Hockey Pucks

Note: This was a fanfic challenge put forth to me by ThomasJamesOliver of PRN, know here as James Eric Oliver

Additional Note: Don't own MMPR

It was October 1993, and today was the one-month anniversary of when Billy and Sarah started officially going out as boyfriend and girlfriend. Billy wanted to make this day extra special by making a romantic candle-lit home-cooked meal for himself and Sarah. As Mr. Cranston was going to be out working late, and Bryan was going to be at a friend's house, that was perfect timing. There was some boneless chicken burger patties in the fridge, so Billy thought those would be just fine, and relatively easy to cook on the barbeque.

At 4:00 in the afternoon, Billy went outside onto the balcony and got the barbeque all fired up and ready to go. After getting the chicken burgers unwrapped, he placed them on the barbeque and closed it up. If my calculations are correct, it should take two hours cooking time, and with the barbeque closed and trapping the heat inside, they will be evenly cooked, Billy thought to himself. He went back into the kitchen to set the table, putting out the buns on the plates, and also the ketchup, then he got the candles lit up. Thinking that everything was just right, Billy went downstairs to his lab to check on one of his science experiments that he was currently working on.

Finally it was 6:00, and Sarah arrived at Billy's house. "I hope you'll enjoy the surprise I have planned for the both of us." Billy said as Sarah was taking off her shoes.

"Billy, anything from you I will love nonetheless." Sarah replied. They headed upstairs into the living room, and that's when Sarah noticed a weird smell. "Hon, you smell something strange?" Billy took a whiff and got a sinking feeling in his stomach. "It smells like something's burning."

"Shit!" Billy yelped, taking off into the kitchen and saw through the closed glass balcony door that smoke was coming out of the barbeque. "The burgers!" He cried, throwing open the balcony door. Sarah followed behind him, and saw him put on some gloves and open barbeque. "Oh no. No no no!" Billy shooed away the smoke with his arm so that he could see if the burgers were alright. But they weren't. In fact, you couldn't even tell if they were burgers at all, as they were completely black. "They're ruined!" Billy cried.

"Is that what I was smelling?" Sarah asked as Billy tried to poke them with the two-pronged barbeque fork.

"I've failed." Billy said.

"Failed? What do you mean?"

"This was the surprise I had planned." Billy replied with a sad tone to his voice. "See, I read in this magazine that women find it more romantic when their partner can make a home-cooked meal, so I wanted to do just that. I even had candles put out." Billy pointed into the kitchen at the table, which Sarah had passed by, not noticing the candles, which were still lit.

"Billy, you did all this? For me?"

"I wanted it to be special to celebrate our first month together." Billy replied.

"Oh, hon, you didn't have to go through all of this just to impress me. It was very sweet of you to make this extra special, but everything we do is special, no matter what it is." Sarah told him.

"Hey Cranston!" They heard someone shout. Billy and Sarah looked to see who it was, and saw that it was the guy at the house next to Billy's, who looked to be about their age. "Barbequing season ended in September! Didn't you get the memo?" He asked with a sarcastic laugh.

"Screw off Marty!" Billy shouted.

"Who is he?" Sarah asked, nodding in Marty's direction.

"Our troglodyte neighbor, Marty Williams." Billy replied. "His dad owns the Angel Grove Auto-Wrecking Yard." He tried to poke the burgers again. "Damn!" Billy snapped. "They're completely impenetrable!"

"You think that with all those nerdy science experiments you do, that you would know how to work a barbeque!" Marty taunted from next door, laughing.

"And one would think that if you didn't utilize your time by impaling your cranium on your glutius maximus, that you wouldn't have become a complete delinquent!" Billy retorted. That shut Marty up for the time being, seeing that he had no idea what Billy just said.

"Does that mean what I think it does?" Sarah asked, trying to stifle her laughter. Billy grinned evilly, as Sarah burst out laughing. "Anyway, how does that guy know you? He doesn't go to our school."

