Aloha! Wow. . . 99 reviews. . . WOW. . . I LOVE YOU ALL! YOU ARE AMAZING, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! EVEN THE LITTLE GUY WHO SAID MY STORY WAS JUST A CHEAP TAKE OFF OF KOOSHBALL'S! YAY!!!

Sniff. . . Anyways, I'm now gonna introduce you to my new muse. . . Everybody, meet Kyle!

Kyle:. . . Hi.

Kyle is half lion, half human. Like I'm half cat (well, half kitten) and half human! Isn't he adorable?! –huggles-

So, while I go and read my reviews, Kyle is going to read the announcements! BOO-YA! –jumps into pile of reviews-

Kyle: Idiot. . . Anyway, Kitty Kat-chan would like to thank all her reviewers of the last chapter. Also, the doctors think they know what's wrong with her sister. . . of course, they've said that about five times before and were wrong, but. . .

It seems there was a pocket of germs or something—I think they called it a cyst—in her ovaries, and that's what's been causing her all that pain. Rachel—Kitty's sister—said that she feels much better now that it's out (they used a needle to get it out. . . yeesh) and would like to thank everyone for their concern.

Me: -pops head up from pile- And yes, my promise will be filled out today! There will be a list after the story of which person was a reviewer. . . or something like that. You may recognize which person you are, but whatever.

And now. . . ON WITH THE WEDDING!!!!

Quote of the Day:

Potter: So, I'm giving the bride away. I wish Mother was here--she loves to cry.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it.

What The Hell Is Going On?

Chapter 13

OPERATION: FRANKIE GOT FINGERED Part 2

It was the day. The wedding day. Was I nervous? Yes. Excited? Yup. Giddy? Hell yeah.

I was currently standing in front of my bedroom window, dressed in a simple white, non-frilly, non-lacy dress. My friends were dressed similarly—Brittany's mom owns a clothing store and when she heard Mark was getting married and all of us were gonna be in it, she decided she had to help somehow.

I had told Mark that Frank was to nervous to tell him himself, but he wanted to get married as soon as possible. Well, thankfully, Mark didn't care. However, he was a bit unhappy of the fact that he couldn't see Frank until the wedding. But I reminded him that it was bad luck to see your future spouse before they came together in holy matrimony, and he quit whining.

And as for Frank. . . Well, Hawkeye and Trap were in the process of getting him drunk. REALLY drunk. Because once he was, they were going to tell him that he was getting married to Margaret.

Speaking of which, Hot Lips was currently unconscious, tied up, and stuffed inside the linen closet.

"Vicky-chan?"

I turned to see my cousin, dressed in a white gown. Yes, friends, he was dressed in a wedding gown. In a strange way, he looked kinda. . . pretty. Weird, I know, but he did.

"Hey cuz! Wow, you look great!" I said—and I meant it, too. I don't know why, but lately, ever since my 'family' got here, I've been feeling happier and happier. Hell, I hadn't felt this good since before Mom and Dad died.

"Thanks. . . You do, too," he said. He was smiling in an almost guilty way. I frowned.

"Yo, Mark, what the matter, man? It's your wedding day! You should be happy!" I said, putting on my most insane smile in hopes of cheering him up.

No good. My cousin sighed, walked over to my bed, and sat down. He absently played with a leaf in his bouquet, his head bowed.

"I'm. . . I'm a little nervous," he confessed. I sat down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Wedding day jitters, huh? Don't worry about it, you'll be fine!" I soothed. Mark looked at me, biting his lip.

"Yeah, but. . . what about our honeymoon? We aren't having one. And that's not right, is it? And we haven't even known each other very long, have we? And we haven't made plans, and we haven't gotten a house yet—I don't have an engagement ring, for heaven's sake—" I placed a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

"Mark," I said seriously, guilt bubbling up in my stomach, "Uncle Frank is in the military. There are no second chances there. He's gotta take what he can on first chance, 'cause there's no time for him to hesitate. No, you guys won't have a honeymoon, and no, you haven't known each other very long, and no, you don't have a house yet—but none of that matters! Because today, Mark, you're getting married. And today is all that matters. Not tomorrow, not the day after that—just today. Because today, you and Frank are gonna go up there in front of that preacher and you're gonna say your vows and join together under holy matrimony. You're gonna be just fine. Do ya hear me, Mark? Are ya reading me loud and clear?"

Mark stared at me, his eyes bright and shining. He suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you Vicky," he mumbled into my hair. "That was beautiful."

"Yeah," I said as we pulled apart. "That Dear Abby, she really knows what she's talking about."

Thirty minutes later, I found myself standing with my many friends in the yard, under the makeshift threshold. Father Eustace stood, bible in hand, sniffing and belching. Frank stood on the other side, swaying slightly. Hawkeye (the best man) was keeping him from falling over, withTrapper helping. Radar stood slightly near Frank, looking slightly lost but rather adorable in his tuxedo, holding the purple satin pillow that held the two rings (which we got from a vending machine near the liquor store).

In the audience, Henry kept shaking his head, not believing what was happening. Father Mulchay was giggling ever so slightly, and Klinger (wearing a dark blue frilly dress with matching healsand white gloves) was dabbing at his eyes.

