Disclaimer: Not mine
Updated: Tuesday 7th June 2005
Chapter Eighty Six: Second Chances, Painful Admissions.
When Estella opened her eyes, the world around her was spinning. Coming to her senses, she quickly rolled and flipped over into a defensive stance, her mind expecting to see her opponent bearing down on her at any moment. Darting her eyes back and forth warily, however, Estella was quick to discover that she was alone in the alley.
Voldemort was gone.
Glancing at her watch impulsively, Estella mentally slapped herself when she realised it wouldn't be able to give her the answers she sought. Since it had been on her person, the time-telling device would not have registered the passing of time any more efficiently than she was able to discern for herself. The last thing she remembered was fumbling with the time turner distractedly as Voldemort tired of her and threw the curses to end all curses. Evidently, she had evaded the effects of the curse by activating the time turner successfully; but the question of just how successful the device had been was still unknown.
To her dismay, Estella could not find the said item on her person. Instinctively, she started to look for it on the ground around her, but then, she realised with a start, if she had dropped it then it wouldn't have been able to take her anywhere… but as it stood, it was like it never existed, for it was nowhere to be found.
Realisation dawning on her features, Estella gasped. Had she broken it? It appeared that she had… but in that case, where in time was she? Why didn't it send her back to the same moment she left her time in the first place? She'd broken the time turner in the past before she ever had the opportunity to break it in the first instance.
But then, James had always been the one who saved Severus that night… and he had only been able to do so with the time turner. It became even clearer that it was a journey she was destined to take… but it still didn't give her an indication of what the date was at that moment. By the ambient temperature and distant sound of carollers in the street, it appeared to be the same time of year that it was when she was in the past.
"So we meet again." A familiar voice drawled behind her, sounding all the more older than it had been the last time she had heard it.
Estella froze. "Malfoy." She said in acknowledgement, turning to greet her company.
"For a long time we were inclined to believe the curse had killed every evidence of your existence." Malfoy looked her up and down appraisingly. "But it appears your little friend was right."
"My little friend?" Estella glared at him questioningly, her wand not too far away.
"Wasn't a very good idea telling your friends about their unborn children… Estella." Lucius' eyes glinted in triumph as the girl before him visibly flinched. "You know if more people had paid attention to Peter's deductive abilities, I daresay he might not have been turned."
"What did you call me?" Estella asked defiantly, feigning ignorance. "I am afraid you have me mistaken for someone else."
"You can desist with the act, Miss Black." Lucius sneered. "Your uncle has already told us all we need to know."
"My Uncle?" Estella asked, still trying to maintain the charade that she was Aries Ollerton, despite the fact her mind was falling apart.
"The Dark Lord will be quite affronted to learn that you were the one to defy him." Lucius sighed mockingly. "To think I myself had envisioned a better future for you with my son. How sad that all those years of your Uncle's hard work went to ruin after just one Summer with your father."
"My Father?" Estella furrowed her brow dumbly.
"He kidnapped you, so Severus tells us." Lucius said. "Brainwashed you too by the looks of it. Come, my Master will want to learn of your purposes in the past."
"Right." Estella scoffed, edging stiffly towards the cellar door that lead into Honeydukes, her injuries from her last encounter with the evil wizard still evident. "Are you sure he just doesn't want to pick up where we'd left off?"
"Time heals all wounds, Estella." Lucius intoned, his lips curling when he took in her dishevelled state. "Well… most of them anyway."
"I don't believe you." Estella replied warily, her wand levelled.
"You underestimate the value of your bloodlines, Estella." Lucius shook his head sadly. "He is growing in strength, child, but even he would be remiss to let such an asset slip through his fingers."
"And yet you come to fetch me!" Estella sneered, waving her wand. "Stupefy!"
Lucius blocked the stunner lazily and shook his head.
"Foolish child. Do you not realise I have almost twenty years experience on the day we last duelled?" He said silkily. "You don't have your merry little band of long-dead friends to help you anymore. You will not beat me again."
"You know what, you're right." Estella said flippantly, now standing casually beside the cellar door. She could only hope she could get in. "Reducto!"
Severus Snape had been on edge all day. At first he thought it was on account of the extra festivities the school was undertaking – he had been none too pleased when Dumbledore had requested his presence at the school over the holidays, especially when he discovered over half the school would be remaining for the Yule Ball – but as the day wore on, it became apparent that it was something else.
Then it hit him. That day was the anniversary of Estella's disappearance from the past. A tight feeling constricted in his chest… he had known about the attack on Hogsmeade in advance, and he hadn't said anything. That so many people had died that day, or had been injured, had started a chain reaction of doubts that would not reach fruition for another three years after that. It was one thing to be a valued potions brewer within Voldemort's recruits. While the concoctions he brewed were quite often variations of heinous poisons, it was much easier to disassociate oneself with reality by not thinking about how they would be used.
For years, he'd managed to fool himself into believing the virtue of Voldemort's political affirmations – and as for the carnage, well as the Muggle evolutionist Charles Darwin had said, 'survival of the fittest'. That day in Hogsmeade, however, a younger Severus Snape had witnessed first hand the indiscriminate methodology to Voldemort's madness. At that point in history, Voldemort was only just being recognised as a formidable threat. His calculated, full frontal attack on the small Wizarding village served well as a public declaration of his power, of his intent. His self-fashioned 'dark mark' blazed through the sky for the first time that day, and he got it in his mind to brand his followers with his symbol in the months after.
His mind invariably landing on Estella, Severus paced the sanctuary of his quarters irritably. Where was she? Almost of its own volition, his body made its way into his niece's bedroom. Shortly after Estella had disappeared, Severus had moved some of her things back into the bedroom she had grown up in. Lupin and Black had been uncooperative at first, but it stood to reason that should the child return, her first port of call would likely be the school; and so it paid dividends to have a room ready for her there.
Leaning against the doorframe forlornly, Severus' heart sighed. Though he had tried to recreate his niece's presence when organising her room in a way he most remembered it, the room was but a hollow shell without its owner in it.
"Estella, where are you?" He whispered into the empty room.
Some distance across England, Sirius Black was unwittingly mirroring his brother-in-law's hurried movements. Pacing the study of the Noble House of Black, Sirius was going out of his mind.
Today was the anniversary of Estella's disappearance from the past.
That morning, he'd invariably awoken from a nightmare… no, not a nightmare, but a vivid recollection of his daughter's last moments in the past. Over and over those last seconds replayed in his mind as he tried to identify any new evidence that might lend itself to his daughter's current whereabouts.
While the optimistic part of his mind liked to think that his daughter's disappearance from the past signalled her return to the future, here, in the future, Sirius could only wonder when that return would be. The longer time went on without word, the more his heart sank – it becoming increasingly apparent that something had gone terribly wrong that day in the alley.
Reflecting on another event in the past – one that he was blessedly the only person alive who could still remember what had happened – Sirius reflected on the night that rewound. It had been years since he'd last paid Aries Ollerton a second thought. He supposed it was partially because of her sudden departure as well as because of his residual guilt for what had originally happened, but he'd all but pushed his memory of the girl to the back of his memory. That was, of course, until the revelation that Aries Ollerton was really his daughter.
"Merlin!" Sirius ran a weary hand across his unshaven face. "What did I do?"
Though he could rest assured that neither Aries – Estella – or Remus had any actual recollection of what had happened that night in the Shrieking Shack, it was something that had all the more meaning to him now. Ever since the revelation, he had been unable to accompany his friend over the full moon. Now, whenever he saw Moony, he saw not the lupine form of his last living friend; nor did he see the alluring potential for adventure. Instead, he saw blood. Moony's bloodied jaw as he pulled away from his daughter's lifeless body.
That Estella had been disguised as Aries Ollerton brought him some reprieve for he had been unable to reconcile the girl's fine honey brown hair with his daughter's wild, glossy black locks. During the day he was able to disassociate himself from the memory, much like he had in the years following its undoing. But ever since he discovered that it was actually his daughter, his nights were disrupted by the disturbing image of his daughter's face on Aries' body. In his dreams, it was he who had led Estella to her doom, foolish in the belief that Remus, as his daughter's Godfather, would not harm the child. In his dreams, there was no time turner.
"Sirius!" Remus' voice roused him from his thoughts, and he turned to face his oldest friend, a startled look on his face as she struggled to shake the irrational dream from his mind.
Looking for all intensive purposes like he had just outrun a Centaur, Remus struggled to catch his breath. Clearly, he had just run from whatever far reaching alcove of the house he had been in, to where he was now.
"Estella…" Remus panted, leaning over to rest his hands on his knees while he collected himself. "Today…"
"Yes, Remus, I know." Sirius said sadly, his eyes flying to the fireplace in a attempt to shield his tears from view. "Twenty years…"
"Yes!" The incoherent werewolf exclaimed, apparently reinvigorated as he crossed the room to grab Sirius by the shoulders. "Do you know what it means?"
"Moony, what are you getting at?" Sirius frowned, unnerved by his friend's excitement.
"Today, Padfoot! It could be today!" Remus said. "We have to get to Hogsmeade!"
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, a dark eyed Slytherin was drawing the same conclusion.
The blasting curse, she'd sent hurtling above Malfoy, where his defensive shield was ineffective, hit its intended target of a earthenware window box directly above his head. As she had hoped, the heavy, laden box fell from its mounting and shattered on the unsuspecting mane of her opponent, dazing him long enough for Estella to get away. It paid to read up on Defensive charms – especially the little overlooked fact that they did not work against non-magical threats… such as falling garden equipment.
Wincing in sympathy, Estella committed the sight of the soiled Malfoy patriarch to memory and wasted no time in getting into the Honeydukes cellar. As determined as the albino haired wizard was, Estella knew he would not follow her into a public place, lest of all onto the Hogwarts grounds. Especially not since there was now a chance that someone else could have seen her in the meantime.
Quickly making her way through the tunnel, towards the statue of the one-eyed witch, Estella was oblivious to the dramas unfolding overhead.
"What are you doing here?" Two voices spluttered at each other as they crossed paths in the all-too-familiar alleyway less than half an hour after the object of their mutual thoughts had vacated the scene. Beside the lighter-haired of the two, a dog barked.
"I should think that's obvious, Severus." Remus said irritably, his senses trying to pick up some sign of his goddaughter. Ahead of him, Sirius – in his animagus form – was prowling the alleyway, his animagus nose pressed to the ground.
"I see you've bought your stray." Severus leered, glaring at the mangy looking black dog, which was now pawing and whining at a disturbance in the earth. He was still coming to terms with the revelation that the marauders were all Animagi.
"What is it, Snuffles?" Remus rushed to the dog's side, his dormant lupine senses able to detect a muted scent of fear and kin. His eyes taking in the sight of the broken window box and curse marks on the walls and alleyway floor, panic began to grip him as he looked from Severus to Padfoot in turn.
"What?" Severus asked, refusing to believe what his eyes were also seeing. "What is it, Lupin?"
"We're too late." A choked voice joined them, as a despondent looking Sirius Black transformed in the shadows. "She's been and gone."
"That's not all." Remus said, grimacing as he stood over the spilled contents of the window box where a second scent was tickling his senses the strongest. "She had company."
"Who?" Two heads spun to look at him warily.
"Malfoy." Remus said, his voice thick through the lump that was forming in his throat. "We just missed them."
A loud clatter rang out through the alleyway as Sirius cursed and kicked a garbage can.
"How on earth did he think to come here before we did?" Sirius scolded himself, his hands balling into fists as he thumped the brick wall in frustration.
"How could we be so stupid!" Remus concurred. "We couldn't get here in time. We were too far away."
"Not all of us." Sirius spat, rounding on Severus. "You were so close, Snape! Where were you? Why didn't you do anything to stop this?"
Severus said nothing. What could he say?
"Leave him alone, Sirius. It's not his fault." Remus said gently, moving over to his friend to put a stabilising hand on his shoulder. "None of us realised…"
"What do you mean, it's not his fault?" Sirius spat. "My child has been kidnapped, how can there be no one at fault?"
"I suggest you start looking a little closer to home, then." Severus said coolly.
"Why? You're the one who let her find the goddamn time turner in the first place!" Sirius roared.
"You're the one's who left it within reach of a de-aged child!" Severus retorted scathingly.
"She was back to her own age, no thanks to you!" Sirius reminded him, his voice rising an octave.
"Sirius, calm down, you'll draw attention to yourself." Remus tried hopelessly to placate his tempered friend. "Listen to yourselves, both of you, this isn't helping Estella!"
"Don't you think I know that, wolf?" Severus hissed.
"Sometimes I don't think you do." Remus stared at him levelly. "It was this kind of fighting that caused the accident in the first place."
The two men huffed indignantly, but altogether remained silent.
"Now, how do you suggest we work together to find out where Estella went?" Remus suggested.
"Well it's quite obvious that Malfoy took her!" Sirius said worriedly to Remus before glaring at Severus. "Perhaps one of us could make ourselves useful by running to their little friends and finding out what they know."
"Perhaps if certain people were a little more careful in choosing their friends, Malfoy wouldn't have known to come here today!" Severus said haughtily, spinning on his heels and sweeping away.
Behind him, a disgruntled animagus transformed and barked out his frustration – after all, a barking dog would draw less attention than a screaming man.
"Come on, Snuffles." Remus sighed. "Let's go see Dumbledore."
The dog animagus automatically walked towards the cellar door, only to be held back by his lycan friend.
"No, I think we could both do with the fresh air." Remus said, unwittingly pulling his friend away from the source of all their answers.
Making her way into the school, Estella was at odds about what to do. For all appearances, she had returned to a time not long after she had first left her time… and apparently the past ran concurrently to the present for it was quite close to Christmas, if the snow outside was anything to go by.
While part of her supposed she should probably really go and seek out Dumbledore, a baser, more irrational part of herself just wanted to make sure her uncle was alright. She dreaded to think that her behaviour in the past may have endangered her Uncle's cover here, in this time. No one was supposed to figure out who she really was. Evidently her uncle had managed to convince his peers that her attitude had been swayed by her father's influence, but Estella still worried about what punishment may have befallen the man for letting her be in the presence of such influence at all. By all definition, Estella was supposed to hate her father and everything he stood for, and Severus was supposed to be capable of cold blooded murder. No excuse, therefore, for her successful 'kidnapping' (by Sirius), that would spare her uncle responsibility could come to mind.
"Uncle Sev?" She called out as she entered the comfortingly consistent dungeon quarters.
Finding only that the rooms looked like they had been vacated in a hurry – and recently so, too – Estella pushed open the door to her old bedroom wearily, with intentions of resting. Surprised – pleasantly so – to find her room more or less how it used to be before her father had escaped from Azkaban, Estella was delighted to be reunited with her belongings.
As she got a much firmer grip on her bearings, however, two things came to mind. Firstly, what were her things doing back here? Had something happened to her father and godfather? Bile rising in her throat, Estella started to shake uncontrollably, she didn't want to even think of something like that happening. It was the second thing, however, that distressed her even more.
Three people she had come to know and love were now dead… and had been now for over thirteen years.
"No!" Estella strangled her sobs into her pillow. In her mind she had only just seen James, Lily and Selina a few short hours ago. The contents of their last lunch together were still digesting in her system… the little money she had to go shopping with in their company still burning a reminding hole in her pocket. They had been in the prime of their lives… together they had taken down three of Voldemort's recruits, and they had been happy with the victory. Mr Potter had been so proud of them.
Mr Potter was dead too.
"It's not fair!" Estella cried angrily into her pillow, her breath hitching into uncontrollable hiccups as the sudden force of her loss took her breath away. "I didn't get to say goodbye!"
Berating herself further about how could she just disappear from their lives like that and worry them – many of them never to know who she was or that she was now alright – Estella cried herself to sleep.
When Severus had returned to his quarters, he still didn't know what to do. Should he Floo Malfoy directly, or wait to hear for word? Flooing the man without invitation might compromise his position and endanger the situation irrevocably, he knew, but what about Estella in the meantime? What was Lucius doing to her? How much did he know about her time in the past? Would Peter be with him, helping him extract information?
Severus didn't even want to think of the Dark Lord. Asides from indirect encounters with the man through the unfortunate host his former master had commandeered several years previously, Severus had not had an audience with the Dark Lord since prior to that fateful Halloween, some thirteen years ago. Word had it that the man – and he used the term loosely – was gaining strength, and had a plan to regain physical form. Severus, however, was not high enough in the hierarchy to witness the monster in his present state; so he could only hope that the evil wizard was, for the time being, too incapacitated to meter out any form of retribution just yet.
Fetching himself a calming draught, Severus reflected on the cover story he had fed Lucius when his niece had gone missing. Technically, the greasy haired Slytherin was not lying when he admitted that Estella had been kidnapped by her father, and that her perspectives were likely being altered. The anger and betrayal he'd expressed towards Estella for Lucius' benefit was also not entirely contrived. Part of him would always feel that way for how readily Estella had taken to the man. What Lucius didn't realise, however, was that Severus would never begrudge the child for that.
