-dances- I've got over 100 reviews! I've got over 100 reviews! YIPEE! –jumps into pile of reviews and begins to backstroke-
Kyle: Grow up! You have to read the announcements!
Me: -patiently- Well, Kyle, before I would, but I've got you now. –starts scratching his ears- And one of the reasons I got you was so you could read the announcements while I enjoy my reviews. . . SO READ THEM! –continues backstroke-
Kyle: Idiotic, sadistic psycho-bitch. . . Anyway, Kitty's sister is out of the hospital and back with her father, and she also wants to remind everyone (or tell, in case you haven't read her profile) that she's back in school now and the updates my take longer.
Me: -pops head up- That's right! So now, without further ado, I bring you chapter 14! Kyle, go get me some buffalo wings, extra spicy. . .
Quote of the Day:
Hawkeye: You've gotta have a pair of pajamas, look around, you had a pair when you got here!
B.J: I had a lot of things when I got here: faith, hope, sanity, a liver. . .
Disclaimer: Check all my other chapters.
Quick Warning(s): Ok, there will be utter and total insanity in this chapter. Why? I like insanity. I love insanity! Insanity is great! Everybody loves insanity! Well, everyone except Frank. And besides this is a crazy fanfic! Insanity is the main ingredient!
What The Hell Is Going On?
Chapter 14
On The First Day of Marriage (crappy chapter name, but oh well)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I sat straight up, still half asleep.
"27!" I shouted groggily, thinking that I fell asleep in Algebra class. But no, I quickly realized that I was in my room, in bed, and someone from below was screaming their lungs out.
I stumbled out of bed and to the door. I then stumbled downstairs to try to find out what the hell was going on. I found Radar and Klinger standing in the hallway, both looking terrified.
"Whatsa matter?" I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Someone's screaming!" Radar said, a crack in his voice.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
I immediately became wide-awake—it was much louder in the halls. "What the hell is that?" I whispered, chills running down my spine.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, the hallway was filled with people.
"What the heck is going on?" Henry asked. "Vicky, are you alright?" I heard Hawkeye call from the end of the hall. I could hear him and Trapper hurrying toward us. "I'm fine!" I called.
"The Nazis are attacking!" Pop said, his long gray night shirt dragging along the floor as he hurried towards us.
Then—
"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
"But Franky-chan, we need to have a honeymoon while we still can!"
Suddenly, everything came back to me; the wedding, the planning, the scheming, and everything else in between.
"Well, it looks like Frank has discovered he's a married man again," Hawkeye said, his voice laced with amusement.
"You did remember to lock the door, right?" Trapper asked me. I nodded. "Of course," I said, smiling sweetly. "We wouldn't want anyone to interrupt Frank's honeymoon, now would we?"
Granny looked at the coo-coo clock. "Well, it's almost 6:00. How about I start breakfast?" she suggested.
"This early?" I asked. Granny looked at me, eyebrow raised.
"Of course dear, you've got school. I let you skip yesterday because of the wedding, but you must go today."
I groaned. Ugh, school.
I hopped into the kitchen, trying to tie my left shoe.
"I'm gonna be late. . ." I moaned.
"Say, where's Margaret?" Trapper asked, looking up from his newspaper.
I almost fell over.
"Oh my God, we left her in the closet!" I screamed. Trapper and Hawkeye looked at each other, then bolted from the table, probably headed for the closet.
Another, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" came from Mark's room. I groaned and quickly finished tying my shoe. I grabbed my book bag from the corner, stuffed a piece of toast into my mouth, called out a muffled "Bye!", and ran out the door.
I was halfway down the driveway when there was a loud crash—the kind of crash you hear when windows break. I turned around just in time to see a stark-naked Frank land right on top of Pop's pick-up from one of the upstairs windows.
The toast dropped from my mouth as I screamed "OH MY GOD!" Then—
"MY EYES! THEY BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!!" I screeched, covering my eyes with my hands since, well, Frank was naked--butt-naked.
Suddenly, I heard someone else screaming. I looked up to the broken window to see Mark, most likely in the nude as well.
"Frank! Frank!" he was screaming. Then he spotted me. "Vicky! Vicky, go get help! Go get help quickly!" he shouted to me.
So, I ran to the best help I knew—Hawkeye, Trapper, and Margaret.