"His dad came over and wanted to make our acquaintance when we relocated here in the previous year. That moron was also accompanying him, and we tried to get along for the sake of our dads. But he had no interest in making my acquaintance. Now whenever we encounter each other, he's like Bulk and Skull, or Brad and Greg. And the reason we haven't seen him at school is that he got expelled."

"Really?"

Well, it's what I heard from other people around here."Billy shrugged. "He apparently also has a reputation for causing disturbances around here."

"I wonder what he got expelled for."

"I have no clue. Maybe he blew up the science lab." Billy joked. Sarah laughed at that remark. Billy scraped the burgers off the barbeque and put them on a plate. He was about to take them inside when Marty yelled again.

"So Cranston, what were you barbequing? Something for one of your geeky projects?"

"If you must know, I was attempting to cook dinner for myself, and my girlfriend!" Billy shouted back, with heavy emphasis on "girlfriend". Marty snorted sarcastically.

"You girlfriend?" He scoffed. "What girl would date an egghead like you?"

"I would!" Sarah yelled. "I'm his girlfriend!" Marty looked her up and down from head to toe as Billy went back inside the house.

"How can a sexy chick like you want to date ol' nerdy Cranston?"

"Unlike you, Billy is a far better man than you'll ever be!" When Billy came out onto the balcony, Sarah took him in a passionate embrace and give him a long, lingering kiss. Billy was taken aback at first, but settled into the embrace and wrapped his arms around Sarah. Out of the corner of her eye, Sarah could see Marty sticking his finger down his throat, making little retching noises. To further add to Marty's discomfort, Sarah playfully grabbed Billy on his butt. That provoked a more, rather involuntary reaction from Billy, to which Sarah responded by pulling him closer to her. Once Marty went back inside his house, Sarah gently pulled away.

"What was that all about?" Billy asked

"Oh, I just wanted to show Marty where to shove it." Sarah replied coyly. They both went back into Billy's place, and again, Billy tried to poke the burnt burgers with a fork, but to no avail. Suddenly, Sarah burst into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Billy asked.

"They're hard as hockey pucks!" She replied, laughing.

"Hockey pucks?"

"It's an inside joke at my house. My mom re-heated these left-over patties that she had made, in the microwave, and it ended up drying them out completely. We couldn't stick them with our forks or cut them with even our biggest knives. Of course, my mom was not too thrilled when this happened, but then she started laughing, saying that you could play hockey with the patties, they were that hard enough. That's when my sister and I called them Mom's Hockey Pucks." Sarah explained.

"Oh. Well, I am certainly not at all pleased with this outcome, this failed attempt to cook. I wanted to make this dinner more special because it's something I created, not some fast food location." Billy replied with a slight pout.

"Billy, at least you tried." Sarah said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Even if you did end up with hockey pucks." Billy sighed dejectedly and tossed the burgers into the trash. After putting away the stuff on the table, he went into his room to get his wallet.

"Well, there's a suitable KFC location just a short distance up the street from my residence, and I do have sufficient funds for the two of us." Billy said when he came back into the kitchen.

"Honey, that will do just fine with me." Sarah replied. She picked up the candles and blew them out.

"What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted dinner to be a candle-lit dinner."

"But, are you positive that they will allow the candles in there?" Billy asked.

"It wouldn't hurt to ask."

It only took them five minutes to walk from Billy's house to the KFC restaurant. After placing their orders, Sarah asked the cashier if it would be okay that they could have the candles lit up at their table. "Sure, go ahead." She replied. "Though there's nothing really romantic about this place."

"Well, my boyfriend wanted to make a home-cooked candle-lit dinner, but the dinner part didn't turn out very well. We still wanted the candle-lit part, so we thought Eh, why not?" Sarah explained. She took her tray to the table where Billy was sitting, and sat down across from him. Before they started eating, Billy raised his drink.

"So, uh, to one month?" Sarah raised hers.

"And many more to come." She added. Just then, Billy began cracking up laughing.

"What? What's so funny?" She asked.

"Hockey pucks! Now that I've thought about it, it is funny!"

"I told you it was." Sarah said.

The End