Still Day 10
5:04 PM – Not only have I gotten yelled at for no apparent reason, but another tour has popped in. Oh joy.
5:11 PM – Small girl at head of group is pointing at me and squeaking "Doggy! Doggy! Where doggy?" Apparently there hasn't been much big news lately if word of a dog in my cell is getting around that quick.
5:17 PM – Said to kid "Sorry, luv; doggy's got back with his mum." which I though was a perfectly reasonable thing to say to the little shrimp, since she asked! Evidently, I was the only one who thought so, because this woman waltzed right up to the bars and shrieked "Stay away from my daughter, you miscreant!" Then she grabbed the kid and stomped right on out! Well, really! I though I was rather nice to her little brat! There were no death threats involved, were there?
5:24 PM – Noticed Norrington quite nicer than last night in regards to dinner. For one thing, he did NOT throw my bread into a rotting waste heap. And for another, piece of bread was considerable larger than last night as well. Probably sucking up so I won't tell anyone what he's got in his wigs.
5:32 PM – Come to think of it, that'd make a great title for Nory's autobiography.
5:38 PM – "So They Won't Find Out What's in My Wigs" Has a nice ring to it. Hahahahahaha! I'm telling you, I slay myself!
5:47 PM – Couldn't control myself over that last one and broke into a laughing fit. A rather loud one. Most of the people have left.
6:01 PM – Girls remaining in the tour group have also left due to my trying to have a laugh by saying "So, which of you lucky lady's wants to be this picaroon's last cockswain?" They practically ran for cover even though I'm clearly contained in a box of iron bars! Quite fun taking advantage of those unfamiliar with nautical terms.
6:08 PM – Odd to think I quite literally asked if anyone wanted to be my last helmsman. (aka – assist me in maneuvering my ship) The ship of which I STILL don't have, by the way!
6:11 PM – Now that all the lady's are gone, I have to figure out how to get the rest of the tour to leave. All that's left are about 6 or 7 clearly drunk guy's, who are too bloody sozzled to be offended by much of anything.
6:13 PM – This one's harder than I thought.
6:18 PM – Oh, if only I knew the point of view of a constantly stone drunk, blithering idiot…Oh wait.
6:20 PM – If I were me, what would catch my interest more than rum?
6:24 PM – Got it; pretended to have seen something out my window and yelled "Look! A monkey playing the tuba in a frock!" They were out faster than the ladies. Can now see them searching frantically for the monkey outside.
6:31 PM – Drunks have given up search in favor of a rather enthusiastic chicken which has escaped from its pen.
6:35 PM – Quite discouraging that I took an hour longer than last time to scare the tour group off. It's the damn stale air in here; it's putting a fog on my former luster.
6:40 PM – Or it could be the toxic waste these people consider food! Turns out the larger bit of bread old Nory gave me was due to the fact that the entire loaf was burned through to the core! Didn't realize this at first due to being preoccupied with making plans to exterminate tour combined with the diminishing daylight. But after I nearly choked to death on the makeshift coal, it was a bit more obvious. Blech!
6:45 PM – Alright, I officially have one hour and fifteen minutes until my final tour. Have to make this one count.
6:49 PM – Do dee do dee do; brainstorming…Well, if anything'll make these people run off, it's if I pose some sort of threat to them. However, being locked in a large metal cell, this is easier said than done. One hour and ten minutes to go.
7:17 PM – Am beginning to come up with something. (Shhhhh; it's a surprise.) Shall need burnt dinner bread and a bit of this mornings water rations.
8:03 PM – Can hear tour shuffling down the stairs. Positions, men!
8:04 PM – One minute flat! I AM KING! BUAHAHAHAHA! OK, so here's what happened; Old Nory came in with the usual crowd. I had positioned myself strategically with my forward half out of the line of vision (aka- facing wall) and taken off my shirt. Then Norrington said "Honestly, Jack, there are ladies present; I'd think a fine miscreant such as yourself would show a bit of decency before his death." Then I put in my best fake cough and groaned "Well, I would, Norrington, sir. But I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit under the weather, you see? I do think it's a bit serious." Then I turned around, looking quite sickly, I'd say, and waited for the screams. See, I had used the burnt bread and water to make a fine looking paste, which I had dabbed over my chest and face, making it look like I had a sort of grayish rash. Then I began stumbling about, all dizzy-like, and moaned "Uuuuuggh; how do you know when you've got the plague?", and stage fell head-long against the bars. AHA! It was brilliant! They were running as if the whole place had burst into flames! The stairwell was a total traffic jam, them all trying to get up at once! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW STRIKES AGAIN!
8:11 PM – This bread paste is actually quite handy as make-shift eyeliner. Much easier to obtain, rather than stowing away in Anna-Maria's trunk, trying to nip some of hers.
