THE UBER FIGHT! CHAPTER 4!
The first round
Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo… I do not own SSBM… I do not own I do not own Romeo and Juliet… I do not own my house… I do not own this computer from which I am typing the things I am saying… I do not own death… I do not own voodoo… I do not own the voodoo monkeys… I do not own a single stock in NASDAQ… I do not really care about NASDAQ cause I'm just a kid… I do not own Child Welfare… I do not own your eyes… I do not own how sick you are of reading what I do not own… and finally, I do not own blood.
REVIEWS: Ok… I think I have at most 9 readers so 1 review makes me sad… but I'm willing to admit I am wrong because one man might have clicked on the 3rd chapter 9 times……. Maybe more by the time I get this submitted… SO REVIEW! I don't want to have a completed story and still only have one review giving me advice about how to write… and I seriously thank you cause that helped me…. HAHAHAHA what do I care I'm gonna update for any anonymous idiots that like this… If I make at least one kid slightly happy then my mission in life is still not complete… BUT I will have a warm tingly feeling inside (just FYI I really don't care… that was what we like to call a marketing ploy)
Oh yes and on a serious note this is a long chapter involving sad endings and I puked twice while reading this (gotta keep the wait off right?) oh yes but I did think it was sad too…(that's what we call warning)
The next day they all went to the game room ready to fight… except for those who didn't have to fight because their opponents had died…
DK and Bowser were playing jump rope giving Roy the idea that an earthquake was going on. So Roy ran in circles screaming when he tripped over his cape and fell into Gannondorf's and Mewtwo's Chess game… And lodged a bishop piece into his eye.
"I KNEW THEY WOULD GET ME!" he screamed as he fell onto the floor in pain and died.
"Wow that was fast" Mewtwo said "didn't think they could do it that fast…" and they got back to the chess game.
Luigi was sitting at the bar with Mario and Peach when a particularly hard bounce caused his face to slam into his beer bottle shattering glass all over and into his face.
"OWWWWWWWWWWW-a" he screamed reverting to his Italian accent in the agony "I uhhh mean… OWWWWWWWWWWW!" he screamed as Dr. Mario rushed over to help him.
Dr. Mario was treating Luigi's wounds and giving him random pills for some reason when he gave Luigi the wrong pill… exlax… so now Luigi was Stinky and bloody. Dr. Mario pulled out a portable shower and washed him off but accidentally washed him with alcohol. As Dr. Mario lit a match to get rid of the nasty smell Luigi was emitting they both exploded in a fiery ball of death.
Everyone watched in silence… amazed at the event that had just taken place… except Mewtwo.
"Wow that was interesting… They BOTH died immediately… CRUD DUDE! I didn't think those two could do it and then BAM they do… well well well I guess we need to… WAIT…ummmm…. I'M EVIL!"
Everyone's eyes were on Mewtwo now as they practically forgot what had just happened.
Later (not too much later though) everyone was back to doing the usual thing.
Y. Link was arguing with Link about the most recent killings.
"COME ON MISTER 'HERO' ITS SOOO OBVIOUS THOSE TWO ARE BEHIND THIS! DO SOMETHING!"
"I will have no more young man" Link said like a responsible adult "you're grounded!"
"BUT IM YOU!"
Fox was trying to show off his reflector against a baseball gun but kept messing up and the baseballs went flying into his face.
The Ice Climbers were sitting at the bar looking lovingly at each other and didn't even realize anyone was dead yet.
C. Falcon was showing his muscles to Falco trying to impress him so Falco just kicked him in the nards. THWACK C. Falcon fell over with tears in his eyes.
Peach was mourning the death of Dr. Mario and yelling about it being Mario's fault as Mario tried to prove his innocence… Suddenly Toad came out of Peaches pocket screaming.
"YOU ARE SO RUDE TO ME WOMAN!" he cried before getting stuffed back into the pocket he came out of.
Marth was showing his feminine charm to Zelda who was extremely confused.
"Ummmm that's nice… I ummm have hair too"
With this Marth fell down and cried… "I KNOW WERE FROM DIFFERENT KINGDOMS AND IT WOULD NEVER WORK! IM SOOO SORRY!"
