Disclaimer: Not mine
Updated: Sunday 5th June 2005
Chapter Eighty Four: RemorseRemus had awoken first. Disorientated at first, the weary teenager felt strangely sated. Despite the residual aches from the transformation itself, his body held no new scars. No bruises to tell the tale of the Marauder's latest dalliance in the Forbidden Forest. No self-inflicted scratches or bites when the wolf had gone to such drastic measures to satisfy it's own blood lust.
Speaking of blood though, the air was rank with the unmistakable scent of it. The smell of it was both nauseating and intoxicating to the vulnerable young man in his human form; but it was the unidentified source of such bloodshed that held his heart in a vice. It was at that precise moment that he noticed the form of the unmoving girl in his arms.
Aries.
Repulsed, both in fear and disgust at the possibility that he may have harmed the girl that endeared him, Remus scrambled away from the slumbering child and braced himself against the wall, drawing his knees to his chest and rocking himself violently.
"No. No. No. No. No!" He chanted under his breath over and over. The shattered adolescent couldn't bring himself to touch the girl he just knew his wolf had so viciously violated. His tastebuds recognising the taste of her blood on his lips, Remus wretched, mortified with himself. Asides from undoing what had already been done, he wanted nothing more at that moment than to rid his mouth of her taste. The fact that he faced certain death at the hands of the ministry when news got out of what he had did was the least of his concerns. In his guilt and self-loathing, he was convinced it was nothing short of what he deserved. He had cursed one of his friends. Not only that, he had betrayed his friends, and let Dumbledore down. Here was a man who had so willingly accepted him into school despite his affliction, fully confident in that he would keep his secret and not endanger his classmates, and yet there he had gone and done that very thing.
"Remus?" James shaky voice roused the remorseful werewolf from his self-incriminating reverie. "You okay mate?"
"What do you think?" Remus replied a little too harshly, his voice beginning to waver pleading "Look what I did, Prongs! Things will never be the same again!"
Sirius, meanwhile, had awoken and rushed to Estella's side. Cradling the child in his arms, he sobbed openly, his mind awash with confusion. It was all his fault!
"The ministry can't find out." Sirius said quietly, shooting a pleading look at Remus and James. "For both your sake's."
"I'm fully prepared to take the consequences, Padfoot, as irreversible as they may be." Remus sighed. "I deserve it. I can't live with this. You have to tell the ministry, Sirius! If Aries is not registered she will be a fugitive her entire life!"
"I don't know what to do, Remus." Sirius cried, squeezing his eyes shut in defiance. "I'm only fifteen for Merlin's sake! I… I… I… Merlin what have I done?"
The three boys fixed their eyes on the restlessly unconscious form before them that occupied of their thoughts.
"I don't want to lose you, Remus." Sirius stated firmly.
"I don't know if we have any choice, Pads" James sighed quietly. "How are we going to keep this under wraps? What if Aries needs medical attention? What about Snape? He knows what Remus is and as good as left Aries here to fend for herself!"
The stirring moans of the girl in Sirius' arms disrupted all of their musings. Like a miracle, she presented a solution to all their ills.
"Time turner." Her pained voice barely formed the words a she reached a hand into the pocket of her robes clumsily. "Twelve turns should do it."
Close to two decades later, three men sat in Dumbledore's office, seeking answers to questions that were burning through their minds.
"James and I were the only ones to use the time turner." Sirius explained to the men before him, his mind still haunted by the memory only he could remember. "That Severus was only saved by James when we used Estella's time turner… does that mean she was always meant to go back?"
"It's true, Albus." Severus nodded, rarely agreeing with his arch nemesis. "I have no memory of actually making it all the way to the shack that night. Potter prevented me from entering."
Remus squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, shooting the sleep deprived potions master an unreadable look. "In a way it was Estella who saved your life, Severus. Had she never gone back in time James wouldn't have had a time turner to use, and no one would have been there to get you out." He mumbled, under his breath before looking the patient headmaster in the eye with a pained look on his face. "Dear Merlin, I bit her, Albus. Sirius assures me he had her stunned and body bound in Hagrid's hut all night, preventing it from happening the second time round, but surely if the curse was that preventable, everyone would go back and undo their attacks?"
A dark look washed over the protective Uncle's face. "Just what did the girl remember?" He asked in a deadly tone, unwilling to voice his acknowledgement that the little girl he raised was lost in time by calling her by her name.
Two heads hung low, finding the upholstery on their chairs extremely interesting.
"I'm the only one who remembers what happened." Sirius assured himself more than anything. "James and I were the only ones who lived both nights… though…" A pained look came over Sirius' face.
"Though what, Black?" Severus glared.
