Split and Strike
by DoomaWriter
Author's notes: Sorry for the wait everybody! Thanks for hanging in there...those of you who hung in there that is. And I hope you all enjoy this new chapter. Tallying in the votes, it appears more people wanted to see Gai's new team next. Well, here it is!
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Chapter 5: What the Hell is This!? The Start of Gai's New Team!
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"It's like talking to a brick wall," Shikamaru said tiredly. He sat on a bench at an outside table with Naruto on the opposite side. Naruto had his eyes closed and a look of complete confusion. With a sigh, Shikamaru rested back and looked up to the clouds. After a moment he looked back at his new partner and said, "Look, I'm only going to explain this once more, so listen very carefully."
Naruto nodded and sat in a serious position, hands on his lap.
"Our first clue is the fact that Gai's team is involved," Shika began, slowly this time. "This type of assignment should be beneath them because they're not rookies like the rest of us, right?" After seeing Naruto's nod, Shikamaru began again.
"Secondly, did you notice how Asuma-sensei wrote our names on the board? He wrote them in complete order even though he didn't bother looking at our balls." Naruto snickered. "Ch- I mean our numbers! Focus!" Shika hung his head and blushed a little bit at the mistake of his words. "G'uh, talking to you is too troublesome."
"Gomen, gomen," Naruto apologized, holding down laughter. "Go on."
"Our final clue is how the selection process went. Why go through so much trouble to keep the numbers a secret? It's probably because chakra wasn't being used to hide the numbers, but rather genjutsu was used to make us believe the numbers were there. The ba- er, ballots were probably plain white and none of the genins with weird eyes were using their abilities to exam them, ne?"
"I get it," Naruto said firmly, hitting his hand with the other.
Shika's eyes widened with shock. He actually smiled. "Really?"
"Not at all!" Naruto admitted. Shikamaru's head fell forward, hitting the table.
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Shino stood in an open field, surrounded by forest except for a clear path that led to a main street. He turned to look upon Shikamaru and Naruto. By their leisurely walk, he knew why they were a few minutes late. Though to be fair, Naruto was in the lead, yelling for the other to hurry up.
Opening his eyes at the site of Shino, Naruto stood in place until Shika caught up. He leaned over and whispered, "Oi, oi. Should we be careful? He looks really strange."
"Look who's talking about strange," Shika said with half a smirk. "How do you not bump into things, walking with your eyes like that?"
"You two should've been here ten minutes ago," Shino said calmly. "I don't think Gai-sensei is the type to forgive tardiness." He saw Naruto open his mouth but pause as a bug crawled from out of Shino's nose, scamper across one of his cheeks and then burrow back in through an ear. Naruto's mouth stayed open but words refused to come out.
Shikamaru caught himself staring and shrugged while adverting his gaze. "Running is a pain in the ass," he said flatly. "Besides, it looks like we're here first. I won't say anything if you don't."
"But what would I say!?"
The three turned around to see that they were ambushed by....a tortoise!? Suddenly, a huge tortoise came walking towards them from the forest. His eyes glared at the two nins with more than apparent shock on their faces and Shino whose features were a bit harder to make out.
"It looks like you two are having trouble taking this new mission seriously," the tortoise said in a gruff tone. Instead of replying, Naruto and Shikamaru just stood there, stunned that they were being chewed out by... this thing. "Can't talk, eh? I can tell by your faces that intelligence isn't a strong point between either of you! Gai-sensei, you're going to have to be blunt with this group!"
After that, a burst of smoke appeared upon the tortoise's back. As it cleared, there stood a smiling Gai in his crane stance, one foot upon the creature's back. "These children are at the epitome of adolescence, surely we can expect them to make a few mistakes, right?" Gai asked with a chuckle. He stood calmly and then placed a hand to his chin, thinking it over. "Yet that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let them learn from these mistakes...I think two-hundred pushups should do it."
Naruto and Shikamaru's jaws nearly fell off their heads. Naruto was about to complain when the tortoise said, "Wait, that's not necessary, Gai-sensei." The genins were about to bow and praise the animal for his kindness until he added, "The one with the shades was here on time, make sure to punish just those other two."
"Damn turtle!!" Naruto yelled, middle finger extended.
"Frankly, two-hundred push-ups is a joke. Are you getting soft?"
"I'll kill you!!" Naruto screamed, squirming while being held back by Shikamaru.
"Tch, nothing good comes from doing such things," Shika said, pissed off that he was the one who had to hold on to the noisy kid. "Don't be such a bother..."
Gai laughed out loud before dispelling his summon. "That's enough of that. And don't worry about the push-ups." Naruto smiled. "That can wait until later." Naruto hung his head, defeated.
"Now let's see..." Gai looked at all of his students. His attention especially on Naruto aka Kakashi's pupil aka Gai's new target for torture. He couldn't help but smile.
At this site, Naruto felt very uncomfortable. He nudged Shikamaru with his elbow and whispered, "Why is Super Thick Eyebrows looking at me like that?"
Shikamaru lazily shrugged and replied, "How should I know?" With a smirk he added, "Maybe he likes you."
Naruto frowned before Gai's finger was shot in his direction. "While spending the next month as my new team, you'll all be trained in ways you never thought existed!" he declared proudly. "You will sweat, bleed, and shed tears before this is done! But you'll all leave her stronger than you are now....or in an ambulance. Let's hope for the first option, eh?" Gai chuckled again yet none of his pupils felt like joining in.
"Aww, man" Shikamaru began, "was that supposed to be a pep talk?"
