The teachers of Hogwarts sat in their staffroom. It was, once again, the end of a long day... but they weren't really thinking about that. Once again, they had found a survey... or in this case, two.

"So Severus," said Minerva McGonagall. "You said you found two surveys last night?" she asked hopefully. Sprout laughed, "Ha, let me guess, Goyle?" she joked. Snape just stared at her. Sprout stopped laughing, and groaned.

Snape pulled out Goyle's survey, and the teachers (a few of them somewhat reluctantly) started reading....

Starting time? 8:38pm

Personal

Full name? Gregory Isaac Goyle.

Nicknames? Nope, don't have any.

Birthday? 7th of August

Age? 17

Sex? Aha! You said sex! Ahaha... wait, I said sex! And again! Ahahaha!!!

Siblings? Nope

Star sign? Leo

Single or taken? Single

Hair? Yes

Eyes? Yes

Best and worst features (in your opinion)? ...I don't get it.

Blood? I'm pretty sure it's red.

Pets? Nope

A bit more personal

First kiss - who/where/when? Millicent Bullstrode/Slytherin common room/7th year. This year, actually. I think she was drunk, though :P

Ever pashed? No

Still a virgin? Yes

If not, who/where/when? But I just said...oh. If not... I get ya now!

Current crush? ??? Umm... well, I nearly crushed Draco when I sat on him yesterday. Is that what you mean?

Ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah, never sat on any teachers.

Who do you hate the most? That Midget for Magic... oh, I mean Minister. Fudge. He's an annoying little bloke who never stops whining.

What do you sleep in? My pyjamas :P

School

What house are you in? Slytherin

Who is your favourite teacher? Professor Snape

Who is your least favourite teacher? That scary McGonagall lady!

Favourite subject? Ahh... hmm... Quidditch?

Successes? I get to fly around and smack bludgers for Slytherin!

Rule breaker? Eh. Does it really matter?

Friends

Besties? Crabbe, Draco

Loudest? Bloody Pansy. Seriously, I know where the Gryffindor girls are coming from when they say they hate her. She never bloody shuts her trap!

Shyest? I'd have to say... either Crabbe or Blaise.

Who do you go to for advice? Draco

In life

Ever:

Been Close To Death? No

Been Cursed? Umm... dunno. What's a curse again?

Killed Someone? Nope.

Saved Someone? Ha, no.

Been in love? !!! ARGH!!! ...nope :P

Smoked? Yeah, Dad says it's "expected of me" or something like that. Damn, hey?

Gone skinny-dipping? What's that?

Broken the law? No

Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? No

Made yourself throw up? Heh, yeah, there was that one time... ok, well, you know how Pansy's never quiet? Well, we've learnt how to handle that. But this one time at dinner, her mistake was to have a go at me and Crabbe. I wasn't gonna take that, so I decided to chuck up on her. And the best bit? She's never tried to tease me or Crabbe again ;)

Kissed a toad? Nope

Been rejected? No; never bothered asked anyone out!

Fallen for your best friend? Yuck, no.

Used someone? Nah

Been used? Of course; I'm an evil henchman, we get used all the time!

Most embarrassing moment? Getting dacked (A/U: might be Aussie slang; if you dack someone, it's where you pull down their shorts/pants/whatever. Just not underwear though, because that's really cruel... and no one wants to see it :P) by Crabbe in the Slytherin common room, in 6th year. Never blushed so much in my life :P

Scariest moment? I was using the toilet one night, and it was one of those really dark, stormy nights, and you could hear the wind and rain and everything? So it was pretty creepy, and everyone was asleep, and I was kinda freaking out a bit. Anyway, I'm sitting there, wishing I was all snuggled up in bed and not freaking out on the toilet... when the bloody Bloody Baron floated through the roof! I don't think I've ever screamed so loud in my entire life! Luckily for me, though, he was just sleep-floating.

Dream job? Food taster :D

Role model? Ahh...what's a role model?

Goal in life? To eat food! YAY!

Special talents? I can eat a quarter of my own body weight in ice-cream. In one sitting :)

Favourites

Animal? The edible ones :D

Colour? Umm... hmm... 5?

Food? Ahh...food... all food's good! Unless it's asparagus or mushrooms :P

Drink? Anything that tastes good!

Place to shop? Florean Fortescues Ice-cream Parlour

Spell? Whatever it is that the house elves use to make the food for Hogwarts!

Thing you own? My stomach

Thing to do? Eat

Quidditch team/position? Slytherin, seeing as I play for them, and...Eater. I mean Beater. Wait, wouldn't it be cool if there was a position that juts got to eat food?! Wow...

Motto/quote? Heh heh, "Food is an important part of a balanced diet" :D

Morning or night? Hmm... I'm going with... morning! 'Cos breakfast is the most important meal of the day ;)

Summer or winter? Summer

Lefty or righty? Righty

Gold or silver? Which one tastes better?

Last...

Person to make you cry? Eh? I don't cry.

Person to see you cry? ...

Person you were mean to? Dunno who it was; just some kid Draco told me to have a go at :P

Time you fought with your parents? I don't fight with my parents!

Time you made a wish? Huh?

Time you laughed? Oh, I dunno. Ask Crabbe :P

Time you read a book? Ahahaha...

Thing you ate? Ahh. Food... I think it was mulberry pie, with ice-cream on the side (A/U: my mouth is watering just writing that :D)

What

Are you scared of most? Crabbe when he's talking about his 'dream job'...

Are you listening to right now? What do you mean? I'm not listening to anything 'cos I'm doing this survey!

Are you wearing right now? Boxers, shirt, socks, bathrobe...

Do you think of these surveys? Good.

Is your least favourite thing to do? Not eat.

Is your biggest hope/dream? That Crabbe never gets his dream job.

What's worse:

Barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? Barfing on your date

Seeing someone die or you dying? Dying

Being helpless or doing something you will regret? Doing something you'll regret!

Most likely to respond to this? Erm... Pansy?

Most likely not to respond to this? Draco, 'cos he's already done it!

Time now? 9:05pm

The teachers looked up. Silence... and then: "Well, at least we've got the two biggest idiots in the school out of the way."

Snape turned and stared at Flitwick. Flitwick's face brightened in cheeky surprise.

"What?"

Hope you liked it, Seamus up next. Sorry about the delay, I've been really busy lately, and trying to write these intros is pretty annoying :P Thanks for the reviews; they're what keep me going! Arx512