"I kind of had to tell her something when she wanted to know why I had her time turner!" Sirius blurted. "Look, I didn't know she was my daughter, alright? I was only 15, I didn't know what else to tell her!"
"You told her she had been bitten?" Remus' face was ashen.
"Don't worry, Remus, she was fine with it." Sirius tried to calm the stricken werewolf. "Once she realised James and I had undone it."
"But had you undone it?" Severus sneered at Sirius before looking towards his mentor for clarification. "Albus?"
"Alas I have nothing to refer this strange phenomenon to." The perceivably all-knowing patriarch of all that was light in the Wizarding role conceded defeat. "It appears that as a child out of time, time in this instance did not play by the rules, no?"
Three heads shot up, their respective eyes peering at him with as much confusion as before.
"Previous attempts to prevent such fate from occurring have been unsuccessful." Albus said simply. "With more people ending up being cursed or killed. I guess it was not Miss Black's destiny to be bitten."
The younger men in the room waited anxiously for the rather eccentric old man to clarify his explanation.
"Using a time turner without authorisation is of course, illegal." The older wizard clarified. "And far be it for the Ministry to approve the act of meddling with fate, let alone condone the use of one of their most precious resources."
The men stared at each other incredulously. Were Time Turners truly that difficult to come by?
"Fascinating… truly fascinating…" Albus Dumbledore mused to no one in particular, his hand reaching inside his robes and pulling out a pouch. "Can I interest any of you gentlemen in a Lemon Drop?"
Surprised at the simplicity with which the venerable old wizard approached the situation at hand, and disconcerted at their lack of answers, the three men in Estella Black's life politely declined the sticky, sour sweet and declared their intent to leave.
"Oh Sirius." The unpredictable headmaster called after him flippantly. "Do stay behind for a moment, will you?"
Though there was a question in the old man's voice, Sirius knew it was not a request. Returning to his seat on the opposite side of the wise old wizard's desk, he pulled at the worn threading in his armchair distractedly.
"What is this about, Headmaster." He asked nervously, subconsciously slipping into the familiar banter of formalities not much unlike what his daughter had a habit of doing in similar situations.
"The Time Turner in your daughter's possession…" The headmaster let his former student's relapse into formalities slip as he let the sentence hang.
Sirius swallowed audibly. "What about it, Sir?" He asked dumbly.
"Did she ever say where she got it from?" He asked, with no need to clarify things further.
His grey eyes melting at the sight of the questioning blue lights of the inquisitive headmaster, Sirius could only shrug. It would serve no purpose lying to him now. "I assume she'd always had it on her."
"Curious that she had her ticket home the entire time, and yet she did not use it." The headmaster mused, his voice taking on a foreign tone. Another nod. "You realise she kept it from me?"
"I suspect she wanted to get to know her mother." Sirius confessed.
"Perhaps." The headmaster said wistfully. "Can I ask what you know about the time turner that she broke?"
"She found it in a secret compartment in her mother's desk at Snape Manor." Sirius explained, repeating what Estella had told him. "Knowing Selina as I did, I don't think she even knew it was there."
"You did not think it particularly dangerous to permit a child to possess it?" Albus narrowed his gaze at the younger man.
"I saw no harm in it." Sirius said defensively, already feeling guilty enough. "Besides, Estella told me a friend of hers used one to get to classes last year."
"Yes, and both the school administration, and the Ministry, were aware of its issue. Miss Granger was also thoroughly briefed on the terms of its use." Albus said authoritatively. "Though with this new information, I can only draw conclusion that the time turner young Estella leant you back in 1975 was indeed the same one from our time. I see another Black has succeeded in surprising me." He said warmly, his aged lips cracking into a comforting smile. "An extraordinary achievement, not least it occurring twice in one family. Three times if you count your secret little adventure in the Shrieking Shack that night."
Looking into the twinkling blue beacons of the powerful man's eyes, Sirius took a deep breath. "Will she come back, Headmaster? Please, I know I have kept…things… from you in the past, but please be honest. What are her chances?"
"Alas my dear boy I was not present." Albus grimaced slightly, his lips pursing together worriedly.
"You think she used the Time Turner to get away?" Sirius asked, hopeful.
"It is a distinct possibility, yes." Albus nodded. "All the clues seem to point in that direction."
"Why has she not returned?" Sirius scratched his head. "You would think if she broke the device that took her back through time to begin with it would have returned her to the exact moment she left from. What could have gone wrong?"
"Time Turners are very volatile when broken." Albus sighed. "Their course cannot be predicted under such circumstances. No one has dared to test the 'boomerang' theory."
Sirius buried his head in his hands as the answerless headmaster went on.
"I'm afraid, Sirius, that all we can do is wait. Only time will tell."
End Chapter: Remorse