Still Day 6
4:00 PM – A marooned pirate and his island reunited! Oh, the sickening joy! Actually, this sucks more than the last time Barbossa marooned me on his stupid island because now bloody Elizabeth is here! Shall keep you posted on my rapidly lowering sanity level.
4:47 PM – Elizabeth refusing to shut up about bloody Will! Even after I explained everything was all his bloody fault for blowing his identity! HATE WILL!
4:55 PM – Told Elizabeth the real way I got off the island so she would shut up. Didn't work. God, she's annoying! Am beginning to rethink Barbossa's suggestion regarding pistol.
8:00 PM: Have come to find that Elizabeth isn't really that bad a person to be stranded with. She taught me the most lovely song and then we both got drunk and danced around the campfire! Then I thought she was coming on to me, but she really wasn't. Damn. Would have annoyed the hell out of Will if I slept with her. (Oh well, probably wouldn't have liked it much anyway, as, due to her drunken state, I believe she though I was some sort of couch, the way she was leaning all over me!) I should probably stop writing now; beginning to feel a bit dizzy.
Day 7
7:46 AM – AHHH! Bloody hangover!
7:47 AM – Can't remember anything from last night. Pretty sure I got some action, though…Nay, Elizabeth's to obsessed with bloody Will. Bet the bloody couch got some, though…or something…BLOODY HANGOVER!
7:48 AM – Elizabeth started dancing around the campfire without me!
7:51 AM – NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD! Bloody Elizabeth BURNED all the bloody rum! Went temporarily insane when I found out and actually started gnawing on this book! I think she got the message, as she hasn't come near me since.
8:20 AM – After roughly 30 consecutive minutes with no rum, I think I can actually feel my liver healing itself!
8:45 AM – Just great! Now, in addition to everything else, my throat is now burning as a result of drinking seawater. Note to self: it doesn't taste like rum. Could things get any worse?
9:05 AM –Things just got worse. Thanks to bloody Elizabeth and her stupid signal fire, half the bloody royal Navy showed up! Hate Elizabeth.
9:20 AM – Was picked up by Norrington. This means I now have two choices; die of starvation on island or go back to Port Royal and hang. Kind of a lose-lose situation, really.
9:23 AM– Elizabeth trying to convince Norrington to save Will. Like that's gonna happen! She does realize that those two are competing for her, right?
9:27 AM– Tried to get Norrington to go after the Pearl by bringing up the personal glory factor. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to work on useless sods.
9:28 AM – Elizabeth has accepted Norrington's marriage proposal in exchange for saving Will. Have identified two slight problems; 1) if she's married to Norrington, she wouldn't be able to get off with Will, so either way it doesn't play out, and 2) its just plain disgusting! Norrington's like twice her age! He wears a wig for crying out loud! Oh well, at least there'll be drinks at the wedding.
9:29 AM – Call it a hunch, but I actually don't think I'm invited.
9:30 AM – Damn; Norrington didn't fall for the "Clap me in irons and I'll be a good little pirate" trick. (Should have known he'd be way smarter than Will.) Instead, I have had to give them directions to secret island where the Pearl is. Now, after being locked in the brig for my trouble, I have been ordered to do some sort of brainstorming assignment. I think I prefer starvation.
10:17 AM – "Silent as the grave". Well, there is of course the obvious meaning, that if you are dead you can't very well make any noise. But Mr. Smarty-Wig's probably already got that one figured out, as he seems to be present at enough hangings.
10:39 AM – I suppose it could also be referring to the grave itself. After all, being a hole in the ground, I don't expect it could make much noise either.
10:43 AM – But what about all the worms and titchy things living in the hole? Surely they can't be totally silent! Perhaps it doesn't count because the sounds they make are too quiet to hear.
10:58 AM – Norrington really knows how to torture people.
9:52 PM – After scouring over meanings of "Silent as the Grave" for about 2 hours, I realized that Norrington doesn't give a wit about wither or not I turn in the assignment, as long as I end up dead. Therefore, since about 1:00, due to Will's idiocy, I've had to formulate a new plan to get the Pearl back and escape from the Navy. After roughly 8 hours, I think I've almost got it. Just have to make sure there's no way even Will can screw it up.