Margaret did not look happy to see me when I entered the room (apparently, she hadn't been happy to see Hawk or Trap either, because they had broom-shaped bruises all over them, which they were sulking over in the corner). She looked even more livid when the two surgeons jumped up to see if I was ok. She was so livid, that she decided to pretend that I was a piñata.
"Frank jumped out the window!" I screamed when I saw Margaret lift her all-powerful broom to whack me over the head.
"He did what?" Trapper asked incredulously. "He jumped out the window—in his birthday suit!" I shouted.
All three bolted from the room, leaving me to realize a sickening fact again—I had seen Frank naked. I clapped my hand over my mouth and zoomed to the bathroom, fully prepared to be sick.
Unfortunately, I still had to go to school that day.
So there I was, sitting in Algebra, mentally screaming at myself for not studying for the test I was taking and trying to bully my brain into figuring out what y – 48 (6x5) 4 was if y equals 7.
Of course, I was completely distracted by my brain wondering what the heck my 'family' was doing back home.
"10 minutes!" my teacher, Miss Sullivan, called. I looked down at my test and realized I was only on question 5, and it was a 30 question test.
"Shit!" I cursed under my breath before furiously circling random answers.
I tried to pay no attention to the laughter behind me as I watched the pie in the oven bake (I was in Home Ec.). My friends, for the record, were the ones laughing.
"Vicky, is your test actually baking in that pie?" Brittany asked, thoroughly amused. "Damn straight," I muttered, glaring at the object which held my 45/F graded Algebra test.
"I cannot believe you actually did that!" Jess howled, doubling up.
I grunted. I wasn't very happy—As the lord would have it, I had a History test, an English test, and an upcoming Home Ec. Test that I had to study/practice for, not to mention next week my P.E class was going to have to have a little "exam."
But how the hell was I gonna get any studying done, with the 4077th right there at my home?
Wouldn't ya know it, but I got fired from my job at the gas station for not showing up for 4 days. So, heavy-hearted, I trudged home sadly.
As I shuffled up the hill, I tried to look on the bright side. I had more time for studying and friends now. But then, now I couldn't buy Playstation games whenever I had enough money.
I walked up the front steps and crossed the porch to the front door.
I opened the door and called "I'm home."
I slung my bag down and collapsed into the nearest chair. I was kicking my shoes off when Trapper entered the room.
"Look who's back!" he said, sounding a bit too happy for my taste. "How was your wonderful day of education?"
I gazed up at him, wondering vaguely if he was sick. "I failed an Algebra test and found out that I've got a History test, an English test, a Home Ec. test, and a P.E exam coming up. I hated it."
"Aw, that's too bad!"
We both looked over to see Hawkeye standing there with a tray that held a sandwich and a glass of milk. He walked over. "How about a little snack to make it all better?" He said as he sat the tray in my lap. He stepped back.
Watching both men suspiciously, I gingerly picked up the sandwich and waved it under my nose, sniffing cautiously. Then I held it out to them. "One of you take the first bite."
"We didn't do anything to it," Trapper assured, smiling still. I set the sandwich down.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked. Then something dawned on me. "Did Frank die?" I asked, not exactly looking forward to the fact of a dead man being inside my house.
"No!" Hawkeye laughed. "Where's Mark?" I asked, picking up the glass of milk and swirling it around to see if there was anything inside it.
"He left. We told him that Frank had amnesia over night and needed some time to get his memories back," Trapper said.
Unable to find anything, I set the glass back down and gazed up at them. "So, what's up?" I asked.
I regretted it at once when they grinned down at me evilly. "Well," Hawkeye began, his tone casual, "your grandparents left today."
I didn't understand, and I was also a bit confused. "Left? What, did they go to a auction or something? What time will they be back?"
Those evil looks were starting to creep me out.
"Well," Trapper said, picking up for Hawkeye. "That's just the thing—see, they left for an auction that's all the way in Georgia."
My stomach did flip-flops. "G-georgia?" I repeated hoarsely, my throat dry. "That's right," Hawkeye said, his voice sickly sweet. "And they won't be back for another two and a half weeks. Which means. . ."
"I'll be stuck here with you guys until they get back," I finished faintly, in shock. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. "Oh my God, I'm in deep shit. . ." I moaned.
Hawkeye and Trapper laughed evilly.
Ok, done! Leave me a nice review! Oh, and Kooshball. . . SORRY! You'll just have to wait and see who'll continue to be in this and who won't! Muwhahahahahahahahaha. . .