From his last correspondence with Lucius, Peter Pettigrew had sought out the elder Malfoy and confessed his suspicions about Estella. For reasons unbeknown to Severus, Malfoy evidently believed Peter's claim to have merit, else he would not have just gone to the alleyway, anticipating her return. Kicking the leg of his ottoman in frustration, Severus cursed himself for not anticipating this turn of events and being better prepared for his niece's return.
She had been unprotected.
The only comfort Severus could draw from the situation was that Malfoy still held the combined bloodlines of Estella's heritage in high regard. Neither the Snape or Black lines exhibited much promise in its ancestry, but combined, Severus supposed it represented something of a dying breed.
Purity. Hopefully that fact would buy her some time and she wouldn't have been killed outright.
Just as Severus was about to sink heavily into his favoured armchair, something caught his eye. The door to Estella's room was slightly ajar, and he could have sworn that he'd closed it firmly when he'd vacated it last.
Wand at the ready and mask firmly in place, Severus glided sinuously towards the child's room, completely and utterly unprepared for what he found there.
Estella.
Dropping his wand in his shock, Severus stood agape in the doorway, his mask shattered into a thousand pieces.
The child had at some point removed the glamour concealing her appearance, and lay crumpled on the bed; all a big pile of robes and hair. Cautiously moving closer – for fear that she may disappear in front of his very eyes should he do anything to wake himself from this dream – Severus assessed his niece more thoroughly. Her shoulder hung stiffly at her side, the material of her robes pulled tightly over the swollen flesh; and blood from a cut on her forehead had crusted in her hair and provided a canvas for the tears that stained her face. In one hand, the child still grasped her wand tightly… her delicate little knuckles skinned raw and bruised… while the other hand curled protectively around the neck of her favourite toy dog, which she had half buried her face into.
What had the poor child been through? Was it Malfoy who did this to her? How on earth did she overcome him?
Then it occurred to him that she had been attacked by the Dark Lord himself when she had disappeared from the past, and upon her return had evidently had to get past Malfoy. It was amazing that she was even breathing.
Taking another hesitant step towards the child, Severus froze when Estella flinched, her eyes flying open wildly and her hand tightening its grip on her wand.
"Estella?" Severus said softly, dropping to his knees in front of the child's bed so he could be at eye level with the disorientated child. Leaning forward slightly and resting his hand on her wand hand gently, he lowered it. "It's alright. You're home."
"I know." Estella replied, choking on a sob as her lower lip quivered, the pain of her comparatively recent loss overwhelming her. "We had the rosemary lamb stew for lunch… I didn't get to say g-g-goodbye."
Recognising his sister's favourite dish, Severus' heart constricted in an all too familiar grip. "I'm sorry, Estella." He said, for lack of anything better to say.
"I couldn't even tell her… she didn't even know…" She stammered incoherently.
Remembering Lupin and Black's recount of that day, Severus reached forward and cradled the pendant Estella wore in his hand. "They tell me this warned you." He stated clearly. "That Selina… your mother… she touched it?"
"Yes." Estella nodded slightly, her heart heaving at the comparatively recent memory.
"Your mother charmed this pendant, Estella." Severus said, looking her squarely in the eye. "Do you know what that means?" Estella shook her head. "It means she would have been able to recognise her own magical signature."
Estella's eyes widened in surprise. "Why didn't she say anything?"
"I don't know." Severus admitted painfully. "Maybe she respected your need for secrecy. Maybe things were happenings so fast she didn't realise it straight away. All I know is that she'd had to have had some suspicion when the time came for her to craft this pendant." He, of course, had no idea if Selina recognised the pendant she designed for her child as belonging to a classmate from her past, but at this point he was willing to do anything to make the child feel better.
"Smart woman." Estella smiled weakly, a faraway look in her eyes.
Pushing himself off his knees and taking a seat on the edge of Estella's bed, Severus was alarmed to see the child flinch as the movement on her bed disturbed her injuries.
"You're injured." He stated dumbly.
"Really, you think?" Estella croaked, her voice laced with pain as she struggled to sit up.
"I will levitate you to the infirmary." Severus warned her, drawing her wand.
"My legs still work." Estella scoffed in response, moving to swing her legs off the side of the bed, grimacing when her body started to protest. "I got all the way here by myself, you know." She added, not needing to specify how much more worse off she would be if she hadn't been able to get out of that alleyway and into the tunnel. "I'm not going to pack it in now!"
"You've grown." Severus stated, surprised at her determination to be self-sufficient. Catching her around the waist, she willingly leant on him as he guided her out of her room. Inwardly he was amazed at how like him she was behaving – he wouldn't have taken very lightly to the idea of being levitated anywhere. "Do you feel up to using the Floo, or shall we walk?"
"Floo." Estella winced, reaching for the Floo Powder. "Get it over with."
"We'll do it together." Severus stated, tucking the child close to him as he guided them both into the fireplace once Estella had thrown in the powder. "HOGWARTS INFIRMARY!"
"Poppy!" Severus called out as he caught Estella as she stumbled out of the Floo painfully. "Come, child, let's get you onto a bed."
"Why did I agree to come?" Estella grumbled as her uncle half carried her to a bed. "My bed downstairs was perfectly comfortable. These things are like boards!"
"I will transfigure it into something more comfortable once you are settled." Severus promised. Behind them, a woman gasped.
"Oh my goodness!" Madame Pomfrey gasped as she saw who her latest patient was. "Severus, when did she return?"
"Hallo, Madame Pomfrey." Estella rolled her eyes. "I'm injured, not dead. I've been back for a couple of hours."