Marth ran off crying and gave one last look at the princess he would always love… (I totally cried here)
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Master Hand called them all down to the main room for the first round (no one was wearing a watch so we don't know when). He led them to a battlefield with a small place for people who weren't fighting to watch.
"OK FIRST UP IS… UMMMM… where did I put that paper… OH HERE IT IS" he said as he shot the paper out of his wrist with a glob of blood. "PEACH! VERSUS BOWSER!"
The two went to the middle of the arena when Bowser just picked peach up and threw her off.
"THAT'S NO FAIR! WHY MARIO! WHY DIDN'T YOU PROTECT MEEEEEE"
Peach didn't realize that she had just been thrown to a lower platform until Bowser started to get close to her… which took like 5 minutes.
"OK… ummm… I KNOW!"
Peach pulled toad out as a shield as Bowser's claws came towards her
"NOOOO WAIT AAARG!" Toad screamed as he was sliced in half by the large reptile
"OH NO!" Peach cried… she backed up and pulled out a tennis racket and broke it over one of Bowser's spikes… she then broke her golf club and frying pan over him next although the frying pan did actually hurt him for a bit.
"ARG!" she cried running back further… she had reached the edge and Bowser was 10 feet… a.k.a. 4 minutes away.
She then got one last idea… She charged at him and slammed her butt into him at full speed as a giant explosion came on impact. Bowser's shell protected him from the blast but Peach's lower body was melted off in the process.
"OHHH MARIO! I hate… you….."
Bowser was ready to throw her off but she died of blood loss first.
"ROWR!" Bowser screamed and walked off.
"GREAT JOB BOWSER! And umm… nice try peach?" Master hand yelled as the other combatants watched in horror… or didn't care… or did voodoo.
"NEXT UP IS… FOX! VERSUS SAMUS!"
The two combatants walked to the middle of the arena and got ready to fight.
"Hey there cutie!" Fox said licking his lips
"ARG! YOU STUPID MAN! BACK OFF!" Samus screamed as she shot plasma into his face.
"I WILL AVENGE MY FATHER!" Fox yelled with a complete change of attitude as he started shooting his laser gun wildly and Samus.
Samus started walking towards Fox only feeling a slight ping of pain as she then hit him in the gut. She followed this up with a series of kicks bringing Fox to his knees and then jumped above him, turned into her morph ball, and dropped a bomb… of course the bomb exploded early and sent her flying across the stage bouncing off random walls (those lasers from Fox did damage remember?) and off the cliff. Samus was caught by a safety net and transported up to the group.
"MISSION COMPLETE!" Fox yelled as he played with his gun like a little kid would do.
"Fox who are you talking to?" Falco asked.
"THE AUDIENCE OF COURSE!" Fox laughed as he waived into nothingness.
"Whatever"
When the group watching the fight opened the morph ball Samus was in blood and crushed up bits of flesh poured out.
"NOOOO MY LOVE! I WILL AVENGE YOU!" Fox threw his fist in the air as Falco thought to comment but then decided not to and just shook his head.
"GREAT JOB FOX!" Master hand yelled over enthusiastic as blood flew from his wrist "NEXT UP IS… CAPTAIN FALCON! VERSUS FALCO!"
As the two made their way to the arena Falco slipped on some of the blood "OW" he cried as he got back up rubbing his head.
"MY LOVE… WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?" C. Falcon screamed rushing to Falcos side.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Falco cried as he ran to the arena… away from C. Falcon.
When the match started Falco started to blast C. Falcon with his gun… but it C. Falcon barely noticed… Blinded by love… C. Falcon ran up to Falco.
"MAKE ME YOUR CAPTAIN!" he cried and then hugged Falco.
Falco screamed and used his jet pack to blast away… then he kicked C. Falcon so hard in the nards that his sack popped. C. Falcon screamed and fell over as Falco pulled out a beam sword and hacked away.
"DIE… YOU… PRICK… DIE… BITCH… DIE!" he screamed hacking away until there was nothing left of C. Falcon.
"AND FALCO WINS!" Master hand yelled as everyone looked on in horror… or really didn't care… or didn't even notice that there was a fight.