Granny, dabbing her eyes every once in a while, began to play the infamous song, 'Here Comes The Bride.' The guests (there were about 80 of them, all sitting in lawn chairs and dressed in slightly dressy, yet casual clothes since we told them not to come all formal) all stood up respectfully as my cousin, face covered by a veil, came down the aisle.

"Dearly beloved," Eustace began once Mark took his place. "We are gathered here today to. . ."

It was. . . sweet. Mark, through the veil, looked so happy. Frank. . . well, he looked drunk. I saw Carlos, in a front row seat, sobbing happily into a handkerchief. I couldn't help but feel kinda serious and calm. Even Hawkeye and Trapper seemed solemn.

By the time the part where they say "I do" came, I was crying—both in happiness, and sadness, because I was happy for Mark, but guilty that all this was a prank. But no matter how guilty I was, I wasn't about to reveal the prank to everyone. This was priceless.

While Eustace read Frank the vows he was supposed to repeat, I looked out into the crowd. I saw my friend, Izzy, video taping everything. She caught my eye and waved. I smiled at her.

"I—hic!—do."

"I. . . sniff. . do."

"I now pronounce you man and—" Eustace began, but was cut off when Frank promptly passed out on the spot. "—man," he finished, shrugging. Mark hovered over him, worrying. "Don't worry, he passed out in pure happiness," Hawkeye assured. You know, I think the three of us—Hawkeye, Trapper, and myself, that is—were kinda surprised Mark didn't comment on Frank's drunkenness. It was kinda obvious. Although, I suppose my cousin has always been a bit flaky.

"Great wedding!" was the first thing Izzy said to me once I approached her. She was from Australia, but she moved here to live with her aunt since she and her mom got sick of each other. Even though she was 18, the two of us got along great.

"Thanks. Mark was pretty nervous, and I was too," I admitted, taking a sip from my Coke.

"Hey, Vicky!"

I turned to see Nicky, Sara, Tia, Mel, and Rebecca running toward me. Their some friends of mine from school—not really close friends, but we get along great.

"Glad to see your cousin finally settled down," Nicky laughed once she reached us.

Tia sniffed a little, dabbing her eyes. "Weddings always make me cry. . ." she mumbled. Mel patted her on the back. "Don't cry, Tia! Smile, be happy! Have some cake!" she said energetically, shoving a paper plate with a huge piece of cake on it in front of the crying girl.

"Say, Vicky," Sara said slowly, watching Hawkeye with slightly narrowed eyes. "I know you're a MASH fan. . . don't those two guys look like Hawkeye and Trapper?" I snorted into my can of soda.

"Yeah, I noticed that too," Rebecca said, also staring. I gasped, choking, but no one seemed to care. "Now that you mention it, yeah, they DO look a lot like Hawkeye and Trapper!" Izzy said, her eyes wide. I managed to get my breath back.

"Er. . . H-hawkeye and Trapper, you say? Ha ha ha. . . Do you know how many people tell them that? He he. . . er, those are my two uncles! But they do look a lot like them, don't they?" I said, laughing nervously. My friends gave me weird looks, and I broke out into a sweat.

"Are you ok, Vick? You look kinda sick. . ." Sara said, putting a hand on my forehead. "Maybe you should go lie down," Nicky suggested. "That'd probably be best," Rebecca said. I pushed Sara's hand away.

"Guy's, I'm fine! I'm just a little tired is all," I assured. They weren't convinced, but they did leave to go pig out on Mexican food—they warned me that I should go to bed, of course.

Later, I found myself sitting at a table and watching everyone dance to a slow song. My exhausted mind vaguely wondered if Margaret had woken up yet.

"That was quite a wedding, Victoria."

I looked up to see Ms. Jennings (aka Emma), my next-door neighbor. I smiled weakly.

"Yeah. . . It was, wasn't it?" I said, fighting back a yawn. Emma patted my hand and sat down in the chair across from me. "Your cousin. . . seems very happy," she said as we watched Mark shamelessly flirt with every single good looking guy at the reception. I shook my head.

"Married or not, Mark never will be 100 loyal to his 'true love,'" I said. We were both silent for a minute, content with watching Mark compliment Sara's little brother Cory's eyes until the poor boy was so red with embarrassment he was likely to explode.

"Well, you seem to be doing better," Emma said finally, standing. "Mmmmm," I went, staring down at the table. She patted my head, then went to her husband to dance.

So I sat there, by myself, content and overstuffed with tacos, nachos, and burritos, when Hawkeye and Trapper pulled me up and started whirling me around on the dance floor. At first I yelled, probably sounding just like Margaret ("You idiots! Would you grow up? Honestly, act your age, you're two grown men for heaven's sake!"), but in the end, I was laughing and having fun.

That night, after everyone went home and Mark dragged a semi-unconscious Frank into the guest bedroom (giggling, mind you), I changed into some purple flannel pajama's, curled up under the covers, and went to sleep.

Rebecca: Intelligent Witch

MicroChips: Mel

Melbo18: Tia

Nicky: Nicky007

MASH-Nut-4077: Sara

writingtiger: Emma

Kooshball: Izzy, of course!

There ya have it, the wedding. Hope ya liked it. Well, go down there and leave a review—I'll be waiting!!!

Have a happy New Year! Welcome 2005!