You like me! You really like me! Oh, I dunno what to say. . . I'm so happy! I honestly didn't think anyone would like this fic. . . Anyway, I forgot to mention that it's September in the story. School's just about started, and stuff. Also, like I said, ideas are always welcome!

Quote of the Day:

Sidney: Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

Disclaimer: No, I do not own it. DON'T MAKE ME CRY!

What The Hell Is Going On?

Chapter 2

Explanations

BAM!

I felt Granny's hand slam against the back of my skull almost as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Victoria Maria Turner! Don't you dare use that language under this roof! Sit down right now!" I heard my grandmother scold.

Head throbbing, I did so. Granny left to get an extra plate, leaving me to stare bewilderedly at our 'guests'.

"Hi," Hawkeye (THE Hawkeye!) said eventually. In response, I slammed my head against the kitchen table in pure misery (I had read enough fanfictions to know that their stay here would be a living hell).

"How is it possibly possible that you are here?" I practically wailed. The MASH people merely looked at each other in confusion. Granny soon came bustling in with a plate full of her home baked chicken, mash potatoes, and other goodies. She set the plate in front of me, smiling cheerfully.

"Come, come, eat up! The war must have been dreadful," she called over her shoulder as she went back to the kitchen. Almost immediately, Frank (aka Ferret Face) was inmy face, glaring and ugly.

"Alright, kid, listen up. You better give us straight answers, you here me," he spat (spraying my face with his disgusting, germ-crawling spit, may I add).

"Are you a commie?"

Disgusted beyond all reason, I shoved him away. "Oh, go blow it out your ass, you dipwad," I snapped impatiently. "And get out of my face, you may give me fleas."

I shoved him away as his face turned a beetish-purpleish color.

"She told you Frank," Hawkeye said, smirking. "Oh, shut up!" Frank snapped. "Take your own advice, you pansy!" I snapped back.

"I hope that's not fighting I hear," I heard Granny call from the kitchen. We quieted down.

I glared at Ferret Face. "To answer your question, you ass-wipe, no, I'm NOT a commie, just a severely pissed-off teenager with a severe migraine," I snarled at him. "And to answer any further questions you might have, you're in Cottageville, South Carolina. And it's Thursday, 9, 2004."

"Oh yeah?" Frank snapped. "Well if it's 2004, then where are the flying cars, robots and stuff?" I rolled my eyes. I forgot people expected the 21st century to be all space-age.

"Flying cars haven't been invented yet, you stupid-head. This is only semi- space age." I muttered, rubbing my temples. I took a bite out of my chicken. It tasted like sandpaper.

Frank was about to retort, but Henry interrupted. "Why don't we introduce ourselves?" He said with forced cheerfulness. "My name's—"

I waved a hand impatiently, cutting him off. "I already know who you lot are. You're Henry Blake. That ass-wipe over there is Frank Burns, Blondie beside him is Margaret Houlihan—"

"Aha! I knew it! You're a spy! And you're trying to trick us so you can take us hostage!" Frank shouted triumphantly.

"Oh, Frank, shut up!" I shouted. I was starting to see red, which is never a good sign for me.

"There certainly is a lot of conflict in this room," Father Mulchay piped up. I sighed wearily. "Sorry, Father," I apologized. "It's quite alright, my daughter," he reassured. I looked at all of them for a minute. All of them seemed to want to know how I knew their names—of course, Frank and Margaret also looked like they wanted to rip my head off.

"Alright, look," I finally started. "If you guys will tell me what happened, then I'll tell you how I know your names, ok?"

Everyone began talking at once. That did nothing to help with my headache. I clapped my hands over my ears, wincing.

"QUIET!" I roared. Silence. I sighed again. Granny came in, carrying a glass of iced-tea. "Almost forgot your tea, Vicky dear," she said sweetly. She set it beside my plate and looked around, still smiling. "Everyone having a good time?" she asked.

Everyone said yes, nodding with forced smiles. Smiling still, Granny walked back to the kitchen, humming.

Dropping my smile, I turned back to everyone. I took a sip from my tea, closed my eyes, and pointed with my other hand. When I opened them, it had landed on Klinger (who was wearing a red dancing dress).

I smiled sweetly. "Klinger," I began. "Why don't you tell us how you got here?"

Klinger smoothed his skirt out, and began.

"Well," he started, "I was on guard duty, like always. Only this time I had to start a little earlier because the guy before got food poisoning. It came up so suddenly that I didn't get to change, and I just got this dress! (At this point, Ferret Face made a disgusted noise in his throat. When I caught his gaze, I crossed my eyes at him.)

"So, I had to be very careful, this is good silk, y'know," Klinger continued, stroking the material of his dress. "I was turning a corner when there was this bright flash of light suddenly. I blacked out, and when I came to, I was there in your yard with Radar on top of me."

I nodded, trying to understand. . . but nope, nothing was connecting. I turned to everyone else. "Is that what happened to you guys too? The flashing light, I mean." I asked. Everyone said yes. I sighed again. That was no help at all.

"Remember what you said," Radar's voice broke my thoughts. "You said if we told you how we got here you would tell us how you knew our names." Once again, for the umpteenth time that day, I sighed. This was gonna take awhile. . .

I think I'll leave it there. Remember, reviews are greatly accepted. Ideas, too! Go down to the purple button and review please!