"NEXT UP IS…. LINK! VERSUS GANNONDORF!" Master hand yelled as the two rivals made their way to the arena.
"I will say this" Link began in a heroic voice "I detest Violence… BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN ONE MUST FIGHT… for his country… his friends… AND HIS FAMILY! I WILL NOT FAIL MY DUT…" but Link never finished this speech because during all this time Gannondorf had charged up a punch and BAM off went Links head.
Y. Link was watching the fight waiting his turn when Links head slapped into him… "ow… CRUD… I JUST DIED! NO!" Just then the head spoke…
"YOU'RE grounded… young…….man…" those were Links last words…
"CONGRATULATIONS GANNONDORF!" Master hand yelled as Y. Link vowed revenge.
"AND NOW THE FINAL BATTLE! Y. LINK! VERSUS ZELDA!" As Master hand yelled this an extra large spurt of blood shot from his wrist and covered Y. Link
The two made their way to the arena… Y. Link wearing his red tunic because of the blood.
"Umm… I guess we fight then?" Zelda asked.
"No no no…" Y. Link replied grinning "it's a race to the bottom!"
So Zelda ran to the edge and jumped off.
"ARE YOU… UM… SURE ABOUT THIS?" she asked as she suddenly hit the safety net and was brought up to the top.
"THIS GAMES WINNER IS… Y. LINK!" Master hand yelled as Y. Link struck a pose… Zelda was clapping in the background but she didn't know why she was… she just felt like clapping all of the sudden.
"Wow a loser that didn't go off and die… never thought I'd see the day…" Master hand muttered to himself
"YES! I'VE WON AND I KEPT THE PRINCESS ALIVE! WOOT WOOT! GO ME!" Y. Link was gloating.
"OK EVERYONE THIS IS YOUR NEXT MATCHUPS!" Master hand yelled handing new papers out "DEAD GUYS ARE UNDERLINED"
Mario vs. Bowser
Dr. Mario vs. DK
Fox vs. Falco
Marth vs. Gannondorf
Y. Link vs. Mewtwo
Jigglypuff vs. Ness
Ice climbers get a free pass
"ROUND 2 STARTS TOMARROW!"
Everyone left the main room except for the Ice Climbers… who were busy staring into each other's eyes lovingly and happily…
DUN DUN DUN!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ICE CLIMERS! IS MASTER HAND FAVORING THEM IN THIS TOURNAMENT! WILL THE VOODOO MONKEYS MANAGE TO DEFEAT ALL GOODNESS! FIND OUT WHEN I DECIDE TO CARE!
Ahh yes that's sad… and hey I'm gonna be a bit confused about certain things in the future (blame a terrible plot) but hey you don't care cause I'm only fooling myself by thinking ANYONE is reading this… oh well.
THE DEATH LIST! (Underlined ones are dead)
Fox: Will avenge the death of his father and girlfriend
Falco: Is extremely releaved that C. Falcon is gone
Samus: Died by her own morph ball bomb
C. Falcon: Died by Falco getting pissed off and beating him
Y. Link: Proud of himself
Link: Died by giving a heroic speech that lasted too long
Zelda: Starting to think it WASN'T a race to the bottom
Gannondorf: Doing backflips... oh yes and he did die inside... for the same reason Marth died inside
Marth: Died inside when he learned he could never be with Zelda
Mario: Sad now that his brother and princess are all dead
Peach: Died by her butt exploding move
Luigi: Died when Dr. Mario failed to save him from tons of glass stuck in his face
Bowser: MWAHAHAHAHA
Dr. Mario: Died trying to save Luigi with exlax, alcohol, and fire
Pikachu: Died by zapping himself in a pool
Jigglypuff: Died by DK's falling pinball machine
Pichu: Died by electric bug zapper portal
Mewtwo: Thinks he has a chance at this tournament
Kirby: Died by being popped by DK's dart
Yoshi: Died by his head being bashed by DK
DK: Glad that he isn't the one who killed the majority of people anymore
Ice Climbers: Locked in the main room… all alone
Mr. G&W: Died by getting eaten by lice
Roy: Died thinking it was an earthquake and lodging a bishop in his eye
Read and Rodent… is that what R&R means… hmmm