"I only just found her." Severus said quickly. "She was asleep in her room."
"Asleep in her room?" Madame Pomfrey screeched incredulously. "You are entirely too much like your Uncle, child! You should have come straight here."
Estella shrugged. "Too many stairs."
Severus had to bite back a smirk.
"Well let's have a look at you then!" The orderly nurse insisted, slipping into her matronly role. "What have you done to yourself?"
"You don't know?" Estella's brows shot above her hairline as she gave her Uncle a quizzical look. "Oh, well, you know… whooped the collective arses of a couple of creeps wearing masks… met a really sick and twisted tattooist in a dark alley… "
"Good Lord, Severus, the child is delirious! Wherever have you been, child?"
"In the past." Estella said, her mood sobering as she picked up her wand and restored the glamour she had previously been hiding behind.
Poppy Pomfrey promptly passed out.
"Enervate." Severus pointed his wand at the shocked nurse to revive her, giving Estella a warning look.
"So you remember me I take it?" Estella asked coyly, returning to herself.
"You were attacked by he-who-must-not-be-named!" Madame Pomfrey gasped, her face paling. "It's a miracle you're still alive!"
"Well I daresay if I didn't have the time turner I wouldn't be." Estella admitted, her voice distant. Severus inhaled sharply and looked at her appraisingly.
"What spells were cast on you, child?" Madame Pomfrey asked, assessing the child's injuries. "Can you recall?"
Estella ran off a accurate list of nasty and dangerous hexes and curses that her opponents had thrown at her.
"Of course, they are the only ones that actually hit me." She said, leaning back into the pillows, the energy she had drawn from the adrenalin rush of duelling and the short sleep she'd had before her Uncle found her wearing thin.
"That's it then." Poppy admonished, her lips curled into a thin, pensive line. "Drink this."
In her hand, Poppy held out a vial of dreamless sleep.
"No." Estella shook her head stubbornly, brushing the nurse's hand away. "I don't want to sleep yet… I need… I want… Uncle Sev?"
"Lupin." Severus acknowledged gruffly, addressing the nurse wearily. "No one else knows she's back yet."
"Does Albus know?" Poppy asked, affronted at the idea of bureaucracy once again coming preventing the timely treatment of her patients. "The child has been through enough, Severus. She needs rest."
"I don't dispute that, Poppy." Severus said, giving the determined child a knowing look. "But I daresay Estella wishes to put some people's minds at ease first."
"Please?" Estella looked at the nurse pleadingly. "Just give me some restorative potions and pain relievers for now. I'll stay in bed, I just don't want to sleep right now."
"The body needs sleep to regenerate itself." Poppy warned, eyeing the potion favourably. "I cannot stress enough how much…"
"I've already slept some." Estella said softly, her voice breaking. "And I am resting, lying here like this. Please… I just…"
"She had lunch with Selina, Poppy." Severus said quietly. "At least from her point of view it was today."
"I understand." Poppy said eventually, administering a series of healing potions. "Shall I fetch the Headmaster?"
"Will he contact Remus and… and… tell him?" Estella asked shyly, faltering only when she had almost asked after Sirius, whom the old witch probably still thought was a criminal.
"Yes, child. I can assume he will update him on the recent developments." Poppy replied, on her way to the office.
"Please, can you have Professor Dumbledore not tell him why he is needed at the school?" Estella asked. "I want it to be a surprise."
Poppy looked to Severus for confirmation, which, from a slight nod of his head, she was granted.
"Very well." She said. "I do not want to see you out of that bed now, young lady."
Estella responded noncommittally, inwardly preparing herself for the reunion with the other two men in her life.
"Are the potions working?" Severus asked the child concernedly, noticing that Estella had a pained, vacant expression on her face. "Estella?"
"Pardon, Uncle Sev?" Estella stirred from her reverie. "Oh, yes, I feel a lot better."
"You miss them, don't you?" Severus asked uncomfortably.
"It was just all so sudden." Estella sighed. "It wasn't how…"
"Nothing ever is." Severus patted her hand awkwardly, unable to imagine the grief the child was feeling. It wasn't everyday that you lose people who had already been dead to everyone else for over ten years. "I don't know what I can say."
"Thanks, Uncle Sev." Estella said gratefully, taking his hand in her own. "You don't have to say anything."
They sat together in silence for a few moments, each of them lost in their own thoughts.
"Estella…" Severus started bravely. "About how I was, back then…"
"Uncle Sev, you don't have to say anything." Estella cut him off.
"No, I do." Severus said quickly, reacquainting his heart with the freedom of communication. "I was in a dark place then. I… I was easily led."
"Uncle Sev, you've already told me all this." Estella sighed.
"Yes, I know, but you hadn't seen it first hand then." Severus said. "I just want you to know that despite what you saw… despite how I was… I still cared very deeply for my sister."
"You can say 'love', Uncle Sev, it won't bite, you know." Estella shook her head slightly.
Severus could only bring himself to squeeze Estella's hand in response.
"I could tell anyway." Estella said after it was clear her Uncle wasn't going to amend his statement.
"Tell what?" Severus looked at her, puzzled.
"That you, how did you put it, cared very deeply for your sister." Estella drawled. "It was ever so cute."
"Cute?" Severus gaped at his niece.
Estella could only grin, her mind lost in the memory.
"Uncle Sev?" Estella asked a few moments later. "Um… would you mind… that is… I…"
"You would like to be reunited with your father and Lupin without me being present?" Severus finished helpfully, giving her a knowing look, yet curious how the wanted fugitive would be able to get into the infirmary undetected from the omnipresent nurse. Perhaps he would borrow Potter's blasted invisibility cloak… or, from the sheer number of artefacts Estella had spent purging the Black estate of over the Summer, it was likely his unwanted brother-in-law had one of his own.