"Shino of the Aburame Clan?" Gai said, causing the genin to raise an eyebrow. "You're moves depend on the use of those bugs within your body, correct?" After Shino nodded, Gai turned his attention to another. "Nara Shikamaru, you prefer shadow manipulation?"
"Hai, hai," Shika said, not surprised the jounin teacher already knew this.
"And Uzumaki Naruto who has somehow learned the-"
"Wait a minute!" Naruto said with a big grin. "Let me show you!" Eager to impress, Naruto put his hands together to form the seal and soon after, a puff of smoke erupted. Shikamaru and Shino were taken back at what they saw when the smoke cleared. There stood a nude woman winking at them and making seductive sighs. "Hee hee, I call this Sexy no Jutsu!"
Catching himself staring, Shino turned away in the hopes no one else saw. He shrugged it off and said, "What a pointless jutsu..." This jogged Shikamaru back to reality and he quickly checked his nose for blood before rubbing his shoulder and regaining his lazy composure.
Poofing back to his normal body, Naruto scratched his brow and asked, "Why didn't it work on you...?"
With a twitch of the eyebrow and a sweat drop, Gai asked, "Who would be perverted enough to actually fall for such a move?"
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Across the village, Konohamaru was doing sit ups under the watchful eye of his personal instructor, Ebisu who suddenly sneezed. The same went for Iruka at his desk. A third person elsewhere, sneezed and a concerned assistant said, "Bless you, Hokage-sama."
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After Gai finished telling his new pupils what was expected of them, scaring them even more while doing so, he left to train Shino while Shikamaru and Naruto were left to do their push-ups. Naruto had started quickly at first, wanting to show everyone his determination and muttering to himself, "Chik'sho...I'll show him! I'll do all these stupid push-ups, master his stupid training, become Hokage and rub it in his face! Heh heh, and that dumb turtle will have to kiss my ass.." Though he started off like that, he was now slowing down, straining with each movement.
"N-n-ninety....two," Naruto panted while his arms ached.
"T-t...." Shikamaru said, mimicking Naruto, "t-t-twelve!"
"What!?" Naruto yelled, sitting up right. "All this time and you've only did twelve!?"
"I don't see why you're so surprised," the lazy one said, sitting with his legs extended. "If we need to do two-hundred then why bother rushing it?"
"Rushing is the whole point of the exercise!"
"You do things your way and I'll do things mine," Shika said before lying back on the grass and staring up at the clouds. "Besides, do you want to end up like one of his workaholic students?"
Naruto then imagined himself in a green and orange outfit just like Lee and yelling things like, 'Yosh! Gai-sensei! Please lift your foot so I may kiss the very ground in which they have honored with its magnificent touch! Gai-sama, hug me!!' Naruto let a scream slip for a second before shaking the image out of his head violently.
"What are you doing now?" Naruto asked, eyes closed as usual.
"Taking a break...I'll do more later."
"..." Naruto found himself lost for words. But it was true, there was nobody around so why bother? It wasn't Naruto's habit to take training so lightly but nobody was around so there was no one to object to a quick rest. Yeah, he'll probably need it for the rest of Gai's insane training too! So in a way this was like preparation.
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A while passed and Naruto's break went without a hitch. Except for a fly or some insect that wouldn't leave him alone towards the end. He had enough when the bug went into his eye and sprung to his feet, determined to make the pest regret annoying the future Hokage for the rest of its soon-to-be-shortened life. But to his surprise, there stood an exhausted Shino and an angry Gai staring at him.
Finding himself incapable of thinking up an excuse, he turned to Shikamaru who got him into this mess. Yet when he looked to the side, Shika's body had disappeared from its resting spot. "What? Where's-"
"Shikamaru's with us," Gai said, pointing his head in the direction where Shikamaru stood behind Shino. "He told us how he finished his push ups and came to join us. It looks like you, on the other hand, aren't as dedicated."
"What!?!?" Naruto screamed. "There's no way he finished two-hundred push ups before me!! He's the laziest one in this village!"
"They say slow and steady wins the race," Shino said, wiping sweat from his brow, his panting slowing down.
"I guess I just take my new teacher more seriously," Shikamaru said with another smirk.
"I don't blame you," Gai said. "You've probably inherited an easy going nature like your hip teacher, Kakashi."
"Does that mean you'll let me off?" Naruto asked with a weak smile.
"Of course not," Gai said firmly.
Naruto sighed. "How many push-ups?"
"No, I had something else in mind," Gai replied, this time grinning so his teeth sparkled.
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"Dammit....dammit...dammit...." Naruto yelled from behind Shino and Shikamaru as they were all walking home.
"I tried to warn you that he was on his way," Shino said. "I sent a bug to tip you two off."
"How the hell am I supposed to know that!?" Naruto's voice strained.
"I got the message," Shikamaru said. "But I guess we can't expect a super baka like you to under-
"Why didn't you tip me off!?" Naruto interrupted.
Shikamaru looked back and told him: "I don't remember owing you any favors. Besides, you should have put two and two together. It was probably a scouting bug that told him the turtle was around in the morning and to hurry to make it on time."
"That is correct," Shino said.
"Dammit...." Naruto said, clawing at the ground to move himself forward while dragging his legs behind him. Gai had made him wear the weights around his legs that made it impossible for Naruto to walk. "I'll remember this, bastard..."
"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru yawned, "Damn, you're noisy...What a troublesome team member."
Shino glanced slightly at Shikamaru, then turned away again. The three then went their own ways to their respective houses, leaving Naruto lying motionless on the floor.
To be continued...
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Author's notes: Up next, Kurenai's team! I know quite a few of you have been waiting for this and now...you'll have to wait a little bit longer. It's coming though! Hopefully much sooner than this one did.