Day 8

4:57 PM – Back in Port Royal. Was put in the brig the entire time it took to get here; typical. Fortunately, there was no leak. However, that also means no peep hole for to obtain any inkling of what's going on outside. Anyways, we sailed into port and Will went off to sulk in his shop with the donkey or something. Made a big show of puppy-dog-eyeing Elizabeth on the way off. Ick! After he left, Elizabeth and her Dad went home (Not before the Governor giving me the evil eye) and Norrington dragged me off to the prison. Said he would be back to tell me my hanging date, but he's been gone about a million years! He's doing this to annoy me, I know it.

6:32 PM – Norrington DEFINITELY trying to annoy me! AND he's succeeding! He has scheduled my hanging 3 days from now just to make me sweat. Stupid prig!

8:46 PM – Have received dinner of pre-chewed turkey leg and fermenting apple. Oh, but the cursed pirates can keep the apples fresh just fine! Oh well, I've eaten worse.

8:48 PM – ACK! Turns out the apple wasn't fermenting; it was made of dirt-latent wax. I WILL kill Norrington!

Day 9

6:22 AM – Have discovered why Mr. Big Wig's waiting to have me hung. Serving others and not only himself, my bloody ass! You will not believe this! Norrington is using me as some sort of side show attraction! There is actually a sign posted outside that says "Behold Jack Sparrow, scourge of the Spanish Bay! Newly captured by Commodore Norrington. Showings from 9 AM to 5 PM weekdays. (Please do not feed the buccaneer)." Notice how he positioned it just so I could see it from my window! AND he forgot CAPTAIN! AGAIN! Probably did it on purpose, the bloody sod.

9:01 AM – There is a huge line building up outside the jail. At first, I though everyone at the bar had had a revelation, but it turns out they're all here for those tours. I must be more well known than I thought.

9:02 AM – What am I saying? I don't want a bunch of idiots' geeking at me all day! As previously stated, I WILL kill Norrington!

9:30 AM – First tour scheduled; it is to take place in about 5 minutes for "the morning feeding". Honestly; I can't even eat my bloody wax fruit in peace!

9:37 AM – Tour group consists mainly of idiots from the bar, homeless guy's looking for a laugh, and children who have snuck away from school. They just stand there, like I'm a bloody giraffe, while Norrington stands off to the side and smirks. GRRRR! On the bright side, porridge/gruel/liquid doorstop isn't half bad. Better than wax, at least; much less chewy and doesn't make my tongue slippery.

9:39 AM – Some kid threw a rock at my head! That really hurt!

9:40 AM – Hey, that's no kid! That's the midget! I think he was trying to tell me something, what with the hopping up and down and pointing outside, but I wasn't sure because he bolted when I hurled the rock back at him.

9:41 AM – Norrington not happy with me throwing rock. Clanged on bars with stick and said "Bad pirate! We do not throw!" Complied by yelling long list of profanities at him. Teehee.

9:45 AM – Norrington has confiscated reminders of breakfast due my bad behavior. Tour has left. Going to go sulk.

9:58 AM – Sulking interrupted by jangling of keys. Probably Norrington come to confiscate my straw or something.

10:06 AM – Oh, my giddy aunt! Turns out jangling keys did not belong to a person. Rather an extremely greasy dog. And not just any dog, mind you. Oh no! It just happens to be the SAME MUTT who was on duty the last time I was here! How the HELL did Norrington find out about that! He is Satan's helper! There is no other explanation!

10:11 AM – Situation has worsened (if that's even possible!). Dog doesn't even have any keys. Just a really ornate collar. What is the point!

10:17 AM – Dog seems to be having a staring contest with me; which is very curious, as I'm not making any eye-contact with him whatsoever! Evidently it has nothing better to do than sit on his ass and watch me twitch from the awkward silence! Well, he'll soon be disappointed, as Norrington charges five shillings a pop for that.

10:24 AM – STOP! LOOKING! AT! ME! GRRRRR! Maybe if I hurl something at him, he'll run away. It worked with the midget.

