Chapter Twenty-One

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
-Arnold Bennett

I sit, alone, in the galley of the Black Pearl, trying my hardest to figure myself out. Thus far, my attempts have proven futile.

I'm slightly surprised when the door behind me cracks open, but I do not turn to greet the person who has interrupted the serene silence of the room. Instead I remain seated, my boots propped upon the large table, and glass of copper brandy in hand. My face is no doubt the very image of deep concentration, but at the moment I couldn't care less if I am caught looking troubled about such a plight.

"What are you doing, sitting in here all alone?" a voice asks. It's Loyal.

"Thinking," I reply lamely.

He takes a seat beside me. "Are you that crushed about returning home?"

I frown. "Why do you ask that?"

"Your face," he says. "You look absolutely miserable. It's not the smug and sarcastic persona I'm so used to."

Shaking my head, I supply, "I wasn't even thinking about home."

"You were thinking about him. The pirate," my brother presents, but his voice is more thoughtful than bitter, as I had expected his mention of Jack to be.

I nod. "I was."

A moment of silence goes by before Loyal asks gently. "Do you love him?"

I swallow nervously. "I. . . I think I do. But I've never been in love before. I don't know what it feels like. Maybe I'm confusing love with infatuation."

"If you're this troubled over leaving him," he replies, "then I think your relationship is more than just foolish affection."

I consider this for a moment. "Possibly."

Loyal nods, and takes a drink from my glass of brandy. "Do you think remember when I first realized I had fallen in love with Isabella?" he asks.

Isabelle, my sister-in-law, has sandy blonde hair and bright green eyes. Her features are soft and defined perfect. When I first met her I had expected her to be as dumb as a rock because of her obvious beauty, but I was quickly found mistaken. She is intelligent and friendly, thoughtful and passionate. She is everything I found right for my older brother.

"Yes, I remember."

"And do you remember what you said? You claimed that you had known long before me from the look in my eyes," Loyal explains. "So believe me when I say Jack has that same intensity in his own eyes when he looks at you. And you at him, for that matter."

I gaze intently at the scuffs and marks on the exterior of my worn boots. "I never thought I would fall in love. Ever."

"Well," my brother says, "I suppose you were wrong."

I nod. "But it's not like it makes any difference, how I feel. We'll be reaching the bay in two days."

Loyal takes a breath, and exhales heavily. I can tell he feels guilty. "Emery, I do not mean to cause you any pain. Or Jack, for that matter. He's an honorable man, pirate or not. But you do not belong in this life you've been living. I know you disagree because you love what you do, but it's slowly killing you. You deserve so much better than that."

"Loyal," I argue, "This is my calling. Remember all of the strange things that have happened to me? The snakes, the strange occurrences?"

He sighs. "You deserve better. That's all I'm saying."

"You're entitled to your own opinion," I present, "But does that give you the authority to choose what's right and wrong for me?"

"In this situation, yes. You need to be with your family, and if I hadn't fucked things up in the first place, you would be home right now, and we wouldn't be in this situation," Loyal replies.

I think about this for a moment. "Everything happens for a reason."

He nods. "You're right. And someday, maybe we'll discover the reasons why any of this is the way it is."

Silence ensues. It's not awkward, but rather thoughtful, and after a moment, I come to a conclusion. "Maybe it won't be so bad," I consider aloud.

"It won't," my brother agrees. "Father misses you, Emery. Isabella as well. We all do."

I gaze at the brandy in my glass, swishing with any sudden movements from my hand. "Things won't be the same," I tell him.

"Of course it won't. We're both changed people. We've grown."

"Father will never trust me again," I continue. "And he'll probably try to marry me off the first change he gets." Suddenly, I tense. "I'm not getting married, Loyal. Ever."

He laughs. "I can't really see you tied down like that. Or as a housewife for that matter."

The very thought of rolling dough and knitting sashes for a spouse makes me nearly cringe. I suppose that's why my relationship with Jack works so well. There are no titles to hold us down, no duties or "jobs" either of us feel inclined to pin to each other. And that's what I love about us. We don't need each other for anything other than being ourselves. I don't feel for Jack because I need him, but I need him because I feel for him. And I suppose that's real love.

"What's going through your head?"

I look up. "Nothing."

He smiles. "There's always something, Emery." And with that, he stands. "I'm going to go lose another game of cards to Rodney. I'm sure I'm bound to win at least one."

I smile. "Good luck."

88888

I've found that the sparrows nest is the most perfect place on the Black Pearl to get a thought in and relax. And as I sit up here, I've come to only one stubborn conclusion: I'm not revealing my true feeling unless, or until, Jack does. I may be a strong willed, outspoken woman, but even I have to draw the line somewhere.

"Ye like it up here?"

I look over to see said pirate, his elbows resting on the exterior of the nest, but his legs out of sight over the edge. A small smile lifts at the corners of his lips.

"I love it up here," I reply.

He climbs up beside me, and I allow him to side me into his lap. I move so I'm straddling his waist, and slowly, tenderly, welcome him with a kiss.

"You'll be home by tomorrow," he says, a tinge of disappointment in his voice so covered that I barely catch it in his voice.

My eyes bore into his. "Please don't tell me that," I whisper, and I realize now, as he has admitted it aloud, that it is true. By tomorrow, Jack and the Black Pearl, my freedom, will be completely omitted from my life.

"Andie, I-" he stops.

It's then that I realize my eyes are burning with tears, and one salty drop of shame has slipped from the corner of my sight.

"Shit," I say, but my voice is shaky, and I wipe the tear quickly away. I'm so embarrassed to show such an emotion in front of him, in front of anyone, that I cover my mouth in order to screen a sob, and do my best to move away from him.

"Not so fast," Jack says, and pulls me back, closer, and holds me close against his chest. He seems a bit nervous at first, as though he's not sure what to do with me. I'm sure he's never even imagined me ever breaking down like this; I know I haven't.

"Don't touch me," I manage to say, but I don't fight him none the less. He ignores my words and clutches me tighter, running one hand through my ebony hair. "Don't, Jack, don't. . ."

I continue to fight my tears as the pirate captain hold me to him, pressing soothing kisses to my hair and whispering quiet words into my ear. "Love, please don't cry. . ."

But something inside me snaps and I cannot hold my grief inside my depths any longer. All of my doubts and insecurities are released in a down flow of tears, and my hands clutch at his shirt as I silently beg him not to leave me.

"Shh," he whispers, "Everything will be all right."

"No, it won't be all right!" I argue. "Nothing will ever be right again, can't you see that? Nothing will ever be right again because I love you and after tomorrow I'll never see you again!" I freeze. Wait. . . I just said. . . Oh, shit. "I-"

He kisses me. A deep sensuous kiss that reminds me with every stroke of his tongue that our relationship is so much more than either of us planned for it to be.

He kisses my cheeks, my eyes, framing my face tenderly with his hands. "I tried no to," he whispers. "Gods, did I try not to. And I told myself that ye didn't mean anythin', that ye were just another lass that I'd forget about. But I am the most dishonest pirate in the Spanish Main."

I watch him as he says this, how his eyes never waver from mine and how his smokey voice never raises above a mere whisper. In understanding of his plight to reveal such intense words and hidden emotions, for both of us, I pull my lips up to his.

"The entire world can go to Hell for all I care," he reveals. "I love ye, Andie, and I can't let you go without ye knowing that."

My hand skims along his jaw. "I know, Jack, I know."

It's kind of refreshing to see more of an intimate and sensitive side of Andie, and also of Jack. But although both characters have such tough exteriors, I think it's important to show that they do have many layers and they do have a heart, all though it's seldom that they show it.

So, what do you guys think?

One more chapter, my darlings.

Punkdpirate: As I've been saying for the last five or so chapters (possibly more), yes, there will be a sequel.

Supermonkey289: You slammed your finger in the car door? Ouch! Feel better. And thanks for the quote once again, I really enjoy reading them.

Terradaina: No worries! It's not ending completely! I already have the first six chapters of the sequel written!

AJ-Sparrow: Haha, glad you enjoyed. Smut is wonderful.

Ambiquous101: Well, I've never been told that in those exact words, haha. Glad you think their hot together?

A Depp Girl: Aw, thanks. I usually get nervous writing smut because it can get awkward and difficult at times, and this is the first story I've actually attempted it. But I'm glad you guys enjoy reading it.

Lady Lorethei: I'm really glad you enjoyed this story. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews.