write it . . .
OK! We're continuing weather those easily frightened are present or not!
(The following song was written by Raablynand she claims it.)
Raistlin flung himself to his knees and began singing.
"Ashes and burning flame are
So dark and yet so bright
The soul they claw, the light they marr
Dark as everlasting night!"
"Um, Raist?" Caramon muttered. " . . . are you OK?"
"Kiss'd death, kiss'd sunless war
Kiss'd blood of aching sight
Away so long, gone so far
Wand'ring, lost to the liiiiiiiiiiiiight!"
"Yeah, Raistlin!" Tas cried. "Hit it!"
"Flaming fiery bloodied rain
Falling upon the ashes's grave
The sane one's stabbing pain,
The crazed one's burning rave!"
Tas, Merribell, and Tawny dance around wildly, banging their heads and slamming their bodies about.
"Reach out to grasp but unable to save
The dancing light's strive to atain
The illusion of love from darkest wave
Of where she upon the altar has lain."
Caramon shruggs and joing the kender.
"Coveted light from clutching fingers fall
Down to lie, forsaken in the dust
Heeding to the dark's empty call
He to his own, what he must!"
The gremlins join in with Caramon and the kender. The green Gemoz dude stared open-mouthed as Raistlin strumms on the air guitar and sings, oblivious to them all.
"Broken memory, shattered bust
Of joy' last stand above them all
Before falling to the darkest lust
That has forever held them in thrall."
Raistlin let the ending words ring out, then hushed, bowing his head.
"Whoa, Raist!"Caramon gawked. "I . . . you . . . wow."
"That was so GODDAMN AWESOME!" screamed Tawny. Merribell, too awed, bobbed her agreement.
"Wow, Raistlin!" Tas cried. "I never knew you were a singer!"
Raistlin raised his head and let his eyes fall to the sky. "That is because, kender, I am not."
While everyone was dancing to Raistlin's amazing singing, Gemoz closed his mouth and turned around. Why? Because the DM said so!
A glitter of light caught Gemoz's eyes. He turned, and saw . . .
"My pineapple!"
With a sob of graditude he fell upon the pineapple, clutching it to his chest, crying in graditute. "Oh, my love, thank the gods I found you at last . . . "
And he went on and on and on, until it got so romantic and mushy that even the most dedicated romantics could not stand another second and tossed him through the nearest portal into another story somewhere.
And thus this chapter ends.
You know the drill: please review!
What did you think of my song? Didja like it?
Couldn't help but add Raistlin's melodramatics in. They're what makes Raistlin, um, Raistlin.
Next chapter focusses on Flint, Dalamar, Kitiara, Sturm, and Tanis.
PLEASE REVIEW!