12:03 PM – Though throwing thing plan didn't work quite the way I expected, have found that dog is actually quite effective as a form of entertainment. If I throw something behind him, he turns around and, instead of getting my original object; he becomes engrossed with his tail and chases it for about 45 minutes, his collar jangling away. Then I start the whole cycle over again. We were going for a record with 56 last time, but lunch tour group scared him off.

12:12 PM – What is it with these people and watching me eat! Honestly, they have less of a life than Will! Speaking of which, I wonder if he still "practices" 3 hours a day.

12:15 PM – Probably increased to four, seeing as Elizabeth's engaged now. Oh poor Will, to die a cold, lonely virgin…Actually, the idea of Will NEVER getting any is pretty funny. HAHAHAHAHA!

12:20 PM – Have invented spiffy way of avoiding food confiscation; step one: wait until small amount of food is left of original rations. Step two: taunt and/or throw foreign objects at tour group. Step three: stuff remaining food into mouth when Norrington reaches for it. If saving food for later is desired, replace step 3 by hiding food in the concealed place of your choosing, such as pants. (Note: This is not suggested, as later ingestion may result in scurvy or pre-mature death.)

1:00 PM – God, I'm so BORED! Now that dog has left, am beginning to realize how extremely dull it is waiting to be hanged.

1:45 PM – Can't be bothered.

5:02 PM – Norrington brought one of his stupid tour groups in again. Threw my water bowl at them. Great; now I shall be humiliated AND thirsty!

5:04 PM – That reminds me; I want some rum.

5:07 PM – Asked tour group if they had any rum. Some guy actually tried to give me some, but Mr. Prig Wig (Norrington) intervened with the "No feeding the pirate" rule. Pointed out that, being a drink, rum doesn't really count as "feeding", per say. Norrington responded by tossing the bit of bread that was dinner into a particularly rancid pile of straw.

5:12 PM – Tour group has left. Have come to find bread now has new dimension of flavor.

5:13 PM – Of rotting dung.

5:49 PM – Do dee do dee do. I think I'll drown myself in the chamber pot.

Day 10

5:48 AM – Woken up by ridiculous guard ranting on about marmalade and inkwells.

5:50 AM – Oh, silly me. That's just the voices in my head.

5:53 AM – Not that the confinement's affecting my brain or anything.

6:15 AM – Gah! I only have one more day, then I'm dead anyway! I can stick it out for 24 more hours.

6:47 AM – Or not. Due to popular demand, Norrington has extended tours from 7 AM to 8 PM! It's baffling how many people have turned up to bloody stare at me all day! I swear, if I get a hold of anything sharp, there's going to be a WAY more interesting show that yesterday.

6:49 AM – But then Norrington wouldn't be very happy, seeing as there wouldn't be any more shows available.

6:57 AM – Wait, I enjoy making Norrington unhappy.

6:59 AM – Now where could I get something sharp?

7:02 AM – Maybe if I ask someone in the tour they'll lend me their sword. It almost worked last time.

7:05 AM – Must have zoned out in thought, as have just realized large crowd has appeared in front of my cell.

7:06 AM – Also must have been subconsciously thinking out loud because most of them are either laughing hysterically or looking at me like I have three heads.

7:10 AM – Norrington still not giving me breakfast until 9, even though the tour is earlier. I'm just thinking of business here! Polls show that the public love watching me eat.

7:11 AM – Well, granted, that's only MY polls over the last 24 hours, but I don't see anyone else staging a bloody vote!

7:18 AM – Predictions confirmed; bloody tour group looking rather bored. Probably because I'm making a point of sitting cross-legged on the floor and staring blankly into space.

7:25 AM – Norrington has grumbled off with tour. Next one's scheduled at 9. I find it odd that that's a whole hour and a half from now. What the heck does Norrington need a bloody break for! All he's got to do is stand there! I'm the one who has to provide show stopping entertainment!

7:31 AM – Or it could be because the first tour was actually supposed to last longer than 20 minutes. In which case, mission accomplished!

8:03 AM – OK, getting hungry now.

8:25 AM – VERY hungry!

8:41 AM – I think I feel my stomach eating itself.