8:28 PM – It's kind of an empty victory, really. I mean, seeing as I'm going to die tomorrow. And, you know, I may have killed Barbossa, but I still never got my ship back!
8:29 PM – I think I feel a sob coming on.
8:43 PM – Actually, on second thought, I was going to kill myself when I thought Will was more attractive than me. (Thank God I remembered that the universe has NOT come to a screeching halt!) And at that point, I didn't have my ship AND I hadn't killed Barbossa. I guess dying now's a better deal.
8:58 PM – But I'm still going to miss being alive, I suppose. The fresh air, the rum, the spray of the sea on your face, the rum, that feeling you get when you run a sword through a man's chest, the rum. It – It's all – so magical. E – E – Excuse me!
9:00 PM – Oh, bloody hell! Fake eyeliner stains! Damn; it's dyed horrid gray blotches all over my chest! Now I'm DEFINITELY never going to get laid again! Oh wait; it doesn't matter 'cause I'm dead. Never mind.
9:36 PM – Well, mustn't stay up too late. Have to be bright and cheery for my hanging tomorrow. (Whoopty bloody doo!) Norrington stuck his head in a second ago to say it's going to take place at high noon. I suppose he thinks he's being classic. He isn't.
9:44 PM – 'Bout to pop on off to bed. Just wanted to document my final will in testament in case somebody finds this diary after I die. Let's see, ship…no, don't have that. Sea chest…no, that's on the ship I don't have. Pistol, compass and assorted effects…hanging on nail which I can't reach. Shiny crown from cave…no, Norrington nipped that while I was sleeping on the ride over…Aw, screw it!
9:48 PM – Well, at least there's some comfort; these last two days have been the closest to a living hell that I have ever spent. So at least I'll have some indication of what it's like before I get there. (I'm dishonest, but not when it's that obvious!)
9: 50 PM – Hold on; if I'm going to hell, that means I'm going to run into the crew again, right?
9:51 PM – Oh geez, what if they try to kill me again? The "I'm already dead" trick didn't work the last time; I don't think I have much of a chance now!
9:54 PM – Wait; but at that point, I'll REALLY be already dead, so it won't matter. OK, OK, crisis over.
9:56 PM – But what if they don't know that?
9:57 PM – What if I try to tell them I'm already dead, but they don't believe me because I lied about it that last time!
9:59 PM – It's not my fault! I'm a dishonest man!
10:02 PM – I am never going to get any sleep tonight.
Day 11
7:45 AM – Actually, once I stopped conversing with myself, had surprisingly easy night, considering I'm getting hanged less than 5 hours from now. Have to go and pace around with I-don't-want-to-die face on, so Norrington'll think I'm already miserable and won't torture me first. Actually, I'm just happy to be getting out of this insane asylum they call a prison! More when I'm being hanged.
12:00 PM – Am being hanged. Now that I think about it, was kind of hoping to die a bit more dramatically than this. Oh well, I suppose a pirate can't be too picky about this sort of thing.
12:02 PM – Forgot…Captain…AGAIN! Honestly, it's just not worth it anymore!
12:05 PM – OH LOOK! Will's coming to watch me die! Well, actually, it's kind of obvious he's going to try and save me! At least he'd better be. If he lets me die, I will haunt him for the rest of his life!
12:06 PM – Is that a squirrel on his head?
12:11 PM – I have come to the conclusion that it's just an unnecessarily large feather in his hat. What kind of mutated bird did that thing come off of anyway! Wherever it is now, I hope it doesn't come here. We'll all be pecked to death in 3 minutes!
12:12 PM – I said I wanted a dramatic death, not a weird one!
12:15 PM – Will seems to be telling Elizabeth he's in love with her. TALK ABOUT A NEWS FLASH! No really, Will, you hide your emotions VERY well! (Did you catch the sarcasm?) I wish he'd stop playing captain obvious and save me already!
12:20 PM – Will saved me! Yay! Do hope he cuts the noose off soon; very hard to balance on sword, as is very narrow.
12:30 PM – Have escaped boring hanging death. Well, actually, first I almost escaped, but was surrounded by palace guards. Thanks to Elizabeth and Will, was then able to walk backwards and make daring narrow escape. (OK, so I didn't calculate the distance properly, and fell off the wall. The point is I'm not dead!)
12:45 PM – Have been made captain of Black Pearl! Not bad considering I was supposed to be hanged less than an hour ago. Well, I'm off to sail into the horizon. Drink up me harties, yo ho!
DO YOU LOVE IT! I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to do this. I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be posting an ending authors note chapter after I receive any questioning and/or arguing the plotline reviews, so I can give out the answers. So if you are waiting for a response to a review you issued, keep an eye out for it. Hope you enjoyed the diaries! See you soon!