10:03 PM – Once again, I, Captain Jack Sparrow, have proved my intelligence vastly superior to that of ordinary men! AHA! No idiot whelps can mess this one up!
10:05 PM – Just realized that I should probably document just what me plan is so future generations may marvel at my genius. OK, here's what I'm gonna do; First, I will tell Norrington to wait outside the cave on the Dauntless, not knowing the pirates are immortal, while I go in and convince the pirates to go out so the Dauntless can ambush them with its little cannons. However, when I get in, hopefully before they have killed Will, I shall tell the pirates that the Navy is waiting for them. I shall then convince Barbossa to send out the pirates to attack the Navy, waiting to lift the curse until after they've won, so Barbossa will have two ships. (To make sure he believes I am telling the truth, I'll promise to sail the Pearl under Barbossa's command for him and give him some of my plunder to sweeten the deal. Have decided on 10. Honestly; I'm not a saint!) Then after the pirates have gone on the attack, I'll free Will from whatever chains they've put him in and let him take care of any leftover pirates who have stayed behind while I do battle with Barbossa, who will no longer have an entire army backing him up. (Man to man, you see.) Now you may have two questions at this point. Number one; what is the point of fighting the immortal Barbossa if I won't be able to kill him? And number 2; what if Barbossa uses his immortality as an advantage and kills me? Well, I have an answer to both (Though not the same one). As for the killing me thing, that won't be a problem because I will have taken a piece of the cursed gold when he wasn't looking (I'll work out specifics later). But that still leaves the question of "What's the point of two immortal people fighting each other if neither one of them (aka; Barbossa) is going to die?" Well, as I will say to Barbossa, wait to lift the curse until the opportune moment. When the right time presents itself, I shall cut my hand or any such appendage (That really didn't sound right.) and get my blood on the coin I have taken. I'll then pass the coin off to Will. (Hopefully, even he can work out that there is only one possible reason here I would throw a blood-covered coin at him.) When Will has the coin, he will run to the chest, gash himself and throw both coins in. This will lift the curse. Barbossa will be temporarily confused, and so I have my opportune moment! After Barbossa is dead, and probably most of the crew, what with the battle outside and all, I'll go to the Pearl, free the crew, we shall all sail off into the horizon and all will be right with the world! Notice how I worked it so the pirates would be away from the Pearl during this whole thing, so I wouldn't chance them making off with it again. So that's my brilliant plan (and hand cramp). Pretty good, eh? I thought so. Should be arriving at cave soon.
10:27 PM – Have arrived at cave. Norrington will have to let me on the dingy to show them cave entrance. Thus I shall put my plan into action.
10:45 PM – In boat with Norrington. (Who is still being an absolute prig by the way. Geez; who pissed in his whiskey?) Anyway, have told Norrington I will go in and set up pirates for ambush. Doesn't look like he likes it very much, but I think it's just because he doesn't like me.
10:46 PM – Oh wait! Elizabeth! I forgot! She knows the pirates can't die! She'll tell Norrington! Norrington won't go along with my plan if he knows they can't die! GAH! Fast thinking! Fast thinking!
10:50 PM – Phew, I'm saved. Thanks to Norrington's unnatural attraction to a girl twice his age (Bloody sicko!), I have managed to convince him that Elizabeth should be locked up on the ship to keep her safe during the ambush (And incidentally keeping her from giving away any info). Close call, but the plan is going forward. Am now rowing into cave.
10:52 PM – Why do these pirates have to stand so bloody close together! I'm surrounded by bloody eunuchs! (Quite literally.)
10:53 PM – Honestly; the man is immortally cursed, and Barbossa doesn't think me getting off that island is even a little bit probable! I mean, I've already done it once before!
10:55 PM – Will has the most one track mind ever! The first thing he asks when he sees me is, not something practical, like "Are you here to save me?" or "May I buy you some replacement rum?", but "Where is Elizabeth?"! That doesn't even deserve an answer, but I shall provide one anyway as I am due for a good rant.
10:57 PM – Quite sure that Will actually does realize that Elizabeth is a woman, but his small brain was probably muddled due to the situation, so I though I'd remind him.
10:58 PM – Would have continued my rant, but Barbossa interrupted, as he wanted to get on with killing Will. Not that I wouldn't mind being rid of the whelp, but I must intervene for the greater good (otherwise known as genius plan).