Well Zabimaru is a baboon. And baboons eat bananas. Right?
I've found that I can't write good Renji-angst-y (Hey, that rhymes!) fics! A comedy drabble will have to do.
Yes, this is the real way I eat bananas. Potassium is good.
"But, 'ya know what we gotta do?"
"What?"
"Kill some people!"
"...You sure about this?"
"Yeah! We gotta kill someone! Oh, Miss, no you." -Paraphrased conversation between Bartelby and Loki, In Dogma.
Everything always starts slowly. And this case is not the exception. With one question something started. It was a small something, but a something none the less.
"What is a banana?"
Rukia turned. She shouldn't have said that. It would get him curious, "Yellow fruit from Africa."
"What's an Africa?" Renji's eyes, when he became curious about something, narrowed.
"A continent. Africa is a continent." Rukia nodded.
"Like a prefecture?"
"No. Like a really big island." Rukia explained.
"Oh. Like Japan is a continent?" Renji leaned back on the wooden support beam. The beam marked the entrance to squad six HQ, and it was where Rukia went when she needed to speak with her brother. Or course, Byakuya needed time to set up his hair, so Rukia was often left waiting out side with her 'favorite vice-captain' Renji.
Today the conversation had mysteriously turned to bananas. Being ill-cultured, Renji didn't know what a banana was. Renji was a very curious creature.
"No, Japan is a country. Africa and Europe are continents."
"…What?" Renji's already narrow eyes turned to thin slits on his face. (AN: Think Naruto.)
Rukia inhaled deeply, "A continent is a large land mass surrounded by water that has several countries existing within it. A country is a single area of land that has its own government or lack there of."
"How can you lack a government?" Renji scratched his head. With anyone else, the conversation would make him feel three kinds of stupid. With Rukia, he felt good he was learning something. Rukia had that effect on people.
"Anarchy. No existing government. Actually, Africa has some countries with anarchy in it." Rukia nodded triumphantly as nodded a pale understanding.
"How do you know all this stuff?" He asked.
Rukia puffed up with pride. When she did this, she became almost as tall as Renji's hip,
"I went to a human school for two months. My grades where better than some of the people who where in the school their whole lives."
"Ah." Renji nodded.
(That line means three days, folks.)
"I'm still confused."
"Meep!" Rukia jumped about a foot in the air, "Don't do that!"
"Yeesh!" Renji rolled his eyes and climbed out of the tree necessary to scar the shiny hair out of Rukia, "Yer high strung even on your day off!"
"It's not my day off." Rukia looked at Renji weirdly.
"Oh. Okay." Renji shrugged, missing the look.
"What do you want now?" Rukia asked.
Renji waved a piece of paper in front of her face. Rukia gasped.
Ichigo expertly slid the banana out of the peel. The banana was intact wile the peel was discarded. The banana, now naked, was then cut with a butter knife in large, uneven, chunky pieces. He then proceeded to use the knife like a fork and skewer the pieces, eating each one until he heard a large banging noise coming from his room.
Kon was also screaming, but that was a pie factor.
With a butter knife still in hand, Ichigo went into his room to see what was wrong.
"Nee-chan!" Kon pointed.
"Un?" Ichigo looked to his window. Rukia had he face pressed up against the window in a very happy way. Renji was irked by the knife Ichigo was still holding, and was thus readying Zabimaru.
Ichigo opened the window, "What are you doing here?"
"I was expecting more of a 'gosh, it's great to see you' kinda pull, but that works too." Rukia stumbled into Ichigo's room.
"And what's he doing here?" Ichigo pointed at the tattooed wonder.
"I'm her escort!" Renji faced happiness just like Rukia had told him to.
"Why!"
"You are a replacement Shinigami, witch means I've gotta inspect your abilities every once and a wile." Rukia nodded.
"It that really why?" Ichigo sat down again.
"No. it's just a cover. I'm just here to waste a half of a work day at your house!" Rukia battled Kon out of her shirt sleeve.
"Okay..."
"This" She held the fruit up in the air, "Is a banana."
"They come from Africa" Renji stated.
"Yes."
Ichigo lay sprawled out on his sofa. Instead of drilling him on how his life had been going for the weeks he had been gone, the two shinigami had gone straight to his refrigerator.
Weirdos.
Regardless, though, Ichigo was glad Rukia was here. She would only be staying for a few more hours, in which the two of them would drag Renji around pointing at random objects, saying things like, 'Well, obviously, Renji, that's a (Insert noun)! How can you not know what that is?'
"Hey, Ichigo, let's go to Urahara's! I wanna say 'Hi' to him!" Rukia yelled from the kitchen.
"Huh? Hat-clogs? Eh, alright..."
Ichigo got up slowly, savoring the day.
Eh, I don't like this fic as much as I thought I was gonna! It started off as a staple comedy and ended as a demented character sketch! I wrote it all on a whim, but I'm not entirely happy with it. What do you think?
Kon will cry if you don't review! You don't wanna make a stuffed lion cry, do 'ya?