Updated: Friday 29th April
Disclaimer: See Chapter one. Only things I own are the calloused fingers from typing on my keyboard so much, and the said keyboard which all the letters are slowly rubbing off on!
Chapter Seventy Three: Web of Lies
"I'm going back." Estella said firmly, holding her hand out for the portkey after she had heard her father and godfather out respectively.
"Why?" Sirius asked numbly, reluctant to let his daughter slip through his fingers, yet unwilling to defy her.
"I need answers." Estella said. "Give me the portkey. If my Uncle doesn't bring me back to Remus when I'm through with him I'll find a way." Her eyes flashed like flint on steel. "But trust me, I think my Uncle will let me go quite willingly."
Remus swallowed audibly. He really didn't want to be in Severus' shoes at the moment. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked. "Your Uncle may not prove to be a very reasonable man about this. His actions over the years in this regard have hardly been rational."
"That's why I need to go, Moony." Estella explained before looking her father in the eye. "Please… Dad…" she hesitated, feeling the unfamiliar word roll off her tongue awkwardly. "Just let me do this. I know you've been waiting a long time, but I need a day, that's all I'm asking."
Gasping at the strength that one, simple little world held, Sirius' heart was overwhelmed. No longer of mind to think of the consequences, he crossed the short distance between himself and his child quickly and pulled the surprised child into a bone crushing hug; the years of pent up emotion pouring out at last.
At first, Estella went rigid at his touch. Even though she had accepted the story of his innocence, it was hard to just let go of twelve years of beliefs and fears. Slowly coming to terms with her surroundings, Estella coaxed herself to let go of her barriers and relax into the embrace; for though she was hesitant to believe it at first, she couldn't deny the feelings of love, protectiveness and safety that surrounded her as she melted into her father's wiry arms. Returning the hug now, timidly at first but then more and more fiercely as the years of yearning and schoolyard taunts and curiosity took their toll, Estella was dimly aware of the sound of her father sobbing… sobbing… as he kissed the top of her head reverently. As much as she knew her Uncle loved her, he would never act this way… so for her father to act this way could only mean that he loved her more.
"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Estella." Her father's earlier pledge replayed itself in her mind. Resting her head against his chest, listening in fascination as his heart raced with emotion, Estella believed him. His promise to turn himself in was no bluff. The man that held her in his arms would gladly give his life for her, and that was an endearing thought.
In his arms, Estella felt complete.
When Sirius felt his daughter's arms snake around him, returning his hug, his breath caught in his throat. Everything else: his fugitive status, his grief for Selina, his anger at Severus… it all flew out the window, squeezed out of him by the reciprocative arms of his daughter. Nothing else in the world mattered more at that moment than the child in his arms. He felt complete… Dementors could come and try and take his soul at that very moment and he wouldn't even notice; he was so elated.
Pulling away reluctantly, Sirius cupped her cheek in his hand. When he felt her lean into his touch slightly, his heart skipped a beat. Behind her, Remus came up and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back into his chest.
"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." Remus breathed into Estella's hair, placing the spanner in her hand. "I fixed the portkey so it will bring you back home, alright?"
Estella nodded, stepping away only when Remus had relinquished his hold on her. Directly opposite, her father took a few steps back to give her room.
"I'll be back before you know it." She said with a sad smile. Then, wrapping her hand around the portkey and muttering the password she knew Remus used for all his portkeys, she was gone.
Severus Snape stared at the spot he had last laid eyes on his niece. He was in shock. How dare Black and that blasted werewolf come into his house and take away his flesh and blood? Pacing his sister's old room furiously, his astute mind running through the options, he refused to admit that he probably could have handled things better.
What kind of poisonous lies was his niece being fed at that very moment? Severus' mind shuddered to think of how much the child he had raised would hate him now. A vain part of him was hopeful that years of being her guardian would count for something in the heart and mind of the impressionable child, but the fact that Estella would only be told the truth by her captors was something of an incriminating factor.
There was no denying that he had betrayed and misled the one closest to him… if he was in Estella's shoes, he sure as hell wouldn't forgive himself. So many things he could have done differently, but hindsight was always 20:20 and all he could do now was lie in the dirty sheets. At first, he was too disturbed from his experiences in Azkaban to think straight. The horrible exposure to the Dementors had permanently scarred his mind with images of his sister leaving and Black's foolish action almost getting him killed that night in fifth year. Deep down he knew that he couldn't begrudge his sister's pursuit of happiness, but he resented the fact she had found it with a person who had been so irresponsible. Yes, he knew that stunt at the Shrieking Shack was a prank, and it hadn't meant to be as dangerous as it had, but Severus didn't want that kind of impulsive, risky environment for his kin. Black was a liability – a ticking bomb. All it would take was one poorly chosen 'prank', one hastily made decision. Severus didn't doubt Sirius' good intentions; it was his weakness in being able to make the right choices.
Severus didn't want to take that risk with his family. Hopefully Estella would one day come to understand that. She was better off having no father, than enduring an unreliable one.
"You're still here." The object of his thoughts spoke, having suddenly appeared in the room.
His eyes not hiding his shock, he moved towards his niece, grateful for her return. "Thank heavens you got away." He said, coming to a halt a few steps away when he saw the dark look on her face.
"Don't get your hopes up." She said coldly. "I just came back to get my things."
"What?" Severus spluttered. "You can't leave! It's not safe."
"Save it, Severus. I don't want to hear anymore of your lies." Estella sighed, pushing past the man she had once considered her primary 'father-figure' so she could go to her room and pack. Harbouring other ideas, Severus grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks.
"What did he tell you?" Severus hissed, inwardly panicking.
"Enough!" Estella spat back. "Now let me go. You really don't want to stop me right now."
"I don't want you to go." He said softly, letting go of her arm in defeat.
"What you want is irrelevant, remember." Estella rounded on him fully. "You gave up that right when you lied to me all that time without once considering what I would have wanted to know… what my mother would have wanted."
Grabbing her shoulders so that she would not walk out on him, Severus scrambled for resolve.
"I made a mistake, Estella." He said. "Azkaban did things to me… unimaginable things. It clouded my perspective. By the time I started to question my actions it was too late."
"It would never have been too late!" Estella cried, trying to shrug out of her Uncle's grasp. "You let him suffer! You let me believe he deserved it!"
"There was nothing I could have done for him!" Severus claimed. "No one would have believed me! He would have stayed in prison!"
"I would have believed you!" Estella cried. "I had a right to know!"
"I didn't want you to spend your life chasing a pipe dream!" Severus tried to explain. "It would have been harder for you to accept his absence."
"That's right! I wouldn't have accepted it! I would have fought for him!" Estella shouted, her voice firm with conviction. "I would have made it my mission to get him out! I would have written him and let him know I was there for him and that he wasn't in it alone."
"That's just it, Estella." Severus said gently. "I didn't want that life for you. I wanted you to be able to move on!"
"And what about my father? He was just supposed to sit there with no hope, thinking everyone had abandoned him?" Estella shook her head sadly. "I would never have done that if you were sent there! I would never have left you there to rot! You're my family. He is my family. You can't just discard people like that when it's convenient!"
"I thought I was doing the right thing." Severus bowed his head. "I didn't want to lose you too."
Estella reeled back violently, her face twisted in anger. "I see what this is all about now." She said coolly. "You wanted revenge against my father for taking away your sister. You did. You said it before – you didn't want me to make her mistake. What was her mistake, huh? That she left you? Severus. I doubt my mother would have ever left you. She didn't do things your way and you pushed her away; just like you've kept me at arm's length my entire life for fear that I will 'make her mistake' too!"
Severus was flabbergasted at his niece's profound conclusion… and just how right she was. "I'm sorry." Severus swallowed painfully. He was not accustomed to vulnerability. This was like Selina all over again. "I don't know why… I couldn't… please."
"Let me go to him, Severus." Estella said, cutting him off. "Give me the chance to decide things for myself. I know you think there's still a chance that he killed those Muggles, but I really don't think he did. I think even you have your doubts. I only want to seek the truth, Uncle Sev. Let me do that."
Severus hung his head in defeat. Through his pain, anger and hatred towards the man, part of him knew that the man his sister had married would likely not be capable of mass murder; and that he had been justifying his own misdoings for so long, he'd refused to see it all this time. "I don't want to lose you." He let his heart speak honestly, it having escaped the chains of his chest and rolled out onto his sleeve.
Unbeknownst to Estella, she and her Uncle were re-enacting the last meeting her mother had had with her Uncle in this very room.
"I was never rightfully yours to lose." Estella said sadly. "The only way you will lose me is if you keep me from what I want… and I want to know where I come from, who I am a part of."
"Will you… will things… you won't forget me?" Severus asked, waiting for Estella's answer with bated breath. The free rush of emotions rendering him uncharacteristically inarticulate.
"Of course not, Uncle Sev." Estella said quietly. "I'll see you in the fall."
Turning to leave the emotionally dishevelled man alone in the room, Estella left to go pack.
End Chapter: Web of Lies