"That's not what I mean…" Estella looked at him sympathetically. "Well it is… but it's not. It's just that the last time you were all in the same room together…"
"It's alright, Estella." Severus admitted begrudgingly. "I must admit that I enjoy your father's company no less than I did before your departure. It will probably be for the best if I retire to my quarters before he arrives."
"I won't forget about you down there, you know." Estella assured him, the last thing she wanted to do was push him away. "I just don't want to see you fighting like that. Ever."
"I can't promise anything…" Severus said.
"I am not asking you to. Just keep a wide berth from him, alright?" Estella asked. "I missed you probably most of all you know."
At this, Severus was genuinely surprised. "Me?"
"Yes of course, you!" Estella looked at him adoringly. "You might as well have been a different person back then…"
"I missed you too." Severus admitted wholeheartedly. "More than I think you will ever realise."
"Oh I think I do." Estella nodded her head. "Being in the past… I saw a few things differently."
When the thoughtful child didn't appear to want to elaborate any further, Severus nodded his assent and leant in to kiss her brow. As he breathed in her earthy scent and could feel her body heat tickling his senses, however, Severus reflected on just how close he had come to losing her and could not hold himself together any longer. Letting out no more than a soundless gasp, Severus blew open the gates to his heart and wrapped the child in a fierce embrace.
Taken aback by the gesture, Estella stiffened in surprise at first, but quickly returned the hug.
"Oh Uncle Sev!" She sighed contentedly. Then, wincing as he squeezed a particularly tender spot around her ribs, she grimaced. "Ya know it's a good thing your healing potions are fast acting…"
Realising how tightly he had been holding the injured child, Severus broke away, a look of horror on his face.
"I apologise for my rashness!" He said, aghast at himself. The ever resilient gates locking away his heart once more, he nodded efficiently as the mask slid on once more. After all, a few more minutes time and the object of his affections will be too preoccupied with her father and godfather to ever pay him any mind again. "It won't happen again."
With that, the stubborn, misguided potions master turned and swept out of the infirmary without a backwards glance. Left alone in the infirmary, Estella shivered, the sudden coldness of the room contrasting with the lingering warmth that wrapped around her like the ghost of an embrace. Sighing as she threw herself back onto her propped up pillows, Estella shook her head in amazement – some things never changed.
"Why am I here?" Voices could be heard coming down the corridor towards the infirmary. The doors into the alcove separating the corridor from the nurse's office and the main infirmary swung open and closed again.
"Poppy, what is it? Is it Harry?" Estella could recognise her godfather's voice badgering the patient nurse worriedly.
Her breath caught in her throat – did he care more about Harry then he did about her? A sudden thought occurred to her – he didn't know she had returned. Had he given up on her? She returned her focus to continue listening to the voices just on the other side of the door.
"No it's not Harry." Madame Pomfrey's voice could be heard softly saying. "And is it really necessary that you bring a dog into my ward, Mr Lupin? I must protest…"
A dog barked indignantly, alerting Estella of her father's presence. Her heart leapt in anticipation.
"Snuffles is very well trained." Remus assured the woman, not wanting to reveal the true name of Sirius' animagus form. Just then, the said dog started to scratch at the door leading into the infirmary and barking excitedly. "Snuffles, heel! Snuffles…" Estella could hear her godfather grunting in exertion, no doubt struggling to try and haul Sirius' animagus form away from the door.
"Now I must insist that you take a seat until Dumbledore arrives. For goodness sake, keep a lid on that dog!"
"…it's Estella!" Remus' voice blurted out excitedly, the werewolf evidently recognising her scent and catching on to the cause of 'Snuffle's' excitement.
The unmistakeable sound of chairs getting shoved across the floor could be heard as man and dog scrambled to their feet, no doubt bound for the door that would lead them to her.
"Poppy, get out of our way!" Remus' voice could be heard growling impatiently. "That's my goddaughter in there!"
The dog barked loudly, as though agreeing with his 'master'.
When the altogether too altruistic nurse failed to let her family pass, Estella threw back her bedclothes and swung her legs over the edge of her cot. If they couldn't get to her, she would go to them.
As Estella steadied herself on her bed, her potion-affected blood rushing straight to her head, making the room spin around her, a commotion broke out on the other side of the door.
"Mr Lupin! I thought you said this… dog… was well trained?" Madame Pomfrey shrieked. "Call it off!"
"I am afraid I cannot do that, Madame Pomfrey." Remus' voice could be heard gravely informing the woman who backed up against the other side of the door with a slight thump. "Snuffles is fiercely protective, and he's a law onto himself when slighted. I suggest you let him pass."
"Animals are not permitted into the infirmary!" Madame Pomfrey protested. "They are not sterile!"
"Neither are half of your patients." Estella grumbled, shakily making her way towards the door.
On the other side of the door, 'Snuffles' growled and evidently snared the hem of the obstinate woman's robes in his teeth for the woman's cries soon turned manic.
"Mr LUPIN!" Madame Pomfrey could be heard slapping at the determined dog at her heels. "I will not stand for this!"
In the midst of her struggles with the dog, the nurse had evidently stepped away from the door, giving Remus his chance to get past the woman and open the door for, all of a sudden, Estella was confronted with the visage of her Godfather standing there in the doorway.
"Moony!" Estella gasped, stumbling in her step in shock as she took in her godfather's markedly older appearance. Her most recent memory of him had, after all, captured him as his 15 year old self.
"Estella!" Remus cried out, equally amazed to see his goddaughter again as he closed the gap between them and caught the ailing child in an embrace, breaking her fall.
Behind them, a dog barked, its approach, however, was staved off by the increasingly irate Nurse.
"Miss Black!" The woman directed her ire towards her only patient. "I thought I told you to remain in your bed!"
As the woman attempted to enter the room and drag the resilient child back into her bed, however, Snuffles blocked her path, snarling and growling protectively as he stood between his pup and the perceived threat. Suitably intimidated, Poppy Pomfrey backed away reluctantly, glaring at Remus the whole time.
"Well I never!" She scoffed indignantly. "Just you wait until the headmaster hears of this! Mutiny!"
His patience wearing thin at the meddling woman's presence, Snuffles barked agitatedly and chased the woman out of her ward once and for all, retreating only when the woman had barricaded herself in her office.
"Merlin, some things never change." Estella mused as she leant into her godfather's side. "I can still hear you lot coming like a stampeding flock of Manticore!"
Estella could say no more, however, for she was knocked to the floor by an over enthusiastic animagus.
"Ow, Padfoot!" Estella groaned, the impact of the stone floor knocking the wind from her as her still-healing injuries protested. "Ow!"
With Remus' help, Estella managed to free herself of the overzealous animagus. Then, with a little help from Remus again, she crawled to her feet wearily and shot her animagus father a reassuring look.
"It's alright." She patted the animagus on the head, "potions haven't fully kicked in yet, is all."
Taking in the extent of his daughter's recent experiences – remembering that the events of twenty years past were, to her, merely hours ago – Sirius whined sadly in his dog form and nudged her pointedly towards her bed.
"Oh, not you too!" Estella groaned, rolling her eyes in contempt when her Godfather took his friend's hint and started to half carry Estella back towards the dishevelled looking infirmary cot. "It's just a few bumps and scratches, honestly!"
"It's more than that and you know it." A gruff voice said thickly beside her as her father transformed into his human form.
Estella turned to look her father in the eye, her own eyes brimming with tears as the older, haunted guise of her father stared back at her compassionately, reminding her once and for all that her mother was gone and that the past had, indeed, irretrievably passed. Exhaling a trembling breath, Estella sighed and fell into her father's waiting arms.
No words needed to be spoken.
Echoing his daughter's sigh, Sirius buried his head in her hair, holding her tightly as though he were trying to assure himself that she was real. The exhausted child didn't even notice it when her father swept the ground out from under her and carried her tenderly the rest of the distance to her resting place. As he laid her out gently and moved to pull the blankets over her, however, Estella clutched at his robes blindly.
"Don't leave me." She urged him desperately, her mind lost in her pain – emotional more than physical.
"Sirius…" Remus' voice floated to her ears distantly. "You can't stay in your human form… someone may enter!"
In his arms, Estella could feel her father hesitate as he had been settling in beside her. Holding onto him tighter, Estella inhaled harshly.
"Let them come." She growled, her hand flying to the place in her robes where she had refused to relinquish her wand. "I've already taken on Voldemort today… what's a Ministry jack ass?"
Hearing his daughter speak so candidly of her near death encounter with the most feared dark wizard in their time, Sirius tightened his hold on the child, tucking her head under his chin.
"I won't let you go." He promised her as he squeezed her reassuringly. "Just rest."
Conceding defeat, the cautious werewolf fell into a seat beside the child's bed and took the hand that wasn't gripping a fistful of Sirius' robes to herself tightly and enveloped it in his own hands.
"You're safe now." He assured her, squeezing her hand slightly. "Sleep. We'll protect you."
Feeling the veil of sleep claim her, Estella had wanted to quip back something about how melodramatic and corny the two men were being, but she was far too comfortable and tired to bother. Allowing her eyes to fall close as her mind acknowledged that the men were not about to go anywhere, Estella slept.
True to their word, the men did not leave Estella's side as she rested her weary body. They were soon to realise, however, the perils of not listening to the nurse's orders.
Estella hadn't taken the dreamless sleep potion.
"Estella!" Sirius shook his daughter gently as she twisted and whimpered, her mind in the throes of a nightmare. "Wake up!"
Beside him, Remus tried to stop the thrashing child from agitating her healing injuries. "Estella, you're having a nightmare." He tried to draw the slumbering child into consciousness. "It's alright, you're safe now!"
Her body slowly becoming aware of its surroundings, the child screamed frantically as she bucked against the constricting hands of her father and godfather. In her mind's eye, she was still in that alleyway, and the hands holding her down were not that of concerned loved ones preventing her from harming herself, but rather the clawing hands of a victorious opponent.
"No!" She yelped, her unfocused eyes flying open as she fought to free herself from their grip. "Help!"
"Estella! Estella!" Sirius leant over her, cupping her face in his hands so that he could force her to look at him. "It's me. You're safe. You were having a nightmare."
"It's alright now." Remus added, patting her hand soothingly.
"No. No it's not." Estella sobbed, her eyes flaring in recognition as full consciousness was restored. "They've all gone! Dead!"
Pain flickering in his identical grey eyes, Sirius' heart broke for his daughter. While he had considered it such a blessing that Estella had been given the second chance to meet and get to know her mother, he had never felt so helpless than he did at the moment on account of the pain of losing her again so suddenly was now causing his child. At least before Estella's loss was muted by the fact that the resilient child did not know what she was missing. Now, it was as though an old wound in his soul had been torn open, and he could feel each of his daughter's salty tears burn into it mercilessly as they both relived the deaths of those dear to them. One glance at his surviving friend, and Sirius could tell the lycan was feeling it too.
The moments that followed passed in a blur as the three occupants of the room outpoured their grief. Catching sight of a familiar black dog toy where it tumbled out from under the pillow it was previously wedged under, one set of grey eyes narrowed. He had fought to keep that with him, but both Remus and his annoying brother-in-law had convinced him that it should be kept on hand at the school in anticipation of Estella's return. That Estella had it with her in the infirmary indicated to him that he had found her first… that he had been her first sign of comfort, of home. A familiar surge of guilt and jealousy washed over his veins like a bucket of icy cold water, and he stiffened in his seat on his daughter's bed.
Reaching around his daughter's settling form, Sirius plucked the offending toy out of oblivion and held it up for all to see.
"Where did you get this?" He asked numbly, his hand trembling as it clutched the familiar toy.
"It was in my room." Estella wiped her eyes on her sleeve to peer at her father quizzically. "I brought it with me."
"How did you get down there?" Sirius pressed on. "Assuming you came through the Honeyduke's tunnel, the statue of the one-eyed witch is closer to the infirmary than it is the dungeons. Why didn't you come straight here? You were injured!"
"I… I… I…" Estella faltered, looking quite affronted. "I wanted to see if my Uncle was alright."
At the implication of her words, Sirius' heart constricted. Estella's first concern upon returning to her own time was to see him above all else! Sensing his friend's derision, Remus tapped the disturbed father on the shoulder in warning. 'Sirius, don't do anything foolish.' His look tried to plead silently as their eyes met.
"I had just gotten away from Malfoy… for the second time." Estella explained, her bottom lip quivering. "He said something to suggest that Uncle Sev was in danger… I had to make sure he was alright. Besides, out of all of you, he was closest."
Leaning against his chest, Estella could feel her father scoff indignantly.
"Why would you think Malfoy was telling the truth?" Sirius asked his child irritably, his brother-in-law hardly being his favourite topic.
"Estella…" Remus interrupted before the girl could answer. "What form did you take when Malfoy confronted you in the alley in this time? Were you still under the glamour?"
"Yes." Estella said without hesitation. "Though he already knew who I really was."
Reflecting back on what his brother-in-law had cornered him about several weeks earlier, Sirius let out a vehement exclamation.
"Sirius, what's going on?" Remus looked from father to daughter bewilderedly. "How could Malfoy recognise Estella through the glamour."
"Pettigrew." Father and child spat with equal distaste.
"But how is that possible, none of us knew at that time who you were." Remus shook his head in disbelief.
"Sneaky little rat is more observant than we ever gave him credit for." Estella sighed. Sirius nodded in agreement.
"Ah, I see you are awake, child." Albus Dumbledore's voice interrupted their conversation, alerting them of his presence in the room. From his place beside her on the bed, Estella could feel her father start violently as though he had just been caught out, and scramble off the bed with intent to transform. "Relax, Mr Black. I have already seen you and Poor Poppy is of mind not to enter until I have subdued the… what did she call it… wild beast that accompanied Mr Lupin here"
Noting the twinkling mirth in the old man's eyes, the two men and child visibly relaxed.
"I dare you to run back to her screaming, with your robes in tatters." Estella smirked at the headmaster malevolently. Her guardians looked at her, their mouths agape at the child's open display of forwardness.
"Ah, dear child, I must confess." He said, smiling to set the men's fears at ease. "It would be drastically out for character for one such as myself to scream. A look of muted terror would more than suffice."
"Estella." Sirius chided his daughter half-heartedly. "The headmaster has been kind enough to believe my innocence and permit me onto school grounds to see you…"
"Of course he believes you're innocent." Estella scoffed, her eyes darkening as she glared at the knowing headmaster, annoyed. "I as good as told him you were, didn't I?"
Two male heads spun to look at the headmaster in confusion.
"Well yes, you did child." Dumbledore admitted, his twinkling eyes dulling under the icy glare of his returned student. "Though I still stand by what I told you at the time."
"I still think you should have heard me out." Estella sulked. "It was not very fair that you left it to me like that! How was I supposed to know what to do? I came to you for advice and you let me down."
"Estella…" Remus patted the child's hand, trying to calm her down. "The headmaster has been very worried about you too, you know…"
"I don't care." Estella scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest in defiance. "If he had just let me tell him, we might have been able to change things. You would never have had to go to Azkaban, and Harry would still have his parents."
Sirius and Remus shared a pained look, deciding silently between themselves which of them was going to broach this sensitive issue.
"Estella." Sirius said finally, taking the silent cue from Remus. "It was fate. Going back in time to change the past is not a good thing."
"But I did change things!" Estella held up her chin defiantly. "I saved Uncle Sev from being bitten! If James and you didn't have my time turner to use, he wouldn't have been able to stop Sev from going down that tunnel, and you know what would have happened then!"
"That event only ever occurred because you were in the past." Dumbledore informed her sadly. "Therefore it remained in your control to change."
"I don't understand." Estella shook her head obstinately, shooting her father an accusing look. "I wasn't the one who dared him to go down there!"
Before Sirius could profess his regrets, the wise headmaster interrupted again.
"Severus tells me that immediately before he encountered your father that night, he had run into you in the library, correct?" Albus looked at her piercingly. "Therefore it is entirely possible that had you never gone back in time, Severus might never have crossed paths with your father that night."
Estella's eyes widened as she absorbed this new angle. Frowning slightly, she shook her head.
"…And all this time he blamed my father and James for what happened!" She said half to herself. "All this time he's hated Harry for this reason… oh the irony!"
Silence crept through the infirmary as the respective parties realigned their thoughts.
"I do apologise for not getting here sooner." Albus said finally. "I was discussing plans for tomorrow night's festivities with the school's visiting alumni and did not want to raise suspicion by leaving prematurely. The longer we can keep your return under wraps, the safer you will be."
"Malfoy already knows, there's no point." Estella sighed.
"Ah." The old wizard faltered, the twinkle in his eyes flickering out like a candle caught in a draught. "Then we have a problem."
End Chapter Eighty Six: Second Chances